Dating a smoker!

Vanhalla

just wonder what are ppl experiences if they have dated a smoker where u were a non smoker. im dating a smoker at the mo and its kinda bothering me . just a tad , but its early and it might bother me more as it goes on!

helimachoptor

Dated one, we're together 5 years but after year one I got sick of it.
So I told her it was me or the fags, thankfully she made the right decision and she's happy I nagged her for so long. she's a lot healthier now, better skin, teeth, more energy etc and of course not spending €9 on smokes!

squonk

I'd say that's not something you can really adjust to becuase if it's bothering you now early on, it's unlikely to go away. Also, smoking isn't that easy to give up so it's not something that will be gotten over overnight. You really have to decide if you can live with it and if, as the relationship developes, the things you like outweigh the smoking imho.

Avoiding Work

I'm a smoker and my b/f is not. Together 5+ years. I respect his lungs (unlike my own, I know I know!) and try not smoke around him much; only smoke in the kitchen at home so the house is not stinking of it.

However! I smoked before I met him. He knew I smoked and had no intentions of giving up when I met him (I will one day, just not to-day!) therefore I dont think its very fair that he (or you) should complain.

Luckily he thinks the same way, it would be a different story if it was something I picked up after a few years together. I can say for certain though had he start nagging / trying to force me to give up in the early days I'd have shown him the door.

NO LECTURES PLEASE, I KNOW ITS BAD FOR ME, I KNOW ITS ROBBING ME BLIND AND I KNOW YOU CONSIDER ME WEAK WILLED BUT THERE YA HAVE IT

Keano

Have a word just so it doesn't become a bigger issue somewhere down the road.

sam34

would be a deal breaker for me, couldnt date a smoker, it's my number one turn off in a man.

Nevyn

And then there are people who don't mind dating a smoker and those who like the smell of it, tbh it takes all sort. If it's a deal breaker for you then talk about it and see if you can reach a comprimise, if you can't then you can't.

Doodoo

Two of my ex's were smokers and i found it disgusting even though they wouldn't smoke around me. I could still smell it off their clothes, hair and breath which was something that i tried to put up with but led to alot of rows. Thoughts now - Wouldn't even entertain the idea of going out with another one

theteal

sam34 wrote: »

would be a deal breaker for me, couldnt date a smoker, it's my number one turn off in a man.

+1, reversed, it's been a rule since my teens, i just can't go near a smoker, it's an instant turn off to see a (pun:D) smokin' hot girl with a cigarette in her hand

Max Power1

sam34 wrote: »

would be a deal breaker for me, couldnt date a smoker, it's my number one turn off in a man.

theteal wrote: »

+1, reversed, it's been a rule since my teens, i just can't go near a smoker, it's an instant turn off to see a (pun:D) smokin' hot girl with a cigarette in her hand

+1 from me also... deal breaker IMO

sam34

Doodoo wrote: »

Thoughts now - Wouldn't even entertain the idea of going out with another one

exactly, i would not go near a smoker, irrespective of how attractive he was otherwise.

i kissed one once, years ago, and it was absolutely repulsive *shudder*

Firetrap

Me too. Never again. I suppose if it bothers someone, they'd better say something or do something before things get more serious. Things than are minor enough niggles can become very very irritating as time goes on.

networks

jeez im a smoker and the gf hates to see al the money goin up in puffs,prob like it in her purse instead lol:rolleyes:

This_Years_Love

sam34 wrote: »

would be a deal breaker for me, couldnt date a smoker, it's my number one turn off in a man.

Mine too

LegacyUser

Cant stand the smell of ciggerettes. Only once ever did I kiss a girl who smoked and have never done so since.

It is the single only thing that rules out a girl for me.

LimeFruitGum

sam34 wrote: »

would be a deal breaker for me, couldnt date a smoker, it's my number one turn off in a man.

Same here. Horrible pongy fag breath.... yuck!
I have snogged a few smokers in my time and the cig odour is something fierce.
I would never go out with a smoker. If it is something that is going to bother you, OP, think you should really talk about it with the other person. They're probably not going to give up but you never know.

chocgirl

No, absolutely could not date a smoker. Nothing I hate more than the stink of stale smoke. If I'm in a smoker's house I go straight home to shower, scrub that stench off me.:(

Eric Cartman

i think a girl smoking is sexy, i smoke too so it doesnt bother me ,

Terodil

Any significant consumption of drugs (incl. alcohol and smoke) = immediate k.o., next please

Silverfish

More of a survey than a PI.

OP if it's bothering you, ask her can she consider quitting. If she can't, decide if its a dealbreaker for you or not.

If it's a dealbreaker, break up with her. If its not, then don't, but try help her to quit.

dh0661

Avoiding Work wrote: »

NO LECTURES PLEASE, I KNOW ITS BAD FOR ME, I KNOW ITS ROBBING ME BLIND AND I KNOW YOU CONSIDER ME WEAK WILLED BUT THERE YA HAVE IT

You know giving them up is easy!!! - it's staying off them is the hardest

Reesy

Long time married to & in love with a smoker. I don't smoke. Passionately wish she didn't but gave up trying years ago.

Just a tip: don't assume you can change her - I couldn't.

The Big Red Button

As a matter of interest, do you smoke at all, even socially? (i.e. drunkenly!) The reason I ask is because, if you do, there's a big danger that you could start smoking a lot more by going out with her, when you're accompanying her out to the smoking areas etc! Something to keep in mind.

OneArt

Don't love it, leave.

Dave147

Never went out with a smoker and never would, think it's a disgusting habit and I would never be comfortable around my OH, I have never actually physically touched a cigarette, lit or unlit, that's how much I hate them!

networks

great nite,cigs outside the door chatting to women who also smoke best part of nite, tbh,broke as well, however thats life:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Smokers have such a dulled sense of taste and smell, I really believe they don't realise just how repugnant they smell. Everything, their clothes, their hair, their skin, reeks to a non smoker whose sense of smell is more naturally heightened. Even their skin tone is grey. Worst of the lot is a girl whose face is covered with makeup. Then she smokes, and the makeup turns a ghastly shade of grey. It is horrible. I cannot imagine how these girls believe themselves to be attractive.

But the stale smoke breath is the killer. It is just so awful. I was close to kissing a smoker once. I nearly gagged at the smell. Even I was taken aback. No, smoking is a complete and utter turnoff. Well and good if both are smokers with equally dulled senses, or if you just don't mind. But I also believe you will never change a smoker. So for me, deal breaker.

Now if only so-called 'social smokers,' "I only smoke when I'm drinking" would admit to being smokers. Smoking is smoking, even if it's only once in a blue moon. It still stinks.

LegacyUser

LimeFruitGum wrote: »

Same here. Horrible pongy fag breath.... yuck!
I have snogged a few smokers in my time and the cig odour is something fierce.
I would never go out with a smoker. If it is something that is going to bother you, OP, think you should really talk about it with the other person. They're probably not going to give up but you never know.

I'm the same, but with alcohol, the stink from a girl who's been drinking is rancid, and the next morning is even worse, you could wake up with Miss World and the smell of stale drink from her breath would kill a dog. Though the fact she's been sweating out the alcohol all night will nearly mask it, not pretty.

Wibbs

As Silverfish said previously this is turning into a survey, not advice for the OP. This will be closed if it continues in that vein. Less pro/anti smoking, more advice for the OP. Thanks.

dudara

OP, if this is already starting to become an issue for you in your new relationship then you need to address it with your partner. Otherwise, if you stay together, it's going to fester and become even more of an issue.

Saruman

I could never be with a smoker, that was and is my biggest bugbear.
My wife "was" a smoker before we got together and I made it very clear my oppinion on the matter and she simply quit. She was a casual smoker so not fully addicted. At the time she was living in Prague so when I went back home there was a month or two before she came here after me and in that time she smoked all her cigarettes and almost did get addicted but has never smoked since.

If it bothers you, let it be known from the beginning. There is no point getting attached and falling in love only to have it become a deal breaker later on.

Miss Fluff

I quite the smokes 5 days ago (25 a day for 17 years). Had promised myself on millions of occassions I would give up and then two months ago started seeing an AMAZING guy. He doesn't smoke and although he says he finds me attractive regardless, it has made me increasingly uneasy every time we are out, me puffing like a chminey and then furiously chewing on mints (because we spend a good part of any evening snogging:)).

Needless to say after months of telling myself to give up, meeting this guy was the perfect catalyst to do so. I think fundamentally if your partner is not a smoker and you are, it really isn't fair on them. And if it bugs you at this early stage, it will bug you even more as time progresses. Smokers NEVER ever cut down, they only ever increase their dose so if she continues smoking it's not like she is going to smoke less - that just doesn't happen.

I'd tell her the truth and say it bothers you. Be honest with her, don't nag her. I'd use the approach that you care about her and you hate what it is doing to her. Try and incentivise her....fundamentally though she has to do it for herself rather than feel forced into it by anyone.

StormWarrior

I dated a smoker. NEVER AGAIN! I just couldn't bear it any longer, it's awful. Even if they do "only" smoke in the kitchen or blow it out of the window or whatever, they don't seem to realise that that doesn't make much difference, it still blows all through the house. Plus their breath tends to absolutely stink, not only of the cigarettes, but all smokers have this other smell to their breath to, a horrible stale decay smell which brushing doesn't get rid of. If you don't like it now, it won't get more bearable, it'll get worse. I agree with the person who says smokers don't realise how bad they smell. The decay smell of their breath makes me gag, and their skanky yellowing teeth look repulsive, like rotten old dinosaur's teeth. Their saliva is also really stringy and rank. You'll never change them if they don't want to be changed though.

Novella

Max Power1 wrote: »

+1 from me also... deal breaker IMO

theteal wrote: »

+1, reversed, it's been a rule since my teens, i just can't go near a smoker, it's an instant turn off to see a (pun:D) smokin' hot girl with a cigarette in her hand

sam34 wrote: »

would be a deal breaker for me, couldnt date a smoker, it's my number one turn off in a man.

This_Years_Love wrote: »

Mine too

etc etc + a million, DEAL BREAKER!!!!

Eve_Dublin

Unregistered wrote: »

Smokers have such a dulled sense of taste and smell, I really believe they don't realise just how repugnant they smell. Everything, their clothes, their hair, their skin, reeks to a non smoker whose sense of smell is more naturally heightened. Even their skin tone is grey. Worst of the lot is a girl whose face is covered with makeup. Then she smokes, and the makeup turns a ghastly shade of grey. It is horrible. I cannot imagine how these girls believe themselves to be attractive.

But the stale smoke breath is the killer. It is just so awful. I was close to kissing a smoker once. I nearly gagged at the smell. Even I was taken aback. No, smoking is a complete and utter turnoff. Well and good if both are smokers with equally dulled senses, or if you just don't mind. But I also believe you will never change a smoker. So for me, deal breaker.

Now if only so-called 'social smokers,' "I only smoke when I'm drinking" would admit to being smokers. Smoking is smoking, even if it's only once in a blue moon. It still stinks.

I'm a smoker (but slowly stopping!! Only 3 a day!! I know I still stink though...) and I'm actually disgusted with myself reading this. I ONLY go out with smokers because I know nobody else could put up with my smell. I've given up many times and as other posters have pointed out, I don't think we realise how bad we smell 'till we stop. We really do stink. The older I get the more I'm realising how absolutely repulsive the habit is and how unattractive I must look to others. It's come to the point where I'm embarrassed to smoke in the public and I know others will wonder why I haven't stopped if this is the case but it really is BLOODY hard...hardest thing I've attempted in my life (Leaving Cert. honours Irish paper 2 was a piece of p*ss compared to kicking this habit) and I'm still trying. I'm hoping my repulsion to it will grow so great that I'll really want to stop and it'll be easy. Unlike you, my OH is a smoker making things much more difficult for me if I choose to stop.


HOWEVER...if this is bugging you OP, say something tactfully to your OH. You shouldn't have to put up with kissing an ashtray. There must have been something there if you were willing to put up with the smell and taste initially. Obviously their looks/personality is more attractive than their habit for you to stick around. This is a great incentive for your OH to stop...I would be BEYOND mortified if my OH commented on how much I smelled and how repulsive my breath tasted and I really couldn't take offence to it as long as you said it with some tact and not just "Ugh....I can't bear it anymore....you're VILE!!". Even if we don't want to admit it, we're all aware how horrible and dangerous the habit is (but we don't like to be reminded because ignorance is bliss). If they do decide to give up, prepare yourself for them gaining some weight and becoming cranky as hell. If they like you enough, that will give them some drive. Anyone who opts for this disgusting habit over the potential "One" is not worth it, to be honest.

At least one of you in this relationship has the sense not to smoke which is more than I can say for myself.

teddy_303

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I'm a smoker (but slowly stopping!! Only 3 a day!! I know I still stink though...) and I'm actually disgusted with myself reading this. I ONLY go out with smokers because I know nobody else could put up with my smell. I've given up many times and as other posters have pointed out, I don't think we realise how bad we smell 'till we stop. We really do stink. The older I get the more I'm realising how absolutely repulsive the habit is and how unattractive I must look to others. It's come to the point where I'm embarrassed to smoke in the public and I know others will wonder why I haven't stopped if this is the case but it really is BLOODY hard...hardest thing I've attempted in my life (Leaving Cert. honours Irish paper 2 was a piece of p*ss compared to kicking this habit) and I'm still trying. I'm hoping my repulsion to it will grow so great that I'll really want to stop and it'll be easy. Unlike you, my OH is a smoker making things much more difficult for me if I choose to stop.


HOWEVER...if this is bugging you OP, say something tactfully to your OH. You shouldn't have to put up with kissing an ashtray. There must have been something there if you were willing to put up with the smell and taste initially. Obviously their looks/personality is more attractive than their habit for you to stick around. This is a great incentive for your OH to stop...I would be BEYOND mortified if my OH commented on how much I smelled and how repulsive my breath tasted and I really couldn't take offence to it as long as you said it with some tact and not just "Ugh....I can't bear it anymore....you're VILE!!". Even if we don't want to admit it, we're all aware how horrible and dangerous the habit is (but we don't like to be reminded because ignorance is bliss). If they do decide to give up, prepare yourself for them gaining some weight and becoming cranky as hell. If they like you enough, that will give them some drive. Anyone who opts for this disgusting habit over the potential "One" is not worth it, to be honest.

At least one of you in this relationship has the sense not to smoke which is more than I can say for myself.

I smoke and could not give a toss who likes it or not. I will continue until I decide otherwise. Smoking is like any other habit you would not like in a potential partner ie. snoring, drinking, medical conditions. either you can put up with it, or you can't. Personally, I would rather go out with a lady
who smokes, than a lady with itchy, flaky pink bits! Or smelly bits for that matter.

Eve_Dublin

teddy_303 wrote: »

I smoke and could not give a toss who likes it or not. I will continue until I decide otherwise. Smoking is like any other habit you would not like in a potential partner ie. snoring, drinking, medical conditions. either you can put up with it, or you can't. Personally, I would rather go out with a lady
who smokes, than a lady with itchy, flaky pink bits! Or smelly bits for that matter.

Eh....yeah...I think I'd rather date a smoker than someone riddled with some horrible STD as well but what's your point? I don't think the OP's OH has an STD Non-smokers find smoking disgusting and if someone chooses not to go near us because of this habit, then you can't really blame them They're completely within their rights to say something (tactfully). Whether the OP's OH accepts it or not is a gamble but there ye go. You're fooling yourself if you don't realise how repulsive our habit is to a non-smoker and personally, I'd totally see their side of this.

metalgear2k2

Its like snoggin an astray!! Its disgusting!

Wagon

If it bothers you that much just tell him. Chances are, he probably won't quit for you so if you are planning on a big campaign of nagging and complaining about it then just end it here. Smoking is a bad habit but i would go completely insane if a girlfriend decided to start an anti smoking campaign against me.

Eve_Dublin

Wagon wrote: »

If it bothers you that much just tell him. Chances are, he probably won't quit for you so if you are planning on a big campaign of nagging and complaining about it then just end it here. Smoking is a bad habit but i would go completely insane if a girlfriend decided to start an anti smoking campaign against me.

You're dead right Wagon, nagging will get you nowhere. Us smokers will light up right in front of you and smoke in spite of you if you try that tact. Non-smokers and particularly ex-smokers can be become very santimonious on this issue and don't realise how hard it to stop for good.

Now I know people are going to jump down my throat here but remember: I am a smoker myself. Smoking around others in an enclosed space can cause cancer. There's only circumstantial evidence to prove this but I know a few people who were friends of my family who died from lung cancer but who've never smoked a fag but had been exposed to smoke their whole lives. It's not fair to except anyone to put up with that.

If he doesn't stop smoking, perhaps you could convince him to be a bit more considerate like eat a mint or 20 before he kisses you,, brush his teeth regularly, change his clothes everyday, stick on a bit of cologne and refrain from smoking around you indoors. I know this is no decent substitute for stopping but maybe he will feel so uncomfortable smoking around you that he might be convinced to stop?

dudara

People - lay off the anti/pro smoking arguments. This discussion is about the OP raising an issue with their other half.

the_syco

OP: ask nicely. Mate used to smoke, and the woman didn't like it. He has more or less given it up now: he smokes when he's away for the weekend, but not when he's at home. He's now married over a year, and rarely smokes.

Best idea is to get him to smoke outside only. And then see if he'll finds it that smoking outside sucks, he'll cut down on them?

Genghiz Cohen

My GF was a smoker, smell of fags and the taste was rancid, couldn't go near her for like a half hour after she had one. Green Malboro really helped, next to no smell or taste.
That said, she is currently giving up.

Red Alert

Dated one once, never again. My advice is if it's a show-stopper then walk away. Realistically you can't make her change.

Vanhalla

thanks for all the replies! by the way im the guy! its the lady friend that smokes. i said it to her there at the weekend. she says she wants to give up but work at the mo is insane which it is in all fairness and she would go crackers. couldnt bring myself to tell her stop feckin kissin me when u have had a stinky fag! but i will
anyway its early on yet in the thing so shall see how it goes

dh0661

Good luck to both of you, hope it goes well.

OP please remember that a smoker will always find an excuse for not quitting now or next week due to pressures of work etc..

Remember it's easy to quit - staying off them is the hardest bit.

She will need alot of help and support from you.

pcurls

my girlfriend is a smoker and although i new she was a smoker before we started dating i didnt realise it'd bother me so much. she gave up for a couple of months but then we had a fight and i went on holidays and when i came back she was back smoking:( it still bothers me everytime she smokes, especially when i've specifically asked her to not smoke in the car yet everytime she gets in she asks can she have a smoke and i usually say yes because i know she's had a long day in work etc.

i guess its my own fault if it bothers me this much i shouldnt have started dating her but i did and i've to put up with it now. ah well. hope things are easier for you:)

Gyalist

pcurls wrote: »

my girlfriend is a smoker and although i new she was a smoker before we started dating i didnt realise it'd bother me so much. she gave up for a couple of months but then we had a fight and i went on holidays and when i came back she was back smoking:( it still bothers me everytime she smokes, especially when i've specifically asked her to not smoke in the car yet everytime she gets in she asks can she have a smoke and i usually say yes because i know she's had a long day in work etc.

i guess its my own fault if it bothers me this much i shouldnt have started dating her but i did and i've to put up with it now. ah well. hope things are easier for you:)

So what? She asks if she can smoke in the car - you say no! The fact that she asks doesn't mean that you have to say yes.
Apart from the smoking issue, by failing to set clear boundaries you will find that your girlfriend will test you in other areas of your relationship.

pcurls

Gyalist wrote: »

So what? She asks if she can smoke in the car - you say no! The fact that she asks doesn't mean that you have to say yes.
Apart from the smoking issue, by failing to set clear boundaries you will find that your girlfriend will test you in other areas of your relationship.

yeah i just feel guilted into saying yes cause when i say no i feel like im being mean, and im afraid if i say no we'll end up fighting cause she's pretty stuborn so i can picture her getting out of the car to have a smoke and then either me waiting for her and being pissed off or i'll drive off mad and it'll cause bigger fights.

you'd think there'd be a grown up way to deal with the problem! i wish she didnt ask, problem solved then.

Gyalist

The grown up way is to say no and stick to it.

pcurls

Gyalist wrote: »

The grown up way is to say no and stick to it.

right wish me luck but i bet you'll see my ad in the personals next week!!