Clarity

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have been seeing a guy for the last few months, it was just a drunken realtionship really if I am honest. I would meet up with him on Friday and we would hang out all weekend, with a few texts and calls during the week. It was casual and due to his personal situation I never really expected more. He has a child in a different country and he will be going back there soon so he can be near her. He did admit to me after a while that he still had feelings for the mother of this child but from what I have heard his bridges are fairly burned there.

Anyway when I was holidays I discovered I was pregnant which was a bit of a shock and I was quite shook up, on returning home before I was able to get him on the phone I got a facebook message from him saying he wanted to break things off. After a couple of attempts I got him on the phone and told this was ok but I have some news and i let him know. He immediately freaked out and starting obsessing about doctors and making appointments and he was begging me to have an abortion. I left it a couple of days and i came to the same decision as he did but not without doing considerable harm to myself over the last few weeks. I did think this was the right thing to do but really didn't want an abortion even though i didn't want a baby either. I was drinking and taking drugs and was self harming in other ways, he only met me a couple of times to chat but hid all this from him. Anyway about three days before I was due to go to Liverpool (he was coming with me and had been more attentive) I started bleeding and lost the baby. I feel guilty saying this but I was hugely relieved and luckily I haven't damaged my health with what I had been doing. He found what happened and was around during all of this.

Since all this happened he has been paying me alot more attention, texting and calling me. We have met up at my house a couple of times and just watched TV and talked. He has been a great help over the last couple of weeks and I have seen a more stable side to him. This afternoon he has been texting me asking what I am up to and if I want to meet up at the weekend and do something. The thing is he doing all this because he genuinely wants to spend time with me or because of what we have been through and he feels compelled to do so? He has said to me numerous times that he likes me alot and didn't want to lead me on as he is planning on leaving the country very soon. But he has at other times said that he only wanted to be with one woman more than a day and I am not this woman.

I suppose my question is do I just enjoy the support he is giving me now and call him a friend or do I just tell him that I do have feelings with him and that to save myself in the long run I want to break contact with. I have already tried not contacting him but he generally won't stop ringing and text until I get back to him.

LegacyUser

It sounds to me like you have been extremely unhappy during this turbulent chapter in your life. You have now come out the other side of it, and now is the time to take stock of the lessons you have learned from these experiences and move forward. Since you seem to have been very unhappy during this time and were harming yourself, I would say one of the lessons learned here is that this relationship has brought very little good into your life. IMO you should draw a line under it all, and move on without him. Move on to better and happier times, and make a fresh start.

starchild

I believe you should tell him you no longer want to be in contact with him as you cannot see him as a friend only. You know that the longer you maintain this scenario the worse you wil feel when he either goes home or meets someone else.

Think of yourself, you are wasting time on something that isnt going to happen, why bother logically it makes no sense and that is how you need to view it.

To be fair to him he has been honest with you and that would give me hope that he would accept your decision.

LegacyUser

you have been through so much in the past year that i'm very impressed with your strength! Tell him to either 'sign up' or hit the road; you've been through too much and do not need any more heart ache in this coming year. I reckon he will understand where you're coming from as he was there for most of it. Anyway, whatever he replies to you - please make sure and take care of yourself, do you know you can get free counselling services if you've been through such a trauma as miscarriage? ask your GP...its totally confidential and a counsellor will help you - not only with the pregnancy ordeal but also to get all this crap with the guy off your chest.