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Losing my friends.

  • 16-07-2009 7:27pm
    #1
    Damadman21
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭


    Ive recently started feeling like an outsider among my friends.basically no one takes any notice of me really and my opinion doesnt count on things like where to head out . Like i when i head out on nights out i feel left out of the conversation. Other times they head places and don't tell me.like i use have 2 or 3 good friends in the group. But it turned out these using me they or when they no one esle would head out. Basicall i feel take for granted ! But maybe even bad friends are better then no friends?


Comments

  • #2
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    Hey this can be a very vicious circle thing OP, and can be fixed quickly and easily.

    One 'slight' that you experience(d) can lead to you withdrawing and your withdrawing leads to them thinking you don't want to be involved and them not involving you in discussion and decision making. Then you withdraw more . . . . and so on and so on. Suddenly you feel like an outsider !

    I have personal experience of this.

    You need to pump up your energy when you join them and intentionally be 'up' and involved in conversation and discussion and decisions from the FIRST MOMENT (no not in a manic way :rolleyes:... just energised and and involved). You will find very quickly that they start paying attention to you because they will see you are actvely participating. It is annoying that this kind of thing can happen so easily and without anyone really realising it, but it is true.

    All the best.


  • #3
    Damadman21
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭Damadman21


    VaioCruiser wrote: »
    Hey this can be a very vicious circle thing OP, and can be fixed quickly and easily.

    One 'slight' that you experience(d) can lead to you withdrawing and your withdrawing leads to them thinking you don't want to be involved and them not involving you in discussion and decision making. Then you withdraw more . . . . and so on and so on. Suddenly you feel like an outsider !

    I have personal experience of this.

    You need to pump up your energy when you join them and intentionally be 'up' and involved in conversation and discussion and decisions from the FIRST MOMENT (no not in a manic way :rolleyes:... just energised and and involved). You will find very quickly that they start paying attention to you because they will see you are actvely participating. It is annoying that this kind of thing can happen so easily and without anyone really realising it, but it is true.

    All the best.

    Ya i might take your advice thanks


  • #4
    Twinkle-star15
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 392 ✭✭Twinkle-star15


    And if you really really don't feel energetic, fake it. It's pretty hard, but it really works, and soon it doesn't feel like you're faking it any more.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I decided to stop compromising on friends and where they want to go because invariably I'd end up in some bar which i would never want to drink in paying through the nose for expensive beers when I'd rather be in a decent pub with down to earth people.

    Stand up for yourself. If they don't respect your wishes, ever, then it's time to make a decision as to whether you want to hang around with them anymore.

    I can deal with one bunch of friends individually but I refuse to go out with them as a group as I never feel comfortable with them; the conversation or the company isn't worth it for me anymore.... I am happy to meet them all individually but when they get together, it just doesn't work for me.

    They also don't listen to me when I suggest some place to go - so, what I did last time was said "I'll see you when I see you.... I'll be there at 8 if you're around"... I stood my ground. Two of them showed and we stayed there for a few pints and then onto where the others were. A minor battle to do what I wanted to do but it was worth it.


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP,

    You asked that crap friends are better than none, I dont think so because you deserve better, I would prefer to have one good friends than 10 crap friends, I have experience very like what you described and the girls i was hanging with were just out for themselves, they would take all my stuff and always make me feel like i was the stingy one for not giving it to them and this even involved my underwear, I always felt used all the time like there was no real friendship there and eventually when i matured i left the gang so to speak, i did end up thinking i was friendless but when your young you think you have to have loads of friends i still had a few but when you let go of some friends you make way for others to come into your life or for different friends to become more relevant,


    Basically i would be saying that if you do not feel respected or valued by your friends then its time to move on you deserve to be respected and again i think its better to have one friend who does than 10 who dont, like i felt more lonely when i was in a gang with no real friends than i did when i had 1 friend who respected and valued me, but i went on to college and found best friends for life there and never looked back!


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