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Is this a breakdown?

  • 15-07-2009 06:25PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    i started another thread a while ago about what i should do about looking for counseling or getting help for depression and anxiety after going to my GP and downplaying my symptoms. my GP tried to get me an appointment with the counselor she usually refers people to but they weren't taking any new patients on at the time (this is about 4 weeks ago) and so she gave me a phone number for a voluntary community service instead.

    anyway, i haven't done anything about it so far, and things are just getting worse and worse. every evening i tell myself "i have to do something about this tomorrow", on saturday i was with my boyfriend and we had an argument which resulted in me breaking down and just crying in one spot standing up (not even that crazy desperate loud crying, just the big sad tears) not being able to move and then finding myself unable to breath - like my chest was full of air and i couldn't get it to go out again for a minute. anyway, it was absolutely horrible. he wanted to call a doctor, but what doctor would you call on a saturday. so i told him i would make an appointment on monday morning, but of course i didn't. instead i managed to get out of the house to go and do some errands but felt really weak after having to deal with a guy in the bank and called my boyfriend because he lives in the town and spent the rest of the evening lying in his bed feeling really weak with him looking after me and making me dinner.

    since then things have been rubbish. i've been not sleeping til 5am because i feel really guilty and anxious about having wasted the day, and then the same thing happens the next day. its been going on for weeks. i thought i was getting out of it on friday when i had a really great day and got loads of stuff done and felt really good about myself and was all set to do loads on saturday too and then this fight with my boyfriend happened (and i really blame him for it and still feel angry about it, even though i know i shouldnt), and i've felt way worse since - like a general terrible feeling that nothings making sense anymore.

    but i can't seem to make myself call the doctor or sort out any counseling or anything. i was hoping after i told my boyfriend that he would push me into it more, because i feel like i need someone to help me with everything at the moment, but he hasn't. i think he asked on monday if i called the doctor and i said no and he said nothing more about it. its just that everyday i wake up and it takes me ages to feel awake and able to deal with things, and then by the time i feel up to anything its almost too late to do anything. and i can't even figure out if i should be going back to the doctor or if i should be just trying to find a counselor. i can't even think properly these days. i dont know what to do. i want someone else to just tell me what i should be doing because i feel like my brain doesn't work properly anymore. i'm self employed and i'm messing everything in my life up right now because of this. i just can't seem to get up in the morning and call the doctor. even when i set an alarm these days i dont wake up properly, i'm in some ridiculous dream state where nothing makes sense until i've been up and out of bed for about 3 hours.
    how can i fix this? i've been thinking about taking drowsy medication early tonight and then getting up at like 6am so that maybe i would feel awake by a normal hour so that i can call the doctor and get work done during office hours. what would make me drowsy? i asked my doctor before and she said antihistamines would work and gave me 7 days worth, but they don't make me sleepy enough. i used to take decongestants but she said they can actually raise heart rate and make you more anxious. i dont know what do to


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP, so sorry you are experiencing such discomfort in yourself right now.

    I had a nervous breakdown myself 10 years ago, and it does make you terribly exhausted in every way. What i found was i was under a massive amount of pressure at the time and the people around me were part of the problem, Once i got into therapy i managed to reshape my life and surround myself with positive people and a slower pace of life, i healed very well and the anxieties lifted,

    I would say to you to take the pressure off yourself to HAVE to phone the doc right now, you will get around to it, i did not find the GP very helpful, i just went straight to the therapist myself, i found a very experienced psychotherapist- they have very good skills and i would recommend them. I paid for someone good because i had waisted time with councellors who were not trained as good.

    I did not want to go on anti depressants so i did not go to the GP but if you feel they would help then you could go, Would your BF or mum not go with you or help yoiu make the call and help you run over what you want to say?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP, so sorry you are experiencing such discomfort in yourself right now.

    I had a nervous breakdown myself 10 years ago, and it does make you terribly exhausted in every way. What i found was i was under a massive amount of pressure at the time and the people around me were part of the problem, Once i got into therapy i managed to reshape my life and surround myself with positive people and a slower pace of life, i healed very well and the anxieties lifted,

    I would say to you to take the pressure off yourself to HAVE to phone the doc right now, you will get around to it, i did not find the GP very helpful, i just went straight to the therapist myself, i found a very experienced psychotherapist- they have very good skills and i would recommend them. I paid for someone good because i had waisted time with councellors who were not trained as good.

    I did not want to go on anti depressants so i did not go to the GP but if you feel they would help then you could go, Would your BF or mum not go with you or help yoiu make the call and help you run over what you want to say?

    honestly, i feel like i'm blue in the face trying to tell my boyfriend how i feel. this has been going on for months and hes the one person whos known all along about it. it took me a while to be honest with him about it, and although he was the first person who suggested i might be depressed (rather than just a useless person who can't cope with normal life, as i was seeing it) since i've started to admit to myself that thats what it is he doesn't take it seriously like i thought he would. on saturday in the middle of it all he said something like "you've self diagnosed yourself with this" and i was shocked because i thought that he would know more than anyone else whats going on with me. a couple of weeks ago i wrote him an email about it after we had another fight (the fights usually start because i don't feel like having sex, he gets upset and feels neglected and i get defensive and then the argument always turns to other issues we have), i poured out my heart telling him things i never told anyone about how much i hate myself right now and how i felt like i wanted to die or just disappear, but he just ignored it. for me i thought that confiding in someone about how i'd thought about dying would be the thing that would make them take me seriously and acknowledge that i'm feeling at crisis point, but he said he read the email and then had to go to do a work thing that day so didn't get back to me until the next evening with a text to ask how i was feeling now. i'd spent the whole day thinking "thats it, hes given up on me, he doesn't care if i want to die, hes had enough anyway", but he was just at a work thing.

    anyway, he's said it a couple of times that he'll come with me to the counselor or the doctor if i want, but its always in the heat of the moment some night when i'm really upset. on a normal day he never thinks of it. its not his fault, hes working in an office most of the week so he can't exactly be there to hold my hand or make me call the doctor. i know i have to do it myself, and part of me wonders if i'd be more on top of things if i wasn't with him, because maybe i'm expecting too much from him and expecting him to look after me when i should be looking after myself. i love him more than i've loved anyone, but this experience is making me resent him, and i feel really guilty for that because its all me being problematic, not him. if i were feeling normal and happy and sexual we probably would have a perfect relationship.

    i dont want to go on antidepressants either, and up until this week i thought i wouldn't need them and that if i just got a better handle on things and got some good advice about how to proceed that that would be enough. but i've never felt as awful as i've felt this week. sleep doesn't even help because everytime i sleep its a restless stressful half sleep where nothing makes sense and i just have weird reoccurring feelings that don't even have names. everything just feels like its not right or its in the wrong place or it doesn't make sense.
    i just want someone to tell me whats happening to me and why, and give me a word or diagnosis for it so i can get on with figuring how to not feel this way anymore. i've been running through every possible reason for it like birth control pills, b vitamin deficiency, omgea 3 oils. i've tried meditation and supplements and i even started doing an online CBT thing, but i just feel so negative. i need help but i don't know what to do about it. i don't have anyone to rely on about it except myself and that makes me feel even worse because its my fault its going on so long and ruining my relationship with my boyfriend.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 330 ✭✭xxdilemmaxx


    Hi op,

    Firstly *hugs*, you are going through a really sh*tty time now but you will get through this even if you don't see that now. I was in a similar position to you, believe me you need to see a Doctor, he may or may not feel that you need medication, but don't feel that there is a stigma attached to medication. If you need it to get through this then take it (my advice from my own experiences). I remember you posting the last time so if you're still feeling the same way then make the appt. The longer this goes on the harder it will be to deal with, give yourself all the support you need, if you can book an appt with a psychotherapist as well as your GP then do...

    Your boyfriend is probably not equipped to deal with this and may not be the best person to be confiding in as he has probably never experienced what you're going through.

    If you need someone to talk to, or need someone to drag you to the Doctors feel free to register and send me a PM! And remember sooo many people go through this so you are not alone by any means. I found that exercise helped me to a point, also lay off the drink if you are drinking, but really I think a GP is your next port of call...
    Hope you feel better soon pet x


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    OP you do sound like you're having a rough time of it at the moment but i think you're placing too much responsibilty on your bf to help. He cant really-only you can do it.

    Dont worry about what you're achieving or not achieving during the day, this is adding to your anxiety and negative thinking.

    You've made the first and hardest step which is talking to your GP and he sounds willing to help...the rest is up to you. Nobody can magically fix your problems for you overnight,it will take time and effort on your behalf. See what im underlining here?

    Depression and anxiety can be a negative ongoing cycle until you break it and decide enoughs enough. You have a willing and helpful GP..use him. Keep any and every appointment he makes and you will see a difference...in time. Good luck and remember it is up to you to make yourself feel better nobody else.;)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi op,

    Firstly *hugs*, you are going through a really sh*tty time now but you will get through this even if you don't see that now. I was in a similar position to you, believe me you need to see a Doctor, he may or may not feel that you need medication, but don't feel that there is a stigma attached to medication. If you need it to get through this then take it (my advice from my own experiences). I remember you posting the last time so if you're still feeling the same way then make the appt. The longer this goes on the harder it will be to deal with, give yourself all the support you need, if you can book an appt with a psychotherapist as well as your GP then do...

    Your boyfriend is probably not equipped to deal with this and may not be the best person to be confiding in as he has probably never experienced what you're going through.

    If you need someone to talk to, or need someone to drag you to the Doctors feel free to register and send me a PM! And remember sooo many people go through this so you are not alone by any means. I found that exercise helped me to a point, also lay off the drink if you are drinking, but really I think a GP is your next port of call...
    Hope you feel better soon pet x

    do i need a psychotherapist rather than a counselor? its so daunting trying to know who i should be seeing, as well as expensive if i get it wrong. thanks for your reply

    i feel like there is something happening inside my brain right now, tonight, and i'm really scared. i haven't felt like this before ever. its like my brain is splitting in two and i can't spend more than 2 mins feeling any one way. i've been spending the last few weeks going from one day feeling awful and the next day feeling fine and like i can take on anything, tonight i feel like someones put the process in overdrive and everything is spinning around one minute and then completely still the next. i want it to stop


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 330 ✭✭xxdilemmaxx


    Your GP would probably be best placed to make that decision, why don't you go to him first thing in the morning and tell him the full story? There's no point playing it down or pretending to him that you feel ok when you don't, he's there to help after all. Let him know that the counsellor you called was not available and that you'd really like another contact name...

    I don't want to give out medical advice but I found Kalms helped me sleep when I was really stressed out (they're herbal and available in chemists) or you could try Rescue Remedy (this did nothing for me though).

    You may be having a panic attack or just high levels of anxiety, try to calm your body down, stay still (lie down if possible) and try to focus on slow rhythmic breathing. Consciously try to stop thinking any negative thoughts and stay in the present - is your BF with you now?? If not, could you talk to a family member or friend? I find that automatically calms me down and stops me focusing on myself for a while if I have to make conversation.

    If it helps at all, I went through a stage of feeling exactly as you do now, and I'm fine now and you will be too x


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    OP why dont you give your GP a buzz first thing in the morning and say exactly what you're saying now. They'll decide the next course of action to help ya. Just do that much and see how tomorrow goes. Its not any help for you right now i know but its a start. Mental health issues (if its even that) is one of the most common issues doctors deal with in ireland so dont be afraid that you're on your own.

    Its scary, daunting,embarrassing and difficult to express but you've come across as a really bright and articulate person so they should be able to point you in the right direction if you explain even half of what you've said on here.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    anniehoo wrote: »
    OP why dont you give your GP a buzz first thing in the morning and say exactly what you're saying now. They'll decide the next course of action to help ya. Just do that much and see how tomorrow goes. Its not any help for you right now i know but its a start. Mental health issues (if its even that) is one of the most common issues doctors deal with in ireland so dont be afraid that you're on your own.

    Its scary, daunting,embarrassing and difficult to express but you've come across as a really bright and articulate person so they should be able to point you in the right direction if you explain even half of what you've said on here.

    the problem is that i'm afraid if i wake up tomorrow morning and feel ok i won't want to think about this or deal with talking to a doctor because it will bring me down and stop me being able to do all the work stuff i need to get done. and if i feel terrible then i'll start panicking just about talking on the phone like i always do. i feel like i'm just making everything impossible for myself all the time. maybe i don't even need any outside help, i just need to get a grip and cop on.

    this is why its so difficult for me to even decide to call my doctor about it. one minute i truly believe i'm having a mental breakdown and the next i think i just need to get a grip and get on with work.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭anniehoo


    this is why its so difficult for me to even decide to call my doctor about it. one minute i truly believe i'm having a mental breakdown and the next i think i just need to get a grip and get on with work.
    I know what you mean, but why dont you let your GP decide the answers for you. We all have our "off" days but if your off days have you considering if you're having a "nervous breakdown" then something, be it mental,physical or emotional needs to be fixed as its going on awhile isnt it? Im hesistant to use the word "normal" as there really is no such thing, but if you dont feel yourself and you arent in complete control of your emotions then a little help in whatever form might be a good thing no?

    It might be horrendous pms,a hormonal imabalance,dietary deficiency,chemical imbalance or stress...who knows! If you had a car you'd service it regularly wouldnt you,why not your body? You certainly wouldnt drive around for ages with leaking oil,battery problems and a hole in your exhaust :p..ye know what im sayin here. Again...anyone on here can give you all the advice and metaphors in the world but we cant really help the crap feeling in your head right now. And as for "copping on"...you seem intelligent enough to know that is not as easy as it sounds.;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,080 ✭✭✭foxinsox


    Hi Op,

    I feel for you, please believe me it will stop and it will get better!

    Can you call your mum, sister or best friend to come over to you?

    dubdoc have an out of hours GP service if you are in Dublin get their number from directory enquiries and call them please and tell them that you need to see a doctor tonight.

    If you are in the country there is a similar service - caredoc

    Please call them and get to see a doctor this evening. I guarantee you will feel better after telling a doctor what you are feeling. Get your mum or friend to go with you.

    BIG HUG......... :)


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    anniehoo wrote: »
    I know what you mean, but why dont you let your GP decide the answers for you. We all have our "off" days but if your off days have you considering if you're having a "nervous breakdown" then something, be it mental,physical or emotional needs to be fixed as its going on awhile isnt it? Im hesistant to use the word "normal" as there really is no such thing, but if you dont feel yourself and you arent in complete control of your emotions then a little help in whatever form might be a good thing no?

    It might be horrendous pms,a hormonal imabalance,dietary deficiency,chemical imbalance or stress...who knows! If you had a car you'd service it regularly wouldnt you,why not your body? You certainly wouldnt drive around for ages with leaking oil,battery problems and a hole in your exhaust :p..ye know what im sayin here. Again...anyone on here can give you all the advice and metaphors in the world but we cant really help the crap feeling in your head right now. And as for "copping on"...you seem intelligent enough to know that is not as easy as it sounds.;)

    am i being really over dramatic about this? sometimes i think i must be. i tried to go to bed at about 10, i'd tired myself out crying i guess, but i woke up about an hour later. i feel a bit better for getting some of it out of my system. but now i feel like i maybe i'm just being really stupid and melodramatic. i feel like a bit of a fraud. when anything physical is wrong with me these days, like i've got a tension headache or when my eye wouldnt stop twitching this weekend, my boyfriend always starts to take the approach "are you allowing it to be sore?" or like "are you owning that twitch? don't allow it in to become part of you". it makes me feel like i'm to blame for everything, which i know i have no one else to blame for how i'm feeling, but now hes said it enough i feel like maybe i'm making myself feel like this. it might make sense if i was looking for attention, but i feel the exact opposite - like i would love if i could become invisible or run away and not have to deal with anyone about this.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,080 ✭✭✭foxinsox


    am i being really over dramatic about this? sometimes i think i must be. i tried to go to bed at about 10, i'd tired myself out crying i guess, but i woke up about an hour later. i feel a bit better for getting some of it out of my system. but now i feel like i maybe i'm just being really stupid and melodramatic. i feel like a bit of a fraud. when anything physical is wrong with me these days, like i've got a tension headache or when my eye wouldnt stop twitching this weekend, my boyfriend always starts to take the approach "are you allowing it to be sore?" or like "are you owning that twitch? don't allow it in to become part of you". it makes me feel like i'm to blame for everything, which i know i have no one else to blame for how i'm feeling, but now hes said it enough i feel like maybe i'm making myself feel like this. it might make sense if i was looking for attention, but i feel the exact opposite - like i would love if i could become invisible or run away and not have to deal with anyone about this.

    Op,

    I don't think you are being over dramatic, but I do think that you need to go see your doctor. If it helps maybe print out all of this thread and just show it to him/her, might make it easier for you.

    Your boyfriend is not a doctor and from what you've written he has no idea of what you actually feel. Writing on here might make you feel a bit better by actually getting how you feel "down on paper" so to speak. You have had several answers on here and everyone seems to think that you should go talk to your doctor and let him/her advise you.

    Regardless of how you are feeling today you should go and see your doctor today.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭RossFixxxed


    am i being really over dramatic about this? sometimes i think i must be. i tried to go to bed at about 10, i'd tired myself out crying i guess, but i woke up about an hour later. i feel a bit better for getting some of it out of my system. but now i feel like i maybe i'm just being really stupid and melodramatic. i feel like a bit of a fraud. when anything physical is wrong with me these days, like i've got a tension headache or when my eye wouldnt stop twitching this weekend, my boyfriend always starts to take the approach "are you allowing it to be sore?" or like "are you owning that twitch? don't allow it in to become part of you". it makes me feel like i'm to blame for everything, which i know i have no one else to blame for how i'm feeling, but now hes said it enough i feel like maybe i'm making myself feel like this. it might make sense if i was looking for attention, but i feel the exact opposite - like i would love if i could become invisible or run away and not have to deal with anyone about this.

    You are not being dramatic. BUT there is that 'comfort in being sad' (sorry for that quote anyone who knows it) And you can wallow in it a bit.

    THAT SAID: This is not right, you should not feel like this. It is a medical/psychological issue and you should persue every avenue of professional help to solve this. There is help there and it can make a huge difference!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    With mental issues especially, there's still a subconscious prejudice that they aren't 'real' and you should be able to get through them yourself. This isn't accurate - think of it the same as a broken arm. Def make an appt. with your GP. If you never make one when you get up, then leave a note for your BF explicitly asking him to make one for you, or stay up all night until 9 am and call make the appt.

    You need to stop beating yourself up as much - your frustration with yourself will just snowball. Sleep schedules are really hard to get off of TBH - if you're going to bed at 5, your body is going to want to sleep until 2 or 3. Try taking melatonin, or treating it like jet lag to get back on a regular sleep pattern.

    Finally, are you getting regular aerobic exercise? Eating properly? Getting some sunlight? Nutrition and exercise are the best anti-depressants there are.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    cafecolour wrote: »
    W
    Nutrition and exercise are the best anti-depressants there are.

    fair enough for mild depression, but in moderate to severe depressive episodes, or depression with psychotic features, nutritiona nd exercise have never been proven to be as effective, or more effective, than anti-depressants.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    sam34 wrote: »
    fair enough for mild depression, but in moderate to severe depressive episodes, or depression with psychotic features, nutritiona nd exercise have never been proven to be as effective, or more effective, than anti-depressants.

    That was a blanket statement, true enough - I had just intended it in the context of thread (the OP stated she didn't want to do antidepressants and seemed to be searching for a possible nutritional deficit). She should go to her GP and get blood tests as well.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey,

    i went through something similiar.

    be careful what you are doing to your boyfriend. HE can't do anything to make YOU better. He clearly loves you. Keep it that way. When i felt this way, i often used to get so much comfort and love from my boyfriend when i was down i felt myself letting it happen easier. He can't really understand what he is not going through.

    i got counselling for a long time and still do. 2 years before i started taking anti depressants. i take one tiny tablet every two days and it makes me cope with all the little things i could not face.

    i suggest you take time off. get your head straight. sleep. talk to doctor re tablets. (not suggest tablets are nly way but if your doctor thinks so)

    if you want you could ASK your boyf to make the counselling apt for you.


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