Think I blew it with girl of my dreams!

LegacyUser

So long story short, a girl has started working in my department (office job). She's a few years younger than me (me 22, her 18), totally out of my league looks wise (does modelling), funny, smart, kind, amazing etc.

Since she's started we've been getting on like a house on fire, always having chats and sharing jokes, but from day one I secretly wanted more... I think she only wants to be friends, but know it's possible that maybe she feels that same.

So our department went for drinks on Tuesday, she was excited, kept asking me if it is definitely going ahead, am I definitely going... I'm thinking about how much I really want to kiss her (in my head also thinking, maybe she just wants to be friends, maybe she's too young for me, maybe she should be kissing other 18 year olds and I shouldn't ruin the friendship we have).

Well, rather than giving faith an opportunity to roll the dice, I managed to mess things up myself.

How? By telling her as a joke that the party was 'strictly fancy dress', she turned up dressed as a black cat, complete with face painted whiskers and nose. As soon as she realized she had fallen victim of a mean prank, she was mortified and left to get a taxi home, despite me pleading with her to stay.

What was I thinking! I thought surely she wouldn't ACTUALLY fall for it. Why didn't I tell her I was only kidding? I'm an idiot!


Today at work she was livid with me, refusing even to speak to me. When I managed to corner her and try to apologize, she told me to f off and not to speak to her.

How can I make this better? Have I really blown a really nice friendship, and potentially something more?

I know we will eventually be on speaking terms again, but I really feel now, we'll never be more than mere acquaintances.

Ste.phen

To be fair, you did publicly embarass her, which is likely to take a while to blow over, if indeed it does.
Leave it a while, then try apologising again maybe?

helimachoptor

The fact that she didnt even ask anyone else about the fancy dress means dude she's an idiot!

But back to the topic at hand.. the only way i can see you redeeming yourself is if you come into work dressed up to empathise with how she was feeling, could really win you some brownie points.

Saucey-Susie

first of all - prank wise - BRILLIANT!!!!! hehehhe its like something you would see on tv but would never actually think it could be pulled off in person!! hehehe

but the poor thing must have been completely mortified.... but she will get over it. people in work will start to slag and tease her and she will eventually see the funny side of it tho, and you two will eventally get talking again

but do you really wanna start something with someone from work? they can get sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo messy and complicated and from experience, not worth it at all

thorbarry

box of chocolates is always a good way of saying sorry

goodlad

Maybe you could show up at work dressed up one day soon?
A lion or something!

It might make her laugh and see the funny side of things and forget being annoyed.

The_Conductor

goodlad wrote: »

Maybe you could show up at work dressed up one day soon?
A lion or something!

It might make her laugh and see the funny side of things and forget being annoyed.

Sounds like an idea- I'd add in the box of chocolates and flowers though. She trusted you- even with something silly- and you screwed up in her eyes.

ron_darrell

Emmm to be honest sounds like she might be too mature for you. What were you thinking? Seriously? What in the world made you think publicly humiliating the girl would make her want to go out with you? As for the suggestion that you dress up and go into work, bad idea. She's only likely to think you're taking the mick again.

Best advice would be to back off and leave her alone. She's 18. This is probably one of her first jobs. She's was feeling insecure and hoping for a friendly face to be there and you took advantage and made her look silly. What you really need to do is take a look at yourself, feel some shame over what you've done and grow up.

partyguinness

Sounds like a Jim Carey/Ben Stiler movie scene...


OP...the smell of BS with this story is overwhelming..:rolleyes:

Then again, I tend to underestimate how stupid people can be and perhaps give them too much credit...

SarahSassy

smccarrick wrote: »

Sounds like an idea- I'd add in the box of chocolates and flowers though. She trusted you- even with something silly- and you screwed up in her eyes.

This is a really good idea.. Dont think I would forgive you though

daosulli

Prank, brilliant . . . cant believe she fell for it. . not the best move on ur behalf, but I think youve realised that ( and like the last poster, i spat my coffee out reading this )
Let her cool down & give her space, could take a while though . . . but in time I think she will see the funny side of it.
The famous batman & robin episode from only fools n horses comes to mind . . now that was funny

Latchy

OfficeIdiot wrote: »

.

What was I thinking! I thought surely she wouldn't ACTUALLY fall for it. Why didn't I tell her I was only kidding? I'm an idiot!

Oh Nowz.........:D

But ya know this could be the making and the beginning of a long relationship .That would be some story to tell the eh ...grandkids .Bunch of flowers might be a good idea and I am sure she will see the funny side of it if she hasn't already ,as long as you didn't mean it to happen .Good luck

kittenkiller

I'd just hope that she doesn't read boards tbh!

Office humilliation followed by internet humilliation... Nice!

Give dressing up a go. I'd go as the guys from the Bounty ad, y'know the ones in big oul one dresses!?

RossFixxxed

kittenkiller wrote: »

I'd just hope that she doesn't read boards tbh!

Office humilliation followed by internet humilliation... Nice!

Give dressing up a go. I'd go as the guys from the Bounty ad, y'know the ones in big oul one dresses!?

RRRR those bounty ladies are foxy!

Seriously she didn't ask anyone at all? She dressed as a cat? Oh lord. Is she related to Zoolander? Dude, you really did a number there, it depends on her tbh. This could be laughed off, but if it was me I'd resent you until your dying day. Which I would arrange! I'd say leave it be man, you're not exactly on her trustworthy books!

tbh

you blew it. She's 18, working with a load of older people (from the sounds of it). You humiliated her, and for a lot of 18 year old girls, image is everything. Sorry man. I'd say you've a small chance of her talking to you again, but going out with you? No chance at all I'd say.

LegacyUser

Could be worse, she could have gone as wonder woman!

Can't stop laughing at the thought of you turning up at work as a lion!

I think flowers would be a very good idea, and treat her to lunch.

Silverfish

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LegacyUser

Hey guys, thanks for your concern and advice.

Spent another day getting the cold shoulder off the girl of my dreams, this is worse than I thought... I can't stop thinking about her, and how I've screwed everything up. I have no one to really talk to this about, because I don't want people knowing that I fancy her and for things to get even more awkward.

For the people that doubt my story, and can't believe she never asked anybody else; to be honest I can scarcely believe it myself! When she turned up dressed as a cat I was the most shocked person in the pub! But before she left work on Tuesday, we were having a big discussion about the party and what we were going to wear. I am STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.

All the ideas so far have been very good, I like the chocolates/flowers idea. However I REALLY like the dressing up idea. Friday is casual day at work, and I was thinking I might dress up as a dog to try and win back her affection? I'd have to go into town and get a really good costume for this to work. But by doing this, I can show her that I am really upset that I hurt her, and am willing to embarrass myself for her sake.

Silverfish

OfficeIdiot wrote: »

I'd have to go into town and get a really good costume for this to work. But by doing this, I can show her that I am really upset that I hurt her, and am willing to embarrass myself for her sake.

If it were me, I'd think you were taking the piss again. For what it's worth, I think this is a really bad idea.

If I were you I'd just leave the girl alone. Maybe try apologise again in a few weeks, but I'd say anything you do between now and then is going to annoy her further.
She has to get over it in her own time.

LegacyUser

I like the lion idea!

Definately treat her to lunch and flowers but I suggest you give her the flowers away from everyone. Invite her for a drink after work and do it then.

It will blow over I am sure, she is bound to be upset - I would be but she will see the funny side at some point.

tbh

OfficeIdiot wrote: »

All the ideas so far have been very good, I like the chocolates/flowers idea. However I REALLY like the dressing up idea. Friday is casual day at work, and I was thinking I might dress up as a dog to try and win back her affection? I'd have to go into town and get a really good costume for this to work. But by doing this, I can show her that I am really upset that I hurt her, and am willing to embarrass myself for her sake.

all you're going to do is remind her what you did. And also, if you dress up to try to spare her feelings, it'll let everyone know how you feel. My advice, write her an email and leave it up to her. Seriously man, I know you feel bad, and I know you didn't think, but she feels a million times worse and she blames you. This isn't about what's best for you, it's now about what's best for her. And whats best for her is if everyone just forgets what she did. what you made her do.

kittenkiller

OfficeIdiot wrote: »

All the ideas so far have been very good, I like the chocolates/flowers idea. However I REALLY like the dressing up idea. Friday is casual day at work, and I was thinking I might dress up as a dog to try and win back her affection? I'd have to go into town and get a really good costume for this to work. But by doing this, I can show her that I am really upset that I hurt her, and am willing to embarrass myself for her sake.

That'd only work if you were going out for drinks with the general populus after work!

tbh

To be honest, I think if you HAVE to do something, send a mail to the office and say "the reason x came to the party in fancy dress was because I played a joke on her, I'm really sorry for embarrassing her". But I reckon that'd would be pretty inappropriate.

orourkeda

You really need to figure out a way to regain this girls trust.

I dont mean to sound crude but as she's doing some modelling as you've said there's bound to be plenty of interest in her from members of the opposite sex. I'm sure you can understand her being upset with you so maybe you should focus on trying to get her to trust you again. After all, if you dont have this she's never going to have you for a boyfriend. Rather than dressing up maybe it would be better to make some form of apology that will make her take notice.

If you havent already told her how you feel then now's the time. Don't be afraid to let your feelings become public. Maybe you have your own reasons for this, but if its only down to the fact that you dont want anyone to know how you feel youre making a mistake. Theres always an element of risk involved in these things but she cant be expected to read your mind. Just come out with it. Put it in writing if you cant do it face to face

partyguinness

TBH..you're both idiots...

In fact I think she is the bigger one.

How in Gods name did she believe that it was a fancy dress without checking this with others in the office...I do not know one single woman who goes out without checking/running things by with other female colleagues...what planet does she live on...she sounds like a complete space cadet..:rolleyes:

orourkeda

partyguinness wrote: »

TBH..you're both idiots...

In fact I think she is the bigger one.

How in Gods name did she believe that it was a fancy dress without checking this with others in the office...I do not know one single woman who goes out without checking/running things by with other female colleagues...what planet does she live on...she sounds like a complete space cadet..:rolleyes:

Harsh words indeed.

partyguinness

orourkeda wrote: »

Harsh words indeed.

I could write a lot harsher only I would get banned...

OP....for what it's worth I think she is the stupid one here..not you. So dont get too worried about making it up to her...she was dumb enough to believe it without double cheacking it out...its her problem..dont get all wimpy and pathetic by sucking up to her....you have a pair of balls?...Now use to them and put it behind you. She made an idiot of herself stop beating yourself up about it. You are only partially to blame for this.

orourkeda

Naive perhaps?

partyguinness

I mean seriously...does anyone else here know a women who would turn up to a fancy dress:

a. Without checking with other colleagues/women
b. And then walks into a pub ON HER OWN.....in fancy dress.

Come on...OP is being too harsh on himself here.

tbh

partyguinness wrote: »

TBH..you're both idiots...

In fact I think she is the bigger one.

How in Gods name did she believe that it was a fancy dress without checking this with others in the office...I do not know one single woman who goes out without checking/running things by with other female colleagues...what planet does she live on...she sounds like a complete space cadet..:rolleyes:

she trusted him. She'd no reason not to. That's why it's such a huge betrayal.

partyguinness wrote: »

I mean seriously...does anyone else here know a women who would turn up to a fancy dress:

a. Without checking with other colleagues/women
b. And then walks into a pub ON HER OWN.....in fancy dress.

Come on...OP is being too harsh on himself here.

See, the thing is, you're looking to apportion blame. the blame is 100% on the side of the OP. What you say above is usually true, but if one of my friends told me something was happening, I wouldn't think for a second to doubt them. The only motive they would have for lying to me would be to make me look like a tit, and my friends are not like that. So yeah, if someone you don't trust tells you something, you'd check it out. All the OP has done is demonstrate that the girl he likes can't trust him. If he'd a history of pranking her, she should have checked it out, but even if she didn't, he'd still be a dick for doing it. Sorry OP.

orourkeda

tbh wrote: »

she trusted him. She'd no reason not to. That's why it's such a huge betrayal.

Which is exactly why he needs to work on regaining her trust.

tbh

orourkeda wrote: »

Which is exactly why he needs to work on regaining her trust.

but of course, he can do everything right for the rest of his life, and she may well never trust him again anyway.

Fugly

I'd just work on getting her to be your friend and regain her trust, then in the far flung future try for more. As for her getting abuse for falling for it, she assumes she works with adults and therefore trusts what they say!

You embarrassed her infront of her superiors and people she has to work with the next morning! That means ALOT of sucking up. You have to humiliate yourself, work is too safe. I'd recommend a works drinks night,in a pub with lots of people. Dress up in an outfit you don't want to wear, and don't tell people it's because of what you did to her, it may further embarass her and it makes you less embarassed.

A Primal Nut

I can't believe people are suggesting he turn up at work dressed as a feckin' lion or something. That would make him look stupid, and women aren't attracted to stupid guys. Its also gonna to lower his estimation in all his colleagues' eyes; and the less repect others have for you; the less respect she will have for you. This thread is like something from a comedy or something.

If it was me I would leave it let her get over it; eventually she will see the funny side. She isn't gonna keep avoiding you forever.

partyguinness

tbh wrote: »

but of course, he can do everything right for the rest of his life, and she may well never trust him again anyway.

My point isn't to do with trust as such, its the fact she never discussed or brought it up with other other members of staff etc..

Something along the lines of:-

"Oh..are you going to the fancy dress next week? Can't wait. What are you going as"

Cue looks of puzzlement and end of situation.

Yes the OP was dicking around and it bit him in the ass big time but come on what planet was the girl coming from.

orourkeda

tbh wrote: »

but of course, he can do everything right for the rest of his life, and she may well never trust him again anyway.

In that case this potential relationship would have been lost and it would be time to move on.

CDfm

partyguinness wrote: »

How in Gods name did she believe that it was a fancy dress without checking this with others in the office...I do not know one single woman who goes out without checking/running things by with other female colleagues...what planet does she live on...she sounds like a complete space cadet..:rolleyes:

Very unfair.

She is 18 and working with older people and she trusted him. Its work and not the schoolyard and he had a cheap laugh. Its a workplace and she has to work there.

Everyone is the newbie sometime in life and will try to fit in. Which is what she did.

I think if anything OP you might want to take everyone for a drink after work some evening at your own expense to welcome the new girl or buy cakes for everyone at breaktime and say that you felt mean for the trick you played on her and wanted to apologise to everyone for it.

THat sort of thing would welcome her and demonstrate a bit of sincerity.

Dan Chipowski

Any hope is gone imo. You can apologize all you like, the pain of the humiliation will still be fresh. Also, from your own point of view, you've apologized once, let that be the end of it. If you push it she'll resent you further.

Just leave her alone and accept the fact you messed up.

partyguinness

Fair enough she is 18 and (very) naive and it is harsh lesson learnt and the OP was a dick for letting it snowball like that.

But I dont think that OP should beat hiimself up too much and not spend the rest of his working life with her sucking up to her and apologising.

Send her flowers, chocolates by all mean as a token of your remorse but leave it at that. If you start acting all pathetic she may think even less of you in the end. Apologise once and move on. IMO the situation is not lost for the OP but it all depands on his reactions going forward. Take it like a man and not a sorry little schoolboy.

TOP_TOP

like in fairness what did u think you would achieve by tellin her it was a fancy dress? you could hardly think that this was the best way to get a kiss with her.

taken into account she was excited about going and asked you if you were going, did you not think of any other thing to do to get yourself into her good books??what ever chance you had is now defo gone.

CDfm

partyguinness wrote: »

Take it like a man and not a sorry little schoolboy.

Really - you are forgetting that the OP already looks like a schoolboy to all his colleagues and he has lost sight of that part.

Silverfish

Keep it civil folks, thanks.

partyguinness

CDfm wrote: »

Really - you are forgetting that the OP already looks like a schoolboy to all his colleagues and he has lost sight of that part.

Oh perhaps...I am just saying dont make the situation worse.

CDfm

partyguinness wrote: »

Oh perhaps...I am just saying dont make the situation worse.

Its just a different way of looking at it.

speaktofrank

I don't think dressing up for work is a good idea, it might have been if she had been able to laugh about the whole fancy dress thing.

I think what you should do is find the biggest bouquet of flowers/ box of chocolates you can and have them delivered to the office with a card.

Say you miss her friendship and it was a really immature thing to do etc....grovel in other words. Then if she still won't budge then I am afraid that will be that.

PK2008

Mate snap out of it, do not dress up like a lion and go into work, do not buy flowers or chocalates or anything else for her- are you soft or what??

If you werent so blinded by this girls looks you'd realise that you may not have all that much in common anyway. Get this "girl of my dreams" crap out of your head and stop beating yourself up over something which will be laughed about for years (by her as much as anyone)- once the dust settles. All this melodramatic "you broke her trust- she so young and inocent" stuff is nonsence, and if it isnt then she's part of the real world now will have to get a bit of a thicker skin (its not like you shot her)

Apologise and leave it at that (until she lightens up, at which point slag her mercilessly)- if she cant get over it and have a laugh then thats her problem.

(Stop thinking with the little lad)

keenan110

Have to admit that is a brilliant prank and its even more brilliant that she fell for it!

But if i was her i dont think i would be rushing back to talk to you!

The Big Red Button

In my opinion, a common sense of humour is crucial to any relationship.

You play a joke on her that the party's fancy dress.

She naively turns up in fancy dress and runs away, not seeing the funny side at all.

I'm not saying either of you are wrong as such, but you clearly have very different senses of humour. If you were to go out with her, you would have to compromise your personality - perhaps even "talk down" to her so that she wouldn't take things too seriously.

Is that something you want to do?

spideog7

Great prank, maybe went a bit far. It's understandable her storming off, but if given a few days she still can't have a laugh about it then I'd steer clear. If you can't have a laugh at your own expense every now and then there's something wrong.

On the other hand it could be a great opportunity, send her an email say you're sorry, you know how much she was looking forward to the night out and you ruined it for her. Say you want to make it up to her and take her out some place fancy for dinner or something, specify that it's just as friends to say sorry. She might try to get you back and stand you up or something, but surely if you can make it you can take it right ?

Don't come into work dressed up or you'll make a muppet of yourself and people will treat you like one. Don't grovel either, man up.

Amazotheamazing

A Primal Nut wrote: »

I can't believe people are suggesting he turn up at work dressed as a feckin' lion or something. That would make him look stupid, and women aren't attracted to stupid guys. Its also gonna to lower his estimation in all his colleagues' eyes; and the less repect others have for you; the less respect she will have for you. This thread is like something from a comedy or something.

If it was me I would leave it let her get over it; eventually she will see the funny side. She isn't gonna keep avoiding you forever.

This post nailed it, imo.

A lot of the posters here seem to live out their lives in romantic comedies. Turning up dressed as a lion might work if you were Matthew McConaughey, and you had about 6 months to memorise your lines, and she in turn, said some equally sappy lines back to you, etc. However, in real life, if you turn up dressed up like an idiot, she'll see you as an idiot, as will everyone else in the office.

I wouldn't waste the energy on flowers or chocolates, there's a line between saying sorry and begging pathetically for forgiveness. You made a mistake, you've said sorry, that's all you needed to do.

CDfm

So OP - any update and are you still in the doggy doo