You're Sweet?

LegacyUser

Ok ladies, I need your honest opinions on this one. Background is im a 28 year old goodlooking guy who has little experience with relationships with women mainly due to my shyness in this area. The few girlfriends I have had all comented that im very "sweet". Notheless none of these girls wanted to continue longer than 5 months with me! Girls have fancied me over the years and this "sweet" comment is the most common one I have heard. I can't help but feel that this is NOT the required feeling I want to ignite in women. Or is it? What do you think? When a girl calls me "sweet" is that what I should want? I'd rather they thought of me as "sexy"!!

Answers are much appreciated, thanks!

Stheno

It sounds a bit like the way you are with these girls is that you are a bit too "nice"?


Are you a bit of a pushover when it comes to being with a girl and doing anything they want?

LegacyUser

Hi, thanks for the reply. I am actually not a pushover at all in life. And I am not an effeminate man at all, quite the opposite in fact. Im the type who doesn't take any crap from people at all! But what you have said has made me think. Maybe I soften up around women. I never remember challenging the women I have dated on what we were doing for a date. In actual fact I remember a fair few times that they suggested what we do, but not due to the fact that im a pushover, more due to the fact that I can be very laidback, I'd have no objections!

SarahSassy

OP, dont change for anyone... Things just didnt work out cos they didnt work out.. Why would you change for someone especially if you are being nice. Nice is good. Teenage and 20's women dont tend to appreciate nice but once you get to your 30's nice is the only way to go...

Sweet to me is a compliment and dont settle for someone who asks you to change.

LegacyUser

Ok, speaking as a woman, I would say that women regard you as a friend. You're nice, lovely, sweet....
However what women want is a bit of mystery...I gotta say myself I love the 'bad guy' - because Im never sure where I am with him and I crave his attention most. With this, I'd say Im attracted to his confidence.
Just get women thinking! Dont be too keen if there is a mutual interest there. Show them that you care but don't be kind and caring all of the time - you gotta be exciting too! This is possible, while also making them feel special.
I dont know if you and others would agree with this, but thats just what I go for! Ive dated a few guys who were 'sweet' - and to be honest I lost interest quickly - I loved being friends with them but I needed something more, an 'edge'.
Hope this helps!

LegacyUser

Whatever about being a pushover or too laid back. You should remember that a relationship is a two-way street. You'd probably be a bit concerned if a girlfriend of yours never asked for anything or never wanted you to change some aspect of your behavior for her.

Don't be shy about your own wants in future, if you're nice enough and accommodating enough to fit into a girls life then any girl you're with should be the same. You're probably falling into the 'sweet' trap because you're not challenging the girls you're with.

Life isn't a walk in the park and people need challenges in life. If you don't challenge the girl you're with on every level then then she'll get bored.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
Don't buy into that s**t that all girls love a bad guy,I used to be drawn to bad guys when I was younger just because I was a fool basically and didn't know better!I always got sick of the nice sweet guys but then I met my OH nearly 4 years ago and he couldn't be further from a bad guy and I wouldn't trade him for the world!
Seriously it's just a case of you not having met the right girl yet that's all, don't start playing games pretending you're not interested in girls or anything like that now because it's just childish. You'll meet someone who adores you for you wen you least expect it

fasty

OP, at your age, which is only a few years younger than my age, women don't like "bad guys" in my experience, they like someone who's confident, interesting and able to have a little bit of a laugh rather than just be a total pushover.

Miss Fluff

You just haven't met the right girl yet. Being sweet doesn't mean you don't have fire in your belly or passion in your heart and being regarded as "sweet" would suggest you are kind and thoughtful - any self-respecting woman as they get out of the

"Ionlyfancybaxtardswhodon'treallygiveash1taboutmebutIjustcan'thelpmyselfbecauseIthinktheyareSOOOOOexciting"

phase, will see these traits as a huge attraction.

So while I'd say don't be a pushover, and don't be afraid to challenge your partner if you disagree with them, don't start pretending to be something you're not as it will only be you who will lose out ultimately in the end.

Otis Driftwood

Dont change a thing OP.
The females you have met are the ones that will be single come 35 because they didnt appreciate what they had at the time.Ive seen it time and time again,girl with a great guy but he is a bit too "boring" for her,girl dumps guy and goes for the bad boy/player/treat her mean keep her keen kind of guy,this guy treats her like crap for months or years but she keeps going back for more.All of a sudden she is on her own,all her friends have paired off and she is left to ponder where it all went wrong.

Now the above may be a bit of a generalisation but as Ive said,Ive seen it enough times to be sure there is a large element of truth to it.

G-Money

I think I agree with other posters and if you are happy with yourself, that's all that matters and don't change. As for the girls who like bad boys, I don't really get that and I think you should ignore it. Those girls insist on going out with them then start yapping and complaining and crying when the bad boy sooner or later starts treating them badly. I don't really know what else they expected. It's a bit like jumping into a fire and then complaining that you got burnt. There was never really going to be any other outcome.

I'm in a somewhat similar boat OP in that I often think I'm too "nice" and as a result, I don't get anywhere. Although I have noticed something recently and that I probably did kind of supplicate to women and not so much let them walk over me, but I think I'd do too much to make them happy. Even kind of to go as far as maybe hiding interests (not weird ones) that I had as I knew they wouldn't like them. But I've kind of recently come to realise that there's no point doing that and I might as well just be myself and say what I want.

I mean how often do you do something and it's purely to make someone else happy and the truth of the matter is, you really don't want to do it? I'm at the point now where if I don't want to do something, I kind of don't do it. I don't mean I won't help out a friend or do them a favour, but I'm not going to run around like a blue arse fly over some girl when I know she wouldn't do the same in return.

Just be yourself and try not to give two f***s what anyone else things. If you think someone is making a fool out of you or using you, just forget about them and move on, male or female.

NickNolte

You're 28. Believe it or not, most women your age are still incredibly immature. In a couple of years they'll grow up, leave their deluded 'bad boy' phase and look to go out with someone who isn't a complete asshole. Then you'll clean up. At that point though, you'll be considerably more discerning. Supply tends to outstrip demand in your 30's and the tables are turned. Enjoy.

Polleta

There are always going to be girls out there who want a bad boy but at the same time there are always girls out there who want a nice genuine guy.

I fall into the second camp. I have never had a relationship lasting over 6 months and I discussed this with an older married friend last year. She said she was similar before she met her husband. You can see longterm potential in a relationship in the first few months and if you dont see it why would you stick around with a filler relationship.

Right person could be right around the corner. I wouldn't worry about the lack of relationship experience or the 'sweet' comments. It will all come together you just need to meet a girl who wants the same things out of life. You don't need to change or adapt at all. Nothing less attractive than falseness or pretending to be something you are not!

Best of luck

ChunkyLover69

ImSweet wrote: »

When a girl calls me "sweet" is that what I should want? I'd rather they thought of me as "sexy"!!

Ideally what you want is them to think of you as both sweet and sexy.
Confidence is sexy - therefore, you need to develop a bit more confidence around women. Now I'm not saying you're not confident - you say you're not a pushover or effeminate so no doubt you are confident. But perhaps you're not portraying that around the opposite sex.

Don't stop being sweet but make sure to

• take the lead at times
• don't be afraid to disagree with the girl
• have an opinion on what you do together

Of course, the manner in which you do the above is very important. If you do this without respect for the girl, then any relationship is probably not going to last. But if you can do this firmly, respectfully and with a bit of sense of fun then you're onto a winner.

Actually I think that last bit is the key point. Girls like guys who are fun to be around. At a younger age they mistake the exciting "bad boy" for fun - but that does grow old.

The good news for you is that it is a lot easier to keep the sweet and become fun and sexy than to be a "bad boy" and develop a sweet, nice side.