Space in a relationship.

LegacyUser

Hi guys I need a little help with something thats bugging me.
Ive been seeing a girl for the past 3 months, and for the past 3 weeks shes wanted space first time I tought it was something I had done, as it came out of nowhere the second time she told me and I told her to take as much time as she needed all well and good then on saturday I asked if I could see her she said she was going to visit family. I text her later on and it turned out she didnt go visiting and had a friend over so I asked again if I could come round she said no again as they were going to have a late one. As it turned out she had other people there aswell.
all well and good I text her later and she text me saying I was smothering her and she feels she has to explain herself to me. only on the first break I asked as I tought I had done something wrong I asked where did I stand. Im getting the feeling she doesnt want a relationship and quite frankly Im getting sick of breaks and space.
I tried yto tell her I was feeling unwanted and she said its your problem feeling like that.
Its down to her not wanting to see me.
Can anyone give me any advice Im thinking of just walking away from her now because after that row on saturday she doesnt want to see me untill the weekend. so were on another break!!

bp1989

Seems to me that she's not that into you. Find yourself someone who's just as enthusiastic with the relationship as you. Don't waste your time with someone who doesn't seem to care that she's hurting you.

muppetkiller

"I tried to tell her I was feeling unwanted and she said its your problem feeling like that." She sounds lovely :rolleyes:

Tell her you'll make the space issue easy for her as you're dumping her.
She sounds like a complete pain in the ass but you are just as a bad.

You seem like you're completely infatuated with this person and are in her face 24hrs a day. When people want space they don't want you texting or calling so leave her alone.

Trust me when I say this do not contact her again. She will contact you if she's interested otherwise simply go out an enjoy yourself (from her response you sound like you'd be better off anyway).

JamesAlex

well you did kinda smother her, don't break up with her, but just don't take any of her calls or ring her. Weight it out for a while and see what happens. Try and get the power back a bit

The Recliner

The whole I need some space thing is a bit of a cop out

Dylan Moran said something along the lines of "When someone says they need some space what they actually mean is that they need some space which is exactly the same height, depth and shape as you"

it doesn't sound like she is interested but for whatever reason couldn't come out and say it

however if you have been over the top with texts and calls then maybe you need to lay off and see if she contacts you

b3t4

Everyone needs space and time to themself. I think this is particularly true at the start of a relationship. You've been so used to having all your time to yourself it can be hard to readjust to having someone else around.

In this case, I'm not sure what the story is but it does sound like this girl just isn't that into you.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi guys I need a little help with something thats bugging me.
Ive been seeing a girl for the past 3 months, and for the past 3 weeks shes wanted space first time I tought it was something I had done, as it came out of nowhere the second time she told me and I told her to take as much time as she needed all well and good then on saturday I asked if I could see her she said she was going to visit family. I text her later on and it turned out she didnt go visiting and had a friend over so I asked again if I could come round she said no again as they were going to have a late one. As it turned out she had other people there aswell.
all well and good I text her later and she text me saying I was smothering her and she feels she has to explain herself to me. only on the first break I asked as I tought I had done something wrong I asked where did I stand. Im getting the feeling she doesnt want a relationship and quite frankly Im getting sick of breaks and space.
I tried yto tell her I was feeling unwanted and she said its your problem feeling like that.
Its down to her not wanting to see me.
Can anyone give me any advice Im thinking of just walking away from her now because after that row on saturday she doesnt want to see me untill the weekend. so were on another break!!

Hi OP. It sounds to me like she is into you, but is cautious about how intense you appear to be. You need to relax and back off and dial down the intensity. If you like her then why would you not give her the space she wants ? if you don't she will probably dump you in favour of someone is more laid back.

all the best.

puglover

Unregistered wrote: »

I tried yto tell her I was feeling unwanted and she said its your problem feeling like that.
Its down to her not wanting to see me.

She's dead right, it is your problem if you feel unwanted. It's not healthy to want to spend all of your time with one person. She obviously wants some time to do other things and see her friends.

It's your issue if you have a problem with that, easy up and don't be so paranoid.

LegacyUser

Op here,

we dont spend all our time together ive seen her once in the past week and a half.

puglover

Unregistered wrote: »

Op here,

we dont spend all our time together ive seen her once in the past week and a half.

Yes isn't that because she has asked for space?

Sinall

The way I see it is there are two possibilities here:

1.She just doesn't want to be with you but can't quite come out and say it

2. You have come on too strong and have overwhelmed her and she wants you to back off


How old are you both? Give her a chance to miss you, back off a bit, let her contact you. Then you will know where you stand. If she doesn't contact you then she doesn't want to be with you. If she does, it's because she has had the chance to miss you a bit.

I don't agree with game playing at all and I'm not suggesting that's what you do, I'm just saying back off a little bit and then her feelings for you should become clear to you.

You can't make someone spend time with you or even want to spend time with you. But you can allow them to come to their own decisions about it. You are feeling unwanted because you are allowing yourself to feel unwanted - go out with your friends, do other things, have fun! Don't mope around.

LegacyUser

Hmmm..I LIVED with a girl for 10 months..she decided, a bit from the end, that she needed 'space'..even though she equally texted or rang me..she suggested that I go out in the evenings more often to give her 'space'..so I started going out evenings even when I felt like staying home...I stopped ringing or texting even if there was something I really needed to say to her..all to no avail .. ended up in a mess of a break up...

The reason ??

She had simply gotten bored with me I guess, didnt have guts to say something to me and had actually found someone else..I should have read the warning signs....you should too..

Give her space..if she wants you she'll come for you..if not you're better off away..and no point in asking as she may not actually know what she wants..

Best of Luck !!

LegacyUser

Cheers guys Im going to play this very cool, and let her do the chasing for a bit.

Sinall

Unregistered wrote: »

Cheers guys Im going to play this very cool, and let her do the chasing for a bit.

Good idea - stick to your guns and try not to text loads just because you are bored/have had a few drinks etc etc!

Time out

Sounds to me like she is trying to engineer a break up esp when she said its your problem you feel that way. Id say (very nicely) how disappointed you are that she could not break up face to face and it reflects very poorly on her. She may be a lovely girl but I dont get that impression from your post!