Problems coming having sex

LegacyUser

Hi

Im not asking for medical advice on this issue, but just want to see if anyone else has had this problem and any tips for overcoming it.

Ive been seeing a girl for the past few weeks and we both are getting on great and really like each other, and are comfortable spending time together. We've slept together on many occassions and have had sex a few times. The problem is I havent come at all when we've had sex. I dont know what it is, but it just hasnt happened sober or with drinks.

She really enjoys it because I can 'outlast' her, but she's starting to feel bad that she cant make me come. I keep telling her not to worry and that I dont mind because Im having fun anyway (which I am), but I would like to as well.

Ive only slept with one other girl before on a one-night stand when I was really drunk, and I didnt come on that occassion either, but Im pretty sure the drink had an impact on that. I have no problems coming when I masturbate myself, or when she does for me.

I think (or hope) it must be a psychological reason, but has anyone else had this problem or have tips of ways to overcome it. Im not very worried about getting her pregnant because we have always used a condom and she is also on the pill, but its definitely something Id worry about otherwise.

Ive never been in a serious relationship before and never felt like this before about a girl, so maybe that has something to do with it too? Im starting to worry now incase I cant come, and maybe think thats adding to the pressure too? Does anyone have any ideas?

Thanks

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Abi

Unregistered wrote: »

The problem is I havent come at all when we've had sex. I dont know what it is, but it just hasnt happened sober or with drinks..... .......I have no problems coming when I masturbate myself, or when she does for me.

Thats it there I reckon. You are capable of ejaculating, so thats not really the problem. You aren't used to a lot of penetrative sex. The sensation feels different down there, and you can't really control the pressure / grip on your penis when you are having sex. Avoid masturbating if you know you will be seeing her soon.

Do you masturbate often?

um7y1h83ge06nx

It's probably the nervousness I reckon.

Also, it could be the type of condoms you're using. Condoms such as Durex Extra Safe probably wouldn't help. It's totally up to yourself of course, but maybe try different condoms and see what would help. Maybe Durex Elite, Featherlite etc.

Maybe also try and masturbate with a condom on, it could help you get used to wearing a condom and ejaculating.

dny123456

Condoms i'd say. try doing it without once? (Presuming shes on the pill and you're both std free)

LegacyUser

Hey all

I have been having a similar problem..well with a few differences!I have been going out with my girlfriend for a year. She is on the pill so we dont use condoms. Im not the most experienced guy in the world but it has never been a problem. However, i find it extremely difficult to come!We have tried everything, positions, oral, masturbation by her and by myself!It rarely works!
Lately it is has begun to really dishearten my girlfriend!I know people will say it is in my head but it really is not!It builds up to a point where i think i will climax any second and then it just goes away again and this could happen a few times!

Has anyone ever experienced similar problems?

Bloody Nipples

It's called delayed ejaculation. It's fairly common.

LegacyUser

I had a similar issue - I could ejaculate but not orgasm. I didn't even realise that was possible until it happened to me. Maybe try a bit of mental stimulation (i.e. talk) as well?

I blame pr0n for making us desensitised to the act itself, leading to increased expectations of "reaction" from your partner. You may feel that if they're not screaming the house down like in the movies, you must be inadequate.

Xiney

Also be aware that certain medications (notably anti-depressants) can wreak havoc on your ability to ejaculate/orgasm.

LegacyUser

dont worry about it lads...i was with the ex for 3 years and never came once inside her....used to finish myself off the whole time.....
my current gf went on the pill and really wanted me to shoot inside her....i have to concentrate and normally go for ages but she likes that!!

i'd say try finishin yirself off first and build up to it....i had the same worries once but experience helps,....it would be worse if it was the other way round and yis fied too easy!!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi

Im not asking for medical advice on this issue, but just want to see if anyone else has had this problem and any tips for overcoming it.

Ive been seeing a girl for the past few weeks and we both are getting on great and really like each other, and are comfortable spending time together. We've slept together on many occassions and have had sex a few times. The problem is I havent come at all when we've had sex. I dont know what it is, but it just hasnt happened sober or with drinks.

She really enjoys it because I can 'outlast' her, but she's starting to feel bad that she cant make me come. I keep telling her not to worry and that I dont mind because Im having fun anyway (which I am), but I would like to as well.

Ive only slept with one other girl before on a one-night stand when I was really drunk, and I didnt come on that occassion either, but Im pretty sure the drink had an impact on that. I have no problems coming when I masturbate myself, or when she does for me.

I think (or hope) it must be a psychological reason, but has anyone else had this problem or have tips of ways to overcome it. Im not very worried about getting her pregnant because we have always used a condom and she is also on the pill, but its definitely something Id worry about otherwise.

Ive never been in a serious relationship before and never felt like this before about a girl, so maybe that has something to do with it too? Im starting to worry now incase I cant come, and maybe think thats adding to the pressure too? Does anyone have any ideas?

Thanks

I have had this problem for years. Whenever I start seeing a new person I find it difficult to come. Usually don't have this problem after the 2nd or 3rd time

LegacyUser

hopefully this is good news for you OP - but I have had this problem before, and when it resolves itself through whatever means, it's usually resolves itself for good, that is to say, once you manage to finish normally with this one person a couple of times, you shouldn't have problems with her (or maybe any other girls?) afterwards.

for me, I was going for ages (up to 2 and a half hours in some cases) for a good while, and nothing was happening. however, something just "clicked" at some point later on, and the problem was miraculously fixed.

smithcity

Yeah, I think it's more common than you might I expect.
I have the same problem, on the bright side my girlfriends have always loved it, on the down side, it means going extremely hard and fast to the point of exhaustion to have any chance at orgasming normally.
It's usually to difficult to manage.
You might just have to get used to it and accept that it's how you're built.

BeachBum25

Probably not a bad idea to seek some "professional" help. This forum is great, but better to be on the safe side than rely entirely on knuckleheads like me!

Tar.Aldarion

Hmm, try a thinner condom assuming you are using one?
First time I had sex, I used performa, bad mistake, apparantly I was having sex! Didn't know, thought I was in a marathon.
Also, don't jerk off for ages(ages for me being 24 hours) and then try, it just seems to be nerves and being not used to the different feeling. If she teases you a lot, that may also help.

seanybiker

its after happening a few times now so its in your head even if ya think its not.


Try more foreplay and then go like the clappers. Can be fairly tiring going at it like a lunatic but it will work.

LegacyUser

Hey all again,

See for me i also cant come through masturbation so its not a psychological thng from sex!I think i am going to seek medical advice on this - i cant go on like this forever!!

LegacyUser

Heya, hopefully you've had some luck since you submitted your post....
if not....
firstly, it sounds good to me that you can come by yourself, (a lot of women dont at all) at least it means its not physical. Which leaves you with it possibly being emotional or psychological problem.

so my tip is to either masterbate, or get your girlfriend to do it for you until you feel you're about to come and then penetrate her. That way if its a psychological problem you can condition yourself into feeling comfortable eventually coming during sex.

Try not to get preoccupied in getting there as soon as possible, it will just add to the tension (the bad kind, not the good kind).

If my tip works then build it up, do it a few more times like that, then try penetration a LITTLE bit earlier, not too much, baby steps.

Good luck