Update: Is my boyfriend Gay

RosieQI

Hi all,
I just thought I'd update everyone as to what's happening since most people were very kind to take time out to give their honest advice. Most people have showed more concern for me in their posts than he has in the past 3 weeks since I found out about all this.

I have spoken to a councellor myself as this is literally eating away at me, i had to get answers that he just could n't give me or to be honest that i just found hard to believe almost 3 weeks ago.

Firstly he's more than likely not gay ... i know how this sounds i did n't wnat to believe it myself. I'm a very black and white person, if a man is texting other men and looking for and sending on naked photos of men...gay, apparently not, it really is a buzz or a thrill some men get, an unexplored area, prohibited that they will never go through with. Some posted have said this and I've gotten a lot of pms from guys with similar stories who've been very honest but also say that there are no gay feelings involved.

He has never deleted a text off his phone since last year or any emails for years (first i knew about this email address though), or the history on the computer, he does not look at gay porn, it's just chatrooms etc that he goes into. However, what he was saying in them kills me, he's 31 and was emailing a 68 year old man asking him what he was into, how am i supposed to look at him after that especially, giving out his mobile that a lot of people have (was a work mobile) and then saving a picture of himself (face) on his phone and while he was asked for it a week earlier and had not actually sent it (never deletes anything in his sent items) i think it might only have been a matter of time, again councellor disagrees. The worst thing was signing up to a new site while i was in hospital (when he knew things were n't going right and an emergency caesarian was on the cards, which is what happened in the end).
Apparently you don't have to be gay to do indulge in this behavour... I don't know but I don't want other women in similar predicaments to write off a relationship based on ours and whatever curiosity their boyfs may have. At the end of the day, I understand curiousity but 5 years .... apparently it can become an addiction.

I really don't believe he has cheated physically, i'm not sure he ever would but he has cheated emotionally on me, men or women it does n't matter he was supposed to be in a relationship with me, i trusted him 100% and i know he trusted me too but he betrayed that trust and thought nothing of it or me.

At the end of the day the thing that pushed me over the edge were a few promises he made to me when i found this out, i satyed awake for over 30 hours crying and screaming at him for the years of lies. This went for a few more days but i stayed, i was trying to put out of my mind the things he was looking at and the things he was saying once that was it and i did believe he would n't do it again. he promised me he'd go to councelling (his idea not mine) plus a few other things but never went through with one of them, not a thing changed. He's written me a letter hoping i'll stay and work things through because i know things are worth working for but he expects the work to be one sided, there was no work on his part, Now if the biggest and worst thing you did to your partner would n't you at least do everything you could think of in the days after to keep them ... not him. He said he was too ashamed and embarrassed to go to the councellor, but that's him all over his feelings obviously come before mine and our baby. To me if he could break this promise to me straight away it's just a matter of time with him before he breaks the rest, he knew the trust was gone so why make that even worse by not following through on the promises he was making me.

I don't know how to describe this man to you, but i can just sum it up as there is no goodness in him, even when i cried my heart out it was about him and how ashamed he was, how he felt. I could go through a million stories over the years, they don't sum up our entire relationship but it shows he's selfish to the core. This is probably part bitterness on my part but more a reality check. He has no empathy for others or what they go through yet he expects me to understand this?

So my point of this email is I left him Friday night, he's gone away for a stag and won't be back until tomorrow and does n't know (i'm sure he's much happier with 30 men anyway!). I have n't replied to the 2 texts and 1 missed call all weekend! I know he knows something's up, but he won't try to find out in case it interferes with him enjoying his weekend, this is how he thinks I know him.
I've moved home with my parents (cringe!) but I have a house of my own too that I'm giving the tenants notice and will move into. Everything we have is now in my parents bedroom and he'll come back to an empty house tomorrow, which and I don't care how this sounds is what he deserves. He has n't the goodness in him to put his family first, his new baby or anyone else's feelings. i look his friend/godfather to be, single and doting on our child and he has no girl in his life and would give anything for what he has (not the me part!) and then he gets it all instead but does n't deserve it.

So bitterness over for now, i'm defintely going through the angry phaze but I have n't cried a tear since i left (that's amazing for me), i'm actually happier than i have been for a long time as while he will always be in my daughter's life he is finally out of mine. We'll never be friend he does n't deserve that and now finally i see we were just never meant to be.

Take care all,

Rose