Need help - confused?

confussed.com

ok kind of a long post but here goes..


i went out with my ex for 3 years i loved her more then anything in the world , i caught her with my best mate in my bed and left her, it was the hardest thing i ever had to do , it took me so long to get over her, but im with my present girlfriend 4 years now and things are great and havent reall y spoke to my ex in years, tonite she was at a party that i was at and we talked for first real time since all the mess with cheating, turns out her boyfriend done the same to her few weeks ago, she said she knew how i felt back then and had been meaning to contact me, she thinks its faith that we met at the party, anyways we got talking about the good times we had and it was so much fun, then when we were in a nite club i was with my present girlfriend and our song comes on(ine and my ex's) and she gives me this look as if to say remeber this? but with that look felt so weird as if i was falling for her, at the end of the nite she went to kiss me.. i pulled away but i kinda regret it, but i know in the long run it was for the best... i fell so guilty that we nearly kissed and the fact that i think i falling for her again, even tho we both know it can never work.. please help me, what should i do? should i tell my girlfriend my ex tryed to kiss me?

Trapattoni

No you shouldnt tell her if nobodsaw this but seriously and I mean seeeeeriously stay away from her - no contact....I know in your book she may be a good person and "not the type to cheat" but pal if a woman is going to get into bed with another guy never mind your own mate she is not worth even a conversation.

oh and she tried to kiss you knowing you already had a girlfriend? sounds like she hasnt sorted her morals out. I feel a sorry for your current girlfriend if you're considering doing anything on this one - shes the one who has stuck by you and obv hasnt cheated on you either

Do the right thing

Miss Fluff

Your ex sounds like a thundering bitch. A leopard that clearly hasn't changed her spots either. She sleeps with your BEST FRIEND and now wants you to cheat on your partner WITH HER now that you are finally happy? The mind boggles.

No you should not tell your GF that your ex tried to kiss you. That will achieve nothing. I do however think that she may try and contact you and you have to make it crystal clear from the onset that you think she is a thundering bitch and that while cheating is clearly the norm for her, it's not for you. If even tempted, I'd remind yourself of how you felt when you caught her shagging your best mate.

She is trouble OP, stay well clear.

LegacyUser

The best thing to do when you're feeling confused is to do nothing. We can rush in to making unwise decisions when we're on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster and seeing an ex is guarenteed to bring up all sorts of emotions. Question is did you ever think of her at all in the intervening years while you're with your current gf or were you getting on with your life enjoying the relationship you have with her until the ex resurfaced. Give yourself space and distance from your ex and if after a few months you still find yourself confused and thinking of her then you need to do something about your current relationship. Chances are it will have started to have an obvious impact on your relationship if you're still torn. My guess, though, is that with avoidance of your ex she will fade into the background again and you can just concentrate on what you have with your current gf, with whom you've been happy, from what you say.

Best of luck with it.

Munster_Gal

Don't tell your girlfriend about it... nothing good will come of it especially as nothing happened with your ex.
Stay away from your ex... she's bad news.
BUT at the end of the day it's your decision and we can only give our point of view on it...

Moomoo1

I really don't think it's good to hide things like this from your current gf. Especially as you did absolutely nothing wrong here. Tell her that she tried to kiss you and you refused, and she'll make sure that your ex never gets near you again ;-). Which is what you'd want I imagine...

Liam Byrne

confussed.com wrote: »

at the end of the nite she went to kiss me

Her inappropriate action, not yours

confussed.com wrote: »

i pulled away

Your highly APPROPRIATE action.

confussed.com wrote: »

... but i kinda regret it, but i know in the long run it was for the best

Understandable, and as long as you think BOTH of those then there's no criticism from here.

confussed.com wrote: »

... i fell so guilty that we nearly kissed

You've nowt to feel guilty about. She has; you haven't.

confussed.com wrote: »

should i tell my girlfriend my ex tryed to kiss me?

No need. If it wasn't an ex but a randomer, and you'd said "no thanks", would you feel the need ?

confussed.com

bit of an update..

my ex text me this morning saying she was sorry for what happened last nite and if i wanted to meet up for coffee and a chat as stritly friends,i told her i couldnt today.. and she said that she is home for a few more days, i kinda want to meet her because even tho she hurt me i loved her so much and i know its stupid but when i found her in my bed with my best mate, i tryed myself to convince myself it couldnt be true.. my current GF and my ex know each other as we all live in a small village... i havent stopped thinkin about my ex all day i fallin for her again, should i tell my ex how i feel??

Zaph

confussed.com wrote: »

i havent stopped thinkin about my ex all day i fallin for her again, should i tell my ex how i feel??

I'm guessing that you haven't actually read any of the replies in this thread so far if you're asking that question. You have only one course of action open to you if you want to do the decent thing, ignore your ex completely. She'll be gone in a few days and all the potential grief she's likely to cause will be gone with her. Telling your girlfriend how you feel about your ex will only lead you to having a second ex very quickly. This is a woman who cheated on you with your best friend, and tried to make you cheat on your current girlfriend. She's nothing but bad news and cutting her out of your life completely is the only sensible thing you can do.

confussed.com

i was listen to the replies but im now askin should i tell my EX how i fell about her.. i know everyone is sayin to stay away and when she goes bac to OZ im gonna be a afraid that im going to be thinkin "what could have been" .. sorry guys i know in being stupid about the whole thing but i've no where eles to turn...

but you have to understand i loved this girl more then life itself, i always think i never fully got over her.. i use to think about her alot up till recently..

Zaph

You loved her more than life and she slept with your best friend, so clearly she didn't feel the same way about you. It's a complete no-brainer imo, ignore and avoid her until she's gone, no good can come from having any further contact with her.

confussed.com

it really should be a no brainer but it doesnt feel like it... love is f*cked up, i wish i could feel nothin for my ex but i do..

Sheog

It's not unusual to still have strong feelings for an ex years later, especially if they are the ones that did the cheating or the breaking up... and I don't think there is anything wrong with that, unless these feelings get in the way of perspective and threaten to ruin you current relationships that is.

Just please remember that she had her chance with you and she blew it, try to remember what the pain and heart ache felt like back then, and ask yourself can you go through all of that again and can you put your current girlfriend through it? Is she REALLY worth the risk and all the pain she causes?

Miss Fluff

confussed.com wrote: »

bit of an update..

my ex text me this morning saying she was sorry for what happened last nite and if i wanted to meet up for coffee and a chat as stritly friends,i told her i couldnt today.. and she said that she is home for a few more days, i kinda want to meet her because even tho she hurt me i loved her so much and i know its stupid but when i found her in my bed with my best mate, i tryed myself to convince myself it couldnt be true.. my current GF and my ex know each other as we all live in a small village... i havent stopped thinkin about my ex all day i fallin for her again, should i tell my ex how i feel??

If you meet her you will end up sleeping with her. She will then eat you up and spit you out YET AGAIN and you'll have needlessly thrown away your relationship with your current GF for this no-good slapper. This woman isn't worthy of a "chat", she is out to cause trouble and I find it unbelievable that you are leaving yourself wide open for abuse yet again. IGNORE HER.

SarahSassy

confussed.com wrote: »

bit of an update..

my ex text me this morning saying she was sorry for what happened last nite and if i wanted to meet up for coffee and a chat as stritly friends,i told her i couldnt today.. and she said that she is home for a few more days, i kinda want to meet her because even tho she hurt me i loved her so much and i know its stupid but when i found her in my bed with my best mate, i tryed myself to convince myself it couldnt be true.. my current GF and my ex know each other as we all live in a small village... i havent stopped thinkin about my ex all day i fallin for her again, should i tell my ex how i feel??

You are heading for trouble meeting her.... Do it at your peril and only if you are happy to let your PH know you are meeting her and why. Otherwise you are keeping a secret and why would you do that if it was all innocent?

reprazant

confussed.com wrote: »

it really should be a no brainer but it doesnt feel like it... love is f*cked up, i wish i could feel nothin for my ex but i do..

Do nothing for a few days then she will be gone and then the problem is sorted.

I think you are just ignoring the posts where people tell you AVOID and are just waiting for one person to say meet her.

I am sorry, I have to say AVOID like the plague.

LegacyUser

confussed.com wrote: »

i was listen to the replies but im now askin should i tell my EX how i fell about her.. i know everyone is sayin to stay away and when she goes bac to OZ im gonna be a afraid that im going to be thinkin "what could have been" .. sorry guys i know in being stupid about the whole thing but i've no where eles to turn...

but you have to understand i loved this girl more then life itself, i always think i never fully got over her.. i use to think about her alot up till recently..

Reality Check!!!!
"WHEN SHE GOES BACK TO OZ" seriously man, do you actually think that meeting her is a good idea, Ill tell you what will happen if you do, you will ruin your relationship with your current GF your Ex will go back to OZ and you will be in an even bigger mess than you are now, sounds to me like your gonna do what you want anyways though, so best of luck, but you cant expect any sympathy next week when you ask advise on what to do cause you slept with your ex and your GF found out about it.

confussed.com

update guys..
had a huge fight wit my GF last nite and went on the beer with the boys, when i was in the pub my EX was there she came over to me for the chat , we talked for awhile things were fine untill she asked how my best mate was (the one she was in bed with) thats when i got annoyed.. i finally got to talk about to he about that nite, i was expecting her to say it was a drunken accident or something but no she just basiclly said she always liked him and when he kissed her she couldnt help herself..
at that moment all the flashback of seeing them that nite came i told her to leave and she wouldnt she said she still loved me , i got up and she grabbed me.. i then f*cked the head of her askin how she could do this to me and there was noway she could do it to someone you love and i drunkenly told her i never wanted to see her again and i hope she never came back.. i then got bottle of wine and went back made up wit the GF and told her about my ex and she understood and asked did i feel anything for her and i said no..

im glad i actually went to chatted to her it made me realize what a bitch she was.. its taken me so long to see her for what she really was like, i still kind of love her i think i always will but at least this way my mind is at ease..and no things can never be the way the were with her

Miss Fluff

Good that you managed to see the light and your ex in full technicolour as the thundering b1tch she is.

Think it is time now you invested your energy in your relationship with your current GF.

Sheog

That's great news Op! I think all you really needed was some closure... and now you have no regrets either. You did the right thing. Everyone carries some sort of feelings (whether love or hate or indifference) with us long after relationships have ended, that’s totally normal. You can not love someone and share your life with them, and then just stop.

Best of luck to you and your girlfriend.

confussed.com

update...

just found my current GF in bed with a friend of mine... now i have alot of regrets now, i wish i slept with my EX now,i rang my ex there to see if she was still in the country but was just about to get on the plane, im gutted... why do all my GFs chat with my friends.. im at home now with a bottle of whiskey and tryin to book flights to OZ to my EX and to get away from here.. should i go?

Vanbis

confussed.com wrote: »

ok kind of a long post but here goes..


i went out with my ex for 3 years i loved her more then anything in the world , i caught her with my best mate in my bed and left her, it was the hardest thing i ever had to do , it took me so long to get over her, but im with my present girlfriend 4 years now and things are great and havent reall y spoke to my ex in years, tonite she was at a party that i was at and we talked for first real time since all the mess with cheating, turns out her boyfriend done the same to her few weeks ago, she said she knew how i felt back then and had been meaning to contact me, she thinks its faith that we met at the party, anyways we got talking about the good times we had and it was so much fun, then when we were in a nite club i was with my present girlfriend and our song comes on(ine and my ex's) and she gives me this look as if to say remeber this? but with that look felt so weird as if i was falling for her, at the end of the nite she went to kiss me.. i pulled away but i kinda regret it, but i know in the long run it was for the best... i fell so guilty that we nearly kissed and the fact that i think i falling for her again, even tho we both know it can never work.. please help me, what should i do? should i tell my girlfriend my ex tryed to kiss me?

I believe once someone cheats on you then they are going to do it again no matter what they sayafter getting caught. I'm sure you are tempted but you have just spent the last 4yrs with your current Girlfriend and not really spoken to your ex. If it took 4yrs to speak to your Girlfriend after she cheated on you with your so called best mate then i think that shows the lack of respect she had for you, i'm sure there was plenty of drink envoled at the party, My advice is forget and be happy you found someone who is loyal and shows you the respect you deserve to you and has not hurt your feelings.

Moomoo1

confussed.com wrote: »

update...

just found my current GF in bed with a friend of mine... now i have alot of regrets now, i wish i slept with my EX now,i rang my ex there to see if she was still in the country but was just about to get on the plane, im gutted... why do all my GFs chat with my friends.. im at home now with a bottle of whiskey and tryin to book flights to OZ to my EX and to get away from here.. should i go?

dear oh dear... that sucks. Please don't do anything rash like fly to Australia... you are not even sure your Ex wants you there.

legend365

confussed.com wrote: »

update...

just found my current GF in bed with a friend of mine... now i have alot of regrets now, i wish i slept with my EX now,i rang my ex there to see if she was still in the country but was just about to get on the plane, im gutted... why do all my GFs chat with my friends.. im at home now with a bottle of whiskey and tryin to book flights to OZ to my EX and to get away from here.. should i go?

You cant be serious!?

confussed.com

legend365 wrote: »

You cant be serious!?

i wish i wasnt.. i cant belive it myself... im just not ment to be happy..

legend365

If you can afford to start fresh...

Go somewhere. Forget your 'mates'. Forget the 'ex-gfs'.

Dont let these SCUM control your life, its YOURS!

Live your life man!

Moomoo1

look on the bright side: you now have a story to tell that will rival any soap opera plot in the world. The timing is _very_ impressive. People are paid money to come up with those things.

you found no. 2 after being heartbroken about no. 1, so I am sure there will be a no. 3 to replace no. 2. And hopefully it would be 3rd time lucky for you.

EDIT whatever you do, just don't buy any plane tickets. I am sure no. 1 will come again to this country, so,if you are down to the absolute last resort, this avenue might still be open.

confussed.com

i have giving up on women, i give them everything and thrown back in my face..twice! ya i have a nice bit of money saved up so going to get out of here to ****! anybody have any advice what i should do..

Moomoo1

I think you should stop and think for a few days before you make any commitment to go anywhere. Change of scene can be great, but only as long as it is well-planned and well-thought out.

PS and make sure you don't wait 4 years to tell no. 2 how you feel about this (like you did with no. 1) (see post 18)

confussed.com

god im in bits , why does everything f*ck up for me? i just really wanna talk to somebody? anybody want to listen to a sad loser ?

Moomoo1

mate, there'll be plenty of people here tomorrow. Just have a drink, go to sleep, and stop feeling so bad about yourself.