OH seems to have changed personality overnight.

LegacyUser

Hi I told my kids recently about myself and oh splitting up. was v diplomatic, no blame or finger pointing. Am so hurt for kids as oh left me not them, was so unfair on them. But oh is gone so they needed to b told by myself b4 the overheard it from anyone or anyone else told them. Thing is oh has changed dramatically, gotten so angry and hostile towards me since split, even moreso since i told kids? I don't get it, oh wanted out, i played ball and am being v gracious and well behaved about it all, where is all the anger and hostility coming from? we haven't met much over last couple of months but when we do oh can't look me in the eye....Am v confused, don't recognise oh at all. had been together for 10 years, can you really not know someone at all?
Any advice,explainations greatly appreciated.

Victor

A marriage (indeed family) break-up is one of the most stressful events you can go through in your life.

Sometimes, all the stresses, big and small get built-up inside and when we have a stable outlet, thats OK. Howerver, if there is no outlet and/or the level of stress goes above what we can handle, then problems show. Sometimes, the thing that pushes us over the limit can be small.

Do you know if he has any outlet? Whether family, friends, counselling?

LegacyUser

Maybe the kids were angry & said something to him which made him think you were bad mouthing him. Or did he want to be the one to tell them about the break up? Are they his kids as well as you mention "my kids" in your post. Has he got much access to them now? Maybe that's affecting him if he doesnt.

CDfm

This hasnt come out of the blue. He is angry/resentful about something and couples do know what buttons to press.

Have you tried the family mediation service or Accord

Family Mediation Service (Dublin)



1st Floor
St. Stephen's Green House
Earlsfort Terrrace
Dublin 2
County:
Dublin
Country:
Ireland
Tel:
+353 (0)1 6344320
Fax:
+353 (0)1 6622339
Email:
fmsearlsfort@welfare.ie

Accord is www.accord.ie

NickNolte

You could do worse than ask him, as calmly and diplomatically as possible, why he's being so hostile and resentful. At the end of the day, he's a grown man and he's behaving like a petulant child. You deserve an explanation as to what you did/what he has perceived you to do. If he refuses to discuss things with you and continues with his anger and hostility, take the kids and get the hell away from him lest his anger turns to violence towards any of you.

CDfm

NickNolte wrote: »

You could do worse than ask him, as calmly and diplomatically as possible, why he's being so hostile and resentful. At the end of the day, he's a grown man and he's behaving like a petulant child. You deserve an explanation as to what you did/what he has perceived you to do. If he refuses to discuss things with you and continues with his anger and hostility, take the kids and get the hell away from him lest his anger turns to violence towards any of you.

It seems to me that sometimes explanations and analysis are too much.Sometimes you have to suck it up. You cant just wipe out 10 years of feelings so there is bound to be hurt and he might even be regretting his decision.

Emotions are not rational.Thats whats mediation and counselling is for.After all all the kids are young and for the next 15 to 20 years together or apart you are going to have some kind of working relationship.

NickNolte

Well for a start, we're assuming that it was a he that walked out on a her. The OP could be a man. We're also assuming that the OP's kids were fathered/mothered by the 'other half'. This may or may not be the case.

At the end of the day, the other half walked out of the relationship and is now acting with hostility towards the OP, who has no idea why. This isn't right. I'm sorry, but you can't just act with hostility towards someone without explanation. 'Emotions are not rational' is scant excuse. If the other half has a chip on his/her shoulder then fair enough... but there has to be an explanation for it. The OP deserves an explanation and not to be left in the dark, to be abused and emotionally bullied verbatim.

CDfm

I don't know but am assuming that the OP is female.

I do think that some people do go OTT loooking for explanations and there does not seem to be much in the line of talking or dialogue here.

The OP hasnt said what ages the kids are and what arrangements have been made regarding access maintenance and whatever.

My assumption whatever the OPs gender is that they need some form of mediation as they are not talking as it is.