Should I stop this in its tracks before I emigrate??

LegacyUser

Help me out here guys! In a bit of a predicament that I prayed wouldn't happen and tried to avoid.

I'm planning on emigrating to another European country in a few months for work reasons...this was a plan I've been working on the past few months and it seemed like a great plan because I'm single and there's nothing really keeping me here...at least this was the case up until last week when I met a guy at a party in a different part of the country and we met up again for a date this week in my city and for the first time in a while, we clicked big time. There were definite sparks-a-flying. He seems really keen...has been sending me texts since telling me how much he enjoyed my company, how beautiful I was and I feel the same. He's just brilliant...ticks all the boxes....I don't feel this way about men like this very often. It was an instant attraction thing but the more we got along during the night, the more we talked about meeting up again but I made it very clear that I'm emigrating in a few months and would be cautious about getting into anything with anyone before I left.

Too late. He's on my mind all the time now...can't wait to see him again but also having regrets that I started anything, even if it's only been one date so far. Nothing could come of it but instead of feeling excited about the "what might be", I'm terrified of falling for someone before I go and having my heart broken. Like most people, I've had my heart broken and have done the long-distance relationship thing and I never want to willingly go through either of those things again.

The guy is not Irish, he seems like a free agent and has travelled a fair bit in his life and talked about moving on again at some stage but to where? I don't know. He's massively into water sports...was the main reason why he moved here but I've no interest in living near the sea...I've plans to move to a big, busy city right inland...

I know I sound a bit nuts even thinking this way after one date but I know myself well and I have a gut feeling something great could come from this.

Going on what I told you, should I just go with it and see what happens or stop it now to prevent any potential heartbreak?? I have my heart set on emigrating....learning the language, doing an English teaching course, saving the little bit of spare cash I have and I'll be loosing my job in a month and a half and I'm broke as it is. There's nothing I want to stay in the country for at the moment and I have my heart set on leaving but now I've met a great guy and it's melting my head.

Advice please! Thanks guys.

[Jackass]

What's your policy on cake?

I like to have mine and eat it.

Go out with the dude, always always very clear you're going, don't change the plan, but who knows how things will turn out over the next few months, you may realise that this is the guy!! So, he may come over with you, or you may have a long distant relationship and then decide either he wants to come over or you come back, but the 2 most important things are:

1/ Don't lose out on the guy that could be perfect for you because of something that's happening in a few months. He may turn out to be a twat in 2 weeks, but at least you'll know and wont always be wondering.

2/ If the plan was to go, then don't change it on a wing and a prayer, if both of you are serious about it still after a few months, then you'll find a way to make it work, but don't lose out on the oppertunity over a relationship that may come to nothing.

Tell him now, next time you see him "You know, I've never really clicked with somebody so soon as I have with you. It got me thinking that this could really be going somewhere, and I really like it. I just want you to know now though, before we go any further, that I will be leaving in a few months, but if things go as great as I hope they will, I'd still like to find a way to stay together. But it's good to have it in the open now"....

haha, ok, maybe a bit much after one date, but wait until you get to the "seeing eachother" stage and then crack open that bad boy.

Give it six months. BOOM. Cake all over your face.

willy wonka

I think you should give it a go. It might end up being great or it might fizzle out.
But you'll never know if you don't go for it.
But never lose sight of your goal which is to move to Europe.

If this ends up being amazing, you could still keep in touch and if he is a free agent, he may travel over to see you and might even move there.

No-one knows what will happen.
Have you ever watched the films Before Sunrise or Before Sunset? - it's about a guy who meets a girl on a train whilst travelling and they spend only a day together but they really click and want to meet again. I wont give away the ending but the 2nd film is about them in 10 years time and they say that in your 20s you think you will meet loads of people who you connect with but by your 30s you realise you'll only ever meet a few.

So you should take this chance and see where it goes.

jasonbourme.cs

willy wonka wrote: »

No-one knows what will happen.
Have you ever watched the films Before Sunrise or Before Sunset? - it's about a guy who meets a girl on a train whilst travelling and they spend only a day together but they really click and want to meet again. I wont give away the ending but the 2nd film is about them in 10 years time and they say that in your 20s you think you will meet loads of people who you connect with but by your 30s you realise you'll only ever meet a few.

So you should take this chance and see where it goes.

on a side note excellent films , but yeah definately go ahead and take a chance . no guts no glory

LegacyUser

jasonbourme.cs wrote: »

on a side note excellent films , but yeah definately go ahead and take a chance . no guts no glory

Thanks for your opinions, guys. Yeah...I saw both of those films and love them. They were both in their early twenties in the first one..all idealistic and away with the fairies as you are at the age and to be honest, I was never convinced that you could have feelings for someone that quickly. I've travelled and met a few really special guys on my way but nothing could ever come of it because I was moving on. I would be the romantic type and I do believe there's very few people you click with. I'm in my late twenties and I guess I can't be as picky as I used to be but saying that, this guy is great. I've got a really good feeling about him...he's about 8 or 9 years older than me and he plays no games, tells me he likes me without hesitation, actually phones me instead of texting and it's refreshing after years of messing around. The thing is, because of his age, I don't want to mess him around either and waste his time and I think he's keen. I can't be responsible for another person's happiness. He could be looking for "the one" but I'm leaving the country in a few months.

I'm genuinely terrfied that this could lead to heartache. I know you're all saying I should go for it but practically speaking, I don't think I could go through all that again. If I start going out with him now and I emigrate in 2 and half months, this doesn't give us much of a base of a relationship to make it last if we do decide to do the long-distance thing or wait 'till we make a compromise on location.

I dunno, I should be all excited about this but I just have this nauseous, apprehensive feeling instead. My head is wreaked..I really like this guy but I have my heart set on moving (I'm pretty stubborn about these things...if I decide on something, that's it...plus with this recession, I don't have a choice)..is there really any point? Should I get realistic here and just forget him to save me potential heartache? Shoudl I begin something that could be huge knowing there's a good chance it won't work out? Before Sunrise/Sunset were only films after all.

It's all about timing isn't it?

helimachoptor

honestly, most places in europe are only one flight away and with ryanair are plenty cheap and tbh working in another european country especially if you dont speak the language can be quite lonely.

LegacyUser

helimachoptor wrote: »

honestly, most places in europe are only one flight away and with ryanair are plenty cheap and tbh working in another european country especially if you dont speak the language can be quite lonely.

But I don't want to spend all my free time commuting back and forth from here or I'll never get settled in the other country. No, the emigration idea is a definite go ahead. I have a few friends there, have a decent grasp of the lingo, always wanted to live there and have connections to getting a job...I don't get lonely much...I'm not the type. I'm sociable but like my own company and have lived abroad for most of my twenties. Nah, I'm moving, no doubt about it. This has been on the cards for ages. Ireland ain't for me at the minute.

It's a lost cause, isn't it? I think I've answered my own question...I'll forget about this fella, I think.

SarahSassy

You have...

helimachoptor

Meltedhead wrote: »

But I don't want to spend all my free time commuting back and forth from here or I'll never get settled in the other country. No, the emigration idea is a definite go ahead. I have a few friends there, have a decent grasp of the lingo, always wanted to live there and have connections to getting a job...I don't get lonely much...I'm not the type. I'm sociable but like my own company and have lived abroad for most of my twenties. Nah, I'm moving, no doubt about it. This has been on the cards for ages. Ireland ain't for me at the minute.

It's a lost cause, isn't it? I think I've answered my own question...I'll forget about this fella, I think.

Op the fact that your on here talking about it I think means that your looking for a reason to try and save this fledgeling relationship.

You don't have to commute every weekend, and he doesn't have to go over every weekend once/twice a month, use webcams/skype etc,
you've nothing to lose by giving it a try. I work abroad a good bit but was 3 years into a relationship. Its hard and doubly harder for a new relationship but if its not working out and you end it its not like your going to see him again.