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My friend's son has just been put in prison

  • 09-07-2009 10:41PM
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 184 ✭✭


    My friend's 19 year old son has just been put in prison. They live in England, it is a young offender's place, and she has taken it terribly badly.

    The lad knew he had it coming, it was over credit card stuff, had not bothered to meet with his probabation officer(?), had failed to do his community service etc., and has now been incarcerated for 12 weeks.

    I am worried for him, he is susceptible to depression and panic attacks, but I am really worried about his mother.

    She raised all her children as a working (struggling) single parent, with little help from the father. I had a relationship with her from 2002 - 2004 - she would never live with me. After splitting with me, she had a more serious relationship with another guy that lasted for 3 years and ended six months ago. He had it all money, Golf GTi etc and during that time the lad moved out of her house (rows, kicking doors etc) maybe because the flash boyfriend encouraged her to kick him out. Son went to live with father's family.

    She got back in touch with me after that relationship ended. We are just friends. She now blames herself for everything that happened - wishes she had never met Golf GTi man etc.

    I'm struggling to comfort her. I have told her she must not blame herself (or Golf GTi man) for what happened. Son may be 19 but like many of that age does not always think like an adult, and has made some bad choices, and will hopefully learn from his mistakes.

    Son will not fill in a visiting order, so she can't go to see him. I have suggested she write to him. What do I say / suggest she do to help her ?


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    tell her to visit the prison chaplin and explain her feelings to him, the chaplin can offer support to her and her son and possibly help her through this.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    OP, my mother has been in a similar situation. You would be amazed at how things like this shows you who your friends really are. My mothers friend has seen more than one son spend time in prison. A lot of people washed their hands of this poor woman, as if being her friend diminished their own credibility among the neighbours. But my mum didn't and stayed her friend thorugh the toughest times. Her friend often tells us that if it wasn't for our mum she would have been lost.

    What I'm trying to say OP is stick by this woman and make it obvious too, she needs you now more than ever.

    Unfortunately there is not much you can do for her son, all you can do is hope his time isn't too long.


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