Ex hates me

LegacyUser

please help me - my ex hates me. what can i do?? like he really really hates me

Victor

You are going to have to help us to help you. Why does he hate you?

StopNotWorking

Does he have a good reason to? If not then don't bother with him.

LegacyUser

unfortunately he does have good reason. but the thought of him hating me - its horrible. and not seeing him again.

Novella

Unregistered wrote: »

please help me - my ex hates me. what can i do?? like he really really hates me

Did you do something to make him hate you? If so, and if you are actually sorry, maybe you should write him a letter or something, explaining why you did what you did, say how sorry you are, how much you regret it and how much you'd like to be friends with him. That way, the ball is in his court. If he wants to contact you again, he will. If not, he won't. At least you'll know you've apologised and done as much as you could to preserve the friendship / relationship.

If, however, he just hates you for no particular reason, I'd say just leave that. Don't beat yourself up about it and try your best to move on.

This is very difficult to reply to as you haven't really given any background information so I'm not too sure what your situation is. Best of luck anyway.

G-Money

We don't really know why he hates you, maybe it's a good reason, maybe it's not. But at the end of the day, he's an ex, so why the need for him to like you? I say leave him alone and move on with your life. You should be completely honest with yourself and think whether you did something that was truly worthy of him hating you, and not say you didn't just because you don't want it to be true. Also place yourself in his shoes and see things how he does and don't distort or twist it to appease your conscience or to back up your own thoughts.

If you did do something wrong, you can say sorry but it may be the case that he's hurt so much that he just doesn't want to have anything to do with you. If that's the case, it's normal and you can't blame him.

If he's acting unreasonably, then there's not much you can do and you should just try and forget about it and move on.

LegacyUser

my ex will never forgive me - how do you get over someone when they might aswell be dead to you?

Novella

Unregistered wrote: »

unfortunately he does have good reason. but the thought of him hating me - its horrible. and not seeing him again.

If he has a good reason then it is probably best to prepare yourself for the fact that he won't want to see you again. You can still try writing him a letter and that way you can get your feelings down on paper. Even if he doesn't respond, it can be good to get it out of your system like that.
I know the thought of never seeing him again is horrible but trust me, time heals all wounds and even if you don't end up being friends, you will learn from your mistake (I mean whatever you did to make him hate you) and this will only stand to make you a better partner to someone else in the future.

Chin up, we all make mistakes.

John Mason

he is your ex, he has every right to hate you

i suggest you forget him and go out this weekend and get back on the horse

Tar.Aldarion

Did you do something recently and broke up or something? Or is he an ex for a while? People react to this differently and it is hard to control the anger, you can get consumed by anger, especially if you betrayed or hurt him. Either give him time, but he may not talk to you ever again, or visit him and tell him you are sorry. Not a text, email, call. Try and repair it face to face if you want to see him. Maybe give it a bit of time, he may need to calm down if it is recent.

G-Money

You've admitted he has a good reason to hate you so I doubt he will phone you up tomorrow happy as Larry wanting to be friends again. I don't know exactly what you did but if some girl hurt me I'd never want to see her again and would lose no sleep over cutting her out of my life.

I think you are naive if you think he won't hate you and seeing you done something that justifies it, I think you just have to accept its the consequence of your actions. The only good thing that might come out of this is if you treat your new bf better. I'm guessing the reason he hates you is something to do with another guy.

LegacyUser

op here - i did do something that hurt him alot - i wont say what. but its hard to come to terms with never seeing him again - when to be honost he probably was the love of my life.

Lux23

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - i did do something that hurt him alot - i wont say what. but its hard to come to terms with never seeing him again - when to be honost he probably was the love of my life.

The fact that you won't say what speaks volumes. You know what you did was wrong and that it hurt him alot so just sit down and realise that no matter what you do he probably doesn't ever want to see you again. And you will just have to deal with it. Sorry its harsh buts its true.

Otis Driftwood

You are being very obtuse OP.How can you expect advice/measured opinions when you are simply saying you hurt him.

Did you cheat on him?
Did you steal from him?
Did you run over his dog?

Its pointless giving you advice when you are only giving very minor details.

LegacyUser

i know 100% fact he will never forgive me so there is no point saying what i did. i suppose im looking for advice on how to move on? how do i get over it?

Deedsie

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - i did do something that hurt him alot - i wont say what. but its hard to come to terms with never seeing him again - when to be honost he probably was the love of my life.

Well with the information you have provided, its hard to give a different opinion than "good enough for you" And hopefully he'll find someone new who wont hurt him.

Sarah W

Whatever you did - learn from it and make sure you never do it again. If it makes *you* feel better write to the ex with an abject, sincere apology. But don't expect a reply.

not yet

Christ you must have slept with his old man....

Write to him and tell him how sorry you are.

LegacyUser

and how long should i leave it until the dust settles before i write? a few weeks? months maybe? im thinking months...

the_god_swan

Unregistered wrote: »

please help me - my ex hates me. what can i do?? like he really really hates me

Don't do the crime if you cant do the time girl.

Don't write to him, leave him in peace to move on from whatever you did to him, he deserves that at least!

PS. and don't do it any again... :P

Saucey-Susie

Unregistered wrote: »

please help me - my ex hates me. what can i do?? like he really really hates me

just move on and get over him. he is your ex. if its something you did, oh well, nothing you can do. if its something you didnt do, stupid him for thinkin you did

either way your prob better off

messygirl

If people hate you (no matter what you did) move on forget about them and just stop talking to them/about them.

Frankly I like to keep exes in the past, that's why i broke up with them/they broke up with me, although I know not everyone feels this way.

Depending on how you feel about him, who ended it, what you did/said, then the time varies. Could be six months, could be two years. In the meantime, get a new hobby, visit family and friends, re-establish relationships with old friends, join a club or a class to keep you occupied, get a dog, do something you have always wanted to do. Write down a list of 3 things you want to do/achieve this month/in the next six months/and in the next year, whether it is loose weight, get fit, learn to horse ride, do a parachute jump, learn a new language, find the perfect pair of boots, and concentrate on fulfilling those ambitions. Do something positive instead of focusing on the past and the negative.

He has made it obvious he doesnt want you in his life so there is nothing you can do and trying to force a relationship (even as friends) isnt fair on him or you. Apologise one last time via email (texts too short, if he hates you he doesnt want to see you, and letters are too physical a reminder of what you did, at least the email he can instantly delete if he wants to) Let him go and dont contact him again. If you care about him think about what he wants, and what he wants is for you not to be in his life, not for you to apologise and try and force him to talk to you!

Sorry if it seems a bit harsh but I think you need to hear the truth and if my ex did something horrible I would just want to be left alone to live my life and get over it.

Best of luck! And that goals thing is fantastic, especially when you exceed them!

Saucey-Susie

Unregistered wrote: »

i know 100% fact he will never forgive me so there is no point saying what i did. i suppose im looking for advice on how to move on? how do i get over it?

we all could probably help you a lot more if you said what you did. we arent here to judge you, but to help you. and some of us may have done what you did or had other halfs that did it on us.

Its hard to say how to move on, how to get over it if we dont know what it is. Also, depends on how serious it is as to whether or not to write a letter. If my OH did something so horrific like you are saying that made me hate them and i never wanted to see them again, the last thing i personally would want would be a letter a few weeks or months down the line when i feel like im finally getting over them to drag it all back up

it may not be as bad as you think it is..

ncmc

Don't write him a letter - it is a selfish act - you would only be doing it to ease your sense of guilt. All you would be doing is dragging up old feelings with him and he would probably end up hating you more.

I get the impresssion that you broke up recently? If so, time is a great healer, your feelings of guilt (and his feelings of hate) will ease with time.

The reality of life is that there will always be people who don't like you, worrying about it is just pointless and will wreck your head. Just move on, get on with your life and don't do what you did again

Wagon

not yet wrote: »

Christ you must have slept with his old man....

That's what i thought too! Don't think anyone is that bad though.

i'd say leave it. If a girl did something horrible to me and i got a letter apologising it would go straight into the fire. You're better off sending him a blank page for all the good it will do. And tough shít if you miss him and may never see him again. These are the consequences of your actions so deal with them. Start by leaving him alone.

SarahSassy

It will actually be easier for you to move on with no contact from him....

G-Money

Better off to just leave the guy alone. If you hurt him as badly as you say, constantly saying sorry is just going to annoy the s*** out of him and make him think "I wish she had thought of that before doing..." and will make him resent you even more.

To be honest you just have to accept this as a consequence of your actions as it's seemingly your own fault, no-one else's. Sorry if that's harsh but in the circumstances, its your ex who deserves the sympathy.

LegacyUser

op here - my ex hurt me first - i forgave him, i hurt my ex - he wouldnt forgive me. not really fair is it - maybe im better off without - what do ye think?

Sarah W

Yes.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - i did do something that hurt him alot - i wont say what. but its hard to come to terms with never seeing him again - when to be honost he probably was the love of my life.

If he was the love of your life,then why did ye break up?

unhappycamper

Sounds like you guys have got yourself into a real mess. You both need time to cool off and stand down. I lost the love of my life to bad behaviour and it is a battle to pull yourself together (9 months on it's still really hard). The fact is if you really love each other enough you will make it through this break up. Hate is far too strong a word unless you were with his best friend in which case he probably does hate you. If he decided to continue to hate you then all you can do is wait until he calms down. This could take a long time or just a few days who knows. Writing to him will help but don't expect it to change anything. Love is challenging but it is also forgiving, if he decides that for now and the future he doesn't want to forgive you then how can he truly love you? The best people in the world make stupid mistakes so forgive yourself you are not the only person to upset your partner like this. Take a step back and try and see things from his perspective. If your boyfriend is being a hypocrite than that’s his beef not yours. Best of luck OP, I am in a similar situation, but we do wild and bad things completely out of character especially when drink is involved. Mistakes are part of growing, learning and developing.
I hate making them but they do happen sadly and it can take a long time to recover and forgive yourself but you will.. be strong and take responsibilty for the role you played, by the sounds of it you both are in this 50/50 but then again the info is thin.

LegacyUser

maybe he thinks you hate him and thats why hes not talking to you.

Wurly

OP - it really is impossible to give you advice without knowing the bones of the situation.

it could be that you did something unforgivable, it could be that your OH is overreacting and just needs time out for a bit or it could be a multitude of other things.

Really - we need more info to help you. You are posting unregistered so it's not like anyone is going to know who you are.

sachamama

you ask about how you can move on from this?
you have to start by being honest with yourself and by opening up and talking about what happened.

you dont have to do that here but you are not going to get any joy from posting on here if you dont tell us what happened. you are going unregistered, nobody knows who you are, and still you are afraid to broach the subject. this in itself shows great resistance to move, so you will be stuck where you are stuck now, for as long as you choose to remain quiet.

phone a friend you trust, talk to us here, but you will not be able to move on until you can forgive yourself for whatever it is you have done. and if you cant do that quite yet, perhaps you have some unfinished business to attend to. (such as apologising to someone)

rustynutz

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - i did do something that hurt him alot - i wont say what. but its hard to come to terms with never seeing him again - when to be honost he probably was the love of my life.

Speaking as someone who was once in your ex's shoes I would say do nothing,if you are sure what you done is bad enough for him to hate you I would not try and contact him.

My ex constantly texted and called me for two whole months without me answering or replying to any of them after she cheated on me(not saying thats what you done) and I can honestly say each time she did I lost another little bit of respect for her because as I saw it she was doing it for her own sake not mine.

My advice?Move on with your life and let him do the same.

LegacyUser

op here - i posted here before saying me ex hated me - and that i kept contacting him etc - well i did one last time last week - and he 100% hates me. he dumped me 7 times we were together - i forgave me each time and went back to him, well the last time he dumped me - i guess i just lost it, i told him repeatedly i wished him and him family died! well he no longer wants me to contact him. thats my story. bad i know

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

i told him repeatedly i wished him and him family died! well he no longer wants me to contact him.

Well, if your wish had come true then he wouldn't be contacting you either.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - i posted here before saying me ex hated me - and that i kept contacting him etc - well i did one last time last week - and he 100% hates me. he dumped me 7 times we were together - i forgave me each time and went back to him, well the last time he dumped me - i guess i just lost it, i told him repeatedly i wished him and him family died! well he no longer wants me to contact him. thats my story. bad i know

Just delete all contact details and leave him alone.

leeroybrown

Unregistered wrote: »

i told him repeatedly i wished him and him family died! well he no longer wants me to contact him.

I think you'll just have to learn to live without him. If someone treated me like that I'd probably just cut them out of my life. It wouldn't really even be hate. Someone can pass the point where life is just better if you ignore the fact that they exist. Harsh as it sounds, it's true.

LegacyUser

op here - so i guess its all my fault??!! i put up with him dumping me 7 times, him an ex behind my back saying we were broken up and we weren't, dumping me the weekend we were due to move in together and i left homeless!! was i not justifed a small bit even to vent my anger? or should i have just acted like a doormat and left him treat me like dirt?

Sarah W

There is a slight difference between venting your anger and wishing him and his family dead.....

Given the appalling way he treated you, why on earth do you care if he hates you or not?

Move on with your life, forget about him but learn the lessons of not allowing yourself to be treated badly and equally not throwing horrible insults. In short, grow up.

SarahSassy

He sounds like a total b@stard.... Why do you still care? You seem to be willing to let him keep kicking you. Have some pride and move on.. His loss.

leeroybrown

As SarahSassy says, he may indeed be a total b*stard. In that case it's all the more likely that'll he'll just wash his hands of you (unless it suits him otherwise) and all the more reason for you to try to move on. If the relationship was like that why do you ever want to see him again?

Tar.Aldarion

I am surprised this is about him hating you, you should be hating him?

CDfm

7 times and you still went back each time. ? What age are you?

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - so i guess its all my fault??!! i put up with him dumping me 7 times, him an ex behind my back saying we were broken up and we weren't, dumping me the weekend we were due to move in together and i left homeless!! was i not justifed a small bit even to vent my anger? or should i have just acted like a doormat and left him treat me like dirt?

You never told us that much. I don't understand though, why would you care if he hates you? He sounds like a bóllocks!

Trinity

Are you the girl that posted about texting her bf 100 times and he ignored you?

Listen i know it is very very hard to walk away but if he keeps dumping you like that why wont you do yourself a favour?

I'm not a bitter person at all i dont hold grudges but maybe you need to think of the bad times and how badly he treated you?

Remember what a prick he was to you and remind yourself you are worth so much more than this.

You need to give yourself a confidence boost.

Is a little holiday with some friends a possibility? It sounds like you are hurting a lot so you need a breather, take a step back and have a look at the truth and take off the rose tinted glasses.

So in short how to get over him is to be good to yourself, learn to like yourself, get cocky about yourself and your worth and when you are ready go out and find someone that deserves you and treats you with a bit of respect.

LegacyUser

op here - i have moved away from where my ex and i lived. we did meet up to say goodbye which was quiet emotional for us both. so thanks to all your replys etc. im moving on with my life and so is he. We were both too selfish and not mature enough for a proper relationship. I live and learn eh!!

Otis Driftwood

Unregistered wrote: »

I live and learn eh!!

Once you do.

Good luck.