Headache of a situation

LegacyUser

I'll try to keep this as short as I can (I'm an a male in my early twentys).

So a few months ago I got back in touch with an old school friend. We hadn't seen each other in years but we quickly built up a solid rapport. I really liked her when we were in school and I quickly remembered why once I got back in touch. But she was with someone so I was happy to just be her friend.

A few weeks ago the boyfriend dumped her because he didn't want to be in a relationship. She was really cut up about it even though she was only with the guy since March or something. For my part, I had no intention of making a move because I had no interest in being any part of any potential rebound.

So a couple of days after being dumped she texted me, and we ended up texting into the early hours, like 4am or something. She asked me out (I won't say where, just know that it is definitely a place that a guy and a girl don't go to unless they are on a date). I didn't think much of it, to me it was just two friends doing something together.

However she spent the rest of the week flirting with me, saying things like "you've no idea how bad I can be and you'll see for yourself" and she kept on telling me how she thought I was very good looking and that "my looks are a good thing in her book." She really had me thinking that she was interested in me and I was really looking forward to our night out (which is this weekend).

But then out of the blue she texted me on Saturday morning because she wanted to tell me "the gossip about the night before"; she had slept with her ex the night before. Now I don't care about that, she's not with me so it's none of my business who she sleeps with. My problem is that I always had this thing at the back of my head that she was pining for her ex; indeed she told me that after her night with the ex it gives her some hope for the two of them. My fears have been confirmed because the enthusiasm she once had for our night out has now been replaced with underwhemling disinterest and indifference. The more I talk to her the more I think she sees our night out as a chore, and that she'd much rather be with her ex.

So, now I'm not looking forward to tomorrow either because of her indifferent attitude and to be honest, I don't feel like going tomorrow now either. But I have to go, because I don't want to make it obvious that I'm upset (and as a result make it obvious that I like her "in that way").

Any advice would be much appreciated.

LegacyUser

Why dont you just ask her straight out if she is still on to go out or else suggest going somewhere less "coupley" than where she originally suggested?

prinz

Here's some advice, she's a head wrecker - leave her be. She needed an ego boost and to see if she still 'had it' IMO and she got what she needed from you. If it wasn't you it would have been some other chump. Obviously she still has a thing for the ex, do you really want to be second best? Just go, keep your distance and don't fall for any flirting or signs she wants you because in reality she doesn't tbh, at the moment anyway. Do what you were going to do to begin with - be her friend and don't fall for any batting of the eyelashes.

Astrogeek

Her boyfriend dumped her because he didn't want a relationship but met up with her to have sex with her?
And now she thinks because of that he will want to get back in a relationship with her?

I think she was using flirting with you as a distraction so she wouldn't have to think about the other guy. I doubt she was ever actually interested in you. (sorry if I'm being blunt)

Call her and ask her if she would like to do something different, say you don't feel like doing what ye had planned.

Her ex is using her, she probably even knows he is. If she is anything like me she won't listen to it being said out loud. She'll let him continue to use her until he finds another girl and be crushed.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Why dont you just ask her straight out if she is still on to go out or else suggest going somewhere less "coupley" than where she originally suggested?

Yup I already asked her once or twice if she still wanted to go out, and I told her that I'd be totally fine if she didn't wanna go. But she just told me not to be silly and that of course she still wanted to go.

Any suggestions on where to go in town other than the cinema? :P

Originally posted by Prinz
Here's some advice, she's a head wrecker - leave her be. She needed an ego boost and to see if she still 'had it' IMO and she got what she needed from you. If it wasn't you it would have been some other chump. Obviously she still has a thing for the ex, do you really want to be second best? Just go, keep your distance and don't fall for any flirting or signs she wants you because in reality she doesn't tbh, at the moment anyway. Do what you were going to do to begin with - be her friend and don't fall for any batting of the eyelashes.

I agree man, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going into it with the friend mentality.

Originally posted by Astrogeek
Her boyfriend dumped her because he didn't want a relationship but met up with her to have sex with her?
And now she thinks because of that he will want to get back in a relationship with her?

Yeah I know, I can't say that to her though. I don't want to be one of those saddos who will do or say anything to get with a girl who doesn't want to be with me.

But it is frustrating for sure, as I know from experience that all this guy is doing is getting an easy rocks off.

LegacyUser

OP again. So I asked if she wanted to do anything different, but she was pretty adamant that she still wanted to go. In fact she seemed a little upset that I tried to change our plans. I don't what to think, maybe I am just thinking about things too much.

Taltos

Look if you can't change where you are going - best not to make a big deal of it.

Just keep your distance and keep sober - we all know what will happen after a few drinks.
You can always beg off early as well - don't feel like you have to hang around.
If she acts out and asks what wrong - just tell her straight out you had a great night as mates but after a head-wrecking day today in work you've a bit of a migraine and you really need to get your head down... (see not just women can use that excuse).


Your other option here - is to cancel it now - tell her something has come up in work/home - and you need to reschedule for 2 wks time - really sorry bla bla bla - but there is no way you can get out of it...

Those 2 wks might just give her and you the time you need here.