What does everyone do all day???

LegacyUser

Hi,

Might sound like a silly question, but this is kind of been bothering me for a while.

I'm a decent guy, fairly sociable to talk to, I joke around when I get comfortable in peoples company and get on with people I cross paths with in life fairly well.

My day to day life is pretty much Monday to Friday getting up, going to work, then coming home and watching TV. I live with my family, so would have some interaction with them, and in work I chat away to people and do my job etc.

But, I don't really have many friends...despite not really having problems with people.

I just think I'm missing something here......I have a handfull of friends, would rarely speak to them during the week. They would text me or I would text them at weekends, and we might go for a beer etc.

I never talk to people just for the sake of it (like ring somebody "for a chat") and nobody rings me either.

The only thing I do with people really is go for pints. Nothing else. And I get sick of that and sometimes just don't meet up, and money also, it's expensive, I don't know how people afford to be in the pub the whole time, but I don't really engage them in any other way and they don't really engage me in any other way.

People in work are the same. Outside of work, the only interaction would be the occasional pint, but that's it.

Surely this isn't having friends? I mean, what do people who are friends do with eachother?

A typical week, how do people interact with friends? I don't even know what else I would do...text them to see if they want to come over and watch a DVD or something? That just doesn't really seem like the type of thing I would do with these people.

So my only interaction is really with girls...I might meet a girl, go for a few drinks with her, and then cinema or just "hang out", but I don't know how to forge that kind of friendship with a guy first of all, but also with anybody without it being because we fancy eachoter...if you know what I mean..it's really difficult to explain.

So how do you hang out? I don't know how to hang out or what it is, or what to suggest...no one else seems to be doing it either...unless it involves the pub drinking (which I enjoy, but not all the time, more for the price of it than anything! But it also gets boring and it takes a lot out of you...during the week your wrecked for work after but get little chance to catch up on sleep, at the weekend, Friday night makes Saturday a write off, Saturday night and you're in the horrors Sunday, waiting around for Monday)

All I do is sit at home and watch TV or stay on the internet for hours and hours and hours patrolling the same handfull of sites over and over again, interacting with strangers because I've got nothig better to do.

Maybe I'm just incredibly boring, maybe I just don't know how to hold a friendship or what a good friendship is.

And I don't have a "group" to do group activities...is that what you need, a group of the same people who are all friends? And how do I get one?? haha - I'm 26 - people don't just make friends anymore, this is it now, I think I'm fu*ked...

I gurantee that 90% of you out there have 90% of your friends from school or college or childhood ..... nobody EVER makes a friend after the age of 25 I reckon. And certainly not make a friend who brings you into a group and suddenly they all become your friends...I haven't a clue where you'd even start with something like that...

Do you start texting a guy? Is that weird? What do you say?? I'm not a big nerd (not that there's anything wrong with nerds) or a complete twat that no one would like to be around or anything, but I am a bit of a reclouse and completely clueless to this.

I used to have LOADS of friends...but these were all people you would see every day from the same activities...like school etc. ..... what happened? I still get on very well with people, but drifted from lots of friends, and through college and jobs, drifted from friends to friends an never kept in touch and never really had much to keep in touch about in the first place....it seems the only people I ever hang out with are girls, one on one, and only on "dates" and I meet them on nights out etc., but isn't the best way to meet somebody through friends? As the chances are you'll have a lot more in common and common ground on which to build on? Not some random encounter of two ships passing in the night?

Thanks for reading and sorry for the scrappyness of this post, but any thoughts, experiences, or advice would be greatly appreciated, cause I really want to have friends, but I want to know how to get them and what to do once I have them!! haha - I must sound like an eejit, but I'm just trying to simplify it as much as I can to tell it like it is.

TedB

Hi,

My mother made friends with a couple from Dublin about 4 years ago. It was a chance encounter but nowadays they are on the phone to each other at least once a week. My mother and father (Who are getting on at this stage) go out with that couple all the time, up to the Dublin mountain for walks and go to the cinema all the time... And they live two hours apart.

Don't really know what the moral of this story is other than... You're never too old to make new friends.

LegacyUser

You sound like a really nice person who just needs to be given the chance to meet like minded people.

You say you live at home. Can I suggest that you consider moving out? And moving in with a house where there are 3/4 other people.

I have lived in different counties over the years and have always moved with strangers and more often than not they turned into great friends. When you live with people you get the benefit of talking about everything, yet your are not obligated to hang out with them 24/7. And you can all do things together which is a nice feeling.

As for what you do - watch box sets, play board games, moan about life and anybody that is annoying you, go jogging together, play football, paint canvases, get drunk on a random tuesday by accident and make your male housemate try on all your girly clothes, play drinking games and play dares.

Moving in with strangers is a risk, but all you need is to click with just one of the people you move in with. And voi la, a new friend

Billy-No-Mates

Billy-No-Mates wrote: »

A typical week, how do people interact with friends? I don't even know what else I would do...text them to see if they want to come over and watch a DVD or something? That just doesn't really seem like the type of thing I would do with these people.

Generally I'd start off going for pints or lunch and if I get on with with the people, maybe invite them for dinner or suggest doing something one night. You have to start somewhere.

So how do you hang out? I don't know how to hang out or what it is, or what to suggest...no one else seems to be doing it either...unless it involves the pub drinking (which I enjoy, but not all the time, more for the price of it than anything! But it also gets boring and it takes a lot out of you...during the week your wrecked for work after but get little chance to catch up on sleep, at the weekend, Friday night makes Saturday a write off, Saturday night and you're in the horrors Sunday, waiting around for Monday)

Well you can go for a coffee/lunch/cinema...I do agree that Irish culture is far too centered around the pub and drinking.

And I don't have a "group" to do group activities...is that what you need, a group of the same people who are all friends? And how do I get one?? haha - I'm 26 - people don't just make friends anymore, this is it now, I think I'm fu*ked...

It's easy enough if you do something like a night class, if you get a good group you can make friends easily. Otherwise if you meet someone cool, they usually invite you along with their 'group', most people don't mind.

I gurantee that 90% of you out there have 90% of your friends from school or college or childhood ..... nobody EVER makes a friend after the age of 25 I reckon. And certainly not make a friend who brings you into a group and suddenly they all become your friends...I haven't a clue where you'd even start with something like that...

Not at all. I don't have a single friend from school really (hated it and the people) and I moved around as a kid so no real childhood friends. The longest I've known a friend is 5 or 6 years. Of course it's possible to make friends at your age. I went over to Belgium in February on my own and made a new group of friends and I hope to make friends in England when I move there next year. Lots of people are really open and friendly - you just need to persevere until you meet them!

Do you start texting a guy? Is that weird? What do you say?? I'm not a big nerd (not that there's anything wrong with nerds) or a complete twat that no one would like to be around or anything, but I am a bit of a reclouse and completely clueless to this.

Just send a text, fancy a pint, what are you up to this weekend, something like that.

but isn't the best way to meet somebody through friends? As the chances are you'll have a lot more in common and common ground on which to build on? Not some random encounter of two ships passing in the night?

Not always, no. I've met most of my friends randomly and I mean randomly - standing in a queue for something, in a shop, at a concert, at a bar. The older I get, the less I care what people think of me and the more I just start chatting to people. I've met some really nice people this way.

recycle

Im guessing you don't play sports?

When you move beyond your school years and into your 20s its generally a common interest in and playing of a particular sport which maintains and forms friendships amongst groups of lads.

LegacyUser

ive made loads of good friends since ive turned 25 (28 now), none of my friends i see alot of now are from my school, none are from the area i grew up in, these are just people i met out and would see out regulary at the same clubs, after parties etc etc, all my really good friends i met in my early 20's.

Adamisconfused

You have the typical guy experience. Most men don’t sit on phones with other men or send pointless text messages filled with gossip.
If someone sent me a text, I’d expect it to have some useful information within or that man is going to get a dodgy look from me the next time I see him.
Quite frankly, my hanging out days ended when I finished college. The only activities with the lads these days involves throwing on a suit and heading to the races once a year or perhaps a car show of some sort and that’s a rare occurrence.
As you get older, most of us just don’t really care about hanging out. From your age on, most men would be content with a pint after work.
I suggest you find something to do yourself. The gym is my place of choice. It breaks up three evenings every week quite nicely.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I have felt like this before but after a few years i realized the grass is never greener on the other side, the way to attract anything to you is to first feel good on the inside, I think you could accept yourself as you are now and deal with feeling inadequate, I went from feeling lonely to felling alone and there was a difference.

Once you feel good in your own skin people will be attracted to you.

cafecolour

I'm in my 30s and made loads of new friends. All my current friends are new friends - I keep moving so I have to

As many have said, joining a sports group or an activity based club is probably your best bet (or even night classes) - something common to do that's not pub based. Organizing a poker night or a game night also a good activity.

Outside of that, depends on the friends. Are any of your mates regular moviegoers? You could text on a wednesday eve saying something like "I was thinking of going to see XXXXXX this eve, any interest?"

Also, a lot of time I just call into mates for an hour or two after work (if their on the way) just to hang for a bit. Often just watching TV or a movie, or some game if it's the season and we're not up for the pub. Obviously if your mates all live with a girlfriend/wife it could be more awkward, but lads that just live a flat with others are generally game. Now it's a habit, but in the begining I'd really just ring and say "What's up?" "They'd say not much, at the gaff. What's up with you?" and I'd say "Not much, bored. Mind if I call up in a few?" or something. After the first time or two, you become a regular. For me, one or two mates just seem to have the flats that everyone just drops in on, and so it's always a good, casual buzz.

LegacyUser

Hi Op, First of all it sounds like you are not that much different to other lads your age, I am female 37 and I think its easier for girls, I have lots of different sets of friends, some really close from school days, some from my last job and some random friends from other jobs etc.,

I have lost touch with friends over the years and managed to get in touch again and rekindled friendships. It takes effort and even though arrangements might just be meeting for coffee or something every couple of months it is so important.

I have days when i just go to work, maybe go for a run or just watch TV after cooking dinner. i don't think most people have lives that are way more exciting every day. I do agree though that joining a gym, sports club etc is a great way of meeting people, passing time and feeling good about yourself. Ypu just sound slightly bored and there are loads in yor situation... Good luck