Friend starting to bug me. Should I bother saying anything?

Sin1981

Hi,
I lived in the UK for a few years and made some good friends, one in particular. She's a nice person, relaxed and we have a good laugh. anyhow, recently since I moved back home I see how unbelievably self-absorbed she can be, esp when I compare her to my old friends. I wouldnt' really wanna turn to her in a crisis because to be honest she isn't the type who would and come and run. eg. last year, my Dad had brain haemorrhage and he got on Ok and the surgery went fine, but a couple of days after he got out I was due to visit this friend as it was her birthday. I decided to go to hers anyway as my Dad was doing good. in the entire 3 days I was with her, she didn't once ask how he was doing/what doctors said (she only asked about him during his hospital stay and also said she'd understand if I couldn't make her b-day).

However, while over there a diff friend of hers, who I know pretty well, made a point of coming right over to me, touching my arm and asking how my DAd was! THis is what made me turn to look at my friend and think WTF. She was there busy lapping up the attention of her birthday, and it's wasnt a 21st/30th or whatever, mid 20's birthday. Anyway, I said nothing, but have kinda remembered it since. also, whenever I see her/speak on phone, she will normally spend the majority of the time rabbiting on about her life/affairs etc, often times these ups and downs are extremely trivial. If I start on about my own stuff she'll sometimes zone out.

Another example is when I lived in UK, I was going through stressful time at work. I had a panic attack one night and it was really awful. The next day or so we were on the phone, and I started to explain this panic attack. She suddenly cut across me and started bladdering on about something in her life, again a trivial thing. I remember telling a different friend about the panic attack months later when I returned to Ireland. This friend sat and listened carefully and gave feedback or whatever.

ANyway, I'm starting to not care about contact with this English friend - starting to not be arsed anymore. she has told me that I'm one of here best mates and I sometimes get the hint I could get asked to be bridesmaid some day. she isn't mine (best, or top 2/3 best friends) I have to say, for reason's explained at the start of this post. One thing about her is that i can really have a laugh and we are very honest with each other, I can more or less speak my mind and she will take it. she respects my brutal honesty, (sometimes blunt approach). So, I wonder if I might just let her know how irritated I am with her constant self-absorption or should I just leave it. I know if I have a go she will be genuinely hurt and will feel bad, which will make me feel really bad and guilty.... but at same time, it's starting to grate on me..
what do you think?

ps. sorry for such a long winded post!!

Maddison

Just tell her how you feel, If you say you are normally honest to the point of being blunt with her Im sure you could say what you need to say without coming across as harsh. Like mabey asking her ''remember when my dad was ill, you never once asked how he was....why is that?'' This is only if you do want to remain friends with her...If you dont sure just let it go.

Pythia

Paragraphs!

KiLLeR CoUCh

If you have plenty of other people to support you, can't you just ignore this kind of behavior?

CaptainSkidmark

there is a group of 6 of us, a really close circle but have to take time out every now and then cos one is a chronic **** stirrer and the other is a attention seeker.

all ya can do is take time out!

Jules

moved from tLL.

jules

Firetrap

I think you should just leave things be. There's a chance that now that you're not in the UK any more, that you and her might start drifting apart anyway. It's not good when someone who's supposed to be your friend isn't interested enough in you to ask how your dad is/how you are.

cafecolour

I prefer a mix of friends - a few I can spill my heart to, and then a wider group who more of a good laugh but I'm not going to get that serious with.

It sounds like she's more of the later. You likely have great fun together or out on the town, but just talking on the phone is going to put the focus on her more self-absorptive qualities.

I would not have a go. I would let contact fade a bit. So she becomes the sort of friend you mostly exchange wall posts on facebook, and maybe talk to each other on the phone a few times a year at most. But on the odd occasion you go to the UK for a visit (or a wedding) you can party for a few days like old times and have a blast.

kittenkiller

Sometimes people need a bubblegum friend.
When you're too stressed about everything else in your life and need an escape from reality.
Maybe she thought you needed a break from all the worry and concern over you father for a night and so tried not to remind you that he was ill and you were off partying?

Every pair of people have a different relationship.
If you don't like this particular person you don't have to maintain contact with her.
However, if when you meet up, you usually end up having fun and enjoying yourself, there's no reason not to stay in touch.

Not everyone is going to nurture your emmotional needs. Nor are they going to stimulate you intellectually...

Have a friend for every day of the week, they'll come in useful!
But don't stay in touch with someone you don't like just for the possibility of being a bridesmaid.