Things have gone weird

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A male friend of mine who im very close with moved away a few months ago to dublin. we have been friends about 2 years but we are so close. I know things his gf doesnt know etc and he knows a lot of my secrets. My bf got on very well with him also.

Since he moved to dub we have been texting msning etc. The other night he txt me v upset saying he needed to talk to me, so i popped on msn. He told me basically he is madly in love with me, and misses me, he keeps crying over my pictures and feels depresssed because he cant have me.

Now 1st of all i know this wasnt drink talking because he doesnt drink- he never has. He was on webcam bawling and i felt like ****. He said he was telling me because he felt like he was going to burst. He stopped crying- we talked - i told him im sorry but i saw him as a friend and thats all. He was ok after a while- begged me not to let things become weird and i promised i wouldnt that it wouldnt change anything. But it has...

Ohhhh its so has become weird, when he texts me its one word answers and i was online the other night i said hi and he logged off. Then text me the next morning apoligising and said "I couldnt bear to see you at that moment"

And now i have not heard from him since then, i text him and asked him why he is being weird when he had begged me not to become weird over it. I dont know what to do

Edit- he says hes only had these feelings since he left- the gf moved up with him so i dont think its a case of being lonely

lolli

Well, if the feelings aren't mutual you are best just to leave him be and let him get over this. His ego is probably a bit bruised at the moment and hes hurting so maybe just give him some space. I'm sure he'll contact you in a while.

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lolli wrote: »

Well, if the feelings aren't mutual you are best just to leave him be and let him get over this. His ego is probably a bit bruised at the moment and hes hurting so maybe just give him some space. I'm sure he'll contact you in a while.

just dont understand why he is being weird when he was the one who begged me not to become weird with him

lolli

I know, I'd say hes just a bit confused at the moment

Snowie

this happened to me about 4 years ago...

Beleave it or not where great friends still, I admire her more for her amazing skill in handling what I said. Shes one of my closest friends. Most trusted.

The thing is this guy may have built you up with a happy ever after rose coloured fantasy in his head, happy ever after type thing, I know I did.

I would say cut contact with him for a while dont text him block him on msn, you can't help infact you'le make things worth bye trying to help him because it'le make things worse.... Some time you have to be cruel to be kind. this is one of those time's.

Latchy

Hooking up on web cam is not going to him or you much good because it might enlarge any false hopes he had ,seeing your image up close .

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Latchy wrote: »

Hooking up on web cam is not going to him or you much good because it might enlarge any false hopes he had ,seeing your image up close .

we wernt hooking up - we always spoke on cam even when he lived here we did. Just the way we were

Latchy

useful_contacts wrote: »

we wernt hooking up - we always spoke on cam even when he lived here we did. Just the way we were

Yeah ,but it's not going to do him much good if he's moved from the position of friend to carrying a tourch for ya .if it's just a case of being lonley than that's one thing but you said he had a girlfriend ...tbh as you say it is kinda weird .

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Latchy wrote: »

Yeah ,but it's not going to do him much good if he's moved from the position of friend to carrying a tourch for ya .if it's just a case of being lonley than that's one thing but you said he had a girlfriend ...tbh as you say it is kinda weird .

Ya its pretty weird- id say something if i asked him to put on his cam or something but all i did was say hi. He always asks to stick on our cams so he should have known i wasnt going to.

I sent him a long message basically saying i didnt want things to be weird and i am sorry if i had known about his feelings before i would have not been in contact so much and would have left him to it. And i told him thats what im going to do.

He text back and said "Fine cut me out of your life so"

:mad:

Snowie

useful_contacts wrote: »

I sent him a long message basically saying i didnt want things to be weird and i am sorry if i had known about his feelings before i would have not been in contact so much and would have left him to it. And i told him thats what im going to do.

He text back and said "Fine cut me out of your life so"

:mad:

well then do it...

Hes trying to guilt trip you!!!
call his bluff. It'le do him the world of good.

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Snow-Monkey wrote: »

well then do it...

Hes trying to guilt trip you!!!
call his bluff. It'le do him the world of good.

what do you mean guilt trip me- as in make me feel bad because i dont love him back?

Latchy

useful_contacts wrote: »

Ya its pretty weird- id say something if i asked him to put on his cam or something but all i did was say hi. He always asks to stick on our cams so he should have known i wasnt going to.

I sent him a long message basically saying i didnt want things to be weird and i am sorry if i had known about his feelings before i would have not been in contact so much and would have left him to it. And i told him thats what im going to do.

He text back and said "Fine cut me out of your life so"

:mad:

Sounds like he obiously got feelings for you and expected more from it in rtn , from you .But having said that ,he might not be exactly sure himself what it was he wanted ...hence the weridness


His "Fine cut me out of your life so" quote is sort of to put you on a guilt trip but as it seems , he might not have being in full charge of his emotions when he sent it .

Snowie

useful_contacts wrote: »

what do you mean guilt trip me- as in make me feel bad because i dont love him back?

Yes, he's having a sulk over the fact that his little fantasy didn't work out and he blaming you. :rolleyes: and trying to make you feel bad. Over something thats not even your fault.
seriously cut contact its the only thing you can do and the right thing. trying to help him wont really help.. He'l think deep down that you fancy him or worse still hope.:rolleyes:

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Snow-Monkey wrote: »

Yes, he's having a sulk over the fact that his little fantasy didn't work out and he blaming you. :rolleyes: and trying to make you feel bad. Over something thats not even your fault.
seriously cut contact its the only thing you can do and the right thing. trying to help him wont really help.. He'l think deep down that you fancy him or worse still hope.:rolleyes:

Ya two seconds after the "cut me out of your life " messsage i got an "im sorry i didnt mean that" one

i think ill just let him be- i mean i thought we could get through anything and i honestly felt bad for him but if he is going to be angry at me over this then why bother

Snowie

useful_contacts wrote: »

Ya two seconds after the "cut me out of your life " messsage i got an "im sorry i didnt mean that" one

i think ill just let him be- i mean i thought we could get through anything and i honestly felt bad for him but if he is going to be angry at me over this then why bother

Like I allready said of course

If your worried weather he'l freak out even more if you don't talk to him, tell him your not mad at him but you and him need a break from each other For a while. and if he says how long just say something like 5 weeks...

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Snow-Monkey wrote: »

Like I allready said of course

If your worried weather he'l freak out even more if you don't talk to him, tell him your not mad at him but you and him need a break from each other For a while. and if he says how long just say something like 5 weeks...

ya ill text him now and say that

im expecting a nasty response though

Snowie

Dont play his game, you've done nothing wrong....

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i know- just wish i didnt feel so ****

lolli

useful_contacts wrote: »

i know- just wish i didnt feel so ****

You'd be best just leave him be and let him concentrate on his relationship with his gf and you concentrate on yours with your bf.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Just be prepared for the friendship to end. He didn't just develop these feelings overnight when he moved away or else he wouldn't have gotten so upset

He's unlikely to want to dedicate much time to you now that the goal of his friendship with you isn't going to be realised

lolli

He's not being very fair anyway declaring his undying love to you behind his girlfriends back. What kind of man does that?

LegacyUser

the kind of man that thinks he is in love....take it easy, stop trying to turn this into some kind of battle of the sexes thing.....a woman would say the same thing