Am I Mean?

LegacyUser

Ok looking for honest opinions. This might seem trivial compared to some of the issues here but it's really playing on my mind.

I'm 25, I've two younger brothers but we're all very close in age. I have a very good job which I love and admittedly I'm very well paid. I've worked very hard for this job and don't feel any guilt about my earnings whatsoever.

On the otherhand my brothers feel they are struggling in the current climate and are increasingly relying on me to prop up their earnings as such. I have no problems helping out here and there but it's got to a ridiculous stage. They earn about 400 -450 each which I think is more than enough to survive on, they're living at home and not paying any rent and have food etc provided.

I've brought this up with my mother several times but she thinks I'm just being tight and can't see why I begrudge "giving my own brothers a few bob when I'm doing so well myself". She also keeps saying they didn't get the same opportunities as me which isn't true I just worked harder than them while they lazed around with friends. Until recently she would have been the one throwing money at them but now neither of my parents are working and aren't in a position to be giving handouts and it's fallen onto me.

I've just bought a laptop for one of them which he "needs" for work and a suit for a wedding for the other. I pay for their travel and lunch money most days. I've literally just handed 80 to one of them to go for a few drinks, it's tuesday! I also paid the bulk of their holidays this year and am beginning to feel like I'm being used. They don't even treat me very well.

I know they're blood and all that and I love them but I don't think I'm doing them any favours and I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. The problem is I know if I stop giving them so much my Mum will dip into her savings to fund them and have nothing for herself which worries me.

The funny thing if that I'm probably surviving on a lot less than them at the minute and I don't have anything like the lifestyle that most people on my earnings should have because I'm subsidising them so much.

Sorry I know it's a lot of ranting but not sure what I should do? I'd hate to fall out with my mother over this.

Silverfish

Jesus wept, I'm sure when you're ready for kids you'll have your own, there's no need to raise someone else's.

I'm all for lending siblings a few quid when they're short or miserable or whatever, but that's too much.

I was going to say you need to sit them down and explain to them, but what I would do personally is say 'Sorry, I had to take a paycut at work. I earn less than ye now, but that's alright, you can sub me the rest right?'

Suggest to your mother that it's slightly unnatural at their age to still be living off their mother. Ask her was she still doing that at their age.
She shouldn't be focusing on you to support them, she should be focusing on them supporting themselves.

PCPhoto

tell them straight out - you cant afford to give them money all the time.

I_am_Jebus

To be honest your mother needs to cop on!!!!!!!!!!

No you are not being mean. They need "propping up" and they're on €450 a week? Jebus!!!

I suggest you stop helping them out. You're not doing them any favours. They need to learn to survive on their own.

mikemac

Your brothers are in their early twenties?
I wouldn't blame them, they don't know any better.

Tell them to move out, rent a gaff and try living in the real world. Where food isn't bought for you, missing your rent date means possible eviction and all bills have to be paid.

And even then 450 euro a week is loads to rent a room and live comfortably while working.

The best thing that can happen your brothers is if they move out and gain a bit of independence. And some much needed real life experience from the sounds of it.

CDfm

Really - Silverfish said it all but was she too harsh I ask myself.

It maybe that they should hand their wage packets up to you and you can give them pocket money when they need it and a packed lunch and bus pass.

Poor dears.

Agent J

Short answer.
No.

Slightly longer answer.
In fact i think you might be hurting them long term by constant handouts.
What if you arent around to do it?

Queen-Mise

tell them you cant you need all your spare cash for a deposit for a house or an equivalent.

Dont talk to them or mother about, you will be automatically wrong. To them this is normal. Your mum dipping into her savings is not your responsibility. Its the irish mother syndrome.

Just say your on a strict budget yourself and all available cash is being saved.

jen_23

All I can say is no matter what they earn be it 400 or 500 euro a week when they are getting money off the big-sis they are always going to want it to continue.

they are on 450 each a week! They are on more than me and I can comfortably save for a mortgage, help towards living costs at home and occasionally go out and enjoy myself. If i'm strapped i get a bottle of wine and chill out at a friends. But that's living in the real world.

I'm afraind your brothers have no idea what the real world is. There are ppl surviving with families and mortgages on the same money as what they bring home. I think they need to understand this.
It's not your place to 'prop' up their earnings. It would be understandable had they families and a mortgage but to go out and have fun??
If they are struggling tell them to start budgeting! Or work hard and try to get a promotion!

You need to be realistic for yourself too. Do you want to continue this for as long as they will accept/ask for the handouts?

Your 25 (same age as me) I assume you will most likely be thinking of buying a house and a family someday? You need to think of it that way. Can you afford to keep subsidising them at that point? It will be easier to do this now!

If I was in your position I would just turn around and say I can no longer afford it and it's unreasonable to expect it off me. Tighten your belts.

I wish I had a sister like you!! Your'e far too nice and unforunatley they know it and they are taking advantage of you!

pickarooney

Your brothers are taking the absolute piss and they know it. For anyone on 450 euros a week living rent free to describe themselves as struggling is a downright insult to the thousands of people facing financial ruin. Unfortunately your mother doesn't seem to be able to see that they have absolutely no respect for you or her, but that's something she'll eventually have to come to terms with herself. Don't give them another penny and don't let anyone tell you that you need to give a reason for not subbing a pair of spoiled brats.

messygirl

OH MY GOD! Good god woman cut them out! Your happiness and quality of life is suffering because of them, anyone who puts their happiness as more important than yours and makes your life worse off is not worth bothering about. They are DEFINATELY using you!

I was on 450 a week and i was able to pay my own rent, buy food, go out every saturday night on a big night out and save a few quid and buy myself a few treats and pay off my car (admittedly small loan but still!)

If they are "struggling" offer to sit down and help them make out a budget, and write down every expense, and next time they ask for cash just say "sure cut down on drink, that will save you 150 a week". You will see exactly how much they need, and where their money is being spent. Hopefully your mum will see too that they have more than enough to live on. I live by the rule "If I can't afford it I won't buy it" regarding luxuries and nights out and it also grounds me. Sounds like they must be very generous when it comes to your money (seen it before, borrowing money to buy other people drinks so everyone is like "johnny is so generous next to tight Jane" and you look like the tight one then)

Your brothers are taking the piss. When you buy your own house they could end up living with you. Don't make excuses "im saving" because then they will say "ah sure you have loads of money can't you save next week" sit down and show them exactly how much money they have gotten off you and how you cant afford things because of it. Write a list of everything you have given them and the cost (laptop and suit you are talking what, a grand??!!!) and tot it up and show it to your mum and brothers and keep it beside your bed/in your handbag. Everytime one of these wasters asks you for csh look at the list and just say no! Start avoiding their calls for a while until they get the idea and stop talking to them if you have to but dont let them sponge off you!!!If they really cared for you they wouldn't be jeopardising your future.

To conclude you are NOT mean, you probably just have a problem saying no. You have been very generou and they have taken advantage of you. Being family doesn't entitle others to treat you like a door mat and doesn't mean you have to be guilted into supporting them. You have to start saying no, and definately make them write up a budget so you can see where YOUR hard earned cash is going!

kmick

Heres what you do.
Say you are giving the two boys 500/month between them. Reduce that amount to say 350 and give it straight to your mother. Make it clear once the 350 is gone there is no more. If needed tell them your income has fallen and we all need to tighten our belts.

Then seeing as she want to indulge her babies she can decide how to diverst herself to the two little darlings. Then tell the lads their mother is the new teat and you dont want to know.

Chinafoot

Do you live at home, OP? If so I'd seriously suggest moving out. You're 25, there is no way you should be funding your younger siblings. They have jobs and if the amount you stated is a weekly income they have no need to put the hand out at all. I make around the same at the moment (good ol public service) and I can fully support myself in a city centre apartment while paying off a student loan. Your brothers need a kick up the hole and your mother needs to see that.

You work hard for your money by the sounds of it so there is no reason why you should be coming off worse in this scenario while your brothers live it up. You don't owe them anything. It's a simple fact of life that your brothers need to learn, if you have no money you make sacrifices in your lifestyle. You don't go on the piss on Tuesday evening, you rent a suit instead of buying one, and I'm sorry but if that laptop was really a requirement for your brother's job then his employer should have provided it.

You need to start saying no. Neither of your parents are working and that must be playing on your mind too. It's time for your bothers to start contributing to the household instead of sticking the hand out to you. So what if you make more money than them. My sister makes a hell of a lot more money than me but I'd never think that entitled me to put the hand out and expect her to pay my way.

Your mother needs to understand that you have your own life to lead and you can't be funding your brothers. They have a handy number and by the sounds of it are well aware that you find it hard to say no. That's completely taking the piss and shouldn't be tolerated. They sounds like lazy gits and I'd be having none of it.

kmick wrote:

Heres what you do.
Say you are giving the two boys 500/month between them. Reduce that amount to say 350 and give it straight to your mother. Make it clear once the 350 is gone there is no more.

See now, this to me is madness. Why on earth should you be handing over anything every month, never mind €350? If you live at home then by all means you should be paying your way in the house, as in contributing towards rent, bills and buying some food...but thats it. Its absolute madness for someone your age to be forking out so much cash to fund your lazy brothers who contribute none of their income to the household. I'd suggest sitting down with your mother and telling her straight out that you're not paying their way anymore. Those boys are completely taking the piss out of you and your mother is blind to it. If she thinks you're tight, let her. Don't be taken advantage of anymore.

Cianos

What kind of lifestyle do they think they are somehow owed? Earning 450 is plenty and a lot of people get by very well on a lot less. It sounds like you're making it way too easy for them and they have just gotten in to the habit of depending on you when they fancy throwing around a bit of cash.

Oh The Humanity

NO WAY are you being mean, you are being taken for a muppet!

but now neither of my parents are working and aren't in a position to be giving handouts and it's fallen onto me

Quite frankly you need to tell your parents NO ONE is obliged to financially support grown adults. If your parents were thick enough to do that then thats their own tough sh1t. By doing that they have encouraged these two parasites to expect it.

Just because your parents were stupid enough to do it doesn't mean you have to.

After the age when you can earn (17-18) financially you are on your own. Parents job is done.

You as a sibling have NO OBLIGATION whatsoever to be buying them luxuries like suits and laptops. Ridiculous.

Your parents need to cop on.

esharknz

They DON'T need handouts!

I managed to save thousands upon thousands in a 6 month period (I would have been getting €50 a week more than them), while I was living away from home and fending for myself, so it's utter rubbish that they are struggling.

They are throwing their money away and it's not beneficial for them to be bailed out financially where it's not necessary. You are not doing them a favour by giving them money. These are the sorts of people that can end up in all sorts of major financial mess in the future if they can't manage their expenditure.

LegacyUser

No, you are not being mean at all. Your instinct is telling you that they are taking advantage and you are 100% right. I am sure your main concern here is to stop being taken advantage of, but to not create problems in the family at the same time. Unfortunately, that may be wanting your cake and eating it too. You may have to bite that bullet and tell them all exactly how you feel and let the chips fall where they may.

If that sounds too daunting, you will have to start lying. Take some of the suggestions above. Say you had a pay cut, or that you are saving for a mortgage.

Long term though, I would be honest and just have it out with them all. If you don't you will cultivate a massive resentment to all of them the longer this goes on. Saying nothing may save a fight in the short term, but long term it will only be to your detriment and theirs. By cutting them off you are forcing them to stand on their own two feet, and that's a good thing for them to learn. They won't like it at first, but since they are your family and they love you they will get over it.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

No you are not mean in any sense of the word, but neither are you assertive enough to stop these people taking complete advantantage of you. They are doing this because you are allowing them to do it. It is a complete case of "Irish Mothers syndrome" as somebody already said. I have bailed out brothers in the past when they were genuinely stuck and realised that they don't be long about forgetting about it. I am still paying back loans for them and completely stressed as I am losing my job this month totally unexpected. The point is it is your money and you have no obligation to support them.

I used to say at the time, Its only money, I can make more, but when I asked one brother to take over his loan repayments as he recently started earning good money again, he offered to pay less than 75% of it even though I will be on the dole. Its taking advantage of your good nature. It will only happen if you allow it to, and in my experience, mothers tend to side with their beloved sons..

LegacyUser

OP even if they were on the dole they wouldnt be justified in getting the handouts you are giving them.

tbh

No, you're not being mean. What I'd suggest is that you throw your brothers a fixed amount every month, for a fixed amount of time, and tell them that once it's gone, it's gone. If they want a new suit - save. If they want a new laptop - save.

Serbian

Take a look at the figures:

• At €450 a week, they are on about €23,400 a year.
• That's about €1,770 a month after tax.
• The average person probably has rent and utilities totalling around €1,000 a month.

They are basically living off the same disposable income of someone who is earning around €46,000 a year. That's not even taking into account the fact that your mother is probably feeding them every day at her own expense. Then factor in that you are probably handing out €200 a month of your net income. €200 a month is worth €5,000 p.a. of gross income, so knock €5k off your annual salary.

Compare that to €46,000 a year.

No-one with that much disposable income should need hand-outs from anyone.

LegacyUser

Op, your a very nice sister!

The things you have handed out are luxuries, You could say to your mum that as they know themselves there is a recession on out there and teaching your brothers that life does not change is not really showing them the reality at the mo, but it sounds like your parents expect this from you which is very unfair, mothers need to stop facilitating all of their sons needs, it will effect their relationships in the future.

Yes... you need a reason in your life to divert from their needs, if you could distance yourself from your family and focus on your own needs things would get better other wise things might get worse,

with your parents out of work they may become more dependent on you in the future, If you had a BF, home and children this would be a good diversion!!

Taltos

Have to agree with all the above.

All you are doing is enabling their dependency - in the long run this will destroy them. End it now before it is too late for them.

Some really good suggestions above - but I always tend on the side of honesty - well except around my family - sometimes you gotta keep the peace.
Little white lie here is not too bad.

So just start saying no - or better yet - next time they head your way - get in first and ask if they can throw you 50 quid...

What's good for the goose is good for the gander (always wondered what that meant...)

LegacyUser

Hi OP here, thanks for replies. Don't feel so bad now.

Just to clarify a few things mentioned, my brothers are 24 and 22 and I'm not living at home but would be in and out a good bit as I'm working nearby.

I know I'm not doing them any favours but suppose I am trying to avoid any confrontation at all costs. We're quite close and we've all had a tough year for other reasons I won't go into.

My mother is definitely a typical Irish mother, she can't see any wrong in them and won't admit that I could survive on much less than that while I was supporting myself through college. My parents were always very reluctant to give me any money while they threw money to the boys. I really struggled in college to work while studying in a demanding course, I managed on 100 a week so I know they're relatively very well off. I don't know why she favoured the boys so much but I know she is really proud of me when I overhear conversations with friend etc.

One of them is talking about returning to college to do an artsy degree that won't lead toanything. He'll have to pay full fees cos he has a degree, I have advised against this as I know I'll be asked to foot the bill and I'm just not prepared to do that. My mum has taken to calling me scrooge now and thinks I just don't want him to be happy. This will be his second useless degree. She's also always reminding me that I don't need to save for a mortgage, I'll get one on potential earnings on young professional scheme this is driving me half mad as it's none of her business and I don't even know if it's true.

Anyway I know I just need to stand firm and refuse. I think I'll just be honest with them and say I want to save some money and have a good time myself with the money I earn.

Thanks for replies

LegacyUser

You my dear sound just like my family, except mine is a sister. I cant I no how hard it is being in the situation you are in. I do want you to know the roles of child and parent have gotten very messed up. You are not those boys parent and you should not be supporting them, speaking from experience if you continue it will damage your relationship with your mother you well resent her for allowing it, you should not have to be their savior! I also want you to know even when they are making more money they well have situations come up where they still depend on you.Gamble party go on trips you well become so resentful your sitting their broke and their going to Mexico. When and if you want a family of your own it will create such a mess. Its hard to go cold turkey the guilt is enormous sett limits now gradualy wheen them off. At least then you can walk away with your head high knowing you didnt turn your back on your family and you wont feel so used.

Taltos

Avoiding confrontation is not helping you here.

Think you need to back away for a while.
Do not discuss finances - do not mention houses - NOTHING - why?
Cause it is none of their business - and everything you tell em is used against you.

As to your bro and college
Stay out of it
Do not comment - even if asked.

If asked for money.
Sorry - tight this month - too many bills...
Just keep repeating that - and do not under any circumstances be guilted into subsiding your siblings.

If absolutely necessary - stay away from home for a while...
My OH - now no longer answers the phone - and rarely - maybe once a week or 2 wks - returns messages from her family - all for reasons similar to yours.
Until she made this break used to be quite angry and depressed at how he could push her buttons - but she took control and only talks to him now on her terms.
When he tries - she just walks away or claims she has to go - either on the phone or in person. He still sometimes does not get the hint. Leaves VMs all sad and down - but just delete em and move on.

FGS - you have your own life to lead - and so do the rest of your family.
Figure out what is and is not acceptable to you - and do not ever ever let them guilt you or push you around anymore...

edit: MY OH rose to manager in her job - and no-one in her family knew - why - cause it would have been used against her --- just like it would against you....

Snoogans

I read all this expecting to tell you that yes, you are a mean, stingy so and so, but frankly, you're a saint. I have been (am?) the horrible spongy sibling and I'd never be able to hold my head up if treated anyone like your siblings have treated you. 450 a week? cheeky sods! They should be living on their own, paying rent like actual grownups. I recently moved back into the family home and have become unemplyed at 24, and feel bloody awful any time I have to take 20 quid off one of my (retired) parents. How your siblings can do this frankly boggles the mind.

If I were you, I'd say you can't give out anymore money because you've incurred debts by giving it all to them. That'll teach the little ****s a lesson or two. Tell your mother you know what it takes to be successful, and that your brother's new artsy degree isn't going to lead to success, he should do x/y/z if he wants to get ahead.

I hope some of this helps, at least you're feeling better.

skooterblue

These Lazy feckers are riding you. living at home and having 400-450 a week. Its a joke. I magine if they were on minimum wage and had to have a car and pay rent ot both.

Jo King

O/P I was advised when I was your age by a much older friend not to give people anything for nothing. This friend had given all kinds of money and help to his brothers and the more he gave them the more they hated him and the more contempt they showed him.

I followed his advice with my own brothers even though it seemed counter-intuitive. I found it worked and I got more respect from my brothers as a result.

Your brothers have got a very bad training. They believe that no matter what foolish thing they do with money someone will bail them out. The sooner they learn that this is not the case the better. They may be facing a lifetime of financial hassle, credit card debts, mortgage default etc because they have not learned to manage their funds.

You are in your twenties earning good money and so have the opportunity to set yourself up financially for the future. the property and stock markets are in the doldrums. A couple of good investments in the next few years might lead to financial security in the future. I know a girl who bought a house in the last recession when she was 26. She paid the loan off in ten years and now lives rent and mortgage free.

It would be lunatic to spoil your brothers lives as well as your own. Tell your mother that you are saving for the rainy day. Say you have entered a contract to put money into a savings scheme and you have just enough left for yourself. Keep your purse closed no matter what the pressure. Do not flaunt new clothes etc. when you meet your mother. Give out about the price of cabbage etc. and moan about the cost of living. Do not remind her that you have any money.

messygirl

Unregistered wrote: »

One of them is talking about returning to college to do an artsy degree that won't lead toanything. He'll have to pay full fees cos he has a degree, I have advised against this as I know I'll be asked to foot the bill and I'm just not prepared to do that. My mum has taken to calling me scrooge now and thinks I just don't want him to be happy. This will be his second useless degree. She's also always reminding me that I don't need to save for a mortgage, I'll get one on potential earnings on young professional scheme this is driving me half mad as it's none of her business and I don't even know if it's true.

first of all dont pay for his course!tell your mum you never got any help with your college and you dont expect to give any help to them.

fees are abou 5 grand a year, he only wants to do it because he is sick of work and wants the college life of girls and drink (sounds like fr jack "feck arse drink girls")

Tell your mum he is happy and that doing this course isnt going to lead to anything and you are not prepared to do it. call her scrooge for never helping you in college and giving all the cash to your brothers.

You DO need to save for a mortgage, they dont give them out anymore you have to have a steady job and at least 10% of the house price (which you would have had but for your brothers) Go to the bank and talk to a mortgage adviser and then tell your mum what he says.

DONT tell her you want to have a good time with your cash, you are entitled to and its the truth but it would cause more hassle. Truthfully your mum sounds like a right pain, it can be really hard hearing how little johnny is the apple of her eye when you are the one standing on your own two feet and not bleeding them dry.

Im actually so mad for you! I really think you need to make out a budget for your brothers, like "we'll work out a budget to see how much you need a week and i can set up a a direct debit to your account" and then when you see how much the spongers spend on drink or women or friends or clothes you can tell them to cut down.

I do think the setting up direct debit each month is a good idea, i hve a direct debit going into savings every month and its taken directly out of my wages, if you get paid on the 25th set up your savings/rent/utilities/visa to come out the next day and when they ask for cash "sorry i have my bills taken out and my savings i cant take anything out for 30 days"

best of luck anyway,

(o start leaving cards/wallets at home so they cant look in your purse and ask for your last fiver)

kelle

Hi, OP. From the outside, you know what you're doing is wrong. But on the inside, you have been a victim of the Irish Mammy syndrome which sees girls as a burden and sons as an investment. You say as a student your brothers could get money easier off their parents than you could. I think you are still secretly looking for this approval from your parents, and you love this feeling of elation everytime you hand over money to your brothers or buy them something you know they really wanted. In other words, you want to see yourself as being another "investment" by your parents.

But you know deep down it doesn't work like that. Every time you hand over money, you know you've given them that feeling of elation, you know your mother is delighted because she didn't have to fork out that money herself and that makes you feel good. You're getting this praise you long for as a child. But your brothers have been given money they didn't have to work for, they squander it because it's extra money. Then it's forgotten about. And they're given more "extra" money, from their free ATM. Then it becomes a habit- they spend the money faster, and appreciate it less, start to expect it without asking for it. In the meantime, you know they appreciate you less, but you're handing out more and more still wanting that feeling of being wanted. You're also worried your parents will have to sell their house if you don't hand over that money. And you're noticing your bank balance going down down down, you're feeling like s**t because you know what you're doing is wrong.

It's a vicious circle that needs to be broken. I agree with the poster that said to gradually reduce the money you give them, let them know there's no more once that is spent - then reduce it to zero. Because you're still doing what you're used to doing, but you're getting them used to receiving less.

Also there's nothing you can do about your mother's mentality. If she ends up homeless because she continues to fund her sons lifestyles, that won't be your fault. You should stop yourself worrying about that. She made her bed, she has to lie in it. Otherwise it could be you with no bed to lie on if you give away all your money!

Jaysoose

Why should you fund somebody elses lifestyles? you work for your money, they dont.... tell them to get real and grow up.

If they falll out with you if you stop giving them money then thats their lookout and i wouldnt lose any sleep over it. The emotional blackmail by your mother is out of order aswell.

all the stars

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry I know it's a lot of ranting but not sure what I should do?

Well, spade a spade - I get the same €'s as your siblings.
I live out on my own (with o/h) , i have my own car - which i pay for monthly, i have purchased my own Laptop ( a mac ) and have loans for lots of stuff.
I manage just fine. Im not left with much after everything is paid - but i have food in the press/fridge and don't live in squaller.
I dont ask anyone to subsidise me or pay my way,, and to be honest - its terraible "training" for later life.....

Tell them to grow up - Its about time really.

Vegeta

People have probably said this already but your Mother is the problem, not your brothers. While they are complete leeches, they're just doing what your Mother has programmed them to do.

If she knows how to use the internet at all then tell her to come on here and see what people think of the situation.

Unless you confront your mother things will never change. What I'd do is cut the lads off completely and let your mother finance them until she realises just how much of a financial drain they are. Then she may respect your contribution.

the_syco

Silverfish wrote: »

I was going to say you need to sit them down and explain to them, but what I would do personally is say 'Sorry, I had to take a paycut at work. I earn less than ye now, but that's alright, you can sub me the rest right?'

When you hear their excuses, you'll see how much a fool you have been.

=-=

Money earned is appreciated. Free money is wasted away. And why worry about lack of money when they can get some off the money printer you?

=-=

When they move out, they'll be f**ked. Best let them learn now, whilst they have a roof over their heads, than later in life, when they have spent their last €200 on beer, and not have any more money for food and rent?

LegacyUser

OP,

The bigger issue is how you are being treated and how it has effected your self esteem, if you have a mother who keeps telling you you are stingy this is going to make you deeply hurt and want to just try and not be stingy,

you are not the problem -they are, they have always depended on you not to ask for your needs to be met while you look after theirs. How can you be expected to pay for your brothers college and holidays etc while you come second to your own money and your own holidays etc.


I think the only thing to do is to say you are an adult and no more.


It may be difficult this year because you have said there has been tough times but i think if you told yourself there will be a cut off point and you are going to address this you will probably feel better.


I know its nice to have a role in a family and feel loved but you really need to stop how they are disrespecting you, otherwise it will effect you in your relationship and with your own kids in the future, you are not going to be money bags for your family,

Its very sad for you to be treated like this.

messygirl

One more thing, next month when you get your hard earned wages, if the lads ask you for 50 say sorry cant afford it and go treat yourself with that 50euro, you will start learning the life you can lead without these spongers! instead of paying their holidays, go on a weekend away with the girls to galway or cork or dublin and live it up drinking and massages, you will soon see the kind of life you can have without them leeching off you! (think of it like the everytime you want a cigarrette put the money in the jar and you will see how much you are saving)

i dont really think giving excuses will be the answer in the end because they will just want to know how much they can have when you do, but saying that if you find it easier go ahead! I definately agree with a previous poster to be constantly moaning about how little money you have, maybe lie and say you think the company might be closing down or are looking aat redundancies, then you can say "sorry might be fired"

sbsquarepants

Jesus, what kind of money do you earn!!
Basically if you aren't a premiership footballer or a rock and roll superstar you need to be telling these eejits to fcuk off!! I'm all for helping family and friends if they've fallen on hard times or whatever, provided you can afford it yourself, but this is taking the piss to a whole new level, paying for their holidays - are you mental!!! They have €400 - 450 disposable income per week? I have 2 kids, a mortgage, a car loan, personal loan and credit card bills, i'd kill to have that much left over! I hope the fact that so many people have basically said the same thing has helped you work up the bottle to put your foot down. Ps - any jobs going in your place?? i can start today!!

white apples

How did you get on OP? Have there been any changes?