Ignoring me

LegacyUser

Hi all, first time poster in these parts so please be nice I suppose I better get down to my problem. One of my best friends is ignoring me or at least it seems that way to me. We have had a good relationship and I really enjoy spending time with her and have come somewhat to rely on her for company. I will admit a little while ago I started to "like" her. However circumstances prevented me from acting on it at the time. At the first available opportunity I had planned on telling her. Then 2 months ago she starts seeing someone unbenonst to me. Ok when i found out it took me a little while to get used to the idea and I'm ok ish with it, I know I can be the jealous type. Due to my own circumstances we wouldn't have lasted long had I asked her out so thats comforting me, and she deserves to be with someone who won't be travelling away. Its just recently though that it seems she has absoloutely no time for me. We used to spend each others days in each others pockets, now we organise to meet up (well I ask her) she bails. This has happened quite a few times. We used to chat for hours each day (msn/skype). now I consider myself lucky to get 20mins a week. I've given up asking anymore because I'm afraid I'm bothering her. I'm finding it really difficult to adjust to this sudden change and find myself idle a lot without her. So should I confront this issue, or let it play out? Or consign this friendship to history? I don't want this to end on bad terms as I'm emigrating to Germany in 8 weeks and I value what we had very much.

I've had plenty of friends that have boyfriends every now and then, none of them cut me out so dramatically though and I don't understand. I'm finding this quite hard.

puglover

TBH If you you want to remain friends you should just let it play out.

This happens alot when people get into a relationship with someone they are serious about, friends sorta get less time. If it wasn't her it could just have been easily you that meant someone.

I think there was a thread recently with someone in a similar position with their friend. It's just life really. Relationships will be ever changing, doesn't mean you should end your friendships just because she is in another place now.

willy wonka

OP are you a girl? Becasue if you are and you ask out your female best friend - who has had boyfriends in the past - she may be a little shocked if she is not gay.

You say ye used to spend time in each others pockets and you say you are idle without her, then if this is the case, widening your social circle might not be such a bad thing.
Spending so much time with one person can be overwhelming and looks like your friend could be a bit overwhelmed. She has a new boyfriend and you didnt know about it - it looks like she is trying to make a life for herself outside of you. Not necessarily cutting you out of her life, just widening her social net a bit, which is healthy.

LegacyUser

willy wonka wrote: »

OP are you a girl? Becasue if you are and you ask out your female best friend - who has had boyfriends in the past - she may be a little shocked if she is not gay.

You say ye used to spend time in each others pockets and you say you are idle without her, then if this is the case, widening your social circle might not be such a bad thing.
Spending so much time with one person can be overwhelming and looks like your friend could be a bit overwhelmed. She has a new boyfriend and you didnt know about it - it looks like she is trying to make a life for herself outside of you. Not necessarily cutting you out of her life, just widening her social net a bit, which is healthy.

OP here again
Thanks for your advice. No I'm male Thats what I thought at first, that I was overwhelming her and I did take a step back. When I found out she was seeing someone, I expected the "coupley" things that we did to end but not the normal stuff like chatting. The break or cooling off has been quite dramatic though. Up until tonight we essentially hadn't spoken for two weeks (I know its not a long time really but where I'm coming from it is) though she did have a longish "conversation" (it was more like an interview, I was asking all the questions, it wasn't typical ebb and flow) with me tonight (40mins MSN) which has put my mind at ease a little. At least she is still talking to me.

I know it was a bad idea to let my social circle go and focus on her but I didn't think this would happen, or that I would have as much of a problem dealing with it. I perhaps thought we were going to end up going out. Though I was always wary of it as the same thing has happened with her male friends before (Ie she focuses on one boy, he falls for her but she not for him, she can't handle it and cuts him out)

I guess I'll have to make a new friend to fill the void. and its a big void, I miss her and what we had a lot. Even though its not gone long, I sense its gone forever

LegacyUser

puglover wrote: »

TBH If you you want to remain friends you should just let it play out.

This happens alot when people get into a relationship with someone they are serious about, friends sorta get less time. If it wasn't her it could just have been easily you that meant someone.

I think there was a thread recently with someone in a similar position with their friend. It's just life really. Relationships will be ever changing, doesn't mean you should end your friendships just because she is in another place now.

I really don't know how serious they are, I mean they only just met for the first time two months ago and I believe he asked her straight out. Which in fairness to the guy takes balls. It was something I couldn't achieve. Relationships do evolve and change, I mean at the start I was quite indifferent to her but in fairness she made a real effort.

I was expecting to get less time, Its the no time, and apparant avoiding and ignoring me (maybe its paranoia?) thats killing me.

Theres one or two events in the near future which I will have to take easy on the drink so. Lets not go blurting out something I regret.

I really hope this turns out good... we are meant to spend the day together Friday, I'm half expecting her to bail, but hopefully she will surprise me. I am going to fight for this.