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Cowardly/unnassertive

  • 07-07-2009 5:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have always been unnassertive and timid. When i was younger i was never into fighting. At times i dont even defend myself. part of this is because i am unnassertive and part of this is because i would often play the martyr. People think i take no **** but in fact i do i just let things build in me to breaking point. Recently i fell out with someone and his friend got onto me. However his friend is a lot smaller than me and was going to hit me. I just caved in. Its possible the guy was in the right but i didnt even put my side of the story forward or try to defend myself. Worse this happened in front of family members who i think are laughing at me behind my back and have made comments


Comments

  • #2
    LeotheLion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭LeotheLion


    Unregistered wrote: »
    I have always been unnassertive and timid. When i was younger i was never into fighting. At times i dont even defend myself. part of this is because i am unnassertive and part of this is because i would often play the martyr. People think i take no **** but in fact i do i just let things build in me to breaking point. Recently i fell out with someone and his friend got onto me. However his friend is a lot smaller than me and was going to hit me. I just caved in. Its possible the guy was in the right but i didnt even put my side of the story forward or try to defend myself. Worse this happened in front of family members who i think are laughing at me behind my back and have made comments


    Cop on or people will walk all over you.


  • #3
    NickNolte
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    A bit harsh but there's a lot of truth to it. You need to be more assertive and stand up for yourself. It really is that simple. The sad truth, and it's important that you realise this, is that a large percentage of people are pure f**king scum who will sense your weakness and bully you if they know they can get away with it. The way I see it, you have two choices:
    1. Learn how to stand up for yourself. Do it diplomatically yet sternly. The more you do it, the more confidence you will gain and the easier it will become.
    2. Leave it too late, and you will become bitter and twisted. You may well, by that stage, be well able to stand up for yourself but you will turn good people away from you by being over-defensive and petulant.
    I'd advise option 1. Learn to overcome your fear before it overcomes you.


  • #4
    NickNolte
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    PS - As for being physically threatened, as you seem to have been. There's no real reason that you should 'stand up for yourself' in that regards. If someone assaults you unprovoked, speak to a solicitor.


  • #5
    TedB
    Closed Accounts Posts: 166 ✭✭TedB


    NickNolte wrote: »
    PS - As for being physically threatened, as you seem to have been. There's no real reason that you should 'stand up for yourself' in that regards. If someone assaults you unprovoked, speak to a solicitor.

    Well put. One of the worst aspects of Irish culture is our obsession with the 'hardman' image. We're all prone to it, even the most educated or (like myself) sissy and girly. No-one should have to put up with physical intimidation. On the other hand, if someone is slagging you have right in front of you you should be prepared to employ words on your behalf.


  • #6
    rustynutz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 797 ✭✭✭rustynutz


    Unregistered wrote: »
    I have always been unnassertive and timid. When i was younger i was never into fighting. At times i dont even defend myself. part of this is because i am unnassertive and part of this is because i would often play the martyr. People think i take no **** but in fact i do i just let things build in me to breaking point. Recently i fell out with someone and his friend got onto me. However his friend is a lot smaller than me and was going to hit me. I just caved in. Its possible the guy was in the right but i didnt even put my side of the story forward or try to defend myself. Worse this happened in front of family members who i think are laughing at me behind my back and have made comments

    I agree with the poster above,if this guy who was smaller than you didn't sense you lacked bottle chances are he wouldn't have attacked you,same with slagging,people who slag others off generaly pick someone they know won't fight back.Start fighting your corner,run the risk of making a fool of yourself by getting carried away and saying something you shouldn't because you look a bigger fool when you sit there with your mouth shutsaying nothing.


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  • #7
    mikemac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,986 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    Best to sort these things out on the spot.

    If you don't, you walk away replaying the whole thing one hundred times over in your head.
    You'll be bottling up your frustration and one time you'll snap, probably at someone who didn't bother you at all.

    Don't be that person, just sort it on the spot if you can.

    As for your family laughing at you after you nearly got assualted? :confused:
    It's a pity they are your family, if they were your friends I'd be advising you ditch and replace them!


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