At loggerheads need advice!

Rosedale6

Hi people.

My mum and dad are in their 60's and have had four children. The youngest who is 25 Emma has always been so very selfish, I know it sounds so bad to say but its true. In the past she has often turned to my mum and dad for money and they have always helped her out, paying off hundreds of her debts and she NEVER pays them back or even offers to, and because of this they have got themselves in a lot of debt.
When she moved out of home and in with her first partner she would ring them 24-7 with problem after problem, crying and pleading with my parents sometimes to go to her this would mean driving miles sometimes in the middle of the night this went on and on....

Then she split with him and when she met her new partner history repeated itself, there was problem after problem and yet again mum and dad would drive miles in the early hours to go to her... and I mean MILES it was around a 5 hour drive to where she was living and they would go. I would tell them time and time again not to listen to her, she was saying things for attention, threats of wanting to kill herself we have heard millions of times, partners attacking her the same old same time after time after time and my parents believe every word of it, (Everytime they were called police charges were dropped and nothing came of anything she said happened).

Well then the unthinkable happened. My sister got pregnant and then split with her partner after accusing him of rape (all charges were dropped) my parents drove to get her and took her back in and she started living with them again.
They are running around her all the time, she does NOTHING to help and doesnt pay her way, she is arguing with her ex all the time via texts and calls and the police are coming to my parents constantly. The latest is she has decided to have her baby aborted she is 12 weeks pregnant and its breaking my parents hearts that she is doing this but she is so selfish she just yells at them "If your that bothered you carry the ****ing thing* (I did star then not swear
So my parents are looking sick and worse by the day, NONE of us in the family can deal with her and we are all SO worried about the toll its taking on my parents.

What can we do? they never listen to me, they should know by now what she is like but they never learn, im so worried about them both but I cant see a solution...hope you can help and thank you so much for listening to me rant.

IvyTheTerrible

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Rosedale6

Sorry could a mod move this please.

Rabies

moved

weird

Sorry to hear that. Your sister sounds like a toxic person. Only thing I can advise you to do is stay well away from her.

Eventually she'll get sick of the way her life is and start making good choices, until that time comes she'll take you and whoever else is around down with her. You can't change her, she can only change herself.

best of luck.

Rabies

PI mods. Please ignore any comments prior and just after the thread was moved.

BaZmO*

There is nothing you can do. Your parents are adults and so is she, albeit an immature one, and therefore they are old enough to make their own decisions.

Until your parents realise that by being at her beck and call and constantly pandering to her every whim she will always take advantage.

Rosedale6

Rabies wrote: »

moved

Cheers Rabies

Beta Ray Bill

Hi Op

this sounds like a very awkward situation.

You and the rest of your siblings (excluding Emma) need to sit down with your parents and have a serious chat.

You and you siblings need then to sit down with Emma and explain to her that she need to get her act togethor go to counselling, anger management, something?

The fact that you say the charges are dropped seesm to me like she is doing an awful lot of crying wolf.

I know some people here are saying she may come around but personally if I was in your position I would be taking a more "pro-active" approach. Your parents arent gonna be around forever and when they are gone guess who's next for these phone calls and drama @ 3am!

But I think your parents are the root cause. they are feeding this selfish person. Your parents need to draw a line in the sand.

thats just my 2 cents

weird

I feel for this lad who got her preggers... he has to deal with that and on top it of it he gets accused of rape... this is why I am single.

BaZmO*

weird wrote: »

this is why I am single.

Is it not because you are weird?

Blazer

Get your parents to kick the biatch out. Only then will she cop and change her ways...hopefully.
She sounds like an extremely horrible person.
If any of my brothers or sisters acted like this with my parents I wouldn't be long sorting them out...and have done so in the past when my brother was screwing them around.

alexmcred

Maybe she is better off not having this baby OP. given the way she is acting it would be unfair to have a child considering the mess she is in

Rosedale6

Rosedale6 wrote: »

Well then the unthinkable happened. My sister got pregnant and then split with her partner after accusing him of rape (all charges were dropped) my parents drove to get her and took her back in and she started living with them again....The latest is she has decided to have her baby aborted she is 12 weeks pregnant and its breaking my parents hearts that she is doing this

Is she definitely pregnant?

LegacyUser

Oh my God! That could be my sister you are talking about!!!
Well, except for the pregnancy part and my sister is a few years older.

She is also the youngest in the family, and spoilt rotten. She is easily the most toxic person I have ever had the misfortune to come across.
She has also done the phoning home to the parents in the middle of the night saying that her then boyfriend was beating her up. My parents don't drive and live ages away so could do nothing but worry about her all night. Needless to say she stayed with this guy for a few more years.
She would phone the guards when they would argue and made the guards wary of him so she looked like an innocent victim. She then made a point of winding him up when he was drunk so he would give her a black eye and then threaten him with the guards.
I don't think our local guards have any idea how calculating she is as she has also put doubts in their minds about other people she has had differences with.

She has taken 2 over doses that I'm aware of, one of which she threatened she would do before hand. She has lied to my parents about all sorts of stuff and she has turned them and especially my mother against any boyfriend I've ever had and now my husband.
As a result I have nothing to do with her any more and barely have a relationship with my parents,that is if 2 short awkward phone calls a year could be called a relationship.

I agree with GRAHAMBO in that it is the parents fault. They allow her to act like this. They have never told her to cop on and they probably never will. They let themselves be treated like doormats and it is their spoiling her as a child that has caused this problem. If your sister is anything like mine, she was never shown the consequences of bad behavior as a child.

My siblings are of no help what so ever. They all bitch about her behavior behind her back and say how unfair she is to our parents and how awful she has been to me but they stand by and let her do it time and time again. They have seen me in tears so often but at the time they try to reason that maybe she has reasons for her behavior and only after it has all blown over they will admit(behind her back) that she was out of line. They think they are being diplomatic or something!!
My father has also said to my siblings that he has been unhappy with her behavior but doesn't want to put her in her place either. None of them will admit to it, but she has them all under control and I can't sort her out by myself , so I've walked away.

And that's the only advice I can give you OP, WALK AWAY.
You and your parents can't make her keep the baby, that's entirely her decision. And tbh, forgive me for saying this, but it is probably better that the baby wasn't born than to have a mother like that.
You have absolutely no control or influence over your sister or your parents for that matter. Your parents are choosing to let your sister treat them this way and until they want it to stop it won't.
So detach from them, if not physically then mentally and emotionally.(I've personally detached all three ways). Remind yourself that your parents and sister all have choices in how they live and act to others and this is how they choose. If you are uncomfortable watching your parents and sister interact then don't be around them when they are all together. If you are living at home then I suggest you move out. Meet your parents separately and tell them you don't want to hear about your sister, that she is their problem.

It can wreck your head, I know. But remember, they are all adults so get on with your own life and stop worrying about people who don't want to be helped.
All the best.