Ex wants to meet

LegacyUser

So why would an ex girlfriend who broke up with me over a year ago want to meet up for a drink? We were dating for over a year.

She is currently in a relationship and they are supposed to be crazy about each other.

I have just arrrived back in Dublin after spending the last year travelling the world but all that time she still kept in regular contact, every few weeks etc..

Im confused as to if she has a hidden agenda.

Stheno

She either

a. wants to prove you are still friends.

b. is having doubts in her current relationship and needs reassurance that she is still attractive

c. is still upset over the breakup and wants to give it a go.

On the basis of probability I'd give a. and b. 47.5% each and c. 5%

In other words, she most probably needs the ego boost of an ex bf from a year ago taking the time and effort to meet her.

Sorry if I sound cynical and bitter (I'm female btw )

LegacyUser

Its hard to know with her coz we hooked up just before i left the country (few months after the breakup, we were also with each other a few weeks before that), the sort of msgs she sent included, "when am i coming back" "am i seeing anyone" etc..

She admitted that the reason we broke up was to teach me a lesson but it backfired because instead of chasing her i keep busy and started meeting other women.

She knows she is attractive and could get any lad, the lad she is with now though is her best "male friend" whom she has known for years and who does not like me at all.

My gut feeling is that she still has strong feelings for me and is settling for the "male friend" because she knows he will always be there for her, he practically worships the ground she walks on but in a needy insecure type of way..

G86

She hasn't seen you in a year, so I'm guessing she wants to meet you to see if it's awkward or if you can actually move on and be friends now. I'd say that's all it is to be honest.

Sleipnir

nouggatti wrote: »

She either

a. wants to prove you are still friends.

b. is having doubts in her current relationship and needs reassurance that she is still attractive

c. is still upset over the breakup and wants to give it a go.

On the basis of probability I'd give a. and b. 47.5% each and c. 5%

In other words, she most probably needs the ego boost of an ex bf from a year ago taking the time and effort to meet her.

Sorry if I sound cynical and bitter (I'm female btw )

+1 to that.

She wants to know that's she's over you and she's doing fine without you, and you're not over her and not doing fine without her.

LegacyUser

Just to add, i came home for 5 days a christmas, she wanted to meet up and we ended up kissing. She then gave me stick for leaving the country again..

rallye

Nobody can tell you what she wants, every relationship/ex relationship is different.

It does sound though that she still has a thing for you but for her own well being has decided to move on but still keep in touch with you incase the opportunity to get back together arises.

Id be interested to know if she tells her boyfriend that she is meeting up with you, if he doesnt like you and is insecure then he will tell her not to meet you, in my experience this will only make her want to meet up with you more.

Best thing to do is meet up with her, do not bring up the relationship, do not bring up her boyfriend, chances are she might bring him up to see your reaction, stay cool dont bad mouth him, tell her he is a nice guy etc.... make her laugh and you decide when to finish up the meeting, keep it short and sweet, you want her leaving with positive emotions.

If she is still into you then you will hear from her within a few days of meeting her and if not then move on and forget about her.

mixervilla

It sounds to me like she is bored with the 'best friend' of a boyfriend and she's looking for a bit of fun expecially after the last time. Thats no longer your problem so take advantage of suitation, your single I assume so enjoy some no strings fun (I'm male btw:D)

Wibbs

rallye wrote: »

Id be interested to know if she tells her boyfriend that she is meeting up with you, if he doesnt like you and is insecure then he will tell her not to meet you, in my experience this will only make her want to meet up with you more.

I would agree. I've seen this one and been part of this as the ex before. If she has told him then she could be trying to get a reaction from him. If he replies with anything but "grand, good to see you're trying to keep exes as mates" it will likely backfire on him(I suspect he will freak). Of course she could be simply trying to be honest with him too god forbid. If she hasn't told him, she may be hedging her bets. Either to reduce complication if she wants you as a mate, or as I say hedging her bets to see how she feels when she sees you, before she loses the current fella. Given he's a close mate of hers chnaces are she won't want to lose him either.

Best thing to do is meet up with her, do not bring up the relationship, do not bring up her boyfriend, chances are she might bring him up to see your reaction, stay cool dont bad mouth him, tell her he is a nice guy etc.... make her laugh and you decide when to finish up the meeting, keep it short and sweet, you want her leaving with positive emotions.

Good advice if you want her back and want the best chances of that happening.

If she is still into you then you will hear from her within a few days of meeting her and if not then move on and forget about her.

TBH if she does come back I would still be careful. As I said this guy was her close male mate for a long time so you will likely have to accept he'll remain in her life. Plus this is a woman who when going out with this guy, snogged you at christmas. Not exactly reliable behaviour. Who is to say she won't cop off with him behind your back?

weird

nouggatti wrote: »

She either

a. wants to prove you are still friends.

b. is having doubts in her current relationship and needs reassurance that she is still attractive

c. is still upset over the breakup and wants to give it a go.

On the basis of probability I'd give a. and b. 47.5% each and c. 5%

In other words, she most probably needs the ego boost of an ex bf from a year ago taking the time and effort to meet her.

Sorry if I sound cynical and bitter (I'm female btw )

So it's all about her. In that case get her to pay for dinner.