So my girlfriend just broke up with me

LegacyUser

So my girlfriend just broke up with me. We hadn't been together that long, just 10 weeks but I am crazy about her and really thought we had a chance of working out. This was my first relationship for 2 years and really the first 1 I seen a future in. Throughout it had been tough at times my girlfriend is under a lot of pressure with work, she has 2 jobs in fact and both are challenging work. I had known for a while that she was under a lot of stress and really had not got enough time for everything in her life. We seen each other as much as possible but this meant she had less time for friends and family. Her family especially I think is the big thing she just didn't get to see enough of them. They are really important to her as mine are to me, I'm lucky in that I'd see my dad and sisters and nieces and nephews pretty much everyday and would hate to not be able to see them.
Anyway she decided today that she has to make some changes to get things back into perspective for her own well being. She's right with this I hate seeing her when she is stressed. So she decided she just doesn't have time for a relationship at the minute. I respect her decision but at the same time I wanted it to work so much. I'm kinda proud of the way I acted in this relationship I was a pretty good boyfriend. I gave gifts regularly done jobs if they needed to be done and basicly done what ever I could to help her out if she needed it.
The sex side was pretty good and we both were definitely quiet into each other in that way. The intimacy on a whole was pretty good between us.
So anyway I don't know where to go from here I'd really like to give it another go but know she needs her space to get her head straight.
I suppose my question to you is what should I do now, any thoughts on if this has a chance of working in the future and if so, what should I do to help it happen? I really am heartbroken. All thoughts appreciated.

LegacyUser

You've kind of answered your own question, that she needs space to sort her head out, so give her some time and space. It'll be tough and it is easier said than done, believe me I know but you never know what is around the corner. She may realise she made a mistake and contact you...you may realise she wasn't the one.

Since it doesn't sound like a bad split, maybe send her a text in a couple of weeks saying you hope she's okay and that work etc are going okay? This might open the door to some communication but don't put all your hopes into it.

I hope everything works out okay for you...heartbreak is a tought thing

rallye

You gave gifts regulary?? You were a typical "nice guy" is seems, sadly women get bored of nice guys..

Ye were only together for 10 weeks which is not long at all. I was "meeting" my last GF exclusively for nearly 3 months before i decided we were gonna be GF and BF.

Anyway what to do next you say.

Stop all contact with her, she wants space so give it to her. The most un attractive thing to any girl is the ex BF who starts begging for her back, contacting her the whole time etc...

Start getting busy, start going to the gym etc.. when she doesnt hear from you she will be curious as to why you are finding the breakup so easy and will reach out and contact you.

So in summary, do nothing!

LegacyUser

OP here thanks for the reply. I probably phrased that wrong about gifts but I am a nice guy and I don't see why thats such a bad thing. Is it really?
I was thinking pretty much the same on the do nothing. I will give her space and she knows where I am if she wants to contact me. I know it was only a short relationship and I can just move on but I know as well the timing issue is a major factor. I seriously am mad about the girl and really don't wanna give up on it completely just yet.

rallye

Unregistered wrote: »

I seriously am mad about the girl and really don't wanna give up on it completely just yet.

The problem is your head is all over the place right now and the result could be you thinking she is slipping away and you end up contacting her too soon.

By giving her time without hearing from you will let her decide on her own as to whether she wants to be with you or not.

You cant force a girl to do anything, she has to make up her own mind and any thoughts of trying to convince her will only backfire on you.

gaeilgegrinds

Right...as a woman I think that nice guys are great, now.
I had to learn the hard way that bad boys were not the way to go. So maybe she never learned that. There must be some thrill in it. I'd keep my distance, no contact unless you're paths happen to cross. If she wants you she'll contact you.

rallye

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here thanks for the reply. I probably phrased that wrong about gifts but I am a nice guy and I don't see why thats such a bad thing. Is it really?

Most nice guys think that because they are nice, women will like them just fine. Wrong! Being nice is nice but the truth is, this trait doesn't score big with women. If they see as "nice" they only see you as friend, but not really a potential boyfriend. Ever wondered why more and more gorgeous girls fall for guys who seem to treat them badly (i dont mean physical or verbal abuse by the way)

Women also like a little challenge with their man and will feel annoyed when they have a stronger personality that you do.

Nice guys always seem too needy for attention from women, you need to have your own fullfilled life and not worry if she contacts you or not.

You don't know how to take control. Whether you believe it or not, girls like it when you take control. They want to be led more than anything else. Sure, they may speak their mind and want to have their way most of the time, but deep down, they yearn for man who can protect them and dominate them. It just makes then feel more like a woman.

This is the tip of the ice berg when it comes to "alpha male" type behaviour with women.

~me~

as a girl i can tell you now that they may find the bad guys more interesting/fun but they always stay with good guys in the end.

i will agree with you having your own life. keep yourself busy for yourself. do things you like and go out, if it turns out that she ends up wondering what you're up to then thats a bonus! look after yourself, be happy being single and dont contact her. let her contact you, if shes interested she will. if shes not then at least you can move on.

fair play to you for being a nice guy during the relationship! make sure to keep it up now as well, theres nothing worse than an ex being needy and you wanna end the whole thing in a civil and dignified way cause thats what she'll remember when she does think about your relationship.

LegacyUser

~me~ wrote: »

as a girl i can tell you now that they may find the bad guys more interesting/fun but they always stay with good guys in the end.

i will agree with you having your own life. keep yourself busy for yourself. do things you like and go out, if it turns out that she ends up wondering what you're up to then thats a bonus! look after yourself, be happy being single and dont contact her. let her contact you, if shes interested she will. if shes not then at least you can move on.

fair play to you for being a nice guy during the relationship! make sure to keep it up now as well, theres nothing worse than an ex being needy and you wanna end the whole thing in a civil and dignified way cause thats what she'll remember when she does think about your relationship.

Hi OP here again and thanks for the replies. I fully intend to take the break up with dignity and even before I left this evening I had her laughing about the whole thing. She knows I am hurt about it but at the same time I won't be looking for a sympathy vote.

Its good to see you agree about good guys. We are both late 20's and beyond playing stupid mind games. We were always open and honest with each other and I think thats the way to be. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn's meant to be but I am not gonna change who I am out of a perception of what a guy should be in a relationship. I am a decent guy as I am and there shouldn't be anything wrong with that.

G86

I think you should back off for a wee while now and let her sort her heaad out. She's obviously really stressed out at the mo and this may have been a rash decision, but if it was then she needs to figure that out on her own. Nothing you say or do is going to help the situation right now, so just wait and see how it pans out. I know that's easier said than done but I really think it's all you can do here.

Oh and as for comments about ten weeks not being long - I think if you were mad about the girl then it's long enough to be upset about, every relationship is different and yours was obviously just very intense.

Amazotheamazing

One of the greatest lines in any song ever written is

"a man never got a woman back by begging on his knees"

from I'm Your Man, by Leonard Cohen. It's one of the truest things I've ever come across. While I don't agree with every bit of advice on this thread, the underlying truth is a woman needs to respect a man to want to go out with him. If you want to have any chance to get back with her, you have to carry on in a manner that she can respect, which, imo, means you have to actively move on. Waiting around for her change her mind is a mugs game and will close off any chance you have with her. Get on with your life and leave her time to decide what she wants from hers.

LegacyUser

rallye wrote: »

Most nice guys think that because they are nice, women will like them just fine. Wrong! Being nice is nice but the truth is, this trait doesn't score big with women. If they see as "nice" they only see you as friend, but not really a potential boyfriend. Ever wondered why more and more gorgeous girls fall for guys who seem to treat them badly (i dont mean physical or verbal abuse by the way)

Women also like a little challenge with their man and will feel annoyed when they have a stronger personality that you do.

Nice guys always seem too needy for attention from women, you need to have your own fullfilled life and not worry if she contacts you or not.

You don't know how to take control. Whether you believe it or not, girls like it when you take control. They want to be led more than anything else. Sure, they may speak their mind and want to have their way most of the time, but deep down, they yearn for man who can protect them and dominate them. It just makes then feel more like a woman.

This is the tip of the ice berg when it comes to "alpha male" type behaviour with women.

Totally agree I am one of those nice guys.And in the end the girls I have been with just take the piss or walk all over you and don't respect you.I used to think why do they do it,
and I try to help them out, go out of my way etc.but it doesn't work. from now on my approach will be totally different.I am sick of being called a nice guy

LegacyUser

same thing happened me about 5 years ago, was going out with a girl 4 a short period of time all was going well i was smitten head over heals with her then she broke up with me. out of no where. i dont fall easy either.anyway took the break up with dignity didnt contact her bar maybe the odd "how are u text "every few weeks. anyway couldnt stop thinking bout her in the mean time.
my buddies were getting sick of me at this stage so they organised a wknd away. decided to go and try 2 have a good time. went out got drunk!! met a girl in a nightclub had a kiss exchanged numbers. we eventually met up again and 4 yrs later im still with her and madly in love.

MORAL: who knows whats around the corner keep the chin up.

DangerMouse27

Seems like im too late and you have already worked this out in your own head.

My advice is hit the gym,get some new hobbies and show to her that your not as one dimensional as maybe you were before.
Your single too so get out and date some pretty girls! and bring em to public places that will get you seen.
I wouldnt text at all..trust this from the guy who did text!

LegacyUser

DangerMouse27 wrote: »

Seems like im too late and you have already worked this out in your own head.

My advice is hit the gym,get some new hobbies and show to her that your not as one dimensional as maybe you were before.
Your single too so get out and date some pretty girls! and bring em to public places that will get you seen.
I wouldnt text at all..trust this from the guy who did text!

Hi OP here, Thanks for all the advice so far. When I woke up yesterday morning a deleted her number from my phone and all saved texts, there was nothing particularly important in them anyway. I done this just so I wouldn't text coz i'm not sure if I'd have the will power not to at times. Anyway she text me then later on to see how I was so I just said I was fine didn't try too be overly enthusiastic or anything or too down. So that was it just 3 texts said goodbye, look after yourself and have a good day. I then deleted those txts just to be sure I didn't have the number to hand. I have her number in a safe place thats not always accessable.
Today I woke up at about 6 AM and have been having a tough 1 much worse than yesterday but I'm doing my best to just get on with things and keep busy. I'm amazed I'm so upset by this coz it was only a short term thing when you think about it. Anyway I've been keeping myself to myself for the couple of days but booked a day off work next and will get out and about a bit. Probably I was putting too much effort into the relationship which would of been a bit smothering for her. So just gonna get back to doing my own thing and see what happens next.
If the oppurtunity arises I would like us to get back together but would be careful to take it slowly and not let it get so intense. I'm not holding out much hope for this by the way but would be open to it if she had a change of heart. This was her fault as much as mine in the begining but I probably should have seen the signs and backed off a little. Ah well one day at a time should do it!

DangerMouse27

Girls will want what they cant have so if she does text again,let her sweat it out and wait a few hours until you text again.And especially if your messages are usually long,then keep them short.If she is bothered to think something is up with you then at least you have her doing some of the running.
Ive been there and i gotta admit you are doing really really well.

You have to make sure that your seen to be having a good time and doing new stuff.
Let her believe that your moving on..ie remove yourself from social networking like bebo or that.Dont give her any clues that your having difficulty with this.

There are ways to get her back but its a matter of time.

You are doing well young grasshoppa!

legend365

Yea keep the txts short if any. No point in tryin to convey that your fine with everything when you not.

Get women out of your head for awhile and focus on yourself. The first part is the hardest.

Sweets10

Hey there-i've just gotten the same bad news....very similar situation....were meeting up for about 3 months and "exclusive" for about a month...think the main reason was that I may have been too nice. I not usually the nice guy but I really liked this girl and hasn't worked out!we went for lunch today and everytime seemed ok.....then 2 hours later I get a text sayin its not working out....and she cant give the relationship the commitment I deserve...not sure if I moved everything too quickley or not but the advice mentioned seems to be good....tawt I was beyond these mind-games.....I used to do anything I could for her....presents-paying for cinema, presents, dinner give her lifts etc but seems like it still wasn't enough....she outlined in the text that I was a "lovely person" but she "desn't know what she's doing"......gonna be hard to move on from this one but hope I don't text her....will try not to and move on as quickley as I can

LegacyUser

She broke up with you because she needed time and space to sort herself out. I promise the best thing you can do is give her that. Give her all the space in the world.

Drop off her radar completely. Give her a chance to miss you.

It will be very hard for you to do, but it's your best option. The best way to drive her away is to pursue her. The only chance you have of getting her back is to let her go. Think of her like a bar of soap, if you try to hold on to it tight, it'll slip out of your fingers every time.

Trout99

Going through this now. Text her last nite like a spanner saying I missed her. Got no reply. I was the nice guy aswel. Nice guys finish last.

dublingal80

no they dont. I have been with my nice guy for 3 and a half years now and I couldnt be happier. Though I think what helped me was that my ex previous was some piece of work and my OH is the complete and utter opposite of him, which is exactly what i need and what i deserve

Unfortunately some things arent meant to be, but when you meet someone else you will look back on this relationship and see how far you have come and how much stronger your feelings are towards this new person

Sweets10

yaaa i hope so......i was on facebook chat earlier and logged off when I saw her online-not gonna do anything!hopefully this will work!had sleepless night last night but hopefully will get better....Thanks for advice!

TitoPuente

Seems like the most obvious thing to do is to just move on and get on with your life. Meet new women, concentrate on your own happiness and forget about her. 99% of the time when relationships break up they don't get back together again (I don't actually have a source for this statistic, sorry )