Any wise words?

LegacyUser

hey...im having the worst week. really am so hurt and upset so any words of wisdom/advise would really be appreciated.
im 24 and was with my bf for over a year. he was so good to me, and was there for me above and beyond when my dad passed away suddenlly in feb. last week he started going on how much pressure he was under from work, ex gf(house they had together) and felt pressure from me. i know i prob relyied on him more that i should have but i think that came naturaly after my dad dying. so he went to see a councellor or fri. that week he had been v short with me - saying we need to spend time apart, more time with friends and i said thats fine. so he rang fri evening telling me all the councellor said - that she advised he takes a break from us, sorts out his issues and that he prob rushed into the relationship with me as it was right after he broke up with his long term ex. he siad he doesnt want us to break up - just take time out, no contact and sort our heads out. also told me he loved me.
i was supposed to be staying in his on sunday and we said we would still do that as i had a course to go to near his. so on fri night i got v upset and texted him asking can we just decide what to do on sun - no reply. rang him few times too many on sat - no reply. left voice mail, was v upset and told him i knew he needed space, i just wanted to know whats d story re. sun. If he changed his mind then just tell me and i could org something else. again no reply. so on sun i text just saying i had org somwhere else to stay and that i hoped giving him space would help him to sort his head out...also told him to let me know whenever he wanted his stuff i have. again - nothing back. i havent contacted him since but am so so hurt and left not sure what to think or do. spent all weekend and today crying. asking myself, what if i never hear from him again, how he could just stop contact and ignore me....do i just not contact him again? leave it?
any advise is much appreciated, thanks

Kimia

I'm sorry but what a B*STARD! how dare he ignore you like that - you poor thing you sound devastated.

I can't believe he did that and I'm sure you're totally in shock. I don't really know what to tell you. I'm sorry I'm sure someone else will post something better than this but I just felt the despair in your post and had to reply.

Don't contact him again anyway he's made it clear (in a horrible, horrible way) that he doesn't want to talk to you. Try and distract yourself and maybe you won't think about it as much.

Feel better x

LegacyUser

Oh my God poor you, I totally feel your pain. I lost my Mother 2 weeks after my 21st birthday and my natural reaction was to hold onto the people I love REALLY tightly. Unfortunately that meant I put an awful lot of pressure on a relatively new relationship. My boyfriend put his foot down and told me I needed to see a grief counsellor as he was unable to deal with my emotions. Don't get me wrong he was amazing when I felt upset or was crying but he just couldn't deal with my constant need for reassurance that he wasn't going to leave me. We ended up taking some time out as he was in his final year in college and I felt guilty putting pressure on him which just made me feel even worse. Thankfully my story had a happy ending and we got back together after a few months when I was in a better frame of mind. I'm not advising you wait around for him to come back as he may not but I can see both sides of this story and I would be a little hesitant to call him names. BUT if he is a s**t then you're better off without him as my friend discovered after her Mum died. She did meet somebody incredible after him so take comfort in that. Take your time to get over your Dad's death first and foremost. Look after yourself first I know it's a cliche but time really is a great healer.Distract yourself by spending time with your family and friends. Don't hold anything in, cry your head off if you need to and lean on the people around you. It feels unbelievably horrific at the mo but I promise it gets better.

I feel so bad for you right now. I really wish I could do more for you other than typing on a computer!

Try to keep your chin up and trust that things will get better. xx

I hope things

LegacyUser

hi op,

so sorry that your having such a bad time at the moment. With regards to your OH, i have been in the same situation myself. The best thing for you to do is to try to put him out of your mind right now. If he isnt interested in getting back to you, then leave him off! Having to deal with him is only going to add to your stress right now. Lay off the texts for abit and see if he tries to contact you in a few days.Try to resist the itch to text or ring him because in the end its only to be worse. For now you should try focus on you.Go around to a friends and have a girly night in.Not sure if i helped at all but i hope everything works out for you
x

messygirl

the counsellor thing sounds really fishy to me, i mean can a counsellor advise someone to take a break from his girlfriend after 1 session? how can you say that someone isnt right for you after one session and only going by what he says? Isnt counselling a slow process?

LegacyUser

hi,
my friends' boyf has a bit of a melt down a few years back. he was suicidal and was referred to phychiatrist. First thing psyc said was to stop all contact with his girlf. It was tough on her, but that what counsellors do, ie. make patient/client focus on themselves only and it's better for that person to sort stuff out in their own head without having to deal with girlf, even it that girlf is great and if the guy still loves her.
I think you need to sit and wait, but need to be strong and not stress if you can help it. In time he may well pick up the phone and want to carry on, but for now you can't be contantly waiting/worrying. It's going to wreck your head. Be strong and get busy. What will be will be...
btw, my friend and her man are now married!

Elbi

The nasty little fcuker. Who does he think he is ignoring you like that, that makes me so angry.
you misfortune I really do feel for you and i know easier said than done but the best thing you can do is just let it go, I wouldnt text or ring him again even though you'll probably really want to, try not to.
if it was me and he did contact you eventually i wouldnt write back, we have to have a little pride in ourselves and not let them have the upperhand after the way he has treated you,
I know its very very hard. The way I see it what kind of a man would treat someone he is supposed to love like that, you deserve better than that treatment.

dearg lady

This is obviously a rough time for both of you, but I don't think the answer lies in pointing the finger of blame(not you OP, some other posters)

It seems unusual that a counsellor would immediately suggest this, but it may be for the best. Have you discussed a timeframe, or was it left open ended? I don't think it's unreasonable of you to want to sit down face to face and talk it over with him, but if you both had agreed no more contact on the phone, it wasn't very fair to be texting and calling him I think. I say this after making the same mistake myself many times. I'm not very good at putting things out of my head and they often eat away at me, but it really is the best thing to do.

Perhaps it might be useful to call him and say you want to meet to discuss how the break will work, ie zero contact, or maybe the odd phone call, an idea of how long etc. afterwards, keep to what you have agreed.
And do use the time to really think about what you want yourself, make the effort to see friends and just enjoy some time to yourself too. relationships are great but sometimes it's nice not to have to worry about someone else!

it might be useful for you to go to a counsellor too, even just a few sessions to help you deal with the loss of your dad.

Best of luck with it

mark renton

this is all a bit harsh on the dude - does sound like he is guilty of something

anyway wise words below

everything happens for a reason and sometimes we need to be forced into a situation for something better to come along

DangerMouse27

This guy sounds like some piece of work.
I wouldnt contact him at all and play hard to get,i know its tough but dont answer his messages if he texts,no matter what he texts!
Your prb smoking hot too so id say stoke his fires and text him that its over and your moving on.If that doesnt get a reply,well your far too good for him then.
Let him do some chasing!

im a guy and im shocked by his behaviour!

DangerMouse27

btw a counsellor would never advise to stop contact with any person,all communication is good for someone needing counselling.
If he said that,i smell b s