A lot of problems

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one:

I don't know where to start really... I come from a comfertable middle class family, with good parents who sub me in return for doing minor odd jobs around the house. I'm 20, in college but living at home for the summer with no job.

I'm overweight and have often being the butt of jokes by girls in pubs. Last night a girl came up to me and said her mate fancied me, when I looked round the other girl was sniggering at the thought of it. My mate said to her not to be so cruel and that was the end of it. But it leaves me feeling so pathetic and worthless. I don't even want to go out in public at times. I'm a virgin and even though I have good friends I cringe and feel so childish when they start talking about sex. The most I ever got was a shift and even that was a good three years ago.

These incidents have happened a few times (Where girls joke about wanting anything to do with me) and every time it happens I sink rock bottom. It sets my paranoia on overload and I soon begin to hear things I KNOW aren't happening, such as people badmouthing about me literally behind my back. As a result, sometimes I can be very edgy and looking around me all the time thinking that people are laughing and making fun of me and how pathetic I am. I'm generally very bad company when I'm like this.

I am determined to loose the weight and have went from 22 stone (I know, a grotesque weight to be) to 21 stone in less than a month. I'm on the verge of starving myself to get rid of this crap clinging to my body. I'm sick of the manboobs and the multiple chins and the looks of disgust I get all so often. I really don't think people understand how much this hurts people like me - all I ever want to do is lock myself in a room and read a good book. If I could become a hermit I would, I would set off for the mountains and live there by myself. Thats how pissed I am with our generation.

I guess I'm just ranting here, but I really needed to let that out. Don't know what any of you can do for me.

Oh The Humanity

Hey OP! Thats a tough station at the moment for you.

I am delighted you have decided to lose the weight but a little advice. Slow and steady wins the race, if you want to lose the weight for good. Don't starve yourself, you wont last the distance. Get into a men only weightwatchers group, you will never look back and you will be one of the smaller ones at 21 stone. It really works.

Excersise, if you are too self conscious to go to the gym etc for now, walk your butt off, literally. Walk everywhere, take the stairs, do housework, continue the odd jobs, use every opportunity to get any excersise you can.

Well done on losing the stone!

People are a$$es of all ages. Remember that. A boy racer cut me up yesterday and as I was flipping him the bird he called me a fat b1tch, I am size 10 so everyone gets it.

If they weren't calling you fat, they'd be calling you freckley, ginger, smelly, dozy, baldy, spotty....etc etc There is no end to it.

You have to try to build a tougher outer shell. Its hard and for sensitive people its even harder but it feels better than allowing some twunts in a pub dictate your life and make you miserable.

Use that anger and hurt and turn it to positive action. Its hard but it is so worth it. You could be safely down to 15 or 16 stone by Christmas with a bit of effort...Imagine the difference you would feel.

By the way, your friends sound top class.

Anyway, all the best!

tbh

hey man, the best advice I can give you is to set yourself realistic goals. Starving yourself won't help in the long-term. Have a look at the person you want to be two or three YEARS down the line, not months. Be patient. Use the fitness forum here for help.

the reason the jibes (what horrible people!!) hurt is because, deep down, you believe them to be true. If they called you a ginger, and you weren't, it wouldn't hurt. Get yourself right in the head, and you'll be untouchable. Keep doing what you are doing, slow and steady progress and make sure you feel proud of yourself! It's not what you were, or even what you will be, it's what you are that counts.

weird

Unregistered wrote: »

Going unreg for this one:

I don't know where to start really... I come from a comfertable middle class family, with good parents who sub me in return for doing minor odd jobs around the house. I'm 20, in college but living at home for the summer with no job.

I'm overweight and have often being the butt of jokes by girls in pubs. Last night a girl came up to me and said her mate fancied me, when I looked round the other girl was sniggering at the thought of it. My mate said to her not to be so cruel and that was the end of it. But it leaves me feeling so pathetic and worthless. I don't even want to go out in public at times. I'm a virgin and even though I have good friends I cringe and feel so childish when they start talking about sex. The most I ever got was a shift and even that was a good three years ago.

These incidents have happened a few times (Where girls joke about wanting anything to do with me) and every time it happens I sink rock bottom. It sets my paranoia on overload and I soon begin to hear things I KNOW aren't happening, such as people badmouthing about me literally behind my back. As a result, sometimes I can be very edgy and looking around me all the time thinking that people are laughing and making fun of me and how pathetic I am. I'm generally very bad company when I'm like this.

I am determined to loose the weight and have went from 22 stone (I know, a grotesque weight to be) to 21 stone in less than a month. I'm on the verge of starving myself to get rid of this crap clinging to my body. I'm sick of the manboobs and the multiple chins and the looks of disgust I get all so often. I really don't think people understand how much this hurts people like me - all I ever want to do is lock myself in a room and read a good book. If I could become a hermit I would, I would set off for the mountains and live there by myself. Thats how pissed I am with our generation.

I guess I'm just ranting here, but I really needed to let that out. Don't know what any of you can do for me.

Hey mate, first off, I'm a big guy and I have mates that are big men.

Hating yourself is going to be no solution. Any woman who'd pull crap like that in a pub is worthless.

I am certain you'd have much to offer a lady.

Let me tell you about me:

I have been heavy my whole life and I have gotten the comments and the jibes too; people will always try to tear you down to make themselves feel better about their own faults. Thing is you might loose weight, but they are always going to be ugly people.

Second, starving yourself is no answer and all it will do is make you heavier when you binge eat to over compensate. Your body will go into starvation mode and keep every little bit of fat you give it, thus making you heavier.

The problem:

There are very few no resources out there for overweight guys. if you're bi-polar, a drug addict or a self harmer everyone will bend over backwards to help you but if you're overweight you're a pariah. Being bigoted against obese people is one of the last socially acceptable prejudices. Even heavy women have that Curves place... what do we got?

Solution:

If no one is gonna help us, then we'll help ourselves. Here is what I suggest you do, first off find other motivated big guys like yourself. Second, all go and get a gym membership together. Third, go work out together. This is what me and a mate are doing, if you're in Dublin you are free to join us. Seriously. You should also get your G.P. to perscribe you some weight loss meds to help you to lose weight. You should also go see a dietician and have her set out a plan for you.

In any case, you're not a loser. You're not a fatty. You're human being a probably a very good one. Once you get some confidence you'll have all the jobs and women you want.

PM me and I'll send you my phone number for a chat.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

To be honest, I am overweight and currently trying to shed at, and at a rate of 2lb a week I would quickly lose heart..

Oh The Humanity

I am not sure if the 2lb rule applies accross the board of all weights.

This is where Weightwatchers would come in handy. I went with a male friend of mine who was significantly overweight and as far as I remember he was told he would get a bigger loss for a few weeks than average....he did too, he lost I think 10 pounds in the first week and has gone down 2 or 3 stone and kept it off as well.

As I said they do men only classes so they can tell you whats what for your weight and size, its all scientifically done so you lose as much as is safe but are still nutritionally looked after.

Anyway its worth a go!

tbh

Unregistered wrote: »

To be honest, I am overweight and currently trying to shed at, and at a rate of 2lb a week I would quickly lose heart..

thats why it's hard. anyone can lose a bit of weight if they need to - but it's very difficult to stick with over a prolonged period of time. You have to totally adjust your attitude to your life. You just have to ask yourself - is it worth it?

Steyr

Hey OP,

I used to weigh 18stone and now down to 11.5stone, i lost it all by training every day and by drinking PLENTY of water you need to keep yourself hydrated, and DO NOT starve yourself, try to exercise as much as possible, i lost my weight thru swimming and cycling i was suprised at how quickly it dropped as i was so determined. anyway best of luck to you and never mind the haters when you get to where you want to be you will quickly realise how worthless and empty the haters are.

corkkaz

I would not take any notice of those people in the pub who hurt you, easier said then done I know, but they are not worth it. They get their kicks out of hurting others.

Regards your weght, DO NOT starve yourself, it is not the solution. You'll put it all back on. You need a plan, like someone has said Weightwatchers, Unislim etc. They main thing to do is get drinking water, exercising. If your not comfortable in a gym (I'm not) get walking the dog, skipping at the back of the house, walking up and down your stairs anything until you feel more confident.

Don't ever let others make you feel bad about yourself.

Best of luck with it

Yenwod

OP, so sorry to hear about what girls have said to you...but please don't waste your time listening or paying any attention to people like that. They are not worth a second of your time or energy.
It can be tough to hear something like that but you need to build up a bit of a tough exterior shell. Even if it does hurt you, put on a brave face and laugh it off. Make a joke that you give "great bear hugs" or something. If it seems like a slagging isn't bothering you, people quickly get bored and stop...plus subconsciously, you're slowly building up a bit of your own confidence by not letting these things eat away at you.


As for losing weight, please don't starve yourself and go on any fad diets. The quicker you lose weight like that, the more easily and quicker you will put it back on. As others have said, slow and steady wins the race. Eat healthier, exercise plenty and drink lots of water.
Give yourself goals like getting a pedometer and set yourself a daily challenge that you'll walk 5000 steps a day.
Even set out a weekly chart of how much you weigh, your waist, leg measurements etc. When people lose weight, because they are scrutinising themselves in the mirror every day, they won't notice that they've lost a few pounds and get disheartened but if you have a chart there showing your progress, it's a real help. That's why weightwatchers is so good because it gives you your progress and motivation.


Also, think of other ways to build up your confidence a bit so the weight issue becomes less of an issue. Get yourself some new clothes, a new haircut...as girly as that may seem, if you're looking stylish everywhere else, it gives you a boost of confidence. Also certain clothes can help you look slimmer too.


All in all, it will take a bit of time and patience but you can do it. You should set out some goals for the rest of the summer before you're back to college and really stick to them. Best of luck with it all

CathyMoran

I am really sorry that this is happening to you - those women were really horrible. I was/am constantly taunted for being over weight by an in-law (am a size 8 and BMI of less than 20 which is not overweight), so I know how much it hurts. Please do not go on crash diets but do seek medical advice before embarking on any weight loss programme.

In terms of being 20 and not having as much relationship experience as you like - that really is not an issue, it just means that you are picky, that is all.

oil painting

Hi Op,

The generation you talk about are immature and they think they have it all sewn up but they dont, try not to take their negative comments and internalize them because they are not true words, any time you hear a negative voice in your head say i have a happy slender body!

In life we all have different spiritual paths we are on and we all learn a huge amount from what we have to overcome,

Loosing weight starts with a positive self image,

I have recently lost some weight i have been trying to loose for 3 years, i put on 2 stone and i was very down about it and i felt really bad in myself,

What i did was i got a personal trainer, she was not fully qualified but was an aerobics instructor and was still very good, she was only €200 for 10 sessions, she comes to my house i jog for 25 mins and she does exercises then its an hour altogether.

In the beginning i could not run 3 mins! now i can run 25 and im delighted with myself, i was very un motivated in the beginning and having her jog with me was brilliant and very supportive, she also gave me a diet to stick to but it was a bit strict and the more fit i became the easier it was to run and walk and i changed my diet but not very strictly. So in 2 months i have not lost a huge amount 4lbs but i have lost inches!!! I am very happy with what i have done and im just going to keep going but i dont like it to be relentless otherwise i know i wont stick it.

It was explained to me that it was a life style change, there is a lot about it that i enjoy now, i think that is important because otherwise it is a slog, but it can be enjoyable,

The paul mc kenna techniques might be worth looking at, he helped people loose weight just by being more conscious over how they ate, like chewing your food more and being more aware of what you eat,

Anyway there is deffo something for you that is right for you, G'luck.

LegacyUser

OP i dont know much about about dieting but i have a friend who used to teach fitness. He told me once that if you starve yourself the next time you go to eat you will put even even more wiegth as your body wants to store the food

LegacyUser

weird wrote: »

Hey mate, first off, I'm a big guy and I have mates that are big men.

Hating yourself is going to be no solution. Any woman who'd pull crap like that in a pub is worthless.

I am certain you'd have much to offer a lady.

Let me tell you about me:

I have been heavy my whole life and I have gotten the comments and the jibes too; people will always try to tear you down to make themselves feel better about their own faults. Thing is you might loose weight, but they are always going to be ugly people.

Second, starving yourself is no answer and all it will do is make you heavier when you binge eat to over compensate. Your body will go into starvation mode and keep every little bit of fat you give it, thus making you heavier.

The problem:

There are very few no resources out there for overweight guys. if you're bi-polar, a drug addict or a self harmer everyone will bend over backwards to help you but if you're overweight you're a pariah. Being bigoted against obese people is one of the last socially acceptable prejudices. Even heavy women have that Curves place... what do we got?

Solution:

If no one is gonna help us, then we'll help ourselves. Here is what I suggest you do, first off find other motivated big guys like yourself. Second, all go and get a gym membership together. Third, go work out together. This is what me and a mate are doing, if you're in Dublin you are free to join us. Seriously. You should also get your G.P. to perscribe you some weight loss meds to help you to lose weight. You should also go see a dietician and have her set out a plan for you.

In any case, you're not a loser. You're not a fatty. You're human being a probably a very good one. Once you get some confidence you'll have all the jobs and women you want.

PM me and I'll send you my phone number for a chat.

Hi OP here. I appreciate this message but its not the line I want to go down. To be honest the thought of going to a gym with a load of men my size just makes me shudder with the thought of the subsequent ridicule. I'm not proud of being the way I am and don't want to be seen with others who are like me. I don't feel like a black person being discriminated against by prejudiced white people or anything - I feel a deep deep shame over the way I am and what to hide away, not declare myself as a 'big guy and proud' to the world... Because I'm not proud of it.

Thanks all for the encouraging message. Slow and steady will win the race. Thanks.

weird

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi OP here. I appreciate this message but its not the line I want to go down. To be honest the thought of going to a gym with a load of men my size just makes me shudder with the thought of the subsequent ridicule. I'm not proud of being the way I am and don't want to be seen with others who are like me. I don't feel like a black person being discriminated against by prejudiced white people or anything - I feel a deep deep shame over the way I am and what to hide away, not declare myself as a 'big guy and proud' to the world... Because I'm not proud of it.

Thanks all for the encouraging message. Slow and steady will win the race. Thanks.

I am worried that you haven't addressed why you are overwieght. I am worried that you haven't addressed what compells you to over eat.

I know that doing it on your own is going to be very hard... people need support.

The only way you will loose weight is with exersize and dieting properly, you have demostrated that you don't know how to do that.

I would strongly encourage you to obtain the services of a personal trainer and dietician, these health professionals can put you off in the right direction.

The reason why I suggested you join us is so you could get community motivation behind you. Also, we know what it is like to be an overweight man is a society driven by physical perfection.

We may not like how we look, but we certainly like who we are. We go to the gym to work out because we want to lose weight but we go together so we can motivate each other. We know we are not alone.

At any rate, you're the only person who can change yourself, I wish you only the best of luck.

Tip: if you too ashamed to go to a gym I suggest you do exersize at home, get a work out DVD