Help with Lies

LegacyUser

I've been a liar all my life and I can't stop.

I'm in my 30s now and I lie each and every day about everyting and nothing. I exagerate, embelish and misrepresent. I have been found out at times and I can't stop.

Does anyone know how I can get help? Does anyone know what is the cause of it? I have told some lies that are very serious and had terrible implications on my family and others. I've lied about illness and various personal matters and I don't even know why - I just can't stop. Am I going mad or something?

Please help as it is ruining my relationship with my wife.

Miss Fluff

I worked with a compulsive liar, it is very damaging behaviour to all those you are associated with. You need to get yourself to a GP and get referred to a therapist asap.

Oh The Humanity

I think definitely try to get a referral to a psychiatrist/psychotherapist. Your GP will know which is correct for you.

I also worked with a girl who was a compulsive liar and I really studied her, I got the impression it was involuntary, she seemed to almost believe her own lies, sort of deluded. Obviously though it causes incredible trouble all around you and makes people very hostile.

So its important you go to the GP, write out your points beforehand to illustrate what a bad effect its having on your and others lives so he takes you seriously. Even better get someone to come with you who can testify that it is a serious behavioural problem that you need professional help with.

LegacyUser

.I used to do that a bit in college..... I'd tell a story and as I wasn't that confident I felt that it wasn;t that interesting so I might add a bit in that wasn;t strictly true.

A psychologist told me to do the following: everytime I told an untruth/lie, I should say "actually, no, that's not true, it wasn;t a ten foot jump, it was two foot" (for example).

I'd catch myself out and it encouraged me not to lie any more.

The main reason for doing so was nerves.... I still ramble on when I'm nervous.

People do embellish stories but your issue seems more serious.

wylo

i have a friend whos a compulsive liar, he knows he lies, we know he lies, and he's well aware that we know yet doesnt stop.
Cconsidering the reasons he lies (be more fun, interesting ,etc) its ironic that the only time hes unpleasant to be around is when he is lying.

Op Id see a doctor, its a concept one part of the mind that intrigues me I dont know why. What b4me does tends to work alright, i often caught myself exaggerating a story. But I nipped in the bud by catching myself out. I would be just about to say it but would resist and say to myself its pointless.

niceoneted

Not sure if this might be of help but it would be interesting to see if it relates.
I went out with a guy few years ago and learnt over time that he was a compulsive liar, he lied so easily it was baffling. I recently met someone and to my astonishment he turns out to be one too. This is off the more exaggerating type then down right lies - although both as bad as both lies. I didn't stick around to see how bad he was.
Interestingly both of these lads had there father abandon them in the early years of there lives. Wonder would this relate to you. Only other guy I knew well that lied also was not abandoned physically but his father was an alcoholic so was gone alot of the time physically and emotionally.
I would see help starting with a referral from a GP.
Good luck and know that the fact you've acknowledged must mean you are ready to deal with it.

c_dog

I think that you should probably go to your gp and get help but you need to find out where and why you started lying......... did you come from an unhappy home and begin lying about that....... were your parents overly strict and find yourself lying to them to keep the peace ect.

Loxosceles

What you need to do is just work hard on making your life actually as interesting as you say it is. You want people to think well of you without doing the work. That's not a psychological problem, that's pure and simple gross laziness combined with the desire to have people treat you like royalty. If you want to stop lying, you need to stop feeling entitled to such treatment and start acting with consideration and generosity for others, because compulsive lying, like compulsive drinking, is an earmark of pure narcissistic selfishness and will only end up completely destroying your relationships with others, by your own hand and by your own will.

It is a downward spiral of bitterness and blame that will continue for as long as you blame others for anything, and in your case, for their having lives which you think are more interesting than yours and more effective and successful than yours. The best way out is to stop comparing yourself against other people and being hateful enough in your own low self-esteem to believe that lying about who you are is at all necessary, and tricking decent people with cool lives into believing your lies, out of your own disregard and scorn for their humanity.

lox.

CDfm

You are an adult and have no need to lie. Maybe you are lacking a moral compass in life and some personal beliefs.

It might seem a bit crass but if you have a religious belief of any type going to church might help you out and give you some balance.

donutheadhomer

sounds like one for the GP

petethebrick

I have had a problem with lying myself.
They were always lies of the exagerrated/ made up story variety and never really bad lies that affected other people.
Generally told them on the spur of the moment i.e not premeditated and even more so when drunk.
People get fed up with bull****ters however so I've attempted to cut it out over the past while - like one other poster advised it helped me to own up straight away after fibbing and say something like 'ah, actually that's not true, only messing'. Make sure your proper friends know that you don't intentionally lie (well i never did anyway) - at least then they know you're not trying to be disrespectful to them or get one up on them but that you actually have a problem you need to sort out. good luck