Long Distance Relationship

loadngo

Hi all,
I really need advice i am in a long distance relationship my BF lives in London and we see each other for long weekends every two weeks he as poped the question my problem is we are both in the Emergency Services i am a Paramedic he is a Policeman i have a 16 year old from a previous relationship they both think the world of each other and get on very well here is my problem we have both worked very hard to get where we are there is no way he could leave his job and my son dosent want to leave Dublin friends school etc its really bothering me because i love them both very much i was single for many years and concentrated on my Son and work for the first time in my life i have everything i have ever wanted yet if i choose to go my Son wont be happy if i stay it will cost me my relationship if i leave my son with relatives he will think i am putting my BF before him i just want to be happy as i said he is 16 and in a couple of years will have his own life am i being selfish ....

Latchy

No OP , your not being selfish but easy to understand all sides of the situation , your's your sons and boyfriends .Tis a pity your son wasn't 2 years older ,it would make the move over that much simpler for you all ,if only because he has his own life then to choose , with or without you ( as in close by ) .It's a hard one to take and I'm sure many people have had this type situation to deal with . What have your family and friends advised ?

aoibhebree

If I were you I'd wait til your son has done the Leaving Cert. Is he planning on moving away to college? If so, it'll be a lot easier for you to move to London then if that's what you decide. If he's sixteen, I'm presuming he's only one year left, or at most two, in school, so it's probably best if you let him finish.

loadngo

Thats the big problem he has two years left in school ... my sister would be happy to have him stay but i would feel that he would think i was choosing my BF over him i suppose its very hard because its only ever been the two of us untill the last two years i'm just so confused

Latchy

loadngo wrote: »

Thats the big problem he has two years left in school ... my sister would be happy to have him stay but i would feel that he would think i was choosing my BF over him i suppose its very hard because its only ever been the two of us untill the last two years i'm just so confused

It's quite understandable from a parents perspective how your afraid of loosing that bond with your son .You are eventully going to have to make a decision but equally , you dont want to feel that you have missed out on a relationship because of your son .It would be easy in years to come to blame him for this ,not saying you would but you can see how it might come about .He also might feel guilty about holding you back and that may also be playing on his mind .Assuming he has being to London on a vist ,perhaps if you could get across that this is only a new beginning and there is also a chance that one day you will return to Dublin ,it might make the change over easy for you all .

Good luck and best wish's OP

keefg

loadngo wrote: »

Hi all,
I really need advice i am in a long distance relationship my BF lives in London and we see each other for long weekends every two weeks he as poped the question

Your lack of punctuation makes your post a little tricky to read but if I'm getting this right then your boyfriend has just asked you to marry him.

Firstly, don't cut yourself up trying to guess how your son or BF would or wouldn't feel about your decision to move or not.

Talk it through with them and explain your concerns, they might be fine with the situation and all your worry will be for nothing.

If you want to wait for a couple of years then no reason why you can't say yes to the BF and continue your long distance relationship. I had a LDR with my wife for 3 years when we first met and it worked out fine.

The 2 years will fly in and in a lot of cases it takes that long just to arrange the wedding.

If your BF thinks your "The One" then I'm sure he'd understand how you're feeling, especially if he's the one expecting you to relocate, that sort of thing takes time to do when you're a parent.

LegacyUser

H Op, If I was you I would wait until your son is 18, unless he has a great relationship with his dad and support from there. 16 year olds although are quite grown up need their mothers. You will have plenty of time to sort out your new life after the next couple of years. If your BF wants to spend the rest of his life with you, I cannot see him having a problem as your situation is so genuine. London is not that far away so I would say its very achievable to keep everyone happy. Good luck with your decision.

LegacyUser

Are you only presuming that your son will think you're putting him second to your bf. Why don't you speak to your son and tell him that the question was popped. If he and your bf get along as well as you said, he might very well be delighted.
Remember though that you have nearly fully reared your son and it's time to think of your future now. Your son might want to head off abroad some day too and then you will have stayed for nothing. What will make you happy in the long term? Don't be afraid to be selfish with your life for once.
There are loads of cheap flights to London, you could be back loads if you plan it properly.

loadngo

Thank you everyone

I have done nothing but try to talk about it we have brought him over to see what he thinks of the area and he does like it he always wanted to join the army but as things stand they arent even recruiting he hasn't had contact with his real 'Dad' in twelve years no contact at all (his Dads choice) when we speak it goes round and round ie you go i'll stay with my Aunt i know London isnt very far thats why our relationship has survived if my OH could transfer to the Guards he would no question but he can't so as things stand i can get the same job over there as i do here it just wouldnt sit well with me knowing someone else is looking after him while i am getting on with life :. (

Elessar

Is there anyway you could explain to your other half that it would be better to wait two years before making any decisions? Your son is 16 so in two years will be 18, probably finished the Leaving Cert and will become more independent, might head off to college, and he may be more open to the idea of moving to the UK. Could you continue the LDR for two more years?

It's likely this decision will be much easier if you wait until he is older. Without question, of course your child will and should always be no. 1. But you needn't make any life changing decisions now.

loadngo

We have spoken about it at lenght but he is 38 i am 35 and we would like to start a family whist we aren't old it will take a bit of time for me to settle and decorate and get used to the area so say i went in two years that means i would be 37ish he would be 40 i know its not old but it is getting on a bit it just seems like its never going to work without me losing one of the two people i love most in the world.