Another man/woman friends problem

LegacyUser

Sorry this is going to a big of a long one
I'm really good friends with a married man i work with we have great laugh together and are very close if i'm having bad day he always first to try and make it better i have always got on really well with men think having 5 brothers and no sisters helps this thing is he's a bit of a joker so i never know when he's serious. i can be a bit of a flirt but to me it's harmless fun in the past he's made me offers and i would just laugh them off thinking he was messing but now i think he may have fallen for me he's offers are becoming a bit full on i have made it clear that i'm not intrested he's married and i can't see past that im just not that kind of person, my confusion is as he has being such a good friend and we have a connection i really don't want to fall out with him but he is just not taking no for a answer i know his wife who is a truly lovely lady and deserves better than this i will take my share of blame to say that up till a few months ago i always answered with flirty answers as i really though he was joking i still have to have a working relationship with this man and would like to stay friends but is this possible sorry so long but i have had many sleepless night over this i fell so guilty

wasper

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry this is going to a big of a long one
I'm really good friends with a married man i work with we have great laugh together and are very close if i'm having bad day he always first to try and make it better i have always got on really well with men think having 5 brothers and no sisters helps this thing is he's a bit of a joker so i never know when he's serious. i can be a bit of a flirt but to me it's harmless fun in the past he's made me offers and i would just laugh them off thinking he was messing but now i think he may have fallen for me he's offers are becoming a bit full on i have made it clear that i'm not intrested he's married and i can't see past that im just not that kind of person, my confusion is as he has being such a good friend and we have a connection i really don't want to fall out with him but he is just not taking no for a answer i know his wife who is a truly lovely lady and deserves better than this i will take my share of blame to say that up till a few months ago i always answered with flirty answers as i really though he was joking i still have to have a working relationship with this man and would like to stay friends but is this possible sorry so long but i have had many sleepless night over this i fell so guilty

Starts spending less time with this man. Keep it at professional minimum level. No more flirting even if it's not in your nature. Do remind him that he has a lovely wife & that in no way you will go out with a married a man.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry this is going to a big of a long one
I'm really good friends with a married man i work with we have great laugh together and are very close if i'm having bad day he always first to try and make it better i have always got on really well with men think having 5 brothers and no sisters helps this thing is he's a bit of a joker so i never know when he's serious. i can be a bit of a flirt but to me it's harmless fun in the past he's made me offers and i would just laugh them off thinking he was messing but now i think he may have fallen for me he's offers are becoming a bit full on i have made it clear that i'm not intrested he's married and i can't see past that im just not that kind of person, my confusion is as he has being such a good friend and we have a connection i really don't want to fall out with him but he is just not taking no for a answer i know his wife who is a truly lovely lady and deserves better than this i will take my share of blame to say that up till a few months ago i always answered with flirty answers as i really though he was joking i still have to have a working relationship with this man and would like to stay friends but is this possible sorry so long but i have had many sleepless night over this i fell so guilty

You have nothing to be guilty about. And you should not need to spend any less time with him. Don't let it stop you being a flirty type of person, I think flirting is one of the greatest parts of being alive.

What you need to realise is that men are pretty slow on the uptake sometimes ( I know, I am one...). You need to stop pussyfooting about the situation, and stop reacting to his 'offers' and tell him straight out, in a nice and positive way, that he is married and you are only interested in being friends, and if he keeps going the way he is going then you will have to stop being friends. That simple.

All the best.

LegacyUser

thank you for your answers
we had a chat yestersday at lunch told him how much this was upsetting me
and he seemed shocked i have made it clear that we will never be anything more than friends and this only depends on how he's acts in future he said he want's to keep our friendship and will not do anything in to harm this

Shinbob

you feel guilty now, what would/will you feel like if he decides he is in love with you and wants to come clean with everyone? You are on dogie ground missus and its unlikely this is all gonna go away so if i were you (which i was for seven years) I'd get the hell outta there. You have to ignore this connection you feel now with him cos it will only strengthen with time.................. sorry