GF says no to oral but expects to receive it

scrubber72

What can I do? Our sex comes down to kissing for about 3 mins then she undresses and wants me to go down on her then into missionary. I have tried talking to her about how I would like some oral but she just says its gross. Any other sexual positions are just weird and wont even enterain the idea. How can I get her to see it can be fun for her too:mad:

MarkR

Ask her is there any particular reason why she thinks it's gross. Have you spoken to her about her double standard, why it's gross for her, but not for you?

Micky Dolenz

If you can shower before sex this will help convince her you are as clean as you can be, promise her you won't off load in her mouth and make it fun, use chocolate sauce's etc.

There is no way I would go south, if she wouldn't.

GrumPy

Ehh
what


http://lastofthesummerwhine.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/panda_driving.jpg

No fair, OP tell her that's just not right, if she's not happy about it then get the next bus the outta there!!

scrubber72

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

If you can shower before sex this will help convince her you are as clean as you can be, promise her you won't off load in her mouth and make it fun, use chocolate sauce's etc.

There is no way I would go south, if she wouldn't.

sorry but this made me laugh. I have very very very good personal hygene and we have showers together often its just the idea of her having to take me in her mouth that grosses her out. As for the choc sauce sure i would only have to shower again.:p

scrubber72

GrumPy wrote: »

Ehh
what


http://lastofthesummerwhine.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/panda_driving.jpg

No fair, OP tell her that's just not right, if she's not happy about it then get the next bus the outta there!!

Together 2 years and getting married next year so runnin aint an option

Micky Dolenz

scrubber72 wrote: »

sorry but this made me laugh. I have very very very good personal hygene and we have showers together often its just the idea of her having to take me in her mouth that grosses her out. As for the choc sauce sure i would only have to shower again.:p

:pac:

yeah I know, but you have to start slow. I once had a GF who told me "I'm not into that sort of thing". That changed but it was a slow enough process for a finish she was great at it and actually enjoyed doing it.

How about suggesting that she doesn't have to put it in her mouth, but only kiss it a bit, slowly slowly. Like without oral sex is really no life at all

scrubber72

scrubber72 wrote: »

Together 2 years and getting married next year so runnin aint an option

Eh? of course it is
I mean I'm not saying you SHOULD leave, but if you go into marriage/continue the relationship with the attitude of "I have to put up with anything she does whatsoever because I can't leave", well, you get the idea


You both really need to sit down and discuss this. I mean if you're getting married you really need to be able to discuss/explore these things together

LegacyUser

Definately no fair OP! As a woman, I don't personally go down town but that works both ways, as a result I would in NO WAy expect a guy to head South for me, I'm just not comfortable with someone getting so up close and personal with my downstairs! It's a ridiculous double standard for your gf to receive but not to give.

If I were you I would put a stop to the oral until she agrees to either return the favour or to become even a little more adventurous in the bedroom. Would she not even consider going on top once or twice? There isn't a woman I know, myself included, that would'nt jump at the chance to be on top. Your gf should be delighted that her man is so open minded. Definatley a big issue to be sorted before before making such a big committment.

Kimia

OP your girlfriend sounds slightly repressed when it comes to expressing herself sexually. She may have had a bad experience (the oul hand on the back of the head gag trick that some men do grr) and that may have turned her off. Also she's not experimenting with you so she's sounds like she's not comfortable with her body.

What you need to do is talk to her about it. Handle it delicately as if you come out in any way sounding dissatisfied with your sex life she'll feel wounded and hurt.

I would tell her that you love her and that you fancy her. Reassure her and say that you would love to take things slowly and see if she's comfortable with it. You could also say that you are hurt by the fact that she seems disgusted by a certain act because in turn that makes you feel that she's disgusted with your body.

Ask her to try it out. Tell her that you don't expect porno antics but just that you love her so much that you would love to experience this with her. Don't treat it like a generic bj, treat it as something special between the 2 of you and hopefully she'll be willing. Also show her (when she does it) how much you like it - in a non-overt way - no grabbing her head and thrusting! Then she'll feel great that she's given you that pleasure and it may get her to do more things!

Silverfish

In all fairness OP, you can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do.

And if you don't want to go down on her any more because of it, well, she can't force you to do that either.

Micky Dolenz

Silverfish wrote: »

In all fairness OP, you can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do.

And if you don't want to go down on her any more because of it, well, she can't force you to do that either.

The OP is going to marry this women, marriage and relationships are all about compromise. Forcing is probably a strong word, but people who are commited to each other do things that they may not be crazy about, E.g my lover drags me shopping and I hate it, but I do it because she loves it. I'll do things for her that I'm not keen on and she does like wise, because we love and respect each other.

OP, you may have left this go for to long and now it's the way it is. This for me would be a major issue, even if only for the fact I felt I was missing out on something. Ye need to have a long long chat about it. This will be the only lover you ever have. Think about it.

Silverfish

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

The OP is going to marry this women, marriage and relationships are all about compromise. Forcing is probably a strong word, but people who are commited to each other do things that they may not be crazy about, E.g my lover drags me shopping and I hate it, but I do it because she loves it. I'll do things for her that I'm not keen on and she does like wise, because we love and respect each other.

Equally then, he could compromise by not making her give him oral if he knows she hates it.

dudara

galwaybob - please take the time to read the forum charter. Unhelpful and off-topic posting is not appreciated and will lead to bans/infractions

dudara

Micky Dolenz

Silverfish wrote: »

Equally then, he could compromise by not making her give him oral if he knows she hates it.

Whatever happens, this has to be resolved before they get wed, Oral IMO should be part of a healthy sex life between commited couples. I'm not saying every five minutes but to deny someone is plain cruel.

Maybe it's worth exploring why she hates it, whats there to hate, if it is done gently and without pressure?

Picking a lover for life is important and ye should be on the same page.

Eric Cartman

id say refuse to do it to her, i dont see whats so bad about it , - also if shes one of these birds wholl do it if you have a condom on, stop that too, thats just not cool

damnyanks

Sounds pretty boring and if you are gonna get married you'll be doing 3 mins of kissing, you give her oral followed by missionary for the rest of your life.

Sounds typical of a lazy mooch in bed. She probably just likes to lay there and take it while you do all the work. Anyone I've ever been with like that I've run quickly.

You gotta compromise

elle

I'm surprised this hasn't been an issue for you before now if you're together 2 years!
I don't particularly LOVE giving my bf blowjobs but I do enjoy the fact that it is something that he loves. I know that if I wasn't getting something in return I would soon stop giving them! Personally I would get bored if sex consisted of him going down on me followed by missionary every time! Sex is about compromise and communication. I think you need to discuss it with your gf OP and maybe stop going down on her - show her that it works both ways!

Dudess

I don't get this "well if (s)he won't go down on me, I won't go down on her/him" lark - if a person enjoys going down on someone, giving up something they enjoy, for the sake of being petty, seems... petty.

OP, if you enjoy giving her head, continue to give her head, but talk to her about her issue with fellatio - tell her it's ridiculous to view your penis as gross. You're hygienic, she knows you well, you respect her, intimacy in every way is amazing, it would give you great pleasure. She's probably grossed out because it's an organ you pee with/she doesn't like the idea of semen being in her mouth - and it's totally logical when you think about it (a lot of women feel that way and it bugs me how some guys are so shocked by it - would they like it? :rolleyes:) but tell her that doesn't mean it's dirty, after all, the very same issues apply when you're using your mouth on her clit.

VaioCruiser

scrubber72 wrote: »

Together 2 years and getting married next year so runnin aint an option

Hi OP. It comes down to this. You have to step back fast and start thinking about what it is that is important to you in this marriage and for the rest of your life.

You would be crazy to go into a marriage with the naive idea that you will change her. That is simply not going to happen.

You need to start thinking exactly how important oral sex and some semblance of an interesting sex life is to you. How important she is to you. How much do you want to risk her, to get oral and some decent sex. What is the future 40 years of your life going to be like if you NEVER get oral and NEVER have an interesting sex life. What is the next 40 years of your life going to be like if you lose her.

Life isn't always easy and tough choices have to be made. This is a pretty tough one in my view.

I know which I would chose, but I am older and have some more experience of consequences in this kind of situation.

Best of luck.

Adamisconfused

Flavoured Condom, anyone?

Not exactly the best BJ ever, but it would be a good start and it gets around the cleanliness issues. Try that and take it from there.
Personally, I’d add a little discussion as well and find out what she is willing to do.
No offence intended, but your sex life sounds incredibly dull. Don’t stop giving her oral. That might be the only interesting thing you guys do.

LegacyUser

ok sorry but i was with my ex for a year and only went down on him once cos it was awful. But what i couldnt tell him was that it was cos he hurt me when i tried and it tasted godawful however with my current partner its different i feel so comfortable with him i could do it everyday if he asked (hope he's not readin this) but ya no wat i mean:)

she shudnt expect it and not give it to be fair she expects you to deal with her she should deal with you!

i say cut her off. Mayb oral sex isnt meant to be in your relationship.

and im sorry but its not de end of de world not all relationships need oral sex. god didnt intend it that way anyway!

weird

WTF?!? Leave her, get another girlfriend.

You want head, she doesn't give it... can't work around that one mate!

prinz

elle wrote: »

I know that if I wasn't getting something in return I would soon stop giving them!

Way to make it sound like an investment on your part. Obviously the selfless nature of love and the joy of giving unconditionally are lost on you.

Dudess wrote: »

I don't get this "well if (s)he won't go down on me, I won't go down on her/him" lark - if a person enjoys going down on someone, giving up something they enjoy, for the sake of being petty, seems... petty.

+1

Oh The Humanity

I cant understand this attitude. What is 'awful' about going down on a gorgeous clean man that you are mad about?

I definitely disagree with continuing to pleasure her if she has called you 'disgusting' -how dare she, how would she feel if the tables were turned?
I reject the idea that its petty, sometimes people need a little bit of tough love to get the point accross. I mean you can try to talk her around and live in hope and all that but I think a little bit of deprivation will bring the point home a lot stronger to her. She is complacent.

At the moment she has all the power, balance needs to be restored.

-I mean doesn't she realise its not exactly your idea of variety to have to do everything according to her routine every time?

No, she is being selfish and childish. How are you going to cope with being married to someone who expects everything her way all the time.

scrubber72

Ok firstly thanks to one and all for your advice, both the good and erm well not so good. I had a talk with my GF about this last night and it turns out her reason for not going down on me is she is not at ease with the idea of talkin something in her mouth that I pee out of. Fair enough I said but I do the same so whats the problem? well she did try it once with an ex and what he did sickened her. He tried to force himself down her throat and pee in her mouth. Ah I said now that is something i wouldnt ever comtemplate. So this evening we are going to a sex shop and going to buy a few things ( sex toys and choc, strawberry cream). She is willing to give trying somenew things a go.
whoopie
Thanks all and i will tell how it went but wont go to much into detail.:D

irish_goat

Get in there(literally)!

Goes to show how simply talking about a problem with your OH can usually sort things out. Just remember to take things slow and let her set the pace.

Dardania

well done man best of luck to the future!

adzer86

scrubber72 wrote: »

it turns out her reason for not going down on me is she is not at ease with the idea of talkin something in her mouth that I pee out of.

POT>>>>KETTLE

How did you get yourself into this awful state of affairs in the first place???
Tell her you want you pants back, cos it appears that she has been wearing them for too too long.
Your the man so be the man,
Maybe a freeze out would work. She aint getting any until she agrees to recipricate. And if she wont budge, just whack off in front of her. Make her see that you are BACK in control dammit!!!
Just saw that you said it to her, well good. But to drive it home, you wanna make her keep it up until you cum, maybe not in her mouth, but you get my point
And I think its a bad idea that she will only do it when you use sauce or cream or something, what happens when you dont have any of that around?

shellyboo

adzer86 wrote: »

Just saw that you said it to her, well good. But to drive it home, you wanna make her keep it up until you cum, maybe not in her mouth, but you get my point
And I think its a bad idea that she will only do it when you use sauce or cream or something, what happens when you dont have any of that around?

He's easing her back into it after a traumatic experience... give the girl a break.

OP, sounds like she just needs to establish trust with you. Either that, or she's just being completely selfish and using any excuse not to do it. Whichever it is, it seems like she's willing to give it a try... be patient with her, you're going about it the right way!

adzer86

sunflower27 wrote: »

Well, he won't die!!!!!

:eek::eek::eek::eek:

shellyboo wrote:

He's easing her back into it after a traumatic experience... give the girl a break.

OP, sounds like she just needs to establish trust with you. Either that, or she's just being completely selfish and using any excuse not to do it. Whichever it is, it seems like she's willing to give it a try... be patient with her, you're going about it the right way!

Yea maybe im too hard on her,
If she doesnt trust him after two years???

shellyboo

adzer86 wrote: »

Yea maybe im too hard on her,
If she doesnt trust him after two years???

It's got nothing to do with him and everything to do with her. Unfortunately I went through something similar myself and it was years before I could even think about giving oral to a guy without panicking or crying.

It takes time - the main thing is that she's willing to try.

Micky Dolenz

adzer86 wrote: »

Yea maybe im too hard on her,
If she doesnt trust him after two years???

What more do you want? She is going give it a try tonight, I think thats a result, now it's in the OP's hands. Don't get carried away, take it slow and soon she'll enjoy them as much as you will.

Best of luck

the_syco

As a previous poster said, flavoured condoms? " Each pack contains: 5 x Strawberry (Red), 5 x Blueberry (Blue), 4 x Mint (Green), 4 x Vanilla (Transparent)"

=-=

Also, if you are going to cum in her mouth, do some research into what you should and should not eat and drink prior to it. Some fruits make it taste sour, some make it taste not as sour. Do a search in After Hours, it came up once (sorry, that really did sound like a bad pun, didn't it ).

What you see in the films with the ole grabbing of the head, and jamming it down won't be that great. Tell her to lick it like a lolly (no American Pie crunching, though :eek:), but don't blind her in the process.

Dudess

+1 on the licking. Tell her gentle licks will send you into an absolute frenzy - it's not just about wrapping your mouth around it and sucking, there's lots of fun stuff you can do to a penis with the mouth (and the hands at the same time if so wished).

adzer86 wrote: »

Your the man so be the man,
Maybe a freeze out would work. She aint getting any until she agrees to recipricate. And if she wont budge, just whack off in front of her. Make her see that you are BACK in control dammit!!!
Just saw that you said it to her, well good. But to drive it home, you wanna make her keep it up until you cum, maybe not in her mouth, but you get my point

Yeah! Hold the bitch down and deep-throat her!!! :rolleyes:
Is it really so astounding for you that some women don't find the idea of a penis in their mouth that appealing...? And a guy pretty much blackmailing his partner into blowing him - that constitutes being "a man"...?

Good stuff OP. I find the amount of responses here which may as well be "tell her she better do that thing she really doesn't want to do - or else" most dismaying. God forbid you'd talk to her and try to get the bottom of what her issue is... But seriously, it looks like that's what you did - the best strategy (IMO).
And really, while I'm bearing in mind some men have issues with cunnilingus because that too is part of an organ which is used to urinate, it's not comparing like with like in terms of size, effort required etc.

midlandsmissus

I wouldn't do it as I hate the idea of something in my mouth.But I don't expect it back either.

We're perfectly happy.

I hate when people say you're oppressed and not comfortable with your body,if you're not wild in bed. Some people are just quiet people and I and my boyf are happy the way we are.

midlandsmissus

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Some people are just quiet people and I and my boyf are happy the way we are.

Well the key point here is both of you being happy ofc

Terodil

Dudess wrote: »

And really, while I'm bearing in mind some men have issues with cunnilingus because that too is part of an organ which is used to urinate, it's not comparing like with like in terms of size, effort required etc.

oh really. Well I beg to differ. This is opinion, not fact.

But it's taking the discussion OT and I apologise.

prinz

Terodil wrote: »

oh really. Well I beg to differ. This is opinion, not fact.

LOL. :pac:. Sorry but wtf? It's not simply opinion, it's the way of the world. What don't you agree with as it happens, the size comparison or the effort required? Thanks for the laugh though.

Nevyn

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