It's back.

LegacyUser

I'm going through the toughest time in my life, although there is no reason. I can't help it. It's been and gone and its back, in full action.

I'm really sick of it at this stage, i find every day a struggle, I cant cope. I spend everyday crying ( I mean seriously how sad is that ? ) I almost find it satisfying crying.

All I do is cause comotion and I feel guilty for it. I have my "counsellor" worried sick, parents worried sick and my girlfriend worried sick. Of course I can talk and try explain whats going around in circles in my mind but words cannot dictate what I feel inside my head. It's messed up and I hate it. I cannot live my life like this, its stopping me progressing, enjoying, living, socializing and most importantly smiling.

I'm sick of looking at things and people and feeling happy for them and for what I see, why can't I feel happy for what I do? I don't do anything amazing or impressive, I wish I could. All I seem to be able to do is disapoint, be taken advantage of, fail exams and bring negativity among people, my fault? No.

I want to just run away, but I can't. Too many people I love.


Do people seriously ever escape depression? 6 months and it's just tricked me several times into thinking things are fine but its back, in full action. I can't explain it, but its there.

Do people seriously ever escape depression?

Kimia

OP when you say 'counsellor' with inverted commas, is this a professional counseller?

Depression is a horrible thing to go through, and I'm sorry you feel in such despair. You need to get professional help, and with that I would imagine that you may start to feel better.

No one can tell you if depression ever really goes away. All you can do is try to work through it and get some help.

Best of luck.

carly_86

I'm going through the same thing mate.I haven't talked 2 anyone professionally i just bottle everything up.I feel like i have to make everyone happy.But things got worse for me when rumours were spread about me that weren't true and there were provin that they weren't true but in my heart and soul i no my friends don't belive the facts!That just tiped me over the edge.So i have fallin off the radar.I dont talk to any one only at work(only cause i have to) i dont answer phone calls or texts.

Your not alone!:(:(:(

Kimia

Carly that's awful! Don't shut yourself away like that try and talk to someone. You probably have people very worried about you.

carly_86

I ment to that i talk to my family maybe once a week i've just isolated myself from my friends

Kimia

Well if they are toxic friends then you're right to do that. Just don't isolate yourself completely as that's not healthy.

OP (and Carly) call someone or join a help group that discusses depression and how to handle it. I don't know any names of any but I'm sure you could find them online. This will give you a support system.

Best of luck guys and remember that it doesn't have to be like this - there are ways of having a happy life if you are willing to try and get help and work through your issues.

LegacyUser

OP are you taking medication?

I have been where you are but I am currently on 20mg of Lexapro a day plus 250mg of Xanax and I am not the life and soul of the party but I can function normally.

I am open with my friends and workmates about my medication and since I have been I have been more than suprised to find out so many others are also taking them.

You arent alone so dont shut people out you might be pleasantly surprised how many people will know about your symptoms and quite possibly need treatment too.

I actually dont care what I have to take so long as I can live my life and feel "normal"

lynsalot

Hi OP
How did u get rid of the depression? Through counselling? Were u properly diagnosed? It's so so important to go back to your doctor... you might need a different approach to tackling it. Perhaps cognitive behavioural therapy or medication. Definitely let your doctor know. You're not alone. So many ppl feel this way. When I feel like that I get up and do something. Whether its the gym, a walk, making jewellery (It's one of my hobbies) or heading into town for a look around, but i occupy myself. Keep busy and look at what ur good at. Things are never that bad. Try taking upa hobby or a sport... exercise is a brilliant way of combatting those feelings because they give u a purpose, an aim... but first and foremost go to your doctor... it's so important. you don't have to suffer like this. there is help available

Yunalesca

Dear OP,

You say you've tried counselling. If I were you, I'd look into Therapy. Quite different to counselling, therapy helps you to bring up subconcious issues so you can see them, see how they affect the way you think, then deal with them and slowly alter the way you think about yourself and your world.

Two books which may help you understand your emotions fully and why we become depressed; 'Depression, an Emotion not a Disease' by Aine Tubridy.

And to help you conquer certain fears in life, even the fear of suceeding; 'Feel the Fear and do it anyway' by Susan Jeffers.

Remember you are not helpless, you can help yourself. Best of luck with it all.

LegacyUser

OP here,

I'm currently seeing a counsellor, see's me on a regular basis and has a keen interest in me. Today the pain was truely horrible it was the worse I have ever felt so I decided to start taking the lexepro I was given around 2 months ago but decided not to take them as I had been feeling ok for a month or so.

I've been to my GP about it(twice) second time I was prescribed lexapro.

It seems like it all comes in huge bursts, I can't shake it. I get so scared, so panicked all I want to do is just RUN away or switch off.

I would love to have things to do during the day but I find it so hard to do it. I love music, I love playing it but I seem to have lost as much interest since I have grown up in instruments although I can still play some piano.

Just to clarify i'm only 19 and I'm feeling all this already, I'm scared of living my life like this. I don't want to do it.. Each day is a struggle sometimes, all I can do is think how am I going to get through this day now, then the day after, day after etc.. wrong way of thinking about it - I know. But I can't help it. I love to talk to people, people are glad I tell them my problems, its a temporary lift I recieve but it just all comes back to me - it's back I say.

I'm looking into volunteering maybe with children or disadvantaged people to pass some of my time during the week while i'm not working. I would like to do this to help others. I don't know where to look though or where to start.

I'm so messed up, I felt like this during my college exams at the end of may and it messed them all up, I failed 2. Now I cannot go away on holidays with my girlfriend as I have to repeat these 2 difficult exams. How am I meant to do that while going through this? See what I mean? Everythings a struggle I'm so lost.

LegacyUser

And why does it seem to come and go depending on who I am with? It lingers in my mind when I am feeling ok but it still haunts, and always comes back.