Heard the funniest chatup line ever.

SouthKerry

Heard the funniest chatup line last night, guys in a bar and gos over to the girl and says Excuse me i think your standing on my Penis:D:D i nearly chocked on my beer it was so funny.

sosyourface

LoL that's so bad it's good!

One of the best ones I've heard was "Is your name Jacobs? ..... Cos you sure are a cracker!".

I think chat-up lines are the worst way of breaking the ice with people. I'd much prefer a guy to come up to me and just introduce themselves and start chatting to me normally. Having said that though, a completely ridiculously cheesy chat-up line would probably get me laughing, so I'd give the poor lad a chance!

SouthKerry

Any girl would burst out laughing at that it was so funny.

SouthKerry

SouthKerry wrote: »

Heard the funniest chatup line last night, guys in a bar and gos over to the girl and says Excuse me i think your standing on my Penis:D:D i nearly chocked on my beer it was so funny.

Am I missing something

the_syco

The best ice breaker are polar bears.

Polar bears, I hear you ask?

Yes. Polare bears are great "ice breakers" :P

Me gets coat.

Busi_Girl08

the_syco wrote: »

The best ice breaker are polar bears.

Polar bears, I hear you ask?

Yes. Polare bears are great "ice breakers" :P

Me gets coat.

"FAT PENGUIN!!!"

the_syco

Busi_Girl08 wrote: »

"FAT PENGUIN!!!"

Saying "fat penguin" to a girl wil either get a smack, or a knee in the balls.

blubloblu

If I were to ask you to have sex with me, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question?

SeekUp

the_syco wrote: »

Saying "fat penguin" to a girl wil either get a smack, or a knee in the balls.

Or a very polite smile and nod, followed by said girl turning away from you.

mink_man

the best way to break the ice is it get an icecube, stand in front of the girl, smash the ice, and say, "now that i've broken the ice, whats your name"?

Kirnsy

mink_man wrote: »

the best way to break the ice is it get an icecube, stand in front of the girl, smash the ice, and say, "now that i've broken the ice, whats your name"?

personally I just say hello and take it from there.

Busi_Girl08

Kirnsy wrote: »

personally I just say hello and take it from there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3s6TfiA8c8

Get in!!:pac:

kumate_champ07

blubloblu wrote: »

If I were to ask you to have sex with me, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question?

probably

Joey the lips

Fella: Do you come here often

Girl: Not yet but there is always a first time for everything!

cee_jay

A group of us went to Galway for the weekend around 9 years ago, and my friend was chatted up with "I just have to tell you - your eyes are as blue as my tractor". It worked!

4zn76tysfajdxp

the_syco wrote: »

Saying "fat penguin" to a girl wil either get a smack, or a knee in the balls.

Yeah, but then you actually could reply with "Excuse me, I think you're stadning on my penis" and it would be somewhat relevant, if inaacurate. It's a longshot I know but, golly, you need to take your chances with these things.

butterflydream

had a guy come up to me recently and said "should I even bother trying?" I told him to come back in a few mins so I could think about it

Vanbis

butterflydream wrote: »

had a guy come up to me recently and said "should I even bother trying?" I told him to come back in a few mins so I could think about it

lol and did he? If you said that to me id be back over with a double Vodka ;-)

butterflydream

yeah he did, came back saying has it been 10 minutes yet. I had decided he could try:cool:

snazzy

"Hey. Do you like cheese? Because I'm an easy single"

valery

A guy came up to me in a city center pub last xmas and said " if i sing to you all night what will you give to me" ? , strepsils I replied:D......., had to give him a seasonal peck on the cheek though,;)

blondie7

have to say the worst most disturbing one had to be " how would you like to be buried with my people"

shivvyban

I love the one -

'If you were a door, I'd bang you!'

bush Baby

cAr0l wrote: »

A group of us went to Galway for the weekend around 9 years ago, and my friend was chatted up with "I just have to tell you - your eyes are as blue as my tractor". It worked!

That is feckin' brilliant!!

Darragh29

Guy: Can you drive?

Girl: Yeah, why?

Guy: (takes out cock and holds it), I bet you can't reverse into this!

King of Kings

not so much funny as bizarrely random:

do you like star trek?

ciagr297

butterflydream wrote: »

had a guy come up to me recently and said "should I even bother trying?" I told him to come back in a few mins so I could think about it

excellent, this is a great line actually:D:D

Soul Cake Duck

One mankind came up to me and said to feel his jumper and asked what kind of material do I think it is..

Felt jumper...'eh...I dunno, cotton!'

'No, boyfriend material'


Also I was talking to another guy and he was so funny, had me in stitches...I was taking a drink at the punch line of one of his jokes and nearly choked. He ask what was wrong with me to which I replied (trying not to spray drink everywhere) 'can't swallow' he replies 'can't swallow, NOT INTERESTED!!! ...ah, maybe you had to be drunk…

shivvyban

This one made me cringe...

I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?

ciagr297

Supercroc wrote: »

One mankind came up to me and said me to feel his jumper and asked what kind of material do I think it is..

Felt jumper...'eh...I dunno, cotton!'

'No, boyfriend material'


Also I was talking to another guy and he was so funny, had me in stitches...I was taking a drink at the punch line of one of his jokes and nearly choked. He ask what was wrong with me to which I replied (trying not to spray drink everywhere) 'can't swallow' he replies 'can't swallow, NOT INTERESTED!!! ...ah, maybe you had to be drunk…

i wish i was getting these lines, i'd rather not get a line at all given the absolute rubbish i got at the weekend:rolleyes:

"hi" works for me as well - granted its not as good as the above but at least not cringe worthy

Soul Cake Duck

quote=ciagr297;61018949]i wish i was getting these lines, I’d rather not get a line at all given the absolute rubbish i got at the weekend:rolleyes:

"hi" works for me as well - granted its not as good as the above but at least not cringe worthy[/quote]

‘Hi’ is generally the best…after a bit of eye contact of course, never startle an animal!! Ah share the rubbish with us...

You may have gotten absolute rubbish but better that nothing no?! *


(*me as miss positive, that’s a new one!!)

ciagr297

Supercroc wrote: »

‘Hi’ is generally the best…after a bit of eye contact of course, never startle an animal!! Ah share the rubbish with us...

You may have gotten absolute rubbish but better that nothing no?! *

(*me as miss positive, that’s a new one!!)

you asked for it....
guy: watch out, monkey swinging your way!
me: keep going

that's not even close to the worst one but you get the main idea

Stheno

I was once told by a chap in a bar that I was bizarrely attractive, in a very boyish way

Soul Cake Duck

A bloody sea monkey! Wow. just wow. people shouldn't feel the need just a simple hello can get a person so much further

sam34

im sure ive posted this before on boards, but its funny..

years back, when the corrs were really famous, a guy came up to me and told me i looked like one of the corrs.

i was dead chuffed, and started preening myself, and then i asked him which one.

his reply?
jim!!

after the initial shock, i laughed.... and ended uo snogging him!

Dragan

cAr0l wrote: »

A group of us went to Galway for the weekend around 9 years ago, and my friend was chatted up with "I just have to tell you - your eyes are as blue as my tractor". It worked!

Of course it did, a tractor implies land, land implies road frontage.

Loomis

Pick Up

Jood

Try "do you want to be buried with my people" I actually fell about laughing at this and he got a kiss for his troubles!!!

Joey the lips

blondie7 wrote: »

have to say the worst most disturbing one had to be " how would you like to be buried with my people"

Jood wrote: »

Try "do you want to be buried with my people" I actually fell about laughing at this and he got a kiss for his troubles!!!

Hi Blondie....meet jood it seems you might be suited after all

Jood

Hehe I must have missed that one when I was reading through the thread!! I went on to say I'd actually prefer to be creamated (sp) and he said, well baby I can set you on fire!! Sounds really bad now but it was actually really funny!!

shellyboo

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

Pick Up

Love Derren Brown. Although, I heard he's not so much with the ladies.

Busi_Girl08

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

Pick Up

I've heard good things of "look into my eyes, look into my eyes. Don't look around the eyes, look into my eyes...you're under!"

Things become a bit of a blur after that though so I've heard...

emma82

I got this while I was on a hen party in Carroick on Shannon- fair play he came into a crowd of 29 women!!

Hi- listen question for you- what the difference between a hard on and a porshe? i said i dunno- he said i dont have a porshe!

I looked at him and said you don't have the other either honey or we're in trouble!

gill2095

butterflydream wrote: »

had a guy come up to me recently and said "should I even bother trying?" I told him to come back in a few mins so I could think about it

you go girl

sweetheart

haha some good ones in here...i had a guy come up to me and say excuse but my friend was just wondering if you would kiss me???i just fell around the place laughing:D:D

allabouteve

My well-endowed friend was approached by a farmer in Galway a couple of years ago. He nodded to her ample cleavage and said...

"You could raise a calf with them!"

Mackleton

Had a bit of a strange one a while ago. Guy comes up to me while I was waiting for a friend outside the ladies loos in a club (loos were jammers),

Guy: Hey I was wondering if you could do me a favour?
Me: Yeah, what's that?
Guy: Could you go in there and have a look around for me, I seem to have lost my virginity?

Sounds weird but I laughed like a loon! He didn't score though, strangley enough!

anucksunamun

this is cringe-tastic...
'I'm new in town, can you give me directions to your flat'
my response?
god, i'm real bad with directions, see that big fella over there? he's my boyfriend, he's much better with them!

shannone

best chat up line that has been said to me was "ur breast are the right side of medium"
this was in the queue to get into the club, and yes i did end up with the guy later on.....

Brijoeire

One night in Galway a girl pulled out her mobile phone whilst standing next to my friend. She goes 'Hello? Is that the gardai? I'd like to report a sighting of a fox...' Everyone looks at her wondering what she's on about

The she points at my friend and says....'You'

Takes courage I suppose.

The other line was used on me. In Supermacs late one night and I sat down while my boyfriend went to the counter to order. A bloke from Kerry sat down and kept talking to me. I wasn't interested, but he wasn't taking the hint. When BF returned, the Kerryman started asking him where he's from and how he managed to chat me up cause he was having no luck.

BF replies 'I'm from Longford, but I live here in Galway.'
Kerryman 'Do you own house?'
BF 'Yeah..here in Galway.'
Kerryman turns to me at this point 'See there you go, you've got it wrong! I've got 3 acres of land in Kerry and some sheep. What can he give you?'
BF adds 'He's right...go with him instead.'

I might have been swayed for 100 acres...but 3?!?!?!:)

Mossyman

A college friend in the company of two lecturers (man and a woman) and a group of us in an Amsterdam pub blurts out:

"Do you come here often or is the floor always this wet?"

Needless to say she never looked the same at him again inside or outside the lecture room!!