Depression and realtionships

LegacyUser

I have suffered depression for years,and personally think i cant be cured,i have done everything available so took it on myself to try and live with it,i go out of my way for people,most people say im a nice bloke and such,only problem is when comes to realtionships most of them ended up me getting cheating on or hurt and lied to so makes me careful,other times its in my nature to be quiet,it makes me hard to live with,most time i wonder why is that girl with me,why hell she think im nice when i think in ugly as sin,im sorry if this is not making sense to anyone who doesnt understand me,sometimes i think im better off alone and not giving a girl the burden of my odd moods.

Monkey61

I really feel for you as pretty much every relationship I have been in has been destroyed by my mental health, but with every relationship I learn from the mistakes that I have made and get it a little bit better next time. The most important thing I have learned is that it isn't fair to be in a relationship and refuse to get help for the depression, because you owe it to yourself and your partner to do that.

The thing is though, if you want to be in a happy relationship (which you can be) then you need to get your head sorted first, because as we know, depression doesn't just affect the sufferer, but the people around them as well. You are right when you say that you are better off not giving a girl the burden of your moods - you shouldn't. Nobody deserves that

You haven't said what kind of help you have sought, but there must be something left to do. Have you had long term therapy to help not only with your depression but with your self esteem issues? If you are constantly thinking that you aren't good enough to be with a girlfriend then that will come through in your behaviour and become a self fulfilling prophecy.

If you have had therapy and it hasn't worked - think about why that is. Was it the wrong kind of therapy for you? Did you dislike the therapist for some reason? Or was it just too short term?

Depression is an illness like any other that cannot be beaten on its own. Outside medical help is required and though it isn't easy to find what works for you, you owe it to yourself and your future to keep trying. After suffering for 17 years I thought I was trapped forever, but i finally asked for help. It's not easy, but today I feel great. I'm not naive enough to think that it won't come back, but for now I'm okay and I am going to enjoy that for as long as it lasts and not be afraid to ask for help again if it returns.

LegacyUser

Hi there
I am a married woman to a man who has battled all his life with depression. when you meet the right person and you are together a little while then you can tell them about your condition have lots of information about the steps you take when you are not well, it helps.

It is hard when my husband is very low but i know it is the depression and that it will go and in a way we are probably closer than most couples as we have had to go to therapy together when he was really low.

Go be happy, remember the question you are asking is asked by everyone, everyone has something they feel is their burden, dont make choices for other potential partners that is theirs to make.

Good luck, from the other side of the fence it is the difficulty of watching someone you love be so hurt and there is feelings of helplessness but there is lots of help out there for partners of people who suffer with depression.

LegacyUser

Hi Op
Please try not to be so hard on yourself, I am very similar to you there but I know that there comes a time when you have to give things a chance for yourself too aswell as the person that comes along.
God I know it's so hard and horrible when things don't work out with others and you have all them feelings of hurt but imagine the loneliness and pain you would feel which in my opinion is alot worse if you don't or won't give anyone or anything a chance.

pookie82

Unregistered wrote: »

I have suffered depression for years,and personally think i cant be cured,i have done everything available so took it on myself to try and live with it,i go out of my way for people,most people say im a nice bloke and such,only problem is when comes to realtionships most of them ended up me getting cheating on or hurt and lied to so makes me careful,other times its in my nature to be quiet,it makes me hard to live with,most time i wonder why is that girl with me,why hell she think im nice when i think in ugly as sin,im sorry if this is not making sense to anyone who doesnt understand me,sometimes i think im better off alone and not giving a girl the burden of my odd moods.

Hi OP. I've been in a relationship with someone who suffers from bi polar for almost three years now. So suffering from depression or any of its related illnesses does not mean that no one will ever stick with you, that you'll always be more trouble than you're worth, and that you should just give up now.

Yes it adds quite a bit of stress to the mix sometimes and it's a long and rocky road if the person who is depressed is not being treated/still has a long way to go to recovery. But from someone who started with an OH at his worst and has come out the other end, I can tell you that some people can and will do it.

You mention being hurt and cheated on before, but unfortunately this happens all the time to most people (very few people I know have never been in a messy relationship/s that ended badly). I suspect that you're putting this down to your illness when in fact it's quite possible it may have happened anyway. Give yourself a break, concentrate on being well, don't drive yourself insane looking for love, and don't write it off either.

Yes depression can complicate a relationship but at the same time, it can weed out those who aren't serious about you from those who are. I really hope it works out for you. Don't give up.

madbev90210

Hey Op, Iv been with my partner for over 5 years and he has been so good to me during these times. I suffer with depression on and off and also body dysmorphic disorder which means I also think im as ugly as sin.. not saying you have this but that I know how you feel.
I think its because we are opposite in alot of ways ie I like books etc whereas he likes going out and getting drunk and I realise he deserves it listening to me all week!:o You will find theres someone out there for you, once, as a previous poster said, you do your best to at least like who you are. The fact you realise that this is whats holding you back in relationships is a great first step. Oh and btw, none of the girls who cheated on you were ever going to be the one for you.. Take care

lynsalot

Hi OP

I agree with the last poster, you know the right person is out there somewhere. The fact that you've been in relationships shows you are a loving person whose depression isn't a put off. If someone cheats on you it's not your fault. It's the fact that they're shallow. No one should be put through that. It's not your fault and u shouldn't think that way. The ppl who do that to you don't deserve your time love and commitment. The right girl won't do that to you.

Your depression is a separate issue. Of course it'll affect the relationship but someone who loves you will want to help and now make u feel worse by cheating etc. You've said u've tried everything so I'm not sure what advice I can give you about the depression. I'm on tablets for 6 months and they seem to be working although I still get a bit down sometimes it's nothing like it was. I used to cry all the time for very little reasons.... felt helpless. Since my tabs I've not been so emotional, so much more rational. Therefore it cuts out some of the arguments with the hubby etc. Things are a lot easier. Although if he cheated on me I wouldn't blame myself. God knows marriage has to worked at but I don't expect to be treated like that depressed or not.

My advice to you would be to stop worrying about it. Try and sort out your depression first. Go on dates if u want, enjoy them don't look for too much commitment and sort your head out first. Be on your own. Be independent and find out what u want first. I used to be like you... felt like i was leaning on ppl. The thing is when u find the right person it won't feel like that - it's called a relationship. You have just as many merits to offer someone as they offer you. don't ever think that it's your fault u've been cheated on. My hubby was cheated on in the past and it wasn't his fault. He had the strength to walk away. I'm his wife and i can't imagine why someone would cheat on him because i'm happy. Because this is right. When u find that it won't matter what issues u have... the right person will want you for who u are.

Hope that makes sense. And I hope u can sort the depression out. I know with my tabs apparently after a year I won't need to take them anymore... so we'll see. But i'm on the mend.

Best of luck