Lack of confidence?

LegacyUser

Had my work review during the week.
I'm told I'm fecking class at my job, good stuff!

But I've zero confidence in myself. As in I ask questions where I know the answer but I ask anyway as I'm unsure. "Very unsure of myself" is what I was told.

How to increase confidence?
So my team leader tells me I'm good but lack confidence to push my points ahead.
I've been told the same thing on training courses.
I got rejected at a graduate interview for a major bank (now bankrupt ) for the same thing.

There's another lad in work. I see him walking around. Nice lad but very quiet and seems so self-conscious as he walks around. Very softly-spoken too.
Nice lad I think to myself but needs to speak up more and get a bit of confidence.

Wait a minute! People view me the very same and now that I think of it, I do act the very same as this lad.
So how to gain confidence?

Sparky

Well you have to look at yourself and ask the question not so much how to gain confidence but to ask what is stopping you from feeling confident?

Do you have a fear of what people may think of you?
A fear of rejection maybe?

Simple questions that only you can answer to yourself and work from.
Just just have to take a chance sometimes in relation to pushing your points and when you do you will feel alot better in yourself.

flanree

how old are you?

GAAman

I wasnt gonna reply to this even though its very close to home but i thought maybe what worked for me might work for you

All those self help books and seminars

All those Dr phil and that tony dude type (cant remember his name) programs

Alcohol and drugs

Wearing masks

I did NONE of this, one day a few years ago after a good few years of being like yourself i realised something "why the f*ck do i give a f*ck, why do i care what people think of me or how they see me, i know who and what i am and thats all i need"

Sometimes i have to remind myself of this but on the whole i havent looked back, alot of people will say now i am the most confident person they know bordering on cocky (though in a good way)

Case in point, i changed in uni from computer science to psychology, with a background in computers and tech for over ten years, i enquired about it and the course director basically said she would give me an interview as it was the process but it would be a lesson in futility, now the old me would have been too intimidated to even sit the interview but 30 mins after the interview i got a call offering me a place. I really hope i dont come across as a dick cos im not im trying to show you the extremes of where i came from to where i am

I dunno if this helps, hope it does

honru

Self-acceptance comes before natural confidence. What is it about yourself that you are ashamed or reserved about? What are you afraid of? What is it about yourself that you would rather people not know about you?

Come to terms with such introspection, then it's a matter of trusting yourself more, being open with people, and developing your assertiveness muscle, if that's something you're not particularly used to.

Plus, eradicate stresses like "ehh", "emm", "umm", etc. from your vocabulary. Remove the "maybes", "I think sos", etc. Become more decisive and straight to the point.

I'm not saying you can never use hesitant or non-committal language ever again, but if you are consistently beating around the bush then that's a sure-fire indication of a person who is unsure of himself.

LegacyUser

^^

Excellent advice.

BumbleB

I read a book years ago it was about writing comedy.The whole book crystallised into one thing "To be funny you have to see yourself as being funny " same with confidence .Confidence comes with getting out of your comfort zone and doing things that would scare the hell out of you.

Also your state follows your body language if you imagine you are somebody powerful and carry your body the same way you will feel confident . Go into meeting, imagine your Bill Gates . Pratice ,Practise ,Practise.

Amy33

It's all about acting for me, everyone thinks that I'm outgoing and confident, but I'm just a brilliant actress, inside I have zero confidence, I truly deserve an oscar...

poss

Unregistered wrote: »

^^

Excellent advice.

Agreed.