Ex is ignoring me

LegacyUser

i insulted my ex big time - i didnt mean to, but now he is ignoring me, wont take my calls, nothing. this has been going on with 2 days. he never blanked me like this before. i must have left 100 texts and loads of calls. i dont know what else to do.

Victor

1. Its an ex - they have no obligation to take your calls.
2. You insulted them - they have no obligation to take your calls.
3. 100 calls and texts is rather like harassment - they have no obligation to take your calls and may contact the garda.

4. Wait until after the weekend and send (by post?) a note, apologising for the insult and the harassment and explaining soberly and concisely what you want to communicate.

LegacyUser

Leave him alone, give it some time & space! He'll come around! and ease off with the stalking

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

chickenhawk

100 calls and texts! You don't want him to be your ex for long it looks like.

Leave him alone you shouldn't have insulted him. If he wants to he'll get back to you.

LegacyUser

ok im just gona say this - i said i hope'd him and his family died!! he made me soo mad - i just said it in anger.

Carsinian Thau

He's entitled to. Leave him alone.

Give him some time and space. All these messages that he clearly doesn't want to have to deal with are only going to cause harm. He needs to be left alone. Then, as an above poster said, send him a written explanation.

Then just see what happens.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

i insulted my ex big time - i didnt mean to, but now he is ignoring me, wont take my calls, nothing.

Nothing you can do. If he doesn't want to talk to you then he doesn't have to. Leave the chap alone.

LegacyUser

ok the mods didnt post my last post at what i said to my ex - it was too bad i suppose. but what i said was the worst thing i could have said. should i just forget it and move on???

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

ok the mods didnt post my last post at what i said to my ex - it was too bad i suppose. but what i said was the worst thing i could have said. should i just forget it and move on???

Unregistered posts have to be approved by a moderator, so they may take time to come through.

useful_contacts

what age are you both?

marbar

love to know whatn you said!
he might have been waiting for a reason to blank you

LegacyUser

both in our mid 20's

useful_contacts

marbar wrote: »

love to know whatn you said!
he might have been waiting for a reason to blank you

she said in post 6 what she said to him

marbar

hahaha just seen the post

jaysus. you mad yoke
i'd laeve that lad alone and give up any hope of ever talking to him again

LegacyUser

i said it more than once too. i just wanted to hurt him and i knew this would. looks like i suceeded.

Kiera

Unregistered wrote: »

i said it more than once too. i just wanted to hurt him and i knew this would. looks like i suceeded.

I honestly hope he doesnt contact you again and blanks you from his mind. That is disgusting behavior for someone in their 20's.

marbar

not right in the head

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

i said it more than once too. i just wanted to hurt him and i knew this would. looks like i suceeded.

MMMM yes. You wanted to hurt him ? is that it ? If you wanted to hurt him, why did you want him to call you back ? Did you want to do something that would cause him to get back to you ? Did you want him to come back to you for a reason ?

Hurting someone gratuitously like that is really not the best way to get their attention. Don't you think ? Did you try any other way ? Are you just lashing out ? or is there some kind of reason ?

LegacyUser

there alot of bad history between us. i was lashing out yes - no matter what i said to him - all he would say was - im sorry! he never got mad. i knew this would make him mad. and also i suppose i knew there would be no going back after i said this - i couldnt deal with it anymore. now i cant deal without him either.

TheBlock

Grow Up.

Wibbs

marbar and TheBlock not helpful posting. If you can't post constructively then please don't post at all. Please read the charter of this forum.

echosound

Time to leave the chap alone to get on with his life. Who in their right mind would answer calls/texts to someone who insulted them and their family in this manner? The amount of texts you've sent could be seen as harrassment.

Learn your lesson from this and move on, if you've apologised for your ourburst then leave it at that and leave him alone.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

there alot of bad history between us. i was lashing out yes - no matter what i said to him - all he would say was - im sorry! he never got mad. i knew this would make him mad. and also i suppose i knew there would be no going back after i said this - i couldnt deal with it anymore. now i cant deal without him either.

I see. Well anyone who knows anything knows it takes two to tango so I am in no way going to assume it's your fault for a start.

I happen to have a close friend who is exactly like him. it drove his OH absolutely nuts. In the end she left. I understood exactly what the problem was. She was mercurial and emotional, and he just gave her nothing back to push against. I see him most days and I see how it would drive anyone to distraction.

It looks like for you this was a relationship that was destined to fail OP. I am thinking you probably know that now. But you have a long accumulation of frustration that he just won't let you vent. I really sympathise with this.
However ...... you really have to let it go ... it is eating YOU up and will never ever impact on him, because it is not his nature.

I would suggest throwing a few old mugs at his photo ... or doing some digging in the garden... something to help you vent your anger and energy in a healthy way for YOU.

But then you have to rebuild and start again. You have escaped a lifetime's sentence and you have learned some great lessons about yourself and what kind of person you want to be with.

I wish you well.

LegacyUser

but from what i said to him, would he ever forgive me do ye think? if ye were in his shoes for example...

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

there alot of bad history between us. i was lashing out yes - no matter what i said to him - all he would say was - im sorry! he never got mad. i knew this would make him mad. and also i suppose i knew there would be no going back after i said this - i couldnt deal with it anymore. now i cant deal without him either.

Yeah i suppose it's all his fault isn't it

leave him alone. He probably hates you.

tallaghtoutlaws

Unregistered wrote: »

there alot of bad history between us. i was lashing out yes - no matter what i said to him - all he would say was - im sorry! he never got mad. i knew this would make him mad. and also i suppose i knew there would be no going back after i said this - i couldnt deal with it anymore. now i cant deal without him either.

I havent talked to my EX in about 12 months and we are separated 2 years now. I still loved her but she doesnt me. And when that happens its time to move when there is no room to fix. And No matter how much you miss him if he hadnt moved on before the comment Im betting he certainly has now. Unfortunately OP you said some horrible things and the best thing you can do now is move on. Let it go to be honest.

Agent J

They obviously dont want anything to do with you. You cannot do anything to change that.Draw line under it. Move on.

Queencake

Unregistered wrote: »

but from what i said to him, would he ever forgive me do ye think? if ye were in his shoes for example...

Nope. That's the honest answer. If by forgive you mean, will he come back and say he forgives you and things will get all dandy with you then, er, no. On the off chance he does then he's a complete ninny and he deserves the silly drama.

I can vaguely understand why you lashed out but not in the manner in which you did. I've been in situations where I've been pushed and hurt as much as I hope is possible and even then I would never have said what you said.

Heffalump

how long you go out with him? to be honest, i have just been in a similar situation where the girl i loved did not love me and so things ended after four and a half years. i tried the friend thing as you seem to be doing as you have a desire to keep that person in your life. problem with that is that when they move on with their life it can hurt. if you care about someone and you kinda had hopes to be together again, it will always hurt and in this case it makes you say things to make you try to convey/ transfer that hurt to them. i learnt that if you have feelings for someone, you cannot be their friend. it just gets messy. it may be scary to think that you don't have that person in your life anymore, but truth be told; they left it when you broke up. being friends is hard to do, but if possible should be left until you have no need for their company, but merely want it. sending multiple texts and calls in a short period is similar to what i did. it means that you think you are more than just friends in some way as you would not do that to another friend. it may hurt, but leave it to settle for a few months even. maybe then, you won't even want to be friends. i'm in that same age category and just realized how young that really is. it gets better.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

but from what i said to him, would he ever forgive me do ye think? if ye were in his shoes for example...

Reading between the lines - he doesn't want to know you. Your pretty horrific insult has given him a perfect reason to never speak to you again.

Mutual Friend: "Hey John, Mary says you're blanking her, after all your history that just isn't on"

John: "Mary repeatedly told me she hopes me and my family die"

Mutual Friend: "I see, that's completely understandable, don't really feel like talking to her myself anymore"

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

but from what i said to him, would he ever forgive me do ye think? if ye were in his shoes for example...

its a serious matter sending texts like this and lay off the phone calls. if he has tried to have your number barred by his phone provider they will advise him to make a garda complaint- part of the process of getting a number barred.

Skating and thin ice may feature in your horoscope.

Wibbs

If I was him? I would forgive as I would see where your frustration and anger was coming from. Would I want you in my life? TBH probably not. That's just me though. Cross a line and that's it and someone who rings that amount of times for example would strike me as selfish. It would be all about how she feels and little to do with what I feel.

Maybe I would be too hardline though as I have been on the receiving end of something very like this. More than once. And in one case she dumped me. Oh yep. "It's over, I've found someone else, but need to have you in my life. How dare you not agree to that!". I got the late night phonecalls. the ringing and ringing if I didn't pick up. The passive aggressive guff. The lot. No thank you.

I agree with VaioCruiser in that it takes two to tango. There are always two sides to a story. As for your nature or his nature being incompatible I would also agree.

I would add that your nature can be changed or at least moderated. If you're the high drama type or the overly taciturn closed off type, you can with time and work get to a point where you can understand were others are coming from and moderate your behaviour accordingly. I would say IMHO that both extremes are inherently self centered. The "I think/act this way so like it or lump it" brigade. I would have been more the taciturn type. When girlfriends went OTT on the emotional front I would just switch off. Did not want to know. I didn't understand nor want to understand why they were like that at times. Selfish on my part. So I worked on it. Actually went too far the other way for a time.:D

Balance is everything, a healthy insight into why the other is feeling as they are. In your case you have to learn to accept he's not interested and nothing you can do will change that and anything you do will likely make it worse. Learn from that and it will help next time around with someone else, better suited to you.

CDfm

Wibbs wrote: »

If I was him? I would forgive as I would see where your frustration and anger was coming from. Would I want you in my life? TBH probably not. That's just me though. Cross a line and that's it and someone who rings that amount of times for example would strike me as selfish. It would be all about how she feels and little to do with what I feel.

Learn from that and it will help next time around with someone else, better suited to you.

+ 1 but I think that what you might think is normal in a relationship may not be. Your anger is your own and here you seem to have acted purely emotion and adrenalin and couldnt see at the time that it was OTT or wrong.

I get the impression that you feel your behavior is acceptable to him even though you know it is wrong. A lot of this is about how your behavior has affected you which it clearly has and how you can get out of the mess you have got yourself in.

I have an ex who once said - I should feel guilty but I don't - it doesn't bother me as she is an ex.

Tattoo Stan

I sent a text to an ex once saying I hoped her Mother died of cancer.

It was in the heat of the moment, I didn't mean it obviously, I was very hurt.

Don't worry about what you said, just leave him be now and try and get on with life. Don't listen to the ones criticising you here. They haven't a clue what it's like to be truly hurt if they can moderate their behaviour in such a clinical way.

ManOfMystery

Tattoo Stan wrote: »

I sent a text to an ex once saying I hoped her Mother died of cancer.

It was in the heat of the moment, I didn't mean it obviously, I was very hurt.

Don't worry about what you said, just leave him be now and try and get on with life. Don't listen to the ones criticising you here. They haven't a clue what it's like to be truly hurt if they can moderate their behaviour in such a clinical way.

It's called self-control. If you lose it, then don't expect the other person's forgiveness. 'Heat of the moment' usually implies uttering something from your mouth and immediately regretting it, as we have all done at some time or another. However, picking up your phone, composing a text, re-reading it and then picking a number to send it to gives you ample time to consider just how scummy it is to wish cancer on someone. Don't try and imply because many of us can control ourselves that we've never known true 'hurt'.

He didn't wish death on her family despite the fact he was likely annoyed too. It's one of the worse insults that could be levelled at someone.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

but from what i said to him, would he ever forgive me do ye think? if ye were in his shoes for example...

Yes he will. He knows, as most mature people who have been through any kind of long term emotional relationship do, that we say things in the heat of passion. And the higher the passion, and the more we care about someone, sadly, the worse the insults sometimes . This is very common. But while saying that, it is no excuse. We all have to try to exert some kind of self control over our temper. Tempers are one of the most destructive thing to relationships.

What you need to do now is show that you have got a grip and accepted the situation, and are making progress towards getting on with your life. He will also be doing the same and he will learn, through friends and common acquaintances, that you are doing the same. I am certain he will forgive you quite quickly.
Forgiveness does not mean coming back to you of course... which would be very bad for you anyway right ? You guys just don't mix, like oil and water. But there is no reason you cannot be civil and even friends in the future, if you move on with your emotions and your life.

There are guys out there that are perfect for you, don't worry!

All the best !

prinz

Maybe fate granted your horrible wish.... You don't deserve contact. At least for a while until he deals with what you said. Maybe after that he will stop ignoring you, chances are he won't tbh.

LegacyUser

op here - of course i know what i said was wrong, i said it before and he forgave me, slowly. This time though it seems he had enough. And I know we are not really suited TBH.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - of course i know what i said was wrong, i said it before and he forgave me, slowly. This time though it seems he had enough. And I know we are not really suited TBH.

Didn't you learn from that by repeating it you would get the same result.

Can I ask you - when you say you are not suited - is what you are really saying is that you are holding out for someone who finds that type of behavior acceptable?

Tattoo Stan

ManOfMystery wrote: »

It's called self-control.

It's nothing to do with self-control.

She was trying to hurt him as much as he hurt her. It's called being human.

LegacyUser

op here. CDFM - there is no need to be patronising - you think i believe abuse and harassment is ok??? yeah sure i do. He got so under my skin I didn't know what I was doing or saying TBH. Im not some skumbag if thats what you think - I come from a respectable family, I have a degree etc. It was this guy that affected me this way.

Tattoo Stan

CDfm wrote: »

Didn't you learn from that by repeating it you would get the same result.

Can I ask you - when you say you are not suited - is what you are really saying is that you are holding out for someone who finds that type of behavior acceptable?

Oh for God's sake, how sanctamonious is that.

Jesus some people on here need to get off their high horse.

LegacyUser

you said something nasty so what ... you said it in the heat of the moment and in all likelihood said it to get a reaction....unfortunately his reaction isnt the one you want.

I have been in a very similar situation,....went out with a guy for 2 years (i'm 37 so a significant time) he always wanted to get married or so he said and he led me up the garden path for the full two years. however he was sabotaging the realionship as i think he has issues with being close to people and committement/intimacy issues.

Prior to ending we were on a break etc for a few wks to get his head straight...but i knew at the time he was internet dating etc and not taking time like he suggested, even though he still insisted he wanted me and noone else. Anyway we happened to meet the other day and it transcended into me getting upset and since he couldnt handle this he turned his fustration into anger and roared at me that I was a Selfish c*nt, that he had a lucky escape, that he wished me nothing but the worst and that I was never to contact him again either via msn, phone, txt nothing along that his parents hated me and thought I was a physco etc etc. Now i always had a great relationship with his parents and in fact they told me that they thought I was good for him as he was gambling and drinking less since i was with him.

I left in the car distraught that he said what he said....but a hour later I got a txt full of apologies for his outburst. When I didnt reply i got about 10 calls till i finally answered. He apologised unreservedly and said that he didnt mean anything by that....he said what he could to hurt me and knew the buttons to press for the maximum hurt. he told me he said it cause he is so angry at himself that because of his issues our relationship didnt work out.

to be honest I have forgiven him and we have had a few calls since although cause of other stuff I no longer want him in my life....some people are just not meant to be together hard and all as that is.

I am sure he has forgiven u and that he knows u only said what u said to hurt him as that was all u could do. I am sure he knows deep down that u did not mean that remark. I am also sure that he know the excessive calls/txts after that were u feeling terrible about yourself and u wanting to apologise. Hopefully one day you will meet when u have both had some time and u can explain why u said what u did. But for the moment stop beating yourself up about it. U only said it to provoke a reaction. IN Fact there is scientific evidence that in circumstance like this the drug dopamine is released in the brain and that cause people to do excessive things such as stalk, harrass, and even in some circumstances commit suicide so as to hurt the other person. So blame the drug :-).... and move on cause u deserve someone who wont provoke that reaction in u. Life is not meant to be that hard. wishing u all the best

CDfm

Tattoo Stan wrote: »

It's nothing to do with self-control.

She was trying to hurt him as much as he hurt her. It's called being human.

Well you only have the OPs word for that and she will be biased.

The reality is that she is responsible for her own actions and given that these have not been nice or pleasant and fairly extreme with 100 texts and calls last night (and none from him) I think the OP has been a tad extreme.

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

op here. CDFM - there is no need to be patronising - you think i believe abuse and harassment is ok??? yeah sure i do. He got so under my skin I didn't know what I was doing or saying TBH. Im not some skumbag if thats what you think - I come from a respectable family, I have a degree etc. It was this guy that affected me this way.

Goes to show education =/= common sense, and courtesy. Do you think it's respectable to tell someone you hope they and their family die? Once, in the heat of the moment - excusable.

Repeatedly?? Not on, and you knew exactly what you were saying - you said as much in an earlier post, that it was a deliberate attempt to get a rise out of him because you knew it would p*ss him off the most, and a petty and hurtful one at that.

John Mason

If i was your ex, i would have reported you to the police by now and requested that your number be blocked from my phone.

He is your EX, you have no rights to him whatsoever. i think it is time you grew up and copped on a bit.

and having a degree doesnt really mean anything

VaioCruiser

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

If i was your ex, i would have reported you to the police by now and requested that your number be blocked from my phone.

Our jails would be overflowing with spouses ten times over.

markesmith

For all your degree, and all your respectable family, what you said really beggars belief. To think that is one thing, to say it quite another.

And then all the texts and calling...

I think you need to grow up a bit. And be prepared that he wants nothing more to do with you. To insult one's family is, as the Italians say, infamita.

Live and learn, and never say something like that to another person again.

Tattoo Stan

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

If i was your ex, i would have reported you to the police by now

How embarrassing

John Mason

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Our jails would be overflowing with spouses ten times over.

err.... in order to a phone number block you have to make a report to the local gardai. they then send some around to have a little chat.

stalking behaviour is very serious issue and the gardai do not take it lightly