It isn't what I want

LegacyUser

Ok, Just a quick one, any insights would be appreciated! Looooong story shot, had been seeing a girl for a few months, nothing serious, just hanging out....there was constant drama tho, she was just out of a relationship and had issues re. not wanting to get into another one so soon, wanting to be single etc. Told me a couple of times that she did like me but wasn't ready....she said once that she didn't but the last time we were together she again reverted to the i do like you but im just not ready spiel...
Anyway kinda broke off contact for a couple of weeks (i realised i had been coming on too strong aswell, she had intimated this a few times saying i needed to calm down, but silly me couldn't see the wood for the trees at the time.
Thing is last weekend i get a text saying along the lines of "dont contact me again" this was at 3 in the morn and when i rang back to see what the story was a big convo took place, most of which neither of us remember totally (we were both at respective parties on the night)
So we met cpl days ago and had a chat, she says, that we're just mates...she doesn't want anything else,
So i guess i really want opinions on wether people believe this to be the case or is she just scared or sumit, i wouildn't even query this at all if not for her telling me various times that she did like me but she wasn't ready etc.
Im not gonna contact her again anyway, but do ye think i should meet her if she contacts me "as a friend" thing is i really like this one and don't wanna set myself up for a fall being her friend all the while thinking i want more....
I realise this may seem like an obvious answer and prob is its just that its hard to explain but i know there was something there at one stage....i probaly blew it by coming on too strong etc. but could there be any chance of relighting that fire?

LegacyUser

I would say she has a lot of issues going on there. I'd suggest leave her be, wait for her to initiate contact again, she may just need time. However I wouldn't dwell on it: go out, meet other people...This is just bad timing unfortunately and I dont think it has anything to do with you coming on too strong. You weren't overwhelming so that wouldn't have put her off. She knows you like her. It's her turn now to make the next move.

VaioCruiser

Hi OP. It is a difficult thing, but in these kinds of situations you really have to take people at their word. If they said they want something then you have to accept that.
The alternative is to spend huge amounts of emotional energy trying to second guess what people 'really' want and it leads to tears, believe me.

If you DO think there is something else going on then try to control your disappointment and try to be calm and cool and if she contacts you again about the friends thing, simply say that you accept what she wants but that you like her too much to be friends... and see how that goes down.

All the best.

papillon66

Hi op,

My heart goes for you as I've been in the same situation...at the end it just wrecked my head and put me down...playing the yoyo style, back and forth betwwen friendship and **** buddies when they needed some attention...not good though-save yourself the drama and the pain...you didn't come too strong...you knew what you wanted...they didn't

Good luck and be brave...think in what is good for you don't compromise yourself for someone that won't do it for you and mess around with your head-

just my 2 cents

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies. Thing is i did come on very strong...but at the beginning she was doing the same, i.e. calling texting everyday, meeting nearly everyday, when we hit the first"bump" she asked me to calm down on her and to see what'll happen, i tried and did to a point, but in the end she just said that we had to be friends :-(,
Still everytime we met up we ended up together. This coupled with her saying she liked me, (even have an email from her saying that she does like me and that i'll get what i want i.e. her!)
dunno just seems there was def something there, i guess not anymore...to be fair she has never been less then honest with me and told me that she was mixed up and confused over her last relationship and if we had met at a different time things would be different!

It really sucks and ill miss her alot but with the constant drama over the last cpl months its not exactly a bolt from the blue so i guess that kinda makes it somewhat esier. altough it doesn't really feel that way now.

Colonel_McCoy

I know exactly how you are feeling happened to me about 6 months ago..this is just my opinion.......nothing you can do can change your mind.....its best to move on and enjoy your life and not be left standing still waiting for her to change her mind. You cant force somebody to like you in that way

Take care.

Miss Fluff

sheisaheadwreck.com
Seriously, don't bother contacting her again. She sounds like a headwreck and obviously isn't ready/mature enough to conduct a relationship.
I'd see it as a lucky escape tbh, she is obviously not oevr her ex so I'd leave it be and forget about his whole "friends" nonsense when you know yourself you would always be holding out for more. Move on my friend.

G-Money

I was in a similar boat OP. Met a girl, we got on well, things started happening and she kept saying she couldn't get into anything serious blah blah blah. Eventually she said we could only be friends then started seeing someone else about 3 weeks later with whom it "wasn't serious".

Anyway I got fed up with it all and I haven't really bothered talking to her since. She wanted to be friends but I didn't and I basically told her that. Since telling her that I haven't heard from her and to be honest, I don't regret it and I've no plans to ever speak to her again. Unless you actually want to be friends with this girl, you've nothing to lose by never seeing her again.

Unless of course at some point in the future she changes her mind. But let's be honest, this is real life and not some film or TV show.

Delete all her details and try to put it out of your mind. Even if she did turn around tomorrow and said she was all ready etc, could you really trust her not to flip flop and go back on the decision?

LegacyUser

Well, i've meade no contact since early last week when we mwt for a drink...told her that if she'd like to do something to give me a call/ txt, to which she agreed.
Now i've no intention to contact her until she does first but was wondering if people have any experience in a situation like this where the person has comeback and if so is there a length of time when they might make contact.
I know its a long shot but she is still on my mind al,ost all the time, im trying to give p on her but i'm finding it very difficult, think i might give it another few weeks then just email her to say goodbye or whatever cos i donn't wanna leave it like this....
Ive come to the conclusion that one of two things are happening here
1) she's simply lost interest and was really only using me as a crutch to get over her ex (this is most likely)
2) she's scared of another relationship and isn't over the ex yet, (it was a long term thing 4=years and it ended badly)

She is a girl with issues and she's admitted taht...she said a cpl of times back a few months "why don't ya just give up on me?"
she's not from here either and is homesick a bit which probably isn't helping, looking back maybe she was using me to combat this also...
I told her then that i wouldn't now i think i should, but i don't wanna, think this could have been something special if only the time was right.

Sorry for ranting just need to get it off my chest...

VaioCruiser

grandmaster wrote: »

Delete all her details and try to put it out of your mind.

Just some advice for you guys who find yourself in this kind of situation..... and are ending any kind of relationship.

Do NOT delete the details of the person off your phone. If only for one good reason . . . IF or when they call you, then you will know exactly who it is. If you delete them then it will be an anonymous unknown phone number. This goes for whether you WANT to talk to them or DON'T want to talk to them.

All the best.

Rob_l

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Just some advice for you guys who find yourself in this kind of situation..... and are ending any kind of relationship.

Do NOT delete the details of the person off your phone. If only for one good reason . . . IF or when they call you, then you will know exactly who it is. If you delete them then it will be an anonymous unknown phone number. This goes for whether you WANT to talk to them or DON'T want to talk to them.

All the best.

This is very good advice, sure dont call the number but you should keep it as Vaio says in case they ring you and you dont want to talk to them helps if you know who is ringing