Consumed with anger towards ex

LegacyUser

I was with my ex for 2 years. He didn't always treat me well but more fool me, I put up with it because I loved him. Last December he went on holidays and ended up cheating on me. He lied about it and our relationship continued as normal until I found the evidence. Even then he tried to make me the baddie for 'snooping'. I dumped him and tried to move on, he said he'd learned a lesson and would stay single for a while. Well lo and behold, in February he already had a new girlfriend, one of his friends. I know I shouldn't care but I'm so consumed with anger that he has a new gf and is having fun with her while I'm still destroyed. He's going away for the weekend with her to Wicklow and to visit her when she returns home to the US in the summer. It just annoys me that she obviously thinks he's this lovely, charming Irish guy - undoubtably he has lied to her about the reason we broke up and not told her he also cheated on his ex. It annoys me that she went on holidays with his family right after they got together and she's always at his house as if I never existed. She looks so smug in her facebook profile pic with him with the caption 'my wonderful bf', I really feel like emailing her and telling her what sort of person he really is! obv i cant do that but im tempted every day! I have stopped contact with him and stopped looking at facebook but its already all in my head!

waterford1988

Personally i think that if you were to contact his current girlfriend, it would show him that you still have feelings for him. As i have learned from a cheating ex in the past few months, the best revenge to get in the moths afterwards s to act as if she/he do not exist. This was going well for me until she started ringing me/texting. I wish I had been strong enough to jsut ignore them as I ended up hurt again.

My advice in a nutshell for you is to try move on completely. Put him out of your head if you can(easier said than done i know!) and move on with your life. Your better off staying out of it and acting as if he doesn't exist even if you are still hurting. Just act like you aren't if you want to get back at him

LegacyUser

Well personally l think you are better off without this dodo. He is her problem now! She wouldnt believe you anyway if you did try and warn her off...he has more than likely slagged you off to her as exs do! You can do so much better than that brainless twit. Good luck to ya girl

LegacyUser

This exact same thing happened to me word for word only I'm male! My ex girlfriend cheated on me, lied about it, and even after I found evidence of her cheating she still continued to deny it. I broke up with her and she continued to contact me protesting her innocence and begging me to take her back. None of that stopped her from getting another boyfriend within a month of us separating mind you!

It really hurt me that she was able to move on so quickly while I was left wollowing in my own self pity. But I DID get over it.

I agree with the other posters, you just need to try and move on. Even though the hurt will sometimes seem impossible to overcome, you will eventually get over it. And even though it seems like a horrible situation now, you will learn your lessons from it. Trust me - I did!

Oh The Humanity

Yeh OP, he's gone. Don't get obssessed, let it go.

It doesn't matter if she thinks he is wonderful. It doesn't matter if she is smug. Just put it out of your head. Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it and move on.

I know it hurts but it happens every day of the week. One womans villian is another womans hero. Let them on with it.

You will be doing yourself no favours by meddling and as Sunflower rightly says you will drive your friends away. Besides its not exactly healthy behaviour.

Don't embarass yourself. Remain dignified and forget about them both. Remove him off Faceache.

LegacyUser

OP you never know what is going on in other ppls relationships so I wouldnt get upset about this new girl if I were you. They could break up tomorrow and you would have wasted days stressing about them! He is obviously not worth it.

I went out with a guy who cheated on me practically the whole time we were going out. When we did break up he started seeing a new girl. Of course I was raging, imagining them all happy while I was miserable! She ended up callin me asking were things he was saying true as it turns out he was lying to her too.

Dont think that he is going to miraculously change just because he is with a new girl!

Best of luck!

xcarriex

OP i was in the same situation and he moved on in a matter of days, it broke me even more, with some help from my girlies we arranged a night out, and we were having a laugh, then he showed up with her, i wanted to go hide and never be seen, but i stood there and continued to dance giggle and just be me, and kept thinking im free from him, i dont need that in my life, later on i got a txt saying he missed me and seeing me over him hurt, i never wrote back, there honeymoon stage is over, and the 'wonderful bf' comments are gone, and now there is me and the girls, dont see them as much as i like,

Im not saying this is exactly what will happen, but i do know that been true to yourself and loving you for you will help ya get back on ur feet:D and sure it might take a while to find Mr.Right, just have a lotta fun trying

wasper

Unregistered wrote: »

I was with my ex for 2 years. He didn't always treat me well but more fool me, I put up with it because I loved him. Last December he went on holidays and ended up cheating on me. He lied about it and our relationship continued as normal until I found the evidence. Even then he tried to make me the baddie for 'snooping'. I dumped him and tried to move on, he said he'd learned a lesson and would stay single for a while. Well lo and behold, in February he already had a new girlfriend, one of his friends. I know I shouldn't care but I'm so consumed with anger that he has a new gf and is having fun with her while I'm still destroyed. He's going away for the weekend with her to Wicklow and to visit her when she returns home to the US in the summer. It just annoys me that she obviously thinks he's this lovely, charming Irish guy - undoubtably he has lied to her about the reason we broke up and not told her he also cheated on his ex. It annoys me that she went on holidays with his family right after they got together and she's always at his house as if I never existed. She looks so smug in her facebook profile pic with him with the caption 'my wonderful bf', I really feel like emailing her and telling her what sort of person he really is! obv i cant do that but im tempted every day! I have stopped contact with him and stopped looking at facebook but its already all in my head!

Don't waste your energy on the past.
Do you think you are better off without him? if so then leave the pig alone & find a new person in your life.

Gholimoli

Unregistered wrote: »

I was with my ex for 2 years. He didn't always treat me well but more fool me, I put up with it because I loved him. Last December he went on holidays and ended up cheating on me. He lied about it and our relationship continued as normal until I found the evidence. Even then he tried to make me the baddie for 'snooping'. I dumped him and tried to move on, he said he'd learned a lesson and would stay single for a while. Well lo and behold, in February he already had a new girlfriend, one of his friends. I know I shouldn't care but I'm so consumed with anger that he has a new gf and is having fun with her while I'm still destroyed. He's going away for the weekend with her to Wicklow and to visit her when she returns home to the US in the summer. It just annoys me that she obviously thinks he's this lovely, charming Irish guy - undoubtably he has lied to her about the reason we broke up and not told her he also cheated on his ex. It annoys me that she went on holidays with his family right after they got together and she's always at his house as if I never existed. She looks so smug in her facebook profile pic with him with the caption 'my wonderful bf', I really feel like emailing her and telling her what sort of person he really is! obv i cant do that but im tempted every day! I have stopped contact with him and stopped looking at facebook but its already all in my head!

OP you just sound bitter TBH .

you say you did not leave him even though he did not treat you well cuz you "loved him" .that's just bull in my book.you did not leave him cuz you could not for what ever reason.
you had a choice and you chose not to leave.no body ows you anything for that.

iv'e seen many ppl who use the "love execuse" for not leaving a relasionship but the real reason is that you dont have enough respect for your self.
and that is fine but dont think that any one ows you anything.

demand respect by all means and if you dont get it you have a choice to leave but if you stay it's still what you chose to do and that's on you.


now he has a new GF and your bitter cuz he is having fun and your not????
honestly to me that is just illogical.

understand that he does not owe you anything and that you alone are responsible for getting what you think you deserve in life and no body else.

LegacyUser

Gholimoli wrote: »

OP you just sound bitter TBH .

you say you did not leave him even though he did not treat you well cuz you "loved him" .that's just bull in my book.you did not leave him cuz you could not for what ever reason.
you had a choice and you chose not to leave.no body ows you anything for that.

iv'e seen many ppl who use the "love execuse" for not leaving a relasionship but the real reason is that you dont have enough respect for your self.
and that is fine but dont think that any one ows you anything.

demand respect by all means and if you dont get it you have a choice to leave but if you stay it's still what you chose to do and that's on you.


now he has a new GF and your bitter cuz he is having fun and your not????
honestly to me that is just illogical.

understand that he does not owe you anything and that you alone are responsible for getting what you think you deserve in life and no body else.

Excuse me but who are you to judge me? I stated in my post that I KNOW it's silly and illogical. I DID love him and that's why it took me so long to dump him. Some men are very, very skilled at messing with your head and emotions. I happened to meet him at a time where I was very stressed/depressed about a medical issue and so my usual defences weren't in place. I'm only human!! I never said I was bitter about the time wasted or anything like that, I'm probably a little bitter that he cheated on me, betrayed my trust and is now parading around with a new GF, yes. Forgive me for being a a little bit bitter. I already know it is illogical but it hurts that he hasn't even taken a bit of time to learn from his mistakes, he's just moved on to the next girl.

LegacyUser

OP, it's none of your business what your ex is telling his new girlfriend.

Time for you to move on.

wexford202

Hi There

I think it is fair to say that 90% of us have gone through something somehat similar to this over the years.

The thing is that you are still hung up very much on this guy and although you may not realise it the only thing you can see coming from this would be that you email this girl, she dumps him and then when she heads back to America he will be after you. Deep down that is pob what you are hoping for.

I am not getting on to you as I have been in similar situations myself. I had an ex who started seeing someone else straight after me. It killed me and I was riddled with jealousy that this girl was an instant part of his family. They broke up soon later (Not beacuse of me) but my ex did want me back. He begged and pleaded and then I suddenly realised Hang On this guy was bad to me what am I at and I said no.

I ended up getting harrassed for 3 years. Changing numbers numerous time etc.

I promise you, you will meet someone else and you may not believe me now but you will wake up one day and that's it no longer care about him.

You will end up later in life being grateful to this girl who took this bit of bad news away from you, and grateful that you will have found a genuime guy that cares.

Leave them at it and be grateful you have got away.

partyguinness

OP...there person making you angry and bitter here...is you...not him of the new g/friend.

You must move on..you are coming across as a bunny boiler growing more and more obsessed, bitter and twisted.

I feel terrible for you that you were cheated on...but you cant change that..it happened. Try to move on by being the better person and your ex will reveal his true colours in due course..

You must get over it and move on. This need for revenge is just eating you up and is no good for you.

Good luck.

Front

Unregistered wrote: »

I was with my ex for 2 years. He didn't always treat me well but more fool me, I put up with it because I loved him. Last December he went on holidays and ended up cheating on me. He lied about it and our relationship continued as normal until I found the evidence. Even then he tried to make me the baddie for 'snooping'. I dumped him and tried to move on, he said he'd learned a lesson and would stay single for a while. Well lo and behold, in February he already had a new girlfriend, one of his friends. I know I shouldn't care but I'm so consumed with anger that he has a new gf and is having fun with her while I'm still destroyed. He's going away for the weekend with her to Wicklow and to visit her when she returns home to the US in the summer. It just annoys me that she obviously thinks he's this lovely, charming Irish guy - undoubtably he has lied to her about the reason we broke up and not told her he also cheated on his ex. It annoys me that she went on holidays with his family right after they got together and she's always at his house as if I never existed. She looks so smug in her facebook profile pic with him with the caption 'my wonderful bf', I really feel like emailing her and telling her what sort of person he really is! obv i cant do that but im tempted every day! I have stopped contact with him and stopped looking at facebook but its already all in my head!

Sorry for what happened to you, but if you contact his new GF you will look like a desparate ex GF who is stalking her ex BF and his new GF on facebook etc. As for her looking so smug on facebook..... do you mean happy. She doesn't know you - nothing to be smug about - maybe shes just happy

Unfortunately it is not your business what he does now and most definitely not your place to be running around telling any girl he meets that he cheated on you.

I'd suggest you move on with some dignity intact and forget about him

VaioCruiser

Hi there OP.

Whatever the right and wrongs of the situation.... it is history now. Gone and past.

You're going through a deep sense of loss and a feeling of injustice...

Stage:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Depression
4. Acceptance

I wish you luck. Knowing what you are experiencing may help you pass through these stages faster, I hope.

All the best.

Tattoo Stan

Just because he treated you badly and cheated, doesn't mean he'll do it to his new girlfriend.

Obviously things weren't right between you two, which led to him cheating.

Maybe things are right between hims and his new girlfriend now.

People aren't just good and bad. They're behaviour changes all the time, depending on circumstances, so he may well be a "wonderful boyfriend" to this girl.

Of course, this doesn't help ease your anger - only time will do that.

Gholimoli

Unregistered wrote: »

Excuse me but who are you to judge me? I stated in my post that I KNOW it's silly and illogical. I DID love him and that's why it took me so long to dump him. Some men are very, very skilled at messing with your head and emotions. I happened to meet him at a time where I was very stressed/depressed about a medical issue and so my usual defences weren't in place. I'm only human!! I never said I was bitter about the time wasted or anything like that, I'm probably a little bitter that he cheated on me, betrayed my trust and is now parading around with a new GF, yes. Forgive me for being a a little bit bitter. I already know it is illogical but it hurts that he hasn't even taken a bit of time to learn from his mistakes, he's just moved on to the next girl.

I’m not judging you..I’m simply stating my opinion.
The fact that you were going through hard time when you met him, while understandable, just proves my point.

My point is while im sure you had your reasons for staying, it was your choice and no one owns you for it.
You did not say you were bitter but your first post suggests that you are bitter about the fact that he seems to not care about you while you still care about him.
The fact is that what he is doing right now with his life, his state of mind or anything else is none of your concern.
It’s natural to feel like you are feeling, that’s why im not judging, but it’s not right and it will not help your situation.
Again people don’t owe you anything. You’re entitled to demand what ever you want of course but he has no obligation to give it to you. You either accept that and stay or don’t accept it and leave.
Trust me I have been there my self and all the thought that are going through your head went through mine too…but reality is that no one owes you nothing.

LegacyUser

Oh OP - I've been there myself with bells on.

To cut a long story short - I was in the process of getting back with an ex. Planning to move to her town and after months of this conversation I find out through other people that she has a new boyfriend the whole time. Blah blah blah - long story short. I was furious - I wanted to find out everything about them. Felt so angry that she was portraying me as some sort of desperate loser to her friends and her boyfriend when in fact she was stringing me along the whole time saying she loved me. I felt like emailing her new boyfriend and telling him everything, how she'd cheated on him with me, what she'd said about him etc. etc.. I got so mad at the way she treated me with such disrespect that it ate me up and I nearly lost my job because I couldn't concentrate.

Then I slowly starting getting over it. Friends helped (and also a few flings too). And then nearly a year after it all I bumped into the two of them somewhere unexpectedly. I expected that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying something if I ever met the guy but instead I saw the guilt on her face as she uncomfortably said hello and I thought "She's your problem now buddy!" and walked off with barely a 'hello'.

It will get better OP. And just remember - that lying cheating guy is now somebody else's problem.