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This is probably a dumb question.

  • 01-07-2009 6:58pm
    #1
    Astrogeek
    Closed Accounts Posts: 195 ✭✭


    When you are first getting to know someone and they admit to wanting something more than a friendship and you aren't attracted to them at all.

    Is it horrible to just stop replying to them? Or is it nicer than explaining you aren't attracted to them? What do you do if you explain nicely you aren't looking for anything more than a friendship and they say that's fine but continue to flirt inapporpriately?


Comments

  • #2
    MIN2511
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    Right, i will be polite and tell them i am not attracted to them. I will expect the same too from anyone else, it's not rocket science :D


  • #3
    Mrs Shankly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 33 ✭Mrs Shankly


    Honesty over-rides here, IMO.

    We've all had people who've just stopped replying, and its not nice! Honesty much more humane


  • #4
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Astrogeek wrote: »
    When you are first getting to know someone and they admit to wanting something more than a friendship and you aren't attracted to them at all.

    Is it horrible to just stop replying to them? Or is it nicer than explaining you aren't attracted to them? What do you do if you explain nicely you aren't looking for anything more than a friendship and they say that's fine but continue to flirt inapporpriately?

    what the guy/girl (I'm guessing it's a guy) is doing is hoping that, given time, you'll fall for them. Just as soon as they can think of the right thing to say. The only practical thing you can do is say this: "I'm flattered you're interested, but I don't feel anything other than friendship. I think it'd be better if we didn't speak for a month or so, so that we can let the dust settle".

    don't apologise! you've done nothing wrong.


  • #5
    andreac
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,000 ✭✭✭andreac


    Much better to be open and honest and tell them how you feel.

    I had a guy just go from meeting up a few times to ignoring my texts/calls etc, was horrible as we had so much fun when we went out and to go from that to completely ignoring felt awful, i would have appreciated a little text even saying " Had fun with you but dont see it going anywhere and id prefer to leave it at that, thanks".

    Its not asking much really.


  • #6
    Carsinian Thau
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,054 ✭✭✭Carsinian Thau


    Polite explanation works best.

    But make sure that you get your point fully across. Don't be cruel but do not leave any room for doubt. It's kinder for everyone in the end.


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  • #7
    Astrogeek
    Closed Accounts Posts: 195 ✭✭Astrogeek


    I was hoping those would be the responses. I've been in a relationship for so long I've really relied on the "sorry I have a boyfriend" answers.

    I asked because I explained to a guy fairly recently that I didn't see anything happening between us (as politely as I could) and he went mental at me. Calling me a b**** etc etc. I felt very guilty thinking maybe it would have been better to just have ignored his texts.


  • #8
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Astrogeek wrote: »
    I asked because I explained to a guy fairly recently that I didn't see anything happening between us (as politely as I could) and he went mental at me. Calling me a b**** etc etc. I felt very guilty thinking maybe it would have been better to just have ignored his texts.

    That changes things entirely OP, so you spurned his advances and he starts with name calling.
    1. Thank God you don't fancy him
    2. I presume he is about 11 if that's his reaction
    3. Ignore any more texts from him


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