Pre-wedding course - exemption

Redpunto

Has anyone out there been exempt from their priest from doing a pre-marriage course or have you had to write to the archbishop?

Was just talking to my local priest (not the one whose marrying us) and he is insistent on us doing one even though we've been engaged 9 years with 2 kids.

Help - he was so unhelpful and nasty that I want to have a civil ceremony now

ports best

im getting married in 2 weeks time and we didnt have to do one with our priest and he is strict enough on other things, were liveing together for 5 years so he said there was no need to do it. i think with some priests its there way of showing a bit of authority

newtoboards

I actually got benefit out of the course, had been living with bf for years too but it was worthwhile. It made me realise that we did have a good relationship, we were on the same page on every issue and some quality time together was had - could be worth doing

TheRealist

Ah the Catholic church, you gotta love 'em!

I say go for the civil ceremony, ye are practically married already anyway.

Clareman

A few priests see the pre-marriage course as the Terms and Conditions of Marriage. Strange as it may seem, but the catholic church regard Marriage as a very important thing and as a result backing out of it (annulment) is something they take very seriously, there are very few "get out clauses" in the Marriage ceermony, but the Catholic church want to know that the people entering into Marriage know what they are getting into.

I did my pre-marriage course over 1 day, it was 1 day, yes I think it's a money making racket, yes I think it was a waste of time, yes I think that it was wrong that we be expected to do it, but I want to get married in the Catholic church and spend the rest of my life with my future wife so I don't think that 1 day was too much to give up.

People put so much stock in making sure the hotel is right, the dress is right, the honeymoon is right, the bridesmaids are right, but they don't think it's worth getting themselves right, you might know that you are perfect for each other (and I'm sure you are), but why not spend a day just the 2 of you (in a large group) going through your relationship?

Eoin

We did a pre-marriage course on a Friday evening and all day Saturday. It wasn't in-your-face religious at all, and was quite practical in parts. I was apprehensive about it, but I wouldn't call it a waste of time. I can't remember what it cost, but I doubt they were making big bucks out of it.

implausible

We did the fri eve/sat one too and while my other half whinged and moaned about, he actually ended up enjoying the day! Some of the things we did were actually quite useful and we learned a bit about each other. It also reminded us that the day was about more than the do, the dress and the honeymoon.

I wanted to get married in my home church. While I'm not v religious, I respect their rules.

btw, well over half the couples there were living together, some had kids and the people giving the course didn't pretend otherwise.

If it's that big a deal, why not go to another church?

tinkerbell

I think the pre-wedding course is the stupidest thing. It is so ridiculous for couples who have been living together or whatever, we're not still living back in the 1920s like.

implausible

tinkerbell wrote: »

I think the pre-wedding course is the stupidest thing. It is so ridiculous for couples who have been living together or whatever, we're not still living back in the 1920s like.

Jebus, the one you did must've been brutal! They don't treat you like you're back in the 1920s, ours was given by married women who knew their stuff. I've never had and hopefully will never need, relationship counselling, so it was good to sit down, discuss and concentrate on 'our relationship' for a whole day. I thought it was great! The religious bit of it was only 1/2 an hour and was usefel stuff about the actual ceremony.

Clareman

I can't remember if there was any religious part to the 1 I did.

If you think it's a waste of time and really don't want to do it, then don't get married in the church, but I think you may be pleasantly surprised by what you get out of it

tinkerbell

deemark wrote: »

Jebus, the one you did must've been brutal! They don't treat you like you're back in the 1920s, ours was given by married women who knew their stuff. I've never had and hopefully will never need, relationship counselling, so it was good to sit down, discuss and concentrate on 'our relationship' for a whole day. I thought it was great! The religious bit of it was only 1/2 an hour and was usefel stuff about the actual ceremony.

I'm not married, haven't done a pre-marriage course either! I didn't mean that they treat you like you're back in the 1920s when you actually do the course, I meant that the whole idea of making people do a pre-marriage course in this day and age when most couples have lived together for years before getting married is crazy.

Clareman

tinkerbell wrote: »

I'm not married, haven't done a pre-marriage course either! I didn't mean that they treat you like you're back in the 1920s when you actually do the course, I meant that the whole idea of making people do a pre-marriage course in this day and age when most couples have lived together for years before getting married is crazy.

Times change, the course used to be ran by priests and nuns and it was used to educate people in the ways of married life. If you had done the course you'd know that it's not that bad, it seems worse than it is, it's not really a pre-marriage course as a relationship counciling thing, even though you might live for someone for years, it's good to know some things, like it's ok to want some alone time, also to know that there are a whole lot of people out there going through exactly the same thing as you are.

It does seem crazy that you have to do a course, but as with a lot of things the thought of things are a lot worse than they are, tell you what, go do 1, if you think it's a load of b0llix still, oh well at least you have fulfilled an obligation to the church, if you get something out of it, you have fulfilled an obligation to the church and have gotten something out of it