Death of loved one haunting me

Rabeile31

ok this is hard, its weird that i can type this for strangers to read and cannot say it to family or friends...

3 years ago this week, I lost my Uncle... I loved him dearly and still do

I was on holiday in Canada with my boyfriend, My Uncle was also on holiday at the same time in New York

I got a phone call early that morning to ring my Da back which i did at 8.22a.m.

My Da had gotten a phone call from relative in New York who 'D' was staying with at the time and wanted to tell me before anyone else did

It was a very sudden and shocking tragic... it was unexpected

My Da had to travel to New York to bring him home and I had to wait 2 days to get the next flight home myself

For about a year I was able to block my emotions and not think about what happened, (this was extremely hard, we are a very close family and his death affected so many)

Anyway I buried myself into work and kept busy. But after a year had past i started to think a lot, I got very angry with everyone, the whole world was awful moving on with life, but this i can deal with

This bit i cant deal with...
Everyday, every nite I re-live that phone call, the wait, the flight, going back to the airport to meet my Da who was carrying 'D's bag to collecting him at 'cargo' then the drive home, opening the coffin and hearing my family's cries and seeing my grandad brought to his knee's...

I hear every word in my head of that phone call I hear the cries everyday

Sometimes I cant sleep and have to get out of bed to try and keep myself busy and not thinking about what happened

I'm afraid of whats to come in the next few months..

Last March my Dad's 2nd brother, another Uncle who i cherished died suddenly when he fell and fractured his skull

Hard to believe one family can go through so much pain

I'm managing not to think about this at the moment

My family has been ripped apart, my grandparents are just existing, my Dad is the one who takes care of everything and is heartbroken but has to keep going

Im sorry for writing such a long post but... I'm here, its 4.20 a.m. and im awake, not able to sleep, crying, not knowing what to do

If you have read all of this thank you for taking the time to listen to my problem

x

irishleedsfan

I think you should get in touch with an agency that can talk to you about whats on your mind. Someone like the samiratans or somebody like that as they would be able to talk better than someone on boards. And the very best of luck to you.

scrubs

firstly im very sorry for your loss, this had my father when his father died, he was in japan and had to travel a total of 36hours to get home he says the waiting and the phone were horrible and he will never forget it, i know i'll never for the phone call to tell me my gradfather had died, keeping yourself busy with work was only a short term answer to your problems, my advice s talkin to family about what your feeling you would be surprized they might be going threw some of the same things also you could consult a berevment consullor to help you deal with your feeling , hope that helps

LegacyUser

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I think you have done well to carry on so fay so well done. try and keep your chin up as ghard and all as it is.

my dad died just four months ago and I have been at a loss as to what to do. since then I have started going to see a councellor and its not a quick fix and its not been easy going, but I feel better.

hope you are okay.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry for your loss, and it is no problem reading it you poor thing.

I think that you are experiencing the stages of grief model - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, and maybe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - I'm no expert, but it could be those.

i think your best way to help yourself is to find a grief counsellor, and talk about it with them. You should be able to find one through your GP. I so understand what you say at the start, about not beinging able to talk to family or friends about it. I had a similiar situation with the death of my grandparent. Ate me up inside. Still find it hard to talk about it, and should have taken the advice that I gave you above. I did talk about it once or twice, but that was all. I've accepted it, and that is the hardest part to do

Talking about the pain you feel at the moment will someway go towards healing it, though it will never be truly healed. But it sounds like it is consuming your life at the moment, and must be impacting on everything you do, which is why it is important to seek some professional support. It won't be easy, and is not a quick fix, but can help immensely in the long run. They can help you with your emotions, that you really need to feel and cope with them. Its baby steps all the time, to a place where you can lead a normal life, though that hole where your uncles were in your life will still be there, you will be able to cope better. They'll always be in your heart, no matter what, and you will always have those memories with them.

I think you need to start with yourself and talk to your family when you are a bit stronger, you may be surprised with their reactions. One of the hardest things for parents to do is bury their own son/daughter, and I think they could do with some counselling as well.

Come back and tell us how you get on, good luck to you.

poss

scrubs wrote: »

firstly im very sorry for your loss, this had my father when his father died, he was in japan and had to travel a total of 36hours to get home he says the waiting and the phone were horrible and he will never forget it, i know i'll never for the phone call to tell me my gradfather had died, keeping yourself busy with work was only a short term answer to your problems, my advice s talkin to family about what your feeling you would be surprized they might be going threw some of the same things also you could consult a berevment consullor to help you deal with your feeling , hope that helps

I'd contact a breavment counsellor definitely.

ashmac

firstly well done for posting the problem. its the first step. i am no expert but it sounds like PTSD. post tramatic stress...which is totally normal for what you have been through. i went through a similar thing much much less traumatic. my bro got v. sick v. fast a few years back and had emergency surgery late at night. long story short..we all went home and were told that next 24 hrs critical etc..and to wait for call. i remember looking at my phone and counting the minutes thinking each min meant he was slowly getting better which he did and its all good now. for a long time after i was so scared at night with my phone beside me, it i heard a sound i thought it was a call or message with bad news. i STILL think it now! 5 yrs later with phones esp late at night or early in morn. however, the thing about it was it all happened about 6 months after the event...like u, i prob blocked the whole thing out and then..it hit me..classic PTSD. i have other unrelated issues but went to a counseller..its teh best thing ever. just talking to someone face to face. ask ur gp. good luck and i am sure your uncles are looking over you minding you.xo.