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Unable to make adult decisions

  • 30-06-2009 11:48am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm 29 and I've just recently got out of a ten year relationship. My ex and I were best friends and although we could be friends now, I'd rather not be in contact with him anymore. But my problem is that I've been turning to him for my whole adult life for advice on everything eg work, family whatever, and now I feel so lost as I no longer have this person to turn to help me make these decisions. I actually feel disabled in a way.

    I do have friends but I haven't had to really lean on them for serious matters as I always had the man in my life for that. And this is actually making me feel painfully alone.

    I know I just have to learn to cope myself buts its very hard breaking the habit and I really can't be turning to an ex for advice and help.


Comments

  • #2
    Cormb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 77 ✭✭Cormb


    Hello OP
    You appear to be in somewhat of a transitionary period - from relying heavily on the ex to having to develop a new support network.

    This takes time and is not the easiest of things to do. Be patient with yourself. Gradually get used to relying on the mates and they'll hopefully support you.

    Best of luck.


  • #3
    Oh The Humanity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,324 ✭✭✭Oh The Humanity


    Being an adult is a b1tch alright.

    For some reason when i was younger I had it in my head like you that you could 'lean on your friends' -but actually that is not really how things go.

    Its hard, very hard but you have to toughen up and battle through most crises alone really. If you expect your friends to advise and counsel you through things the way a partner did then you will end up pi$$ing them off.

    There is nothing wrong with a 'problem shared being a problem halved' at all BUT on a practical level you have to sort things on your own and learn confidence to make your own decisions.

    People dont like dependant people who need to be spoonfed through every decision in life, its just to burdensome to others.

    I feel a lot of adult life and adult responsibility is difficult, depressing and unrewarding. I know that seems quite negative but its something I do struggle with.

    However I do try very hard to solve my own problems without burdening others. Time I spend with my friends should be enjoyable for them and me and others have difficult and complicated problems of their own.

    Adult life is tiring and we all wish someone would wave a magic wand and help us through it, but thats just not realistic. Even a partner can't solve your own problems for you.

    The good news is the more you become self reliant and self led the easier it gets. Like anything it just requires some practice.


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