Age difference

irishturkey

Just wanna throw this out there... at what point does an age difference become an issue? I've just turned 27 and started seeing a girl of 33 last year. It only lasted a couple of weeks and she said the age difference was a problem for her. Surely you wouldn't get involved in the first place if age was an issue? Anyway we stayed good friends and went out on the beer one night, at the end of the night we came back to mine for more drink. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed. This kind of thing has been going on since then... we go out, get drunk and end up in bed. I really like her and kind of got tired of wondering where we were at. Maybe I was being very naive but about a month ago I told her how I felt... I gave her a bit of space to think about it all and eventually she got back to me saying that the age thing was too much for her to handle. Again she wanted to stay friends but that anymore we'd just have to resist temptation. So we went out a few times and at the end of the night we'd just go our separate ways. Things were going fine, there was no awkwardness at all, we were just like two good friends having a good night out. Then one night last week we both got fairly drunk and yet again ended up in bed. We met the next day, again there was no awkwardness, but no mention of the night before either. So at this point I'm just plain confused. I've never been the type to go through women like they were going out of fashion, if I like someone I generally stick with them... I can hear the sniggers from the blokes already but anyway... So am I making a fool of myself. or worse still, is she making a fool of me? I know some of you will say she's just using me but I don't believe that at all. She's a very genuine type of person. Would you have a problem going out with someone six years your junior?

Dudess

It becomes an issue if it actually affects what one or both parties want in life - the obvious one being children of course. A yawning gap between in maturity can be a problem too.

Latchy

Would you have a problem going out with someone six years your junior?

I dont see how a gap of 6 years 27-33 is a problem .Like if the age difference was something like 19- 27 I could see problems but your situation OP ,your both at a mature age so no ,I dont see a problem

Nevyn

You want more of a relationship then she is willing to give you, walk away cut contact and look elsewhere. You can not be her friends while you want more and you both keep falling into bed together.

6 years is not that much of an age gap, I have been in relationships with bigger age gaps myself, that is not reason enough for her alone to rule out being in a relationship with you but that is the only reason she gave you.

What ever her cirtea for a partner is in the type of relationship she wants you are not it
and hanging around waiting for her to change her mind after another drunken romp is doing being fair to yourself.

I would suggest if you like confronting her to the real reasons why and then walking away to get on with your life and finding someone who is not going to use such a flimsy excuse to not be with you but is still happy to use you for sex.

pikachucheeks

irishturkey wrote: »

Just wanna throw this out there... at what point does an age difference become an issue?

For me, age becomes an issue when you're not on the same page. If you're 25 and the other person's 30, and you're in similar places in life and you get on, it's all well and good. But if you're 15 and they're 20, the five-year age-gap might mean you're both in very different places.

Personally, I don't think about age too much! The last guy I was involved with was eleven years older. Never thought I'd go for an older guy, but it just worked out that way and age was never an issue with us. For me, it felt like we connected and we had things in common.

irishturkey wrote: »

Surely you wouldn't get involved in the first place if age was an issue?

I'm not sure if this is true. People get involved all the time, then change their minds, for one reason or another! You could date someone older, or younger than yourself, then a month in, realise that they're not as mature / a lot more mature than you'd bargained for and want to call it quits.
Sometimes, you can take a chance on someone, then it doesn't pan out the way you'd hoped or expected.

irishturkey wrote: »

we stayed good friends and went out on the beer one night... One thing led to another and we ended up in bed. This kind of thing has been going on since then... we go out, get drunk and end up in bed. I really like her and kind of got tired of wondering where we were at. Maybe I was being very naive but about a month ago I told her how I felt... Again she wanted to stay friends but that anymore we'd just have to resist temptation... Then one night last week we both got fairly drunk and yet again ended up in bed. We met the next day, again there was no awkwardness, but no mention of the night before either. So at this point I'm just plain confused... So am I making a fool of myself. or worse still, is she making a fool of me? I know some of you will say she's just using me but I don't believe that at all. She's a very genuine type of person.

It seems to me that she's obviously very confused with her emotions. Clearly, she has a problem with you being younger, as that was her reason for ending things but the fact she hooks up with you at every drunken possibility would suggest that she's still interested - either that, or she's drunkenly ceasing the moment and cashing in on your feelings!

You say she's a genuine person, so I'd be more inclined to believe that she does like you and have feelings for you, but her issue with your age makes her suppress her emotions. When she's drunk, she's less worried about this age-gap and instead focuses on her feelings and her attraction to you.

If you continue to let this happen ; her only showing you affection when she's drunk, then playing the 'friends' card when sober, then yes - she will make a fool out of you. Regardless of your feelings for her, you need to care for yourself more! Sit her down and ask her to make a decision - she either wants to be friends, or she wants more. She needs to make a decision and stick to it, because it's not fair on you, and it's not fair on your emotions! You say you really like this girl - so you need her to be straight with you. The longer this drunken hook-up thing goes on, the higher the chances are that you'll get seriously hurt, as your feelings deepen, along with your confusion.

irishturkey wrote: »

would you have a problem going out with someone six years your junior?

At this stage in my life, yes! Because I wouldn't date a 14-year old! :pac:
As you get older, I think age becomes of less importance. If I was 30 and liked a guy who was 24, I'd go for it - It's rare to find something genuine these days! If you have a real connection with someone, then age shouldn't matter too much - so long as the person is of legal age, obviously!

If I were you, I'd speak to the girl and try and make her see sense - If you guys get on and you're having a good time, then six years shouldn't get in the way of that, or be too much of a big deal. If she can't accept that, you're better off finding someone else, who'll like you for you and be genuine in their feelings for you.

Abi

Thaedydal wrote: »

You want more of a relationship then she is willing to give you, walk away cut contact and look elsewhere. You can not be her friends while you want more and you both keep falling into bed together.

6 years is not that much of an age gap, I have been in relationships with bigger age gaps myself, that is not reason enough for her alone to rule out being in a relationship with you but that is the only reason she gave you.

What ever her cirtea for a partner is in the type of relationship she wants you are not it
and hanging around waiting for her to change her mind after another drunken romp is doing being fair to yourself.

I would suggest if you like confronting her to the real reasons why and then walking away to get on with your life and finding someone who is not going to use such a flimsy excuse to not be with you but is still happy to use you for sex.

Nail on the head.


To put it bluntly, you've fallen into the fuck buddy category, from what I make of it. If you want more than this, I suggest you take Thaeds advice on this one. Not the outcome you are hoping for perhaps, but you can't force something that clearly isn't there for her.

G86

6 years is nothing, especially when ye are 27 and 33, so I don't think it has anything to do with that to be honest. She just doesn't seem very interested in anything serious, and that's fine, but if it's not you want then you need to get out now instead of hanging around for something that's not going to happen.

You can't make someone want to be with you, they do or they don't, so why waste your time on someone who's not that interested when you could be with someone who's crazy about you?

This

im 2o hes 32 and so far its going well....

I have often thought about the fact that I still have alot of 'life' to expirence while he has his house,his job etc and will maybe be wanting to have kids before he is 40... but at the end of the day we are both happy and comfortable with our situation/s at the mo so there is no point thinking too far ahead...we will work out whatever issues come up when they come up.

Redpunto

i wouldnt see a problem in it - but a women of that age would probably expect a serious relationship to come out of it

irishturkey

Redpunto wrote: »

i wouldnt see a problem in it - but a women of that age would probably expect a serious relationship to come out of it

But that isn't a problem. I've no problems getting into something more serious. She's the one who's holding back from things going any further.

Nevyn

IF she doesn't want to she doens't want to and you can't make/force her.

irishturkey

Yeah I know, I was just replying to the previous post

irishturkey

so i decided to ignore all the sensible advice that made proper sense... all the stuff about being fair to myself and walking away to find someone who wanted me. myself and herself sat down last week and had a proper chat about it all. she was with a fella before who used to beat her so a man is kinda the last thing she wants now... problem is though, i might "L word" her. yes that "L word". i'd prefer if i didnt but i cant help it. i know its even more of a case for walking away now and saving myself the heartache of when it all goes wrong but right now i cant imagine my life without her in it. pathetic i know. we've stopped sleeping together but theres still a massive attraction between us, moreso on my part probably. more than that though, we're the best of friends. we can talk about anything with no problem. we have the best of laughs. theres so much in common. but i love her. she says i dont. that i cant. theres too much about her i dont know. but what is it when you wake up thinking of someone and fall asleep thinking of them too? when you hear a text coming in and you hope its her? when you hear her name on tv and it sets you off thinking of her for hours? i dont want to feel like this but...

1071823928

ah god i really feel for you, you sound like a lovely guy who really likes her!
id say hang in there and b her bestest mate for the moment, you are obviuosly important to her or else she wouldnt have just opened up to you about that, it must have been very hard for her.
at the moment shes prob too scared to get into a relationship and must have super trust issues but give it time and im sure it'll work out!

realmadrid

Sorry for jumping in here but she just doesnt want to be with you in a relationship for whatever reason. Might be the age diff but could be a load of other things that she has not told you. You have questioned it in your mind and cant make sense of it. The problem is with her. Let her off to decide what she wants to do. Maybe she will come back and maybe she wont but you have tried your best. This is a case of known knowns and unknown knowns. she has backed off not you.

Snowie

irishturkey wrote: »

so i decided to ignore all the sensible advice that made proper sense... all the stuff about being fair to myself and walking away to find someone who wanted me. myself and herself sat down last week and had a proper chat about it all. she was with a fella before who used to beat her so a man is kinda the last thing she wants now... problem is though, i might "L word" her. yes that "L word". i'd prefer if i didnt but i cant help it. i know its even more of a case for walking away now and saving myself the heartache of when it all goes wrong but right now i cant imagine my life without her in it. pathetic i know. we've stopped sleeping together but theres still a massive attraction between us, moreso on my part probably. more than that though, we're the best of friends. we can talk about anything with no problem. we have the best of laughs. theres so much in common. but i love her. she says i dont. that i cant. theres too much about her i dont know. but what is it when you wake up thinking of someone and fall asleep thinking of them too? when you hear a text coming in and you hope its her? when you hear her name on tv and it sets you off thinking of her for hours? i dont want to feel like this but...

Say that when you've slept with 3 other woman please! :rolleyes: sorry Ladys!

My god your putting the woman on pedistill (sp) where she wants something you can not give and she wants something you cant give. thats not any basis for something more. People inherently always want what they can't have! It's simple.

You don't love her! You probably Love the idea of being in love with her, well it sounds like it. More infatuation then anything else. Tho I suspect you've built this up in your head. Which we all do at least once but there is a time to sit and admire your fantasy and theres a time where you got to take a bull dozer and drive straight through it.

Seriously the more you hold on to this the worse itle be.

ardinn

I was with a 41 yr old woman when i was 23 for over a year - best time of my life and age didnt bother anyone - on the current issue - play cool as ice and see other people - she will come runnin!

Anna Molly

PARAGRAPHS.:mad:

minidazzler

ardinn wrote: »

I was with a 41 yr old woman when i was 23 for over a year - best time of my life and age didnt bother anyone - on the current issue - play cool as ice and see other people - she will come runnin!

Yeah, but was that a "I can see marriage and Kids in this" or "She's fun, the sex is good I can see this going for a while at least,"

ardinn

minidazzler wrote: »

Yeah, but was that a "I can see marriage and Kids in this" or "She's fun, the sex is good I can see this going for a while at least,"

She couldnt have kids, the sex was great and in the end we just fell out over a few things and broke up. age or marriage never came into it! just a normal relationship

shellyboo

This thread is old.

Wibbs

Zombie thread so closed. Feel free to start a new one on age diff.