Funny Australia Tourist Information Question Responses

aiecquest

Joke of the Day - Tourism Australia Responds to Stupid Questions

I cant say for sure that these are real responses to tourist questions, but they are amusing.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, but take lots of water...

Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?
A: No. What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Australia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Australia?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, we don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia?
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population?
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia?
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in America which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help?
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

brendansmith

aiecquest wrote: »

they are amusing.

Wrong!