Given too much of myself away to too many men.

LegacyUser

Hiya...Just a quick question. Do you think it's possible to have been with so many men/women (not one night stands) and had a connection with these men/women and as a result, could have possibly given a bit of your heart to each of them, even if you weren't in love with them?

The reason nothing more happened with any of these men is because I've never been in one place long enough for it develop into something more.

I find that after years of doing this and not really settling for one person (last boyfriend 2 years ago..but I've been in lots of relationships), I've become a bit hardened to men now, miss a lot of the other guys I had connections with and now I'm not really sure how to let the guard down anymore. I've kind of given up on even trying. It's as if I'm done with even beginning something with someone just because I know there's a good chance things won't work out and I'd have given yet another piece of my heart to them (sorry, crappy Hallmark metaphor but you get the idea) and will become more hardened to love as a result? Scares the life out of me.

Does this make any sense? If so, what do people advice? Thanks.

aligator_am

Hey, don't be worrying, I'm still going down the same road as you (metaphorically speaking lol) and it hurts like a pineapple up the arse (never had that but can only imagine hehe).

It's very hard to open your heart after being hurt a lot, and I know this from personal experience, but you can only go with your heart, it's surely not easy to begin a relationship after all that horror in the past, but sometimes you need to take a chance, it may not work, but you can't stay cooped up forever, or wake up one day when you're 50 and ask yourself if you should have done something, feck it!, just take a chance on someone, touch wood it works, if it doesn't then you're no worse off than before, if it does work then you may have a lot of joy, all you can do is try, but don't sit on the fence, plough forward, in all aspects of life, we all get hurt, if you do then don't stop to lick your wounds, just keep moving forward

LegacyUser

Yeah, I know but this was the advice given to me a few years back. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and I'm a big believer in that but the problem is, I AM coming out the worst for it now and that's why I'm posting here..I can't really take many more of those risks. I've given too much of myself away to too many men and I don't think I've anything more to give. I've been lucky enough to meet loads of brilliant lads but there was never any future with any of them A piece of my heart was left with each of those men, more of it with some more than others and I'm busy pining for about 6 different men at the moment and possibly missing out on a relationship with someone I could actually have a future with.

My friend told me I wear my heart on my sleeve too freely...I got defensive and we argued about this and she admitted to me she was a little jealous of how I've had so many connections with so many men while all along she's been in a relationship for the past 8 years and never had that freedom. In hindsight, I think she spoke the truth. I'm paying the price now though and I just want to take my heart back before I become some hardened ice queen who grows old with cats. I hate cats.

LegacyUser

Sorry and just to add, it never worked out with these guys not because we fought but because I've been moving around a lot throughout the whole of my twenties. They were doomed from the beginning but this didn't stop me getting close to them, even only for a short time.

LegacyUser

Hey OP. I'm the opposite. When it comes to my love life, I have a padlock on my heart and have had it locked probably since day one, for no apparent reason, just because that's how I am, and it gets bloody lonely as hell sometimes.

Trust issues, or something, or maybe I'm just used to being on my own.

I can understand how you would feel so emotionally exhausted, like you've nothing left to give, like you gave so much and have nothing to show for it but hurt and pain...but think of the alternative. This is the risk you run with relationships, it's the game you play with love, and this is life. It's not fun, it's not fair, but it's a damn sight better than closing yourself off from day one and never learning how to love someone.

No-one can tell you this isn't going to happen again, or how many times it's going to happen before you meet someone special who sticks around. But it sounds to me like you maybe need to work on your own self worth and independence, to the point where you see that you are a strong and capable woman whose equally capable of falling in love and picking herself up and moving forward when things don't work out with that someone special.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, another Hallmark gem, but it's true.

Adamisconfused

Why has none of your past relationships worked out?

What type of men do you usually go for? Do you choose the bad boy who doesn’t want to settle down or someone who wants to have fun and not get too heavy with any woman?

What type of woman are you? Do you rush your relationships and put men off?

Love/relationships are always a risk and the only way not to risk your feelings is to remain alone. Who wants to do that?

LegacyUser

Hey Adam, I posted a response there in answer to your question before you asked it. It never worked out with the lads I went for because that's all I wanted...just a brief affair because I was moving from city to different country to different city etc. for pretty much my whole twenties. I was never in one place long enough for something to begin. They were just flings that were never going to go anywhere from the get-go.

It's not a case that I'm broken-hearted and I don't want my heart broken again or I've chosen the wrong guys in the past, it's more of a case that I probably should never had so many of these flings but now I'm all, eh, "flinged out"? They suited me and my circumstances in the past but I suppose I never considered that it would affect my emotions so much, even met a guy recently but I don't think I've any more of my heart to give. I suppose now is the first time in a long time that I've stayed in one place for longer than 3 months in quite a while and it's as if all the emotions involved in my previous affairs and catching up on me.

You understand?

Nevyn

Then take the time t be single for a while and figure things out.

Sinall

Your heart is your own. You are your own person and whole in that regard. I don't think you can use up all of your heart by having feelings for people.

Sounds like you just need a break and time to be on your own for a while! Figure out who you are and what you want.

Adamisconfused

Hardened heart wrote: »

Hey Adam, I posted a response there in answer to your question before you asked it. It never worked out with the lads I went for because that's all I wanted...just a brief affair because I was moving from city to different country to different city etc. for pretty much my whole twenties. I was never in one place long enough for something to begin. They were just flings that were never going to go anywhere from the get-go.

It's not a case that I'm broken-hearted and I don't want my heart broken again or I've chosen the wrong guys in the past, it's more of a case that I probably should never had so many of these flings but now I'm all, eh, "flinged out"? They suited me and my circumstances in the past but I suppose I never considered that it would affect my emotions so much, even met a guy recently but I don't think I've any more of my heart to give. I suppose now is the first time in a long time that I've stayed in one place for longer than 3 months in quite a while and it's as if all the emotions involved in my previous affairs and catching up on me.

You understand?

You’ve just been familiar with one type of relationship through the years; a quick fling. You say that you’re “flinged out”. Well, don’t think of any potential relationships as just flings. Take things slow and don’t think that there is some kind of time limit on a relationship.
As has been said already, just take your time and things will sort themselves out. None of us know how we’ll feel a few months down the line. Perhaps even remaining single for a while would suit you better. You just need a little time to adapt to changing circumstances.

jester77

When you meet the right person you will stop moving. I moved around a lot during my twenties as well, at one stage I managed to go a full two years without owning or renting a place because I was moving so much. It was during this 2 years that I met someone and I packed in the job and moved to be with her.