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Am I Wrong?

  • 27-06-2009 9:46pm
    #1
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭


    Last weekend I was at a party and slept with an ex boyfriend, it was his first time, we were safe, it wasn't a thing that we were getting back together, it just happened after we kept ending up kissing every time we've met up over the last month.

    His parents found out last night, by reading his texts, and have banned him from ever talking to me again, they've also grounded him infinitely.

    He's sixteen, I'm seventeen, yes I realise he is underage but it isn't like I was a total stranger/we didn't use protection.

    Am I totally wrong in thinking that they are over-reacting?


Comments

  • #2
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    lilmissprincess wrote: »
    Last weekend I was at a party and slept with an ex boyfriend, it was his first time, we were safe, it wasn't a thing that we were getting back together, it just happened after we kept ending up kissing every time we've met up over the last month.

    His parents found out last night, by reading his texts, and have banned him from ever talking to me again, they've also grounded him infinitely.

    He's sixteen, I'm seventeen, yes I realise he is underage but it isn't like I was a total stranger/we didn't use protection.

    Am I totally wrong in thinking that they are over-reacting?

    They are not over-reacting. They obviously think their son is too young to be sexually active and given that its illegal they are right.

    Do you not think you are a still young to be starting on the one nights stands? Not trying to be judgemental but you are still only 17 and have many years to have sex ahead of you.


  • #3
    StopNotWorking
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 645 ✭✭✭StopNotWorking


    Only thing I see wrong is them reading his texts. Either way I think it's a good way to stop him getting into disrespectful habbits with women in the future. Not many people respect one nighters..


  • #4
    Carsinian Thau
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,054 ✭✭✭Carsinian Thau


    lilmissprincess wrote: »
    Am I totally wrong in thinking that they are over-reacting?

    Yes. They don't want their son sexually active. Also, the fact that he's underage makes this illegal. Be happy they're leaving you alone.
    StopNotWorking wrote: »
    Only thing I see wrong is them reading his texts.

    A parent's urge to protect their children never goes away and while they are responsible for the safety of said child, it's their duty to not supress it. Sometimes they resort to reading text messages to do this. It's better than them not caring.
    I don't like the idea of my parents invading my privacy, but if it makes them sleep easier at night by alieviating their doubts/worries etc. I say let them do it.


  • #5
    Splendour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭Splendour


    lilmissprincess wrote: »
    Last weekend I was at a party and slept with an ex boyfriend, it was his first time, we were safe, it wasn't a thing that we were getting back together, it just happened after we kept ending up kissing every time we've met up over the last month.

    His parents found out last night, by reading his texts, and have banned him from ever talking to me again, they've also grounded him infinitely.

    He's sixteen, I'm seventeen, yes I realise he is underage but it isn't like I was a total stranger/we didn't use protection.

    Am I totally wrong in thinking that they are over-reacting?

    His parents obviously love him very much if they are so concerned about this and that is why they want to put a stop to it. He (and you) could get very hurt by having sexual relationships at such a young age. Sex is something very special shared between two people who truely love each other. Hang in there till you're a bit older and find that special someone...


  • #6
    StopNotWorking
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 645 ✭✭✭StopNotWorking


    Carsinian Thau wrote: »
    I don't like the idea of my parents invading my privacy, but if it makes them sleep easier at night by alieviating their doubts/worries etc. I say let them do it.

    I'm the same, sorry for not pointing that out in my post. I guess its fair when he is that young.


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  • #7
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Carsinian Thau wrote: »
    A parent's urge to protect their children never goes away and while they are responsible for the safety of said child, it's their duty to not supress it. Sometimes they resort to reading text messages to do this. It's better than them not caring.
    I don't like the idea of my parents invading my privacy, but if it makes them sleep easier at night by alieviating their doubts/worries etc. I say let them do it.
    I wouldnt like them reading my email or following up on me online either. At the same time I can at least see where they are coming from. Anything out of place makes a parent worry something else is out of place. And something else. And something else. they're just looking out for them. In this case they're right to protect him from your feminine wiles. For now :)


  • #8
    Carsinian Thau
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,054 ✭✭✭Carsinian Thau


    Overheal wrote: »
    I wouldnt like them reading my email or following up on me online either. At the same time I can at least see where they are coming from. Anything out of place makes a parent worry something else is out of place. And something else. And something else. they're just looking out for them. In this case they're right to protect him from your feminine wiles. For now :)

    I never really liked it, but as you said, I knew where they were coming from. They do it less and less now that I'm 20. In fact, I think they only know what I tell them about.

    But I had to earn that trust and grow into it. At 16, my parents would have protected me, just like the parents that the OP has the conflict with. So that's probably why I think they're right and the OP is wrong.


  • #9
    Spon Farmer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,262 ✭✭✭Spon Farmer


    you were both too young

    why is everyone in such an all fired hurry to grow up??

    I'd have had the Gardai after you, love. that's the truth. I think your lucky his parents haven't done it.

    plus, they were right to read his text messages. he is just a kid. their job requires it.


  • #10
    Eric Cartman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,280 ✭✭✭✭Eric Cartman


    his parents need to not read his texts, simple as, the fact that the underage sex is 'illegal' is quite stupid but unfortunatley its a law.

    but what his parents did with invading his privacy is wrong, if he was 17 do you think they would still have grounded him ? , if he was 17 i would have to say they were totally out of line. but maybee there trying to protect him because hes only 16,

    Splendour - that is your idea of what sex is, to some people its purely an act of pleasure.

    theres nothing wrong with 1 night stands


  • #11
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Eric Cartman wrote: »
    his parents need to not read his texts, simple as, the fact that its 'illegal' is quite stupid but unfortunatley its a law.
    He is a minor and they are his parents. They can look all they want.


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  • #12
    legend365
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭legend365


    He's 16.

    He's at that stage were he needs to start acting responsible for his own actions. Needs to start acting like an adult and therefore be treated as such.

    IMO grounding him and reading his txts will just make him act more a child...since he is bein treated like one.

    I would say over-reacting...but if its the first time the parents had to deal with then i'd say they only did what they thought was appropriate.


  • #13
    Firetrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,442 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    You're better off staying away from the chap. It sounds like you're getting into a friends with benefits scenario at a very young age.


  • #14
    Cabaal
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 28,536 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cabaal


    Eric Cartman wrote: »
    his parents need to not read his texts, simple as, the fact that its 'illegal' is quite stupid but unfortunatley its a law.

    but what his parents did with invading his privacy is wrong,

    The parents did nothing wrong in the eyes of the law, what they did is not illegal.

    Sure it might piss of their son by while he's in their house living off their income and they are still raising him they can make the decisions which they believe are best for him. If that includes grounding him after having a one night stand then thats fine.

    When he hits 18 and moves out then he can do what he wants, but until he moves out and hits 18 they will have say in his lifestyle.

    Personally I'd recommend the OP stay away as you only looking for trouble getting involved and pissing off the parents further


  • #15
    philologos
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,479 ✭✭✭✭philologos


    lilmissprincess wrote: »
    Last weekend I was at a party and slept with an ex boyfriend, it was his first time, we were safe, it wasn't a thing that we were getting back together, it just happened after we kept ending up kissing every time we've met up over the last month.

    OP: While other people may have issues with what you did, I'm going to just look at it from the legal point of view and from other factors.

    He isn't underage. In Ireland the law says that if you are 17 you are allowed to have a sexual partner that is two years younger than you at the very maximum difference. You and your ex both consented to have sex. He can have no issue against you legally as you did whether you realised it or not follow the law in that case.
    lilmissprincess wrote: »
    His parents found out last night, by reading his texts, and have banned him from ever talking to me again, they've also grounded him infinitely.

    His parents are obviously annoyed, and I can understand that too. However they must realise that the law says that he at that age is meant to be able to decide if he wants to have sex with you or not at that age. Personally, I can empathise with the parents a lot here. They may have had an expectation that their son was going to be abstinent until marriage (it's personally a cause that I advocate myself and as such I can empathise with that view), and finding this out can be rather dissapointing. However, it is ultimately their sons decision whether they like that or not, and he decided to have sex with you. That's the bottom line from a legal point of view, I can understand why they are that annoyed and to be honest they have every right to be dissapointed.
    lilmissprincess wrote: »
    He's sixteen, I'm seventeen, yes I realise he is underage but it isn't like I was a total stranger/we didn't use protection.

    He wasn't underage if you are 17.
    lilmissprincess wrote: »
    Am I totally wrong in thinking that they are over-reacting?

    They aren't over-reacting, personally if I had a son or a daughter I'd be disappointed too in that situation. They have every right to be annoyed with him and you. However, they will have to realise that their son is growing up and they will have to let him go, and that's what every parent would need to realise.

    My final line: They have a right to be disappointed, however legally neither of you did anything wrong. Morally is another question, but that depends on what views you hold yourself, what views he holds, and what views his parents hold, which are quite frankly none of my business.


  • #16
    Eric Cartman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,280 ✭✭✭✭Eric Cartman


    Cabaal wrote: »
    The parents did nothing wrong in the eyes of the law, what they did is not illegal.

    Sure it might piss of their son by while he's in their house living off their income and they are still raising him they can make the decisions which they believe are best for him. If that includes grounding him after having a one night stand then thats fine.

    When he hits 18 and moves out then he can do what he wants, but until he moves out and hits 18 they will have say in his lifestyle.

    Personally I'd recommend the OP stay away as you only looking for trouble getting involved and pissing off the parents further

    sorry, i meant the sex was illegal, not reading the texts, wrote the post the wrong way


  • #17
    Eric Cartman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,280 ✭✭✭✭Eric Cartman


    Firetrap wrote: »
    You're better off staying away from the chap. It sounds like you're getting into a friends with benefits scenario at a very young age.

    is that a problem ? i fail to see how...


  • #18
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Eric Cartman wrote: »
    is that a problem ? i fail to see how...

    OH God, she is only 17... The thought of having a fu€k buddy at 17 just seems WAY too young for me.. Its hard enough for people double her age to handle it...


  • #19
    Eric Cartman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,280 ✭✭✭✭Eric Cartman


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    OH God, she is only 17... The thought of having a fu€k buddy at 17 just seems WAY too young for me.. Its hard enough for people double her age to handle it...

    i handled it quite well, as has 1 of my female friends. i dont see whats 'hard' about it


  • #20
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Eric Cartman wrote: »
    i handled it quite well, as has 1 of my female friends. i dont see whats 'hard' about it


    Each to their own. I know how emotionally innocent and vulnerable I was at that time of my life and I wouldnt recommend it for a young girl. Each to their own but thats my view.


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