32 year old female, separated, my life is ruined

LegacyUser

Hi there,I'm 32 year old female who was in a pretty awful marriage and so we separated,not legally yet,are awaitimg mediation...however, I began seeing someone....We had lived separate lives for two and a half years before this ...My boyfriend is 8 years younger than me,we are so good for each other and I feel happy with him....however we had been work colleagues and basically word got out and I was summoned into the office by my boss who told me my morals were in question and under no circumstance could I ever treach a sacramental class ever again..i was deeply hurt considering how the principal of my school knew of my marital difficulties.....he futher demoted me...I had a part-time tutoring job which I had obtained via the principal which I used to work at in the evening time,I was dropped from this without any explanation...the principal met my boyfriends mother and said horrible things about me to her. I have been portrayed as a the ultimate witch and he a saint.My boyfriend is 24,spent 4 years living abroad and lived with his last girlfriend.I'm a very young looking 32,with no kids. We don't find the age gap and love each other hugely. The stress I've had to deal with at work has nearly ruined me. The stress i am facing with my ex h over the house has been massive. I have been to several gps,a psychiatrist and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I'm on effexor xl 75mgd zimovane 7.5g but,am finding life getting more complicated and dark.I feel like my life is over in alot of ways...yes I'm 32 and I have been told alot by guys and girls that I am v.pretty....as if that guarantees me happiness or anything....my future is so uncertain..I had it all planned out and now i feel like whats the point any more...I have made a suicide plan over the last 5 months,i want to do it a week after my fathers birthday in aug, but,I am scared and prob will mess that up too...has anyone been in something like this? have you ever felt its all over? i am trying to look outside myself and do volontary work,eat healthy,have decent sleep patterns,but I need stronger help than that....any ideas???please help me

Oneironaut

You're certainly in a pickle, if you don't mind me saying, I've seen Heathrow terminals with less baggage.:)

Obviously, with regards to your recent job troubles : it's in the past, and mulling over it until you're driven mad isn't going to bring it back. I must say, you've been treated like trash, and that's certainly hard to swallow. Being in the wrangle that divorce can be at this moment is also not the best situation to be in, your reputation is being dragged through the mud, the stress resulting in you being prescribed medication for a depression disorder.

That's quite a negative paragraph.

You mentioned the new partner you have - young, attractive and well travelled, whom, despite an age gap and quite a backlash from your relationship, you still love dearly. Certainly a plus, in fact I'd chalk one up for kk77! You also talked about eating and sleeping well, voluntary work and over all, stepping outside yourself. That's excellent, as you've recognised that action is the key to improving your situation.

What's important, firstly is that you're not bullied, by your emotions or people around you- this boyfriend, as he's in a relationship with you, should be there for support, and help to smooth you and your husband's dealings in divorce, directly or indirectly. That should lighten the load. Second of all, forget all the people dragging you down, your boss, work colleagues, angry mummies and such likes. If they're treating you like this, they are not part of the solution, and are in the past.

You seem quite clear as to your desperation, and you thoughts of suicide would be very shocking, but for the fact that a lot of us, including myself, have been enveloped by the darker aspects of our life, seemingly without an outlet for our feelings. I write things down, poetry, or just like you have, fired out my problems onto a page - they seem a lot smaller that way if you break them up. Sometimes I go on a bit of a depression bender of sorts, and it can lead to a lot of mixed up happenings. Don't let things get you down.

Anti-depressants can be very dangerous, especially when many of the users look at them from the angle : '' Well, I'm a mixed up person and I'm so useless I need medication to help me be normal. '' Take a differnet perspective, they're a step to helping you get better. Just like airing your feelings here, or to loved ones, is a step in the right direction. You have a father, I assume you have other family. There's people around you who care about you - just because 32, doesn't mean you're out on your own as an adult and it should stay that way. Don't waste that by ending your life, acknowledge it and draw pride and energy from this source- these people will never give a fiddlers what anyone thinks over your happiness and well being, regardless of age.

You mentioned you had a lot of your life planned out, but the reality is, life doesn't go by a script, and there's always some twist somewhere along the way, everyone's future is uncertain - our capability to deal with this kind of stuff is key, and it strengthens our power to do so - it may not be the complete control we sometimes wish we had, but it's as close as we'll ever get.:)

Continue on the path you're on, treating yourself right and trying to treat others right, though it may seem you're wasting your efforts on the kind of people who dragged you down. Things will get better in this fashion. Do your best and I know you'll make it!

LostinKildare

kk77, please don't despair. Your life isn't ruined. You are thinking that way because of the depression. Are you seeing a counsellor for one-on-one therapy? If you have a suicide plan in place then you need to be talking to a professional therapist urgently. You seem very thoughtful and expressive, cognitive behavioral therapy could help you change the destructive thoughts that are threatening you. You also should have a doctor evaluate your meds -- some work better than others, and they often need rejigging to get you the right combination. When talking to doctors/counsellors you need to disclose that you have a plan for suicide so they know the seriousness of your situation and get you sorted fast.

You're going through a difficult period of your life, but it ain't over, by any means! Things change, beyond all your expectations.

I read something a while back that defined depression as a profound lack of perspective. Can you step back and see the positives in your present situation?

First of all, you've pulled yourself out of an unhappy marriage. Well done -- many, many people just accept that as their lot and resign themselves to the sadness of a bad marriage. Congratulations on your strength.

And you've built a healthy, loving relationship with someone else. Again, all too rare. Well done. That didn't just happen, you made that happen.

About the work situation. The way the boss/principal has treated you is absolutely shocking. Don't bend to it. Please ring up a solicitor or the Equality Authority and describe what has happened. It is likely that his actions are illegal, and he should not be allowed to get away with it. His cruel moralizing has driven you to the brink of suicide, for goodness sake!

If indeed you do have a case, if you can summon the strength to pursue it (and you are stronger than you think!), it will be very worthwhile. You will have stood up for yourself, and for thousands of other people who have been crushed by sanctimonious monsters in positions of authority. It will be an accomplishment that you can take great pride in.

If his discrimination is not strictly illegal, only immoral, you may have to let it go as an injustice for which there is no remedy. But you should not let it wreck your life when you have far, far better times ahead of you.

You're going through a rough period, but there's every reason to expect that you'll come out the other side stronger and happier than ever. Sort out the depression. That's a health issue that is skewing your thinking. Deal with the complete *sshole of a boss. The marriage separation is a slow process, but it will be resolved, you just need to endure that. You're already turning your life around, don't give up now.

There's hope. Suicide would be a sad, sad waste of a promising life. And it would absolutely devastate your boyfriend, your father, and everyone else who loves you.

Dudess

Perhaps have a chat with your doctor about changing the medication - Effexor does not suit everyone.

LegacyUser

my best friend killed herself last week-i have spent the last few days so so upset for the waste of a fab life. she too had seperated from her husband, and was happy about it. i am beyond devasted. she was wonderful as i am sure, you are too. her mom and dad are in their late 60s and are finding it hard to cope. please dont do it-go to your gp and tell them exactly what you told us.

please dont do it

LegacyUser

Your thinking is blurred because of the depression your feeling. You really aren't thinking straight. You feel overwhelmed with your current situation but you have so much to live for. Please see a counsellor or psychologist and talk your problems through and try to get some perspective on things. Your boyfriend seems like a good guy so tell him exactly how you feel and i'm sure he will be there 110% percent for you. Also, get plenty of exercise and eat well, i guarantee you will start to feel more positive about the future if you can do this. This period in your life will pass and you will be a better person for it. Its obvious from your post that you are a strong person. Keep your chin up and look after yourself mentally and physically and you'll come through this. We all get tested from time to time and feel like the walls are closing in on us but from reading your post i'm absolutely positive that you will get through this and move forward with your life.

LegacyUser

kk77

Would like to second the above. Don't lose perspective. You are young, good looking and are in a good relationship. So many people stay in a bad marriage all their lives. You did something about it. Well done.

As regards your Principal, you should not let him away with this. Stand up for yourself. What he has done and said is illegal. Get on to your union and/or a solicitor. This kind of stuff went on in schools years ago and is still going on. You have the law on your side. Use it.

Finally, get some professional help asap as regards the suicidal thoughts.

You have a lot going for you in your life and things will get better. You'll get through it.

Victor

kk77 wrote: »

I have made a suicide plan over the last 5 months

You need to talk to someone about this, whether family, friends or one of your doctors.

I went through a very bad patch and did contemplate suicide - but I said sod this, I'm not going to let the bad people win. So, I'm telling you, don't let the principal win on this.

Sure, there may be issues with you teaching religion from now on (religious schools are allowed to promote their ethos), but he isn't allowed take away the tutoring job.

jodaw

Lord knows this life can be difficult and cruel at times, in fact i would say the the deck in firmly stacked against people in their persuit of happiness ... But there are always brighter times ahead and always dreams to be fulfilled ...

Remember that your future is at your feet and you can put yourself in the most happy place ...



Hit the gym ... walk in inspirational places ... exercise until you feel the heart is falling from you !!! Sit back and realise that you are a wonderful and unique being on this planet and your happiness is withing your reach ...

The world is a better place for having you in it ... so create your world from this day forward ...

All by all means !!! Breathe in life ...


Take care

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Hi,im just a random person posting here but i would like to say well done to everyone whos trying to help this lady out.The posts by people here are are inspriring,just shows that there are alot of helpful good people out there as well as the bad ones.