Feel so lonely

LegacyUser

Hi
I'm 21 and I'm a guy
I just needed an outlet to get these feelings out of me cos there is nobody I can really talk to.

My two best friends have just left for america and they wont be back til september,one of my other close friends,a girl who I adore but have not got the guts to tell her is going travelling europe next week for 2 months.The reason I cant go with them is that I lost my job in march and am on the dole.I have no idea what I'm going to do without these 3 people.

I live at home but dont get on with my family,my brother moved out last year,my mams always working and my dad has changed completely since his moter died a few months back and I'm actually really worried about him,I also feel like he is ashamed of me because I have no job so our relationship is terrible

I just feel really confused,abandoned and hopeless and I dont know how I'm going to survive til my friends get back,the only times I ever feel normal and happy is when I'm with them.

Kevster

Hi,

Try to turn this into something positive. For example, you can now go and develop new friendships and use the social skills you already have built-up to do so. I can assure you that nothing on this Earth lasts forever, even friendships. Peoples' lives move aart for various reasons and - even though they may join back up down the line - they may also not ever rejoin.

there are positives in every negatve my friend.

Kevin

Oneironaut

It sounds a very difficult situation, but there's always certain routes you can take to breaking these things down. Your two best friends have left for America, basically bypassing the whole summer - but that doesn't mean you can't stay in touch with them, does it? The technology around today, like Skype or MSN mean that nobody is out of contact for very long- maybe they need a little update from home, something to cheer them up if they're homesick. Maybe exchange a few private messages with them on Boards.ie, it's not all gloom.

In regards to the object of your affection, look at it this way : you've got two months to rework the space you're in right now, and then when she comes back from her trip, go for it. You've got time to get a new perspective and get things sorted out, so she might book a European trip for two next time around!:)

At home, from what you've said, there's a lot going on. While I feel I can perhaps help you out with the last 2 paragraphs, I'm a bit more anxious when it comes to family dealings, so if what I say doesn't sound right, disregard it, but here it is (wow, I make it sound really dreadful!) : your brother moved out, maybe pay him a visit - it's not the family home, you can feel a bit more secure divulging what your going through in a different, but safe environment and with a family member.

Your father has seen some change in his life, and maybe he feels slightly, in your words '' confused,abandoned and hopeless '' - just like you, he's lost someone who was pretty important to him. I doubt your father is ashamed of you, and I particulary doubt that he thinks a 21 year old in this current climate should be expected unconditionally to hold down a steady job.

Again, though it may be hard, when relationships that come under strain, whether it be with friends, prospective love interests or family members- some need work for them to work, and a lot of the ground can be solved by talking and adhering to your instincts, stepping outside of yourself for a moment, and just go for it.

Thanks to the now deceased Celtic Tiger, there should be perhaps some amenities or pastimes that you can engage in (taking into account your limited income) that could take your mind off things, it's pretty hard to work at anything when your brain is going into over-drive. Taking some exercise, or trying your hand at a new skill will give you a bit of scope for dealing with the nitty-gritty aspects of life you're now facing, and help you come out the other side without too many scratches, but with a great deal of experience and pride.

As a parting word, you are 21, you have plenty of time to work things out - don't be robbed of any of it by worrying. While you may be sat a tad uneasy under it, you still have that roof over your head, and 3 good people around you for the one's you've lost temporarily, that's what family are for. I think you've got a good start by acknowledging there's something amiss, and thus you can work to rectify that. Take your time, work at it, knowing that not everything is going to go perfect, and I'm sure you'll have a new pespective very soon.:)

I hope that's not too text heavy, hasn't got too many spelling mistakes and more importantly, I hope it helps out. Regardless, I wish you goodluck!