Crazy about an unavailable guy..

LegacyUser

Hey Guys,

I’m just wondering if anybody has any tips on how to stop yourself being mad about
Somebody who you can’t be with.

In short, I work with a guy and from the first day I met him I instantly liked him. I think he’s absolutely gorgeous and really sound too. We have lunch together most days and get on really. We have the same taste in music, books, films etc and the exact same filthy sense of humour. I make him laugh, he makes me laugh and it’s great. I can also talk to him about serious things, problems with x boyfriends, my family and such and I feel so comfortable around him.

BUT and it’s a huge BUT….he has a girlfriend of 5 years who he lives with. I would never be with somebody elses boyfriend. I think that’s cruel and the karma police will come after you if you do! I’m not looking for ways to get this guy, I’m looking for ways to not fancy him anymore because it’s painful for me. I know he belongs to somebody else but hope springs eternal and all that lark. If he mentions they had a fight, my heart races hopefully (pathetic I know) and sometimes he’ll look at me for a moment longer then normal eye contact and I’ll melt inside.

Please help me not be into this amazing guy

Also I believe if we are meant to be, then somehow we will be, ie they will break up. But I don’t want to hope for such a horrible thing.

Katgurl

consider this; he could seem amazing to you because you have an easy relationship with him and its 'safe'.

believe me when you're picking up his dirty socks, listening to him whinging, worrying about the flirting he's doing with his work colleague - he might now seem so amazing.

LegacyUser

I know exactly how you feel. I was there myself with a guy who had a long term girlfriend. I was absolutely crazy about him.

For me, things culminated when we shared a drunken kiss on a work trip away and both simultaneously realised that it was really the wrong thing to do. (I stopped it and then witnessed him wracked with guilt about it). Then after that we distanced from each other and I met someone else a couple of months later. That was four years ago and I'm still in touch with him occasionally and fond of him in a platonic way. He's still with that girl.

Its so hard but all you can do is try and keep going with your own life and keep him at a distance. The crazy feelings should dim a little over the months and you'll be better able to move on. Dont get hung up on him, its pointless.

Believe me, there are others out there even if it doesnt feel like that right now.

LegacyUser

Katgurl wrote: »

consider this; he could seem amazing to you because you have an easy relationship with him and its 'safe'.

believe me when you're picking up his dirty socks, listening to him whinging, worrying about the flirting he's doing with his work colleague - he might now seem so amazing.

Thanks...yeah the dirty socks thing helps abit. He doesn't flirt with me though, we just get on really well. We've been for work nights out involving alcohol too and he doesn't flirt, I think he's a faithful loyal boyfriend which makes him even more desirable!

My guys friends all say I'm very hot (not being big headed just honest) and I guess the bitchy part of me thinks that by looking good and being funny etc he'll eventually fall for me. Then I feel like a weapon for even thinking that way. I just want to forget about him...arrggggghhh

LegacyUser

Frustratedmate wrote: »

Thanks...yeah the dirty socks thing helps abit. He doesn't flirt with me though, we just get on really well. We've been for work nights out involving alcohol too and he doesn't flirt, I think he's a faithful loyal boyfriend which makes him even more desirable!

My guys friends all say I'm very hot (not being big headed just honest) and I guess the bitchy part of me thinks that by looking good and being funny etc he'll eventually fall for me. Then I feel like a weapon for even thinking that way. I just want to forget about him...arrggggghhh

i give off a certain persona 2 all my work colleagues that im very happy go lucky and not a thing fazes me. i imagine must people do. you can be sure he is not the same person at work and at home. id bank on it in reality he isnt as desirable as he may have you think. id say he probably does like you if he confides in you however be careful. how serious is he about his girlfriend does he plan to marry her?? does he even see u in that light? have u sussed him out? my advice would be cut out the lunches together distance yourself. however i'm not you and you only have one life you might feel like you have to see if he is interested. look what ever is for you will not pass you.

Liam Byrne

frustratedmate wrote: »

I can also talk to him about serious things, problems with x boyfriends

There's change #1 for a start, if you ever did start going out!

HouseHippo

I know exactly how ya feel. Its even harder if you see him every day

VaioCruiser

Hi OP... I sympathise with your plight ....

Let's face it... there isn't a lot you can do about him. So it's about how you handle it.

You have little choice, in my view, except to divert your passion elsewhere... and to learn to be friends with him. Go about your life and ... well .. you never know he may have a change in status someday...

It's easy to build a nice relationship at work, in my experience. We are all on our best behaviour. Dressed our best. Good manners. Listening skills turned on.

Get your social life revved up. get involved with friends and try to let life flow onwards... there is no quick fix. Life is tough sometimes... it really it.

Best of luck.

gavney

I'm a single guy and have been for about 2 years. Had a gf for a couple years before that.

If there's one thing I've noticed since being single it's that girls tend to be more interested in guys who already have gfs (I definitely used to seem to have more of an appeal than I do now that I'm single:o) And I don't think that's a woman's fault. It seems to be that single guys act the iigit a bit more and are more desperate- which obviously isn't very attractive. Maybe you should consider that at least PART of the reason that you're attracted to him is that he doesn't act desperately, he's happy with his gf etc.... so he seems more attractive than all the desperate single guys. Of course, it sounds like he's got plenty of great qualities there as well.

There is another factor which I speculate is sometimes at play with women, for which they ARE at fault- and that's being attracted to the sound of a guy's relationship with his gf. Like if he starts saying "Oh god, I love my gf, she's so beautiful etc..." you might be thinking "ooo i like the sounds of that, I wish he was saying that about me". Maybe I'm way off with that? Would be interested to here what ppl think

I think you should realise, that he's not the only guy you might fall for. If you take your fixation off him, you'll see what's around you a bit more.

Zaph

freddy13 wrote: »

I made a site; jobs that mean work with no phones or computers or sales.

the good jobs only; works brill
*SNIP* .com

Banned

gavney

PHew! For a second there, I thought you'd banned ME

curious guy

cut them out of ur life completely logical thing to do fella speaking here bt.... plenty more fish in sea..... million of his sort nd if u think otawise ur not foolin me ur foolin urself

LegacyUser

gavney wrote: »

There is another factor which I speculate is sometimes at play with women, for which they ARE at fault- and that's being attracted to the sound of a guy's relationship with his gf. Like if he starts saying "Oh god, I love my gf, she's so beautiful etc..." you might be thinking "ooo i like the sounds of that, I wish he was saying that about me". Maybe I'm way off with that? Would be interested to here what ppl think

No I dont really think so tbh. I've never really heard a chap go on like that about his girlfriend in my company (although you can tell if they really respect their gfs or not and I'm often envious of the relationships where they do). One thing that definitely is a factor is that you let your guard down more with attached men as it feels 'safer' or something. the lack of desperation is a factor too I suppose.

I think you should realise, that he's not the only guy you might fall for. If you take your fixation off him, you'll see what's around you a bit more.

This I definitely agree with. Although I should probably take my own advice. :0

jimbojambo

I know this probably sounds terrible, but the bottom line is, you are wasting your time even thinking about it!
The more you concentrate on something that is clearly out of reach and unattainable, the longer you hold yourself back. Think of all the people who have probably crossed your path since you met this guy and what you could have missed out on. Unless you clear your vision and move on, you will be unable to see what is in front of you....Life is all about moving on.
The power of the mind is a very strong thing and I reckon you will probably be laughing about this in a couple of years.
You do not need to change your relationship with him, your work situation or anything.. Just your mindset!
Hope this helps!

frustratedmate wrote: »

Hey Guys,

I’m just wondering if anybody has any tips on how to stop yourself being mad about
Somebody who you can’t be with.

In short, I work with a guy and from the first day I met him I instantly liked him. I think he’s absolutely gorgeous and really sound too. We have lunch together most days and get on really. We have the same taste in music, books, films etc and the exact same filthy sense of humour. I make him laugh, he makes me laugh and it’s great. I can also talk to him about serious things, problems with x boyfriends, my family and such and I feel so comfortable around him.

BUT and it’s a huge BUT….he has a girlfriend of 5 years who he lives with. I would never be with somebody elses boyfriend. I think that’s cruel and the karma police will come after you if you do! I’m not looking for ways to get this guy, I’m looking for ways to not fancy him anymore because it’s painful for me. I know he belongs to somebody else but hope springs eternal and all that lark. If he mentions they had a fight, my heart races hopefully (pathetic I know) and sometimes he’ll look at me for a moment longer then normal eye contact and I’ll melt inside.

Please help me not be into this amazing guy

Also I believe if we are meant to be, then somehow we will be, ie they will break up. But I don’t want to hope for such a horrible thing.

Red Tempest

You sound like a really nice person. You're crazy about someone elses bf and you're not trying to come between their relationship. So I don't see how you couldn't find another guy as great as him who'd be happy to be your bf. This guy obviously enjoys your company so it'd be a shame not to remain friends.
You should try dating other men and try not to compare them to him. You'll find someone you click just as well with, and then he'll be yours and you won't have to feel guilty for liking him! Sounds mercenary but the best way to forget something is to replace it. I've found that a few men I've fawned over in friendship have turned out to be anything but ideal in a relationship context. Remember the grass is greener...