I don't know where I am going wrong

LegacyUser

Hi,
Need a little advice.

I am a 25 year old guy. I have a good job. Been told before i am "too good looking". Average height, pretty strong.

Thing is I havent been in a relationship for a couple of years, said at the time the last one ended i am just gonna focus on myself get a few things sorted out in my own life, work, fitness, etc

Whenever i go out, I usually dont have much trouble getting a girl. However, lately I have been with girls i might be interested in a bit more than just one night with. I have got there numbers and when i try to see if they want to meet or just text a girl i have been getting a cold response.

Sounds sad but i am getting a bit sick of going out picking up girls and leaving it at that.

I dunno, just gets a bit lonely during the week. Someone might have some advice for me?

annon123

When you meet a girl how do you go about getting her number? I think it's great when a guy asks for it but sometimes if they seem too keen it can be offputting. Recently i was with a guy and he was nice but literally he didnt want to go to the toilet in case i wasnt there when i came back and then at the end of the night he wanted to take me on a date the next day and was basically coming on too strong. If you seem interested..just enough..and slightly aloof it should keep her attention. If she thinks she can have you at the click of a finger perhaps then she might not want..

Perhaps it just boils down to you kissing the wrong type of girl? maybe broaden your search?



I nearly forgot..maybe get her to take your number instead of you taking hers. At least then if she texts you then you know she's interested

legend365

Maybe get talking to them, get their num, etc. and act interested at first...

...then just ignore them for the rest of the night or try.

Might make em keen if you know what i mean, jellybean.

Just a different approach.

Wurly

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi,
Need a little advice.

I am a 25 year old guy. I have a good job. Been told before i am "too good looking". Average height, pretty strong.

Thing is I havent been in a relationship for a couple of years, said at the time the last one ended i am just gonna focus on myself get a few things sorted out in my own life, work, fitness, etc

Whenever i go out, I usually dont have much trouble getting a girl. However, lately I have been with girls i might be interested in a bit more than just one night with. I have got there numbers and when i try to see if they want to meet or just text a girl i have been getting a cold response.

Sounds sad but i am getting a bit sick of going out picking up girls and leaving it at that.

I dunno, just gets a bit lonely during the week. Someone might have some advice for me?

Where are you meeting these girls, OP? On nights out?

If so, a change of scene might help. Social events, groups, sports etc etc. Loads of new people at these things. Those people know people. You never know who you'd meet. And that way, you can get to know the person first. It has a much better chance of progressing into something more then. Also, if you do join a group of some sort, that would kill the loneliness during the week. Voila.:)

Look - I was single for 5 years!!!!!! I did enough focusing on myself to last me a lifetime. Bloody hell.:)

I did the pub thing but I found it a bit shallow or something. I met my boyfriend on here, actually. And when I wasn't actively looking (in other words, had pretty much given up - ha). I thought id kill the next person who said to me 'its there when you're not looking' blah blah. It's kinda true though.

So good for you sorting your life out with work, fitness etc. When that's sorted, that will make for a happier you. And if you're as good looking as you say you are, then a happier version of you will be hard for any girl to resist. I'm joking of course. But the point is, the more confident and happy you are, the more people want to be around you. Fact.

Go with the flow. It'l happen. So don't worry.:)

LegacyUser

I know what you mean about coming on too strong. Its hard to stop doing the pub/nightclub thing when all your mates are just into drinking and going out on the pull.

I do play Tag rugby and some other stuff, but i do work alot and its hard to find time for other stuff.

I just wanna take the next step, ya know?

Ah ill hold out and hope I find her soon.

Beth1978

Hey OP

I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone, alot of people feel the way you do, including myself. Don't give up hope, because its bound to happen for us one day. I find the pub/club scene a disaster to be honest so have joined a few new clubs, etc. I know you say you're busy with work so keep up with that, but try and find the time for yourself and join a few things. I too play tag and find it a great social activity so who knows who you might meet there.

Regarding giving a girl your number....all I can say is that if a guy gave me his number I'd be delighted and really don't understand why a girl would take your number, then not respond. It just doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand the whole game thing, 'treat em mean, keep em keen' idea...I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and its nice if a guy is just honest...its refreshing.

I wish you so much luck in finding someone that you can spend time with and share things with.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies.

I realise there are people with much bigger problems than me. So i hope people dont consider me a complete tool for this thread.

Its the game thing that irritates me the most. All i want is a cool chilled out girl who i can hang around with and just be happy to be with her. Just someone who says "He's cute Id like to get to know him"

I know thats probably all everyone wants.

Anyway i think ye are right, the girl i want is not in some club. Gonna take a break from "Scoring ladies"

Dunno what else to take up really. Playing Tag two nights a week in two different leagues.

I need a change.

Adamisconfused

The others are right about nightclubs and bars. You’ll be lucky to be among the few people who meet a suitable partner in places like that.
Anyway, I’m actually more interested in why you are feeling lonely. You took time off to sort things out. What went wrong? Why are you feeling down during the week?
I’ve always had the view that if you’re not happy with just your own company then you’ll not be happy when you’re with your girlfriend. A relationship only disguises some issues. It doesn’t eradicate them. No one wants someone else solely dependant on them to make them happy.

robbie_998

wrong place, wrong time :rolleyes:

Polleta

I play tag and it struck me last week while having a post tag beverage that its a great place to meet people. I don't know where you play but if there is a clubhouse/bar going for team drinks afterwards is a great place to chat to girls. I mean there are girls on the other teams.. could start a relatively relaxed chat post game. Even on my own team actually we have been subtely nudging two singles together.

There are chances to meet people everywhere though.. I've had random chats with people in places like bookshops, coffee shops, lots of little places. I met my guy through work though.

Don't let it get you down though cos while its tough finding people suited to you when you find them they are worth it.

LegacyUser

Adamisconfused wrote: »

The others are right about nightclubs and bars. You’ll be lucky to be among the few people who meet a suitable partner in places like that.
Anyway, I’m actually more interested in why you are feeling lonely. You took time off to sort things out. What went wrong? Why are you feeling down during the week?
I’ve always had the view that if you’re not happy with just your own company then you’ll not be happy when you’re with your girlfriend. A relationship only disguises some issues. It doesn’t eradicate them. No one wants someone else solely dependant on them to make them happy.

Well i recently moved to a city closer to work, but i dont really know anyone there. Work people dont go out there much so i cant go out with them.

I just took time off looking out for a girlfriend because the last one didnt end so well. I think we both just wanted someone to spend time with. She was a bit too into it at the start which i reckon caused me too lose interest in her.

I think you are all right about the clubs etc... But I think in general i am happy with myself, my life, just want to share it with somebody else now.

Tag rugby is over in both leagues in 3 weeks time so maybe ill be able take something else up then.

wexford202

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi,
Need a little advice.

I am a 25 year old guy. I have a good job. Been told before i am "too good looking". Average height, pretty strong.

Thing is I havent been in a relationship for a couple of years, said at the time the last one ended i am just gonna focus on myself get a few things sorted out in my own life, work, fitness, etc

Whenever i go out, I usually dont have much trouble getting a girl. However, lately I have been with girls i might be interested in a bit more than just one night with. I have got there numbers and when i try to see if they want to meet or just text a girl i have been getting a cold response.

Sounds sad but i am getting a bit sick of going out picking up girls and leaving it at that.

I dunno, just gets a bit lonely during the week. Someone might have some advice for me?

Ok so you were a bit of a player and now you are settling down.

You need to be very careful as nobody wants a guy lavishing them with attention. If you meet a girl just kiss her the first night walk her to the taxi and give her your phone number. You do not need to ask for hers. NEVER NEVER go home with the girl as that could be the reason they would be somewhat cold with you.

If you play hard to get the girls will love you. Trust me that's the way we work. It's like when you are going out with someone and you constantly get chatted up by other people but as soon as you are single no-one is interested. It is all about playing hard to get.

And if you are good looking it will be an extra bonus.

LegacyUser

wexford202 wrote: »

Ok so you were a bit of a player and now you are settling down.

You need to be very careful as nobody wants a guy lavishing them with attention. If you meet a girl just kiss her the first night walk her to the taxi and give her your phone number. You do not need to ask for hers. NEVER NEVER go home with the girl as that could be the reason they would be somewhat cold with you.

If you play hard to get the girls will love you. Trust me that's the way we work. It's like when you are going out with someone and you constantly get chatted up by other people but as soon as you are single no-one is interested. It is all about playing hard to get.

And if you are good looking it will be an extra bonus.

Ya, I think its fair to say my wild oats are sown.

OK i am gonna try that so. We'll see how it goes. Might have been the problem now that I think of it.

wexford202

Unregistered wrote: »

Ya, I think its fair to say my wild oats are sown.

OK i am gonna try that so. We'll see how it goes. Might have been the problem now that I think of it.

Good Luck with that.

Lux23

Unregistered wrote: »

I know what you mean about coming on too strong. Its hard to stop doing the pub/nightclub thing when all your mates are just into drinking and going out on the pull.

I do play Tag rugby and some other stuff, but i do work alot and its hard to find time for other stuff.

I just wanna take the next step, ya know?

Ah ill hold out and hope I find her soon.

Aww you just make my heart melt. I think you come across as a lovely guy and I would have a feeling if people are saying you are too good looking that maybe women might be feeling that you are out of their league or something. If your heart is in the right place and you relax and be yourself when you meet someone it will happen for you. Just enjoy yourself for the moment.

LegacyUser

Lux23 wrote: »

Aww you just make my heart melt. I think you come across as a lovely guy and I would have a feeling if people are saying you are too good looking that maybe women might be feeling that you are out of their league or something. If your heart is in the right place and you relax and be yourself when you meet someone it will happen for you. Just enjoy yourself for the moment.

I dunno, I am a normal guy really. Maybe a bit quiet. Its usually the beer that gets me chatting to people. I know its good advice i have received on this thread, re not meeting people in clubs.

But you have to appreciate it is hard to talk to a pretty girl just off the cuff during the day when you have never done it before. I just moved to Limerick a few months ago and I dont really know that many people.

Someone said to me before after i gave out to her for not setting me up (Jokingly) when she had set up a few of my friends that her friends were intimidated by me.

I dunno why i added that last bit but when you mentioned the league thing. I dunno. Dont really believe in leagues.

Lux23

Unregistered wrote: »

I dunno why i added that last bit but when you mentioned the league thing. I dunno. Dont really believe in leagues.

Did you ask her why?

LegacyUser

Lux23 wrote: »

Did you ask her why?

No, I am all about confidence. But I dont wanna come accross as arrogant so i just kinda shrugged it off with a very mature... (Ya right)

Her friends wouldnt really be my type. As in, I kinda like health conscious sporty girls. They were smokers and a bit out of shape.

Deedsie

When you least expect it is usually what people say.

I reckon just try something anything different from what you've been doing and you might have some luck. You seem to be in a rut?