I think I am in love with him

LegacyUser · 26-06-2009 9:37am #1

I have been seeing a good friend of mine for the past few months, i think I am in love with him. He kissed me one night and it has gone from there, we have started to meet up during the week and always meet up at the weekends. We get on great and have a real laugh together and the sex is great, the best i have ever had.Thing is i said to him in a roundabout way that i was sick of meesing about and he said that he does want to go out with me but he wont cause he doesnt do relationships, he has never been in a relationship before and all of his friends are complete players. We havent gone out on a date at all not to cinema or for dinner, just pub and his house. Am i wasting my time hoping somethin will enventually come out of this? He has never spent this long with the one person even tho we arent official?

SarahSassy · 26-06-2009 9:45am

I think so - yes.... He has told you he doesnt want a relationship so, just because he is willing to have sex with you, does not mean he will change his mind.

Move on and find someone who does want to have a relationship with you. Good luck.

faceman · 26-06-2009 9:47am

What age are you both OP? If he has told you he doesnt want to date you then he doesnt want to date you. At least he is being honest about it.

If you are emotionally involved and dont want to get hurt, best to walk away.

Duckjob · 26-06-2009 9:47am

Agree with Sunflower.

Sounds like you're right into f*ckbuddy territory there.

If you want a relationship, take sex off the menu and see if he still wants to stick around. Sorry, but I suspect he won't.

IMO Pull right back now and protect yourself from getting hurt.

Colonel_McCoy · 26-06-2009 9:51am

Tell him he either wants to be in a relationship with you now or not.

If not walk away....the longer you stay in this cycle the more you will get hurt.

faceman · 26-06-2009 10:00am

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

Tell him he either wants to be in a relationship with you now or not.

If not walk away....the longer you stay in this cycle the more you will get hurt.

He already has told her his opinion. Personally i would avoid embarrassing myself by hammering the point with him. Hes not interested, simple as.

take it from a guy, if he said no to a relationship, hanging around in the hope he'll change or giving him ultimatums will put the nail in the coffin.

Of course the irony is that if the OP tells him that shes knocking it on the head, there is a chance he could chase her and change his mind.

Us men arent that difficult to work out!

LegacyUser · 26-06-2009 11:17am

op here i am just going to pull back and see what happens, thanks

Nervous Wreck · 26-06-2009 12:06pm

sunflower27 wrote: »

Saying I don't do relationships is his way of having his cake and eating it.

Hope I don't sound like too much of an ass but, I've used this in the past. I don't do relationships or I'm not ready for a relationship or whatever variation ya want. It all boils down to, I don't wanna be official but I still want regular sex.

LegacyUser · 26-06-2009 12:38pm

sunflower27 wrote: »

Saying 'I dont do relationships' may imply to some women 'but you never know I may change for you'. There is more of a chance she will have sex with the above than a flat out 'I'm not prepared to go out with you now or in the future but if you want to have no-strings sex then I'm up for it.'

Could be wrong, but that's how I take it.

well if some women assume that then they're thick! (i'm also a female btw) if someone says any variation of 'not interested in a relationship' it means, unequivocably, they are not interested in any relationship with you! how in god's name could someone take that to mean there's a chance i'll date you???

26-06-2009 12:58pm

sunflower27 wrote: »

may imply to some women 'but you never know I may change for you'.

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

all boils down to, I don't wanna be official but I still want regular sex.

Nervous Wreck, your honesty is refreshing ... now if only women could actually hear what you mean instead of hearing what they want to hear.

shellyboo · 26-06-2009 1:36pm

Unregistered wrote: »

well if some women assume that then they're thick! (i'm also a female btw) if someone says any variation of 'not interested in a relationship' it means, unequivocably, they are not interested in any relationship with you! how in god's name could someone take that to mean there's a chance i'll date you???

I'd say the vast majority of women who are told "I don't do relationships" are fully convinced that they are the woman to change that, actually. What they hear is "I haven't met the right woman yet", and they presume that they ARE the right woman.

People hear what they want to hear, tbh. But in reality, OP, "I don't do relationships" translates to "this is just sex." In every case.

LegacyUser · 26-06-2009 4:19pm

sleeping with someone and saying I don't do relationships means you are not good enough for me to want a relationship with you, but I won't turn down free sex. I'm afraid to say it's about you and not about him. Find someone who thinks you're great, sleeping with this guy is holding you back.

LegacyUser · 29-06-2009 10:54am

op here..i didnt contact him all weekend but he rang me sat nite and sun nite..As i explained already he has never been in a relationship i dont think it is an issue with me but more with himself he has no reason to not go out wit me we get on unbelievable and i am friends with all of his friends looks wise he is a 4 i am a seven but looks dont bother me i am in love with him as a person so please dont leave comments suggesting he is just waiting for somebody else that would suit him better.

Duckjob · 29-06-2009 12:02pm

Unregistered wrote: »

...he has no reason to not go out wit me we get on unbelievable and i am friends with all of his friends looks wise he is a 4 i am a seven...

Umm, maybe he thinks you're bit full of yourself.

LegacyUser · 29-06-2009 12:24pm

sunflower27 wrote: »

Saying I don't do relationships is his way of having his cake and eating it.

If it was me, I'd walk from this. If he feels strongly enough about you he will commit to you.... and if he doesnt, well, you've got out before you got too hurt.

sf xx

As a rule (as a bloke I say this) I agree with you and on the balance of probabilities you're probably right (especially if its a guy say in his early twenties almost defo the case) but I for one have decided I just dont like the old traditional relationship model and its not that I want to play the field I just find the single life more exciting and I think its an easier more hassle-free life and often more honest. I was actually thinking of posting something anyway asking does no one else feel like this?

I think after going through afew long termers you can easily start to feel what is the point of monogomous relationships they often bring out the worst traits in people like jealousy, possessiveness and pushiness/selfishness (like in decision making). To the OP I think he wants you as an FB not going to use any bad language here : )

I dont necessarily agree he wont commit bc he doesnt feel strongly enough about you he might care an awful lot about you (sometimes, in fact I would say usually, monogomous relationships are often very shallow) e.g. if you lose your looks totally how many people are honestly going to stay with you the truth is looks matter an awful lot to both s*xes. Hope this is of assistance to the OP if you want something different than him and not happy with the FB type situation better off getting out to be honest...

LegacyUser · 29-06-2009 12:25pm

Unregistered wrote: »

he has no reason to not go out wit me
we get on unbelievable and
i am friends with all of his friends
looks wise he is a 4 i am a seven but looks dont bother me

i am in love with him as a person so please dont leave comments suggesting he is just waiting for somebody else that would suit him better.

You love him, but I don't think he loves you.
Loving him has made you blind to the facts and you are making up excuses for him.
Have you told him how you feel ? That's the only way to move forward, otherwise you could go on like this and one day he falls in love with someone and stops having sex with you

LegacyUser · 29-06-2009 12:28pm

I posted another thread last week about a man who only wanted a f%ckbuddy and since I turned him down has been sending me texts regularly. I eventually sent him a text last week saying that I never wanted to hear from him again, however surprise surprise he rang twice over the weekend, leaving messages that he'd love to have a chat etc etc. So what I am trying to say OP is that a man can be capable of doing the nice friendly chats & texts if he thinks sex is on the cards, but still not want a relationship with you. It may all work out for you but dont get your hopes up, especially as he has specifially said he doesnt do relationships.

Penrose · 29-06-2009 1:17pm

Duckjob wrote: »

Agree with Sunflower.

Sounds like you're right into f*ckbuddy territory there.

If you want a relationship, take sex off the menu and see if he still wants to stick around. Sorry, but I suspect he won't.

IMO Pull right back now and protect yourself from getting hurt.

Agreed it takes men on average of two+ years of spending time with a girl to really be in love and thats the truth. DOnt believe the love at first sight its not the same. If a man sticks around without constant sex, he loves you

I think I am in love with him

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